Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
Mason
Making his way over to the bed where Yasmine was sitting, Mason settled next to her. Whatever she wanted to talk about, he got the feeling it wasn’t the scene he had planned.
“Okay,” he said slowly. “Let’s talk then.”
“Are you attracted to me?” she asked bluntly, lifting her chin to meet his gaze, more than a touch of defiance in her demeanor. Her dark eyes weren’t accusatory, but they were filled with some kind of emotion he couldn’t read.
Fuck.
He didn’t want to hurt her.
“I think you’re an incredibly attractive woman,” he replied with complete honesty.
The look she gave him told him that he wasn’t fooling her.
“Yes, but are you attracted to me?” she repeated with emphasis. “There’s a big difference between finding someone attractive and actually being attracted to them. Maybe I should preface this by saying, I find you a very attractive man, but I think I’m lacking in feelings of actual attraction.”
Mason let out a long, slow breath. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Even though she acknowledged that she felt a lack of chemistry, that didn’t mean she wouldn’t be hurt if he acknowledged the same.
But he also couldn’t lie to her.
“I’m not sure I’m attracted to you,” he admitted. “As I said, I find you very attractive. I feel as though being attracted to you is the next natural step since we’re engaged. We might just have to work at it a little more than a couple who began their relationship with attraction.”
She looked at him for a long moment.
“I suppose that makes sense.” But she didn’t sound entirely convinced.
Taking her hand in his, Mason wrapped his fingers around hers and covered both of them with his other hand.
“I’m sure every arranged marriage starts off a little awkwardly.
We know we want the same things out of life, though.
We’ve had a lot of good discussions about what we want our lives to be, and we’re compatible in every way when it comes to that.
The attraction might be coming slower, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen.
We’re just… doing things a little differently than everyone else.
What their relationships look like will be different from what we look like. ”
Slowly, Yasmine nodded her head.
“That’s true. I just… I don’t know. I thought things would fall into place once we were engaged. But when we kissed, it just didn’t…” She waved her free hand, trying to explain in a gesture what she couldn’t find the words for.
Mason understood what she meant because he’d felt the same.
That hadn’t changed things for him, though.
Neither had his attraction to Audrey. He’d already made his choices before he’d met Audrey.
Getting engaged to Yasmine hadn’t been a spur-of-the-moment, impulsive jump; it had been a well-thought-out decision he’d considered from all sides before making.
He wasn’t going to let that all go for a flash of attraction, of chemistry, that could very well disappear as easily as it had come on. What he and Yasmine had together was important—respect, affection, the same goals.
“Once again, we’re on the same page,” he joked, getting a very brief smile from her. “But I don’t think that was a fair test either. We hadn’t kissed like that before. I surprised you. Neither of us knew what to expect.”
If he was being completely honest, part of the reason he’d kissed her like that was in reaction to his reaction to Audrey. Which wasn’t good motivation. He’d wanted to know the difference, though.
He couldn’t help but compare the lack of attraction he felt for Yasmine to the instant attraction he felt every time he saw Audrey. But he’d come in tonight planning to work on their chemistry, ready to make it work. So, maybe it was different from when he’d kissed her before.
His eyes dropped down to her lips.
Full. Pouting. Red from her lipstick.
They should be tempting, but he could easily resist because there wasn’t anything to resist.
If she was Audrey…
Stop it.
Obviously, this was a case of wanting what he couldn’t have. For all he knew, if he ended things with Yasmine, his attraction to Audrey would end just as abruptly. Once he could have her, he wouldn’t want her so much.
And then he’d have let Yasmine down for no reason, he’d have to tell his parents and her parents and all their friends… the feeling of admitting such a big failure to everyone because he’d leapt before he looked roiled in his gut. No thanks.
“Should we try kissing again?” Yasmine sounded uncertain.
“It can’t hurt, right?” He smiled and leaned forward, forcing himself to focus on the woman in front of him. The woman he had agreed to marry.
Lowering his lips to hers, he kissed her gently at first, then began to lean in… but she pulled away and jumped to her feet. Mason stared at her as she began pacing back and forth.
“Yasmine?”
“Just… just give me a minute.” She came to a halt, staring up at the ceiling with her hands fisted at her side, taking a deep breath before meeting his gaze again. “This just. It’s not what I thought it would be like.”
“What did you think it would be like?” he asked, and she narrowed her eyes at his reasonable tone.
“Well, I didn’t think it would be like talking to a therapist, for one,” she snapped at him.
Mason put his hands up in surrender. This was the first time he had ever seen a flash of Yasmine’s temper. He didn’t want to fight with her about this.
“Sorry, it’s hard to turn off sometimes. But I also can’t meet your expectations if I don’t know what they are.”
Unfortunately, something about what he was saying, or maybe how he was saying it, seemed to be frustrating her even more. She started pacing back and forth, shooting him unhappy little glances.
“I thought we’d find a way to make things more romantic.” She rubbed her forehead. “Crap. I can’t believe this is happening to me again.”
“Nothing is happening to you again.” Mason patted the bed next to him, where she’d previously been seated. “Come sit down, and we’ll talk through this.”
“If we’re trying to find passion, should we be talking through it?” she asked him. “Why not leap up and take me in your arms? Or pull me over your lap and spank me for overthinking?”
“Is that what you want me to do?” He was floundering, and he knew it, but he didn’t know how to fix it.
“I don’t know!” She stomped her foot. Actually stomped her foot. “Maybe I want you to just do something. Anything. Not talking, but doing.”
Mason stared at her. He’d never seen Yasmine like this before, and he didn’t really know what to do now that he was. If she was on the team and in his office for a session, they’d talk through what was frustrating her. What was making her feel this way. Why she was reacting this way.
But she’d made it clear she didn’t want him to talk to her like that… and he didn’t know what else to do.
What did she want him to do?
Sighing, her shoulders dropped into a slump.
“Maybe this is something we should have worked out before getting engaged.”
“Probably,” he admitted. “I think we can still work through it, though.”
“Can we?” She shook her head. “I keep feeling like you’re not attracted to me, but you are attracted to someone else.”
The thoughts in Mason’s brain came to a screeching halt, and he suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe. The expression on her face went from almost accusatory to dropping.
“Shit. I knew it.” Tears gathered in her eyes. “Why do I keep doing this to myself?”
“Hey, hey, Yasmine…” Mason got to his feet, but once he was there, he wasn’t sure what he should do.
Pull her into his arms? But in a non-romantic way?
Hold his arms open so she could come in for a hug if she wanted?
Or maybe he shouldn’t have gotten to his feet at all.
“You haven’t done anything to yourself. I asked my parents for help with finding a wife; they reached out to your parents, and they matched us up. I think they did a good job, too.”
“On paper, sure,” Yasmine replied bitterly, starting to pace again. This time her arms were wrapped around her upper body like she was hugging herself.
Crap. He should hug her or something.
When she paced back his way, he did exactly that, gently pulling her into a hug.
When she didn’t resist, he decided it must have been the correct move.
Thankfully. She leaned her forehead against his shoulder, her arms still around herself, keeping her distance but also accepting his comfort.
He felt her shoulders slouch again as he rubbed his hand up and down her back.
“Haven’t you ever heard the saying that marriage takes work? Or that love isn’t an emotion, it’s a series of choices?” he asked. “I’ve chosen you. Or, well, my parents chose you, but I agreed. I’m willing to work on this. We just keep choosing each other and working on it, and we’ll figure it out.”
“That doesn’t sound bleak to you?” She lifted her head to look at him plaintively, turning her arms within his embrace, so her balled fists were placed against his chest. “Especially if you’re attracted to… someone else in a way that you aren’t with me.”
“I don’t have to act on any attraction that I don’t want to act on.” Even as he said the words, he felt his chest tighten. They were true, but it also felt wrong. He was more than his instincts and reactions, though. He had control over what he did. “We can choose each other.”
It made sense to him, but Yasmine was shaking her head. His heart sank in his chest, and at the same time, tension slowly released from his muscles. He hadn’t even realized how much tension he had been holding in his body until it began to dissipate.
“I don’t want to marry someone who doesn’t want to be with me with their whole heart. Can you honestly say that person is you?”
He hesitated.
“That’s what I thought.” She dropped her head back down and pressed her forehead against her fists.
“Yasmine… we have to be sensible about this.”
“No.”
“What?”