Chapter 18 – Sebastian
SEBASTIAN
It’s been three weeks since Bellamy’s father passed, and though she’s improving, there is still a dark cloud that looms heavily over her, refusing to leave. She tries, but I see it in her eyes. I feel it when I touch her. She can’t shake her crushing grief, and I have to do something.
I stand with Rowan and Althea on the third floor of the library, looking around at what’s been done.
What once were towering shelves of ancient tomes and scrolls have been replaced with shorter stacks of both children’s books and books Bellamy loves.
I went through her e-reader and purchased everything there plus any books that were similar.
Then I had the designers create a play space for children and sealed up the open access to the main library below.
The play space is filled with toys for children of all ages and includes an arts and crafts corner, a motor space, a swing, and other things Phaedra promised were very cool—her words, not mine.
I also redid the sitting area by the fireplace.
It’s now filled with comfy rocking chairs, a crib, overstuffed sofas, and even a small dining area.
I want this to be a place where Bellamy can bring the twins or any of our children to play, relax, and have fun.
Bellamy can read a book and sit by the fire while the children play or even take a nap.
I think she’ll love it.
But I also wanted a place that would be just for her, so I created a large reading nook and office away from the main space that has a sliding door for her own privacy.
“When do you show it to her?” Rowan asks, dropping down on the sofa and kicking his feet up on the soft leather ottoman.
“Tonight.”
“Sebastian,” Rowan begins, his voice steady but tinged with concern, “I know you’re doing everything you can for Bellamy, but she needs more help than either of us can provide right now.”
“I know,” I agree. “If this doesn’t work, I’m taking everyone on vacation. I need to snap her out of this before she’s in over her head with it. It’s not the mourning or the grief, it’s the depression that worries me.”
“A vacation might be a nice thing to do,” Althea chimes in. “Phaedra starts her school break on Monday. But what if that doesn’t help her?”
I shrug helplessly. “Therapy, I suppose.”
Althea nods in agreement, her wise eyes filled with sadness. “Yes. That might be what she needs. We all want to support Bellamy, especially during this difficult time. Have you considered hiring a nanny to help care for the children? Take some of that burden from Bellamy?”
I hesitate, my heart torn between wanting to ease Bellamy’s burden and fearing that she might see the suggestion as a sign of weakness or failure on her part. I glance at the window where the sun plays upon the glass, reflecting prisms of light onto the floors.
“We’ve managed without a nanny so far,” I muse aloud, my voice tinged with uncertainty. “When she became queen, I mentioned that to her, and she told me she wanted to raise the children herself as much as she could.”
“Yes,” Rowan concedes, “but with the loss of her father, Bellamy needs time to heal. She’s also pregnant, and when she either gets too pregnant to run around after Zayer and Sabrina or has the twins and is loaded down with them, what then?
A nanny could provide her with the space she needs to grieve and recover. ”
“I happen to agree,” Althea adds gently.
“You cannot be the only one to support Bellamy. She needs a network of loved ones to help her navigate this storm. And soon she will need extra help, even if it’s temporary.
As much as I know you plan to be there and be part of this, you are still king and have duties and she is the queen now and does as well. ”
It’s true that Bellamy is struggling to balance her many roles. I know she loves being with the children, but soon she will have things to do as queen, and we will need the extra help when that time comes.
“All right,” I finally agree. “I’ll talk to Bellamy about it and see what she says.”
Dinner comes and goes and finally, Althea and Emily take the children, and then it’s just Bellamy and me. “Come for a walk with me,” I tell her, not giving her the chance to bow out.
“Where are we going?” she asks, quiet as she’s been all day.
“I want to show you something.”
Twining our fingers, I walk her up to the third floor of the library. She hesitates, her hand jerking against mine, but I give her a firm look, one that tells her to trust me, and open the door for her to see it. She steps inside and I flip on the light switch, marveling at how her eyes grow wide.
“Holy hell!” she exclaims, taking in every square inch of the room before turning back to me. “Sebastian!”
I laugh, retaking her hand and walking her through my vision for each piece of this room. I would have involved her more in it, but she asked me to do it for her, and so I did. We end in her little sanctuary, as I’ve started calling it.
“What do you think?”
“I think it’s amazing.”
“Thank Christ for that.” I chuckle. “I thought you would, but I couldn’t help but worry.”
She smiles at me and sighs out my name. “Sebastian,” she begins, her voice trembling, “I’ve been giving this a lot of thought.
I don’t know how to do this. It’s not who I am.
I want to be happy. I want to be your sunshine.
But…I’m grieving for my father. I feel like I’m drowning, and I can’t see a way out. ”
Her vulnerability shatters my heart further, but I know it’s crucial for her to share her fears with me. I give her hand a gentle squeeze and bring us both down onto the window seat.
“I was thinking about a small vacation for all of us, but if you feel that wouldn’t be helpful, then I won’t plan it. I want to make this easier, not harder.”
“I love the idea of a vacation. I love the idea of getting away with you and the children, but…I worry I still won’t be able to pull myself out of this fog.”
“What about trying some therapy? I know you were against it before, but what about now?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. Can I think about both?”
“Of course.” I lean in and kiss her. “You are allowed to grieve, Bellamy. It doesn’t make you weak or less capable as a queen, wife, or mother. You have a support system, and we will do everything in our power to help you.”
Her head falls to my shoulder, but then she surprises me by straddling my thighs. “I like the idea of a vacation. I think that might help. And I want the children to come. But…”
“Yes?” I prompt when she falls silent.
“I might…need some extra help with the children.”
I smile and lean in, kissing her deeply. “I was going to suggest getting a nanny and didn’t know how to pose it to you.”
“You were?”
“Yup. Rowan, Althea, and I talked about it a bit earlier and I agree that having someone to help with the children would give you the space you need to heal.”
Her body stiffens against mine, and she looks up at me with wide, tear-filled eyes. “It’s not who I am to struggle this way. I hate the idea of a nanny, even if I know it might be a good idea.”
I stroke her hair. “Getting help, temporary or permanent, doesn’t make you weak. You deserve the time to grieve properly without feeling overwhelmed by everything else. Besides, you’re my wife, the queen, no longer the nanny.”
“I…I don’t want to be a burden,” she whispers, a tear sliding down her cheek that I wipe away with my thumb.
“Never,” I insist, pulling her close and enveloping her in my arms. “You are the love of my life, Bellamy, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to support you.
Together, we will find a way through this darkness, but yes, maybe once we return from vacation, we’ll find a nanny to come in, whether temporary or permanent. ”
“A nanny you won’t fall in love with.”
I laugh and she smiles softly at me before she nestles against my chest. I can feel her start to relax for the first time since her father died.
And while she’s like this, I broach the subject that entered my head the day we set his ashes to the sea.
“You know,” I continue, attempting to lighten the mood.
“We can use this opportunity to focus on something positive. Something that honors your father’s memory.
What if we established a foundation or scholarship in his name?
We could ensure that his legacy lives on, helping others in need. ”
She pulls back, searching my eyes. “You’re serious?”
“Of course. You could run it if you choose. Whatever you want it to be.”
“A scholarship, maybe? I like the idea of that.”
“Then it’s settled,” I say, placing a gentle kiss on her lips. “We’ll find the perfect nanny to help us with the children, and we’ll work together on this project in your father’s honor.”
She sighs deeply, falling against me. “Thank you, Sebastian,” she whispers, her voice filled with gratitude and love. “For everything.”
“Always,” I promise, wrapping my arms around her once more. “Always.”
The yacht gently rocks, picking up the rise and fall of the sea’s current.
My bones feel lazy, my muscles even more so, as I lie on the lounger beside the pool, the sun sinking into my skin and making my eyelids heavy.
We were on our honeymoon for less than a week, but this feels different.
Having the children here, my family, makes it more complete somehow.
More relaxing.
A tiny body jumps on my chest. “Papa, it really is a magnificent boat,” Phaedra remarks, her eyes sparkling, speaking like such a grown-up, it throws me for a moment.
“Gorgeous, right?” Bellamy agrees, coming over to sit with me, lifting my legs up and dropping them back down so they’re resting on her thighs. Her fingers stroke my calves, and I swear, I fucking purr like a goddamn cat.
But more than that, my queen is smiling. A real, genuine smile. The kind that lights fires in her eyes and makes her skin glow. The kind that makes my heart beat faster every time I see it.
I smile at my wife and at my children as they eagerly run around the top of the boat like puppies chasing toys. “I wanted this trip to be special for all of us.”
“Oncle Rowan! Tante Althea!” Zayer shouts at the top of his lungs, waving excitedly at his uncle and great-aunt as if they didn’t arrive with us.
It’s a royal yacht. One that has been part of my family for over four decades and essentially belongs to Rowan.
He had it refurbished two years ago and was only too happy to have us all here and show it off.
We haven’t even set sail yet, but just being here is like hitting the refresh button on all of us.
Even the fucking ferret came.
Still, I feel a surge of joy watching the children’s faces light up with delight.
This is their first vacation since losing their mother three years ago, and I can’t help but think she would have loved seeing them like this.
Their laughter fills the air as they explore the yacht, making sure to introduce Arthur to every nook, cranny, and staff member.
“You do know you brought the ferret along, right? That he didn’t simply sneak into a suitcase.”
“Shut it, woman,” I playfully bark without opening my eyes. I shift until my hands are clasped behind my head, my elbows butterflied out.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d believe the beast king of Messalina has a soft spot for his children’s new pet.”
“You’d be wrong.”
“Would I?”
I grin. “Climb on top of me and rest your head on my chest.”
“Why should I do that?”
“Because you’re wearing a terribly sexy bikini, and though I can’t ravage you since our children are running about, I want to feel your body all the same.”
“Fine,” she groans, only I can’t help my grin.
“Play it off all you want, my love, but I know you. Come here.”
“Your wish is my command, Your Majesty.”
I chuckle. “Now you’re just trying to make me hard.”
“It’s like shooting fish in a barrel.”
I quirk one eye open, watching as my gorgeous wife climbs over me in her green bikini, her sweet cream skin along with her full tits and round belly making my mouth water. “You Americans and your idioms.” I take her by the hips and help her along. “Come here.”
She lies on her side, her body tucked in between the lounge cushion and me. My hand lands on her lower belly, cupping my babies, and I swear, I’m the happiest man on the planet.
Especially when she plants a kiss on my chest and says, “I love you.”
“I love you more.”
“One-upper.”
I smile, lifting my aviator glasses up and peering down at her. “You’re fucking stunning. Have I told you that today?”
“Not yet.”
“Well, you are. I’m the luckiest bastard on the planet.”
Her smile curves her lips and her hand glides up my chest until it cups my cheek. “You are, truly, the most amazing man. Never in my wildest fantasies could I have conjured up anyone better.”
I do a half-crunch and kiss her full lips.
Tonight, I’m going to fuck my queen wild. Something I haven’t done since her father died. Something she hasn’t been up for, and I respected. But I see it coming back. All of it. Her spirit. Her tenacity. Her fire.
This woman is the beat of my heart and the thrum of my pulse. She is my lifeblood.
And I won’t let anything tear us apart. Not ever.