Chapter 9
Farrah
Did he really just do that? Was he really that petty and immature?
I tried to focus on what Ryan was saying, but the moment I noticed Walker across the bar, my attention fractured.
I couldn’t stop watching as he walked out with another woman, making what felt like a very deliberate effort to pass directly through my line of sight.
Maybe it wasn’t intentional. Maybe I was reading too much into it.
But the way he angled his body, the way he glanced back, made it feel pointed.
She was tall, with long, dark, silky hair that spilled down her back. Full lips. Seductive eyes. The kind of curves women secretly envied. She pressed herself into him as if she belonged there, and he didn’t exactly discourage it. If anything, he seemed to be enjoying the attention.
Which only pissed me off.
The date with Ryan had started off well—better than I expected, actually.
He looked incredibly handsome, and conversation came easily.
We talked about design and construction, divorce, and our shared love of reading.
Granted, my shelves were filled with contemporary romance novels while his leaned more toward war stories and true crime, but it felt like a difference we could laugh about.
He was fascinated by my big family because he was an only child, and I loved hearing about the chaos he and his cousins had gotten into growing up.
He was funny, witty, and smart, and I could feel a genuine attraction forming.
That was, until the familiar sensation returned—like someone had sat on my chest, squeezing my lungs and making it hard to breathe.
I watched as Walker slowly ran his hands up and down the woman’s arms, his touch casual and intimate, as if it came naturally.
My discomfort must have been written all over my face, because Ryan kept asking if I was okay as the mood at our table had shifted.
I assured him I was fine, over and over, until Walker finally walked out of the bar with his new, gorgeous companion.
That was my breaking point.
I told Ryan I wasn’t feeling well and needed to head home. He walked me to my car, placed a sweet kiss on my cheek, and asked for a second date. Wanting nothing more than to be alone, I agreed before I had the chance to overthink it.
Once I was in my car and Ryan had pulled away, I blew out a frustrated breath.
Why did Walker still affect me like this after all these years? I was allowed to be on a date. So was he. I lay my forehead against the steering wheel, forcing myself to breathe. If I didn’t get my shit together, this was going to be a long, painful year with him back in town.
I pulled out my phone and texted my sister. I needed her.
Me: Hey, you busy?
Aria: Your date is over already? That bad?
Me: Actually, no. The date wasn’t bad. He’s great. Walker happened. Are you home?
Aria: Yeah. I’ll open a bottle of wine.
Me: Good. I’m going to need it.
As I drove to Aria’s house, my thoughts spiraled. I couldn’t stop imagining Walker with that woman. Were they at his place now? Had they fallen into each other the second they crossed the threshold, hands everywhere, unable to wait? The images played on a loop, uninvited and relentless.
It made me sick. And yet my mind refused to let it go.
Walker had always been tall, built, and good-looking, but this version of him was different.
More solid. More confident. His muscles were thicker, more defined, his presence sharper.
He wore his success easily now, carried himself with a quiet swagger that came from knowing exactly who he was.
He knew how to dress, how to style his sandy-brown hair so it looked effortless, and how to keep the perfect amount of stubble along his strong jawline.
And I was sure he knew how to do a lot more behind closed doors now than he ever had in college.
The realization sent an unexpected ache between my thighs.
Seriously, body?
I hadn’t felt that way with Ryan—not even close. Yet the thought of Walker touching another woman was enough to undo me.
I pulled up to Aria’s house just as she opened the door, a full glass of wine already in hand. She shoved it toward me without a word, and I took it gratefully as I followed her inside. Once we were settled on the couch, I filled her in on the night.
“He totally did that on purpose,” she said, taking a sip.
“Right?” I said. “I thought I might be imagining it, but the way he left the bar felt very intentional. Let’s just say he took a very roundabout path from the pool table to the exit.”
I shook my head. What a dick.
“I know Walker’s only gotten hotter since college,” Aria said, “but you’ve got to stop letting him get under your skin. It’s been almost a decade. How was your date with the contractor guy?”
I sighed. “I know. You’re right. We don’t even know each other anymore.” I waved a hand, trying to physically dismiss the thoughts of Walker. “Ryan was great—handsome, sweet, funny. We’re going out again. Especially since I basically bailed on him after seeing Walker leave with that woman.”
I buried my face in my wine glass.
Aria laughed. “I can’t believe you let Walker ruin your night. You being on a date clearly didn’t ruin his.”
Damn it. She had a point.
“I don’t know why it’s still so hard to see him,” I groaned, leaning my head back against the couch. “What is wrong with me, A?”
She reached for my hand. “Because a part of you is probably always going to love him.”
Unfortunately, she was right.
It was mid-morning when Jake stopped by to drop off Hadley.
She was only gone for a few days, but no matter the length of time, I always missed her fiercely.
I never felt truly whole when she was gone.
Hadley came barreling through the front door, a flash of blonde curls, and slammed her little body into mine.
I knelt down so she could wrap her arms around my neck as I buried my face into her neck.
"Hey, sweet girl! Did you have fun at Daddy's?
" Jake and his now-fiancée, Lily, lived about twenty minutes away in Forest Park.
"Yes! I paint wall!" Hadley's green eyes were wide, arms expressive. I shot Jake a look.
He chuckled, running a hand through his tousled honey-brown strands. "Lily wanted to paint Hadley's room, so they worked on it together yesterday."
"Ah! That makes more sense." I placed Hadley back on her feet, and the little Tasmanian devil tore off into the living room to find her toys. I turned my attention back to Jake. "How's the wedding planning going? Coming up soon."
He smiled, his warm brown eyes lighting up. "I think it’s going well? Lily’s been handling it all. I've been pretty slammed at work." Jake was a CPA and owned his own firm.
I nodded. "Well, just let me know the schedule for that day, so I can get Hadley there on time when you need her." Hadley was going to be their flower girl.
Jake propped himself up against the wall in my foyer, arms crossed. "So, I heard Walker’s back in town for a while. Have you seen him?"
Here we go.
Jake was always jealous of Walker. He was a sensitive subject in our relationship and one of the many reasons for the demise of our marriage.
"Yeah, he came back to rehab his elbow, according to Addi. And no, I haven't seen him, you know we don't talk anymore." I had to fight the strong urge not to roll my eyes at the fishing Jake was attempting.
Unsatisfied with my answer, he gave me a tight nod. "Got it. Well, I’d better get going, Lily wants me to see some table designs for the wedding." Jake gave Hadley one last hug and kiss goodbye before I walked him out.
After closing the door, I released a heavy exhale.
Jake and I had a great co-parenting relationship, but I always sensed it was likely due to the fact that he had happily moved on, and I hadn't.
I suspected that if I were talking to Walker again, or any man for that matter, he would act differently.
For now, I decided to keep Ryan to myself.
I made my way into the living room to find Hadley playing with her baby dolls. "Hady-girl, do you want a snack?" Her long blonde curls bounced as she brought her matching green gaze to mine. "Goldfish!?" she asked excitedly.
I nodded. "You can have Goldfish as long as you eat some apples too."
"K, Mommy." She turned her attention back to her dolls as I made my way to the kitchen to cut up some apples.
My house was a quaint, two-story craftsman, painted a deep navy trimmed in crisp white, and adorned with pale limestone.
With a cozy front porch and tucked into a quiet cul-de-sac, the house was perfect for Hadley and me.
After the divorce, Hadley and I stayed with my parents until Wildflower Interiors took off and was able to afford me the luxury of buying my own home.
My kitchen sat off to the left of the living room, and though the space wasn’t entirely open-concept, I could see enough of the living room to keep an eye on Hadley.
The kitchen wasn't very big, but the previous owners had renovated all of the finishes, choosing soft grays, whites, and natural wood.
As I stood at the counter slicing apples for Hadley, my thoughts drifted back to Walker.
They seemed to go there more often than I cared to admit lately.
Every time I saw him—whether it was in person or on the television, standing tall on the pitcher’s mound—it felt like my lungs seized.
My heart tightened as if someone had wrapped a vice grip around it, squeezing until it hurt to breathe.
A deep ache crept through me, settling low and heavy, and I found myself frozen in place, powerless against it.
It took real effort to remind myself that I didn’t know that man anymore.
He wasn’t mine.
I had made sure of that when I married Jake.
Walker was one of the best pitchers in the league now, wildly successful, and I couldn’t stop myself from wondering if I could have been the one thing that held him back. If he had chosen me over baseball all those years ago, I might have stood directly in the way of everything he’d built.
How fucked up would that have been?
And now here I was. Divorced. A single mom to a two-year-old.
My ex-husband had moved on quickly and was getting remarried.
Jake was happier than I’d ever seen him, his firm thriving.
Walker and Jake were two completely different men, but they shared one uncomfortable similarity—when I’d pulled away, neither of them had fought to pull me back.
They’d both accepted the distance and kept moving forward.
And both had become more successful once I was gone.
I tried not to dwell on that part. I told myself it was a coincidence, even if it didn’t feel like one.
I seemed to be the common denominator.
As Taylor Swift so eloquently put it—It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.
Yes, I had built a successful interior design firm from the ground up.
Yes, I had an incredible daughter who was the best thing that had ever happened to me.
I just wished that I had someone to share it all with.
If I hadn’t been so stubborn, so insecure, maybe I could have had everything with Walker.
He always supported my dream of starting my own interior design business, while Jake had wanted a very different life for me—one that felt smaller, quieter, boxed in.
The what-ifs with Walker, nearly a decade later, still kept me up at night.
And that guilt always followed close behind, because if Walker and I had stayed together, Hadley wouldn’t exist.
I reached across my chest and squeezed the familiar knot in my shoulder, letting out a slow, defeated breath.
Hadley bounced into the kitchen, pulling me from my spiral. “Mommy, where snack?”
I chuckled softly. “Sorry, sweet girl. Mommy got distracted.”
I placed the apple slices into a small bowl and added some Goldfish to another before carrying them back into the living room. I sat down on the floor beside her and her dolls. When I tried to sneak a Goldfish, Hadley quickly slid the bowl out of my reach, fixing me with a stern look.
“Ask nice,” she demanded. Ask came out more like ass, but I didn’t correct her. Hadley hated being corrected. She was very much her mother’s daughter.
I held up my hands in surrender. “I’m sorry. Can I please have a Goldfish, Hady-girl?”
Satisfied, she nudged the bowl toward me. “You have one, Mommy,” she said, emphasizing the word ‘one.’
I laughed as I popped it into my mouth. Tough crowd.
“Are you excited to be the flower girl at Daddy’s wedding?
” Lily had asked Hadley to be their flower girl the week before, complete with a tiny flower crown, a sweet card, and candy.
As much as I wanted to wallow in self-pity, I knew I was lucky that Jake had found someone like Lily.
She loved Hadley as if she were her own, and I trusted her completely.
Hadley nodded without looking up from her dolls. “Yes. I got crown.”
“I saw it,” I said softly. “It’s beautiful. You’re going to look like a princess.”
She turned toward me and handed me a doll and a small hairbrush. I began brushing its hair as instructed.
“Mommy get married?” she asked, tilting her head. Married came out more like may-weed.
“No, not anytime soon, sweetie. Just Daddy is getting married.”
I was more than ready for this wedding to be over. It felt like a constant reminder of where my life stood—and how left behind I felt.