Chapter 28 – Bellamy #2
“Really?” I whisper, trying to keep my voice steady and failing miserably. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you two have something going on. And you sure as hell don’t need any space from her. Just from me.”
“Nothing is going on, Bellamy,” he growls emphatically.
“I fucking promise you.” His eyes are filled with despair, and it pains me to see him like this.
But I can’t shake the feeling that there’s more than just this curse that’s keeping him from me.
Something that could shatter our marriage beyond repair.
“Please, Sebastian,” I plead, my voice barely audible. “Tell me the truth. What’s really happening here?”
He hesitates for a moment, seemingly torn between telling me the truth and protecting my feelings. In the end, he says, “I love you, but nothing is simple anymore.”
I close my eyes, breathing in deeply as I attempt to calm the storm of emotions brewing within me.
When I open them again, I meet Sebastian’s gaze.
“Is that truly how you feel?” I ask, trying to keep the tremor out of my voice.
“Because I’m afraid, Sebastian. Not of this fucking curse you’re so obsessed with.
No, I’m terrified of losing you. And right now, that seems to be exactly what’s happening. ”
“Believe me, Bellamy,” he pleads, reaching out to touch my arm, and this time I let him.
“I love you and only you. I just need some time to figure things out. Can you trust me on this? Everything happened nearly all at once and it’s all because of me.
I know even you are starting to believe in it.
I’ve seen it on your face and in your eyes.
How can I be the man you need me to be when my very existence in your life is what’s hurting you? ”
“Yes. Right now you are hurting me, but not for the reasons you think. Don’t you see how that’s part of this? You’re so afraid to lose me and yet that’s exactly what you’re allowing to happen.”
His face casts down to the floor and he swallows hard.
“My father and I fell. My mother was killed in a car accident years before you ever came into my life. My father was diagnosed with early-onset dementia, again years before you came into my life.”
He shakes his head as if that’s not a real explanation. Part of me understands what he’s saying. Everything that’s transpired over the last few months all happened to me after he made me his. One thing after another, all tragic or with the potential to be. But, fuck, that’s not a reason to give up.
That’s simply a reason to fight harder.
I want to believe that all he needs is time, but the fear still lingers, gnawing away at my insides. My mind keeps replaying the image of Charlotte’s lips brushing against his cheek, the smile on his face, and the laughter in his voice as he spoke with her.
“Sebastian,” I begin hesitantly, unsure if I should voice my thoughts. But I know I have to get them out. “I want to trust you. I really do. But every time I see her around you, I feel like I’m losing you even more. You tell me you need time, but you’re more distant than ever.”
“Charlotte is just the nanny, nothing more.”
“Maybe so, but I don’t think we can trust her,” I tell him, recalling Rowan’s words and my own suspicions. “I’ve seen her listening in on private conversations as well as trying to sneak into your office and study. It makes me uneasy. I think…I think we need to let her go.”
Sebastian looks conflicted, his brow furrowing as he weighs my words. “She’s been excellent with the children, Bellamy. They’ve grown fond of her. You loved her yourself until you misinterpreted a situation or two.”
Anger and frustration build within me like a raging storm, clouding my thoughts. I can’t let this go on any longer, not when it’s tearing us apart.
“Sebastian, I understand that Charlotte is good with the children, but she’s not the only person in the world who can care for them,” I argue, trying to make him see reason. “There are other nannies we could hire, ones who don’t make me feel so…uncomfortable.”
“Is this really about Charlotte supposedly spying, or is it about your insecurities?” Sebastian challenges, his voice rising ever so slightly.
“Are you kidding me with that?” My hands fly around.
“No, jerk, it’s not about my insecurities, which I never had until I caught you together in your study, so there you go.
But after what I saw the other night and today it’s no wonder I’m feeling insecure!
You’re never with me anymore, and when you are, I feel like I don’t even know you.
You’ve changed. It’s all about you with no consideration for me. ”
He shifts in front me, looming over me. “How can you say that? Everything I do is for you and the children.” He raises his voice now, the tension between us palpable. “I’m trying to save your life!”
I shove at his chest, so frustrated I can hardly stand it. “By spending more time with the nanny than your own wife?!” The words spill from my lips before I can stop them, raw and filled with hurt.
Sebastian’s expression darkens, his jaw clenching as he tries to control his own anger. “That’s not fair. You know it’s not like that.”
“Actually, I don’t,” I tell him truthfully, taking a step back because being near him hurts too damn much. “I just want things to go back to the way they were before. I want my husband back. And I don’t think that’s possible as long as Charlotte is here.”
He sighs heavily, running a hand through his hair.
“I can’t just fire her without cause. She’s been nothing but dedicated to our children, and they adore her.
She’s gone above and beyond for her job over the weeks she’s been here, not to mention she’s the daughter of the head of the royal guard. Firing her can cause an issue.”
“So it’s her over me?”
He growls in irritation. “You’re imagining things that aren’t there. You need to be reasonable about this. I can’t just fire her.”
“Then you’ve already made your choice,” I say bitterly, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes, my limbs heavy and my heart aching. “I need some time to think. I’m going for a walk, and please, don’t follow me.”
Without waiting for a response, I turn on my heel and storm off, desperate to escape the brutal realization that my marriage might be slipping through my fingers. And no matter what I say or how hard I try, there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. Not when he’s so quick to let it go.
Tears stream down my cheeks as I flee the palace, the cold air biting at my skin.
The weight of my heartache seems to grow with each step, a constant reminder of the rift between Sebastian and me.
My breath comes in ragged gasps as I try to steady myself, but my emotions are a whirlwind, spinning out of control.
Despite the chill, I continue walking farther away from the palace, desperate for solace.
The icy wind whips around me, tugging at my hair and clothes like an invisible force trying to hold me back.
Yet, I press forward, my chest tight. It reminds me of the first time I came to the palace desperate to get to my father. So much has changed in these months.
And now it seems they’re changing once again.
“How did we let this happen?” I whisper into the void, the wind swallowing my words.
My pregnant belly feels heavy and I place a hand on it, seeking comfort from the life growing inside me, but even that connection can’t ease my troubled soul.
What will happen after they’re born if Sebastian and I are over?
My thoughts race, searching for answers that refuse to reveal themselves.
Is there any way to regain the love and trust that once bound us together so tightly?
And will I ever be able to look at Charlotte without suspicion, knowing the role she’s playing in our unraveling? The fact that he chose her over me…
What do I do with this?
At this moment, I feel so young and out of place. Everything between me and Sebastian happened so fast and now here we are. And I’m alone. My dad is gone, and my husband is slipping away from me.
As I near the end of my mile-long walk, my tears gradually subside, replaced by a hollow numbness.
I slow my pace and think about turning back when a car pulls up beside me.
The passenger window rolls down, and Charlotte is behind the wheel.
Christ, of all fucking people, she is the last one I want to see right now.
I force a smile and give her a wave. “Hi. I’m just out for a walk.”
“Good for you. Now get in the car,” she says coldly, devoid of the warmth I’ve come to associate with her.
I frown, taken aback by her sudden appearance and icy demeanor. “Charlotte, what are you—”
“Get in the car, Bellamy,” she repeats, cutting me off. This time, her voice is laced with menace. My heart leaps into my throat as she raises her arm, revealing a gun in her hand. She points it at my pregnant stomach, her eyes hard and unyielding. “Now.”
The world around me seems to freeze, the chill of the air paltry in comparison to the ice running through my veins. I stare at her, unable to move, paralyzed by the realization that everything I feared about Charlotte was true. And much, much worse.