Chapter 28 #2
He closed his eyes. “My parents came to London from the Philippines before me and my sisters were born. It’s a pretty sweet story of two students from Quezon City coming to a new country to study after getting scholarships.
They met and fell in love and ended up staying here in London after Dad got a job at a bank, Mum a research assistant at PharmaLondon. ”
PharmaLondon were an early suspect in the hunt for the source of Dawn, along with many other big pharmaceutical companies. Many suggestions of nefarious research and experiments going wrong floated around after no proof turned up.
It really was unreal to have no answers two years on.
Miko took a pause, staring dead ahead.
“You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to,” I said.
But he continued. “We lived a good but humble life. I went to decent schools, learned a solid work ethic from my parents. Trained my body and mind every single day, knowing from an early age I wanted to be alpha of a pack.” He took a long, deep breath.
“And I had so much to prove. I’m the only one of us with the werewolf gene.
My great-grandmother on my mum’s side was a wolf, but it skipped Mum and her siblings, skipping my sisters, finding me.
We were looked down on by a lot of the shifter community.
I was considered some sort of freak, a lot skinner than many other shifters before I bulked up. ”
“That’s harsh.”
“Bigotry can be rife in some shifter circles, especially back then. I resigned myself to keep it out of my pack if I won the alpha-ship.”
“Was your dad fully human, too?” I asked.
“Yeah. He was.” Miko got to his feet. “I couldn’t save them.” He walked into the shadows. “I tried. God, I tried. Did everything in my power to keep them away from Dawn. But there’s nothing to keep humans out of Dawn’s reach, so that was my big fuck up.”
A minute or so of silence followed, knots in my chest.
“Mum went first. Then my sisters. Then my dad. I had to… I had to… end them all.”
Silent tears broke free. “Oh, Miko…”
“I can still see their blood on my hands…”
That was it. Guilt over his family. Their deaths meant no happiness for him.
What a terrible weight to carry. I wanted to cry for him. For them.
What could I say to make him see it wasn’t his fault? That he had no choice, that he didn’t have to bear the burden alone?
That was so easy for me to say. I couldn’t begin to imagine the devastation he must experience every day.
I got up, moving toward him. “Miko…”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to offload my history on you.”
He stood within touching distance, a silhouette before me. “Thank you for telling me.”
“That’s not even why I’m here. I don’t… I just…”
“It’s okay.”
“Fuck.”
“You’re allowed to be here.”
“No. I’m not. We’re not doing this, remember?”
“I remember.”
He sighed. “I came here because I wanted to sleep with you.”
“Oh.”
“Not sex. Just sleep because I need to be near you. I shouldn’t be near you because when you’re in too deep, this world will take it away.
It’s bad enough caring for my pack, for having anyone in my life under Death’s fucking shadow.
I wait for it. I wait for them to leave me, to die in my arms, to break my heart again like my family and the rest of my people I couldn’t save.
I’ve seen so many of them die. Held them, comforted them.
I should leave, be alone, focus on finding the cure and nothing else.
Cut all ties. Get this done. It’s all I think about, all I want.
You should see my notebooks. But I can’t do that to them.
I can’t hurt them, abandon them, be away from them.
They’re in my heart. And now…now you’re slipping in. ”
I froze, his anguish devastating, drawing more tears from me. “Miko…”
“There’s your answer. I can’t let you in, Orion. I don’t have the strength to explore you, to end up loving and losing you. Not my mate. Not if bondings are never wrong.”
I sniffled, wiping my eyes. “Miko…” I didn’t know what to say.
“I’ll go.” He went to move past me.
I grabbed his arm. “Please don’t.”
I saw his head bow. “I can’t do this.”
I reached up, cupping his face. “I wish there was something I could do.”
His hands found my hips. “You don’t have to do anything.”
I traced my thumbs across his stubbled jaw. There were no words to help. I searched for them, tried to find even the smallest sentence for comfort. Came up with nothing.
“I’ll go,” he whispered. “I’ll go.”
I found his lips with mine. Gave him the softest of kisses. He pulled back, his hands sliding away.
“Sorry,” I said. “I don’t—”
He cut me off with a returning kiss, taking me by the shoulders.
Our lips parted at the same time. I took him by the hips now, pushing myself deeper into the kiss. No blood, no biting, only the wet and soft understanding of comfort.
He was sanctuary and strength, a confusing soul calling to mine through the fog. Somewhere within the depths of me, I knew this man was right for me in all its complications.
Mine.
Meant for me.
His lips only confirmed it further.
Miko moaned against me, moving closer, hands slipping down to my sides. We took our time, enjoying the shared tenderness. Every cell shivered with delight, every hair standing to attention.
I could kiss you like this forever…
He broke the spell, taking a step back.
Stars. Here came the regret, the reaffirming of me staying away from him. I got it, I really did. How much loss was one man supposed to take in his… How old was he?
“Can we sleep now?” he asked.
I blinked at his shadowy figure. “Oh.”
“Unless you really want me to go.”
“No. Of course we can sleep.”
“Are you tired?” His hand returned to my shoulder.
I yawned as if on cue. “Yes.”
“Me too.”
Floating in strange clouds, my lips smothered in Miko sparks, I blew out the candle and led him to my bed.
Butterflies rioted in my belly as we climbed on top of the duvet.
I lay down on the left side on my back, never feeling so nervous in my life. Fear of the dead was a different kind of nervousness. Anxiety over a hot man sharing your space something else.
Miko came to loom over me, stroking my arm. “Can I hold you?”
“Oh. I…sure.”
“Not if you’re uncomfortable.”
“No. It’s… I’d like that.” I swallowed, rolling onto my side, my back facing him.
Miko positioned himself behind me, tucking one arm under me, the other over my chest. Drawing me into him so his chin rested on the back of my head.
He sniffed me in his deep, shifter way then settled, encapsulating me in his strength.
My nerves calmed, but heat bloomed between my legs at his body on mine. However, I was too sleepy to initiate anything further. That would spoil this moment.
Once again, my tension melted. I was in bed being held by a yummy alpha wolf, the world of death and violence a million miles away. I enjoyed the moment, giving up my resistances and fears if only for one night.
“This is so nice,” I said with a yawn. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Goodnight, Orion.”
“Goodnight, Miko.”