Chapter 13
They said the dating pool had pee in it, but I was convinced there was shit in there, too.
No chlorine—just shit, algae, and bacteria.
I listened to the playlist Ahmad had given me on repeat. I felt connected to him, with him, through the music. The earbuds were so discreet, I even got away with listening at work. But no amount of musical good energy could combat the men who had been attempting to connect with me on the app.
I was already on a mission to find the man for me. But after my last interaction with my family, I was more determined than ever to find my someone special. I knew it was a stretch, but I’d hoped to find my person. Or at the very least, I’d hoped to have a date and my back blown out to ring in my thirtieth birthday. But even after dodging the obvious creeps on the app, I was still running into the bottom of the barrel. So I was trying to think of ways outside of TenderFish to meet men. Until a promising message and flirty conversation led me back to Onyx on Friday night.
Wearing a pair of jeans, a cute green top with a plunging neckline, and sexy sandals, I felt good as I strolled into the bar. There were a few more people inside than I expected at that time, but it was still relatively empty.
“Hey!” Asia greeted me with a wave. “I’ll be right with you.”
I climbed onto the barstool and looked around. Pulling my phone out of my bag, I started thumbing through social media. I’d posted a couple of selfies that seemed to be catching the attention of men from my past—none of which I wanted to bring into my future.
“So, another date tonight?” Asia asked, pulling my attention from my phone.
I nodded. “Yeah. I’m hoping it goes well, but honestly…” I shrugged. “It is what it is at this point.”
“I hear that. I’ve gone on a dating hiatus. I’ll try back again in the fall.” She scrunched up her nose. “Maybe.”
“Good call.” I paused for a moment, a memory washing over me.
She wiggled her eyebrows. “When I get back out there, I’ll hit you up for some tips. I need to be quick and efficient. Get in and get out.”
“I know someone who went on a dating hiatus and literally met her husband the day after she told me she wasn’t dating anymore. I think you’ll be fine.”
She looked at me suspiciously. “You made that up.”
I lifted my hand. “I swear. It happened.”
“To who?”
“My sister.”
Her eyes lit up. “Really?”
I nodded. “Really.”
“It makes me more optimistic when I hear it’s happened like that before.”
I nodded in agreement. Aniyah’s trajectory in life was awe-inspiring. She found her soulmate quite quickly and easily. For anyone who had been in the murky waters of dating, the idea of finding that special someone was already difficult enough. But to find someone so quickly and to marry them soon thereafter was unheard of.
But that was how life played out for Aniyah.
She had it easy. Whatever she wanted landed at her feet. She truly lived a charmed life.
But she didn’t make it beyond thirty.
I swallowed hard and tried to push the thought away.
Asia glanced over to a man who was flagging her down. “I’ll be back.”
Just as she walked off, I got an alert on my phone. Thinking it was my date, I prepared for a cancellation, postponement, or delay of some sort.
My eyebrows flew up as I recognized the name across my screen—and it wasn’t my date.
My ex-boyfriend, my first heartbreak, had commented on my photo and sent me a message. Hesitantly, I opened it and read it. Rolling my eyes, I went back to the picture in question and studied it. I looked good. But I was not expecting to hear from someone who swore he’d never speak to me again. Holding my phone at eye level, I zoomed in.
I mean… Ido look good, though.
It’d been a month since my first TenderFish date and five weeks since I’d been stood up, and I was no closer to being booed up on my birthday. And while I could’ve responded to my ex, that wasn’t the energy I wanted to usher into my thirties. Tremaine was my ex for a reason. But I couldn’t deny that the others in my DMs were tempting as my birthday loomed a few weeks away.
“That picture is fire,” Ahmad commented from behind me.
His voice sent a chill down my spine.
I lurched forward, bringing my arm down and my phone to my chest. “Why are you creepily looking over my shoulder?”
“Why are you holding your phone up with the picture zoomed in like it was on a jumbo screen? Your eyes bad?”
“They must be if I’m just now noticing you’re a creep.”
He chuckled as he made his way around the bar to the back office. When he returned, he grabbed a crate of clean glasses and started putting them away in front of me.
“You look good in green,” Ahmad stated with a straight face.
I narrowed my eyes suspiciously but decided to take the compliment. “It’s my favorite color.”
As soon as I opened my mouth to thank him, he continued, “Over here looking like the sexy MM.”
I suppressed a giggle, but I couldn’t cover the smile. “I can’t stand you.”
“You look a little more relaxed today. Did you listen to the playlist?”
I nodded. “I did. And I love it. It’s a vibe.”
Ahmad grinned. “I hate to say I told you so…”
“Don’t look so impressed with yourself. Not with that outfit on.”
He laughed, looking down at himself. “Damn, what’s wrong with what I have on?”
My eyes swept his body. Not a damn thing.
I frowned and gestured from his head to his feet. “Where do I start?”
When he smoothed his hands down his shirt, from his chest to his stomach, I was eye level with his wedding ring.
I cleared my throat and shifted my gaze away from him. “I’m playing. Your outfit is fine. I see you went up to a full medium shirt, so that’s a nice change. Now I can only see two of your ribs through the threads of fabric.”
“Aye yo, you are an asshole for real!”
We snickered.
“Who’s up to bat today?” Ahmad asked after taking an order. “You’re the queen of first dates.”
“I don’t know about the queen of first dates…”
“Well, you for damn sure haven’t lined up a second date yet.”
My jaw dropped. Reaching over and grabbing a napkin from the stack on the corner, I tossed it at him.
“Too far?” he guessed, catching the soft white projectile.
“I hate you,” I told him, pinching my thumb and pointer finger together. “Just a bit. There’s hate there. Growing by the day.”
He pointed at me. “But I keep that smile on your face.”
“It’s a grimace,” I corrected.
“Spell grimace.”
“You want me to spell the word for ‘snarled-up frown’?” I cocked my head to the side. “A-h-m-a-d.”
He chuckled. “Nah, for real. What’s up with your date tonight?”
“His name is Silas. He seems cool.” I shrugged. “But don’t they all?”
“Nah, not really. That first one looked like he was being interviewed for The First 48.”
I laughed. “No he didn’t!”
“I’m serious! I know what your type is… random.”
My head fell back, and my shoulders shook. “Shut up!”
“I’m serious. He came in here with a zoot suit and—”
“Ahmad!” Asia called out, pointing to a group who had just gathered.
My amusement slowly dissipated as the minutes ticked by and the conversations I’d had over the week replayed in my mind. Silas was cute and flirty. He seemed both genuinely interesting and interested. But if I was being real with myself, it was his thirst-trap photos that pushed me into conversing with him in the first place.
“So… Silas, huh?” Ahmad pondered as he returned to his post in front of me. “Tell me about him.”
“No, because you’re just going to make jokes.” I put my elbows on the bar and leaned forward. “Tell me about when you were in the streets. You probably didn’t know how to act.”
“Who said I was in the streets?”
My eyes bulged. “You told me to get on this app, so I know you were in the streets.”
“I knew how to act, though.” His lips pulled upward. “I went on a few dates. Met a few women. Had a good time.”
I eyed him suspiciously. “No, no, no. You’ve had a front-row seat to my dating life for the past month, so it’s your turn to spill. What’s your type? What type of dates did you go on?”
“Beautiful women who can keep up with me,” he answered with a shrug. “Spontaneous, crazy—good crazy—and smart. I don’t know how else to explain it. And if I met the woman in person, I’d pick a restaurant to get to know her a little better. If I like her, the second date is something specifically tailored to her. If I met her online, I’d meet her at a bar or coffee shop first, and then the second date would be someplace legit.”
“So basically, what you’re saying is that if you already know there was physical attraction and chemistry, you’ll spring for the meal. If you haven’t seen her in person yet, you’ll pay for a drink.”
He lifted his shoulders. “Pretty much. At the end of the day, if I’m not attracted to her, it’s not going anywhere. And I don’t just mean that physically. I need to be attracted to her conversation just as much as her physical appearance.”
I nodded. “I feel you.”
He held my gaze. “I know you do.”
“How many dates did it take you to determine she’s the one?”
“By the end of the fourth date, I know what’s up.”
“So, on the fourth date, you knew you found the one?”
“On the fourth date, I know what I want to do. If it works out, it works out. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. But by the end of the fourth date, I know if I want to focus my time exclusively with that woman.”
I nodded as I mulled over his thought process. There was something incredibly refreshing about a man who knew what he wanted and followed through with it. As evidenced by the ring on his finger, he didn’t just talk the talk. He walked the walk, too.
By Ahmad’s logic, if I hit it off with Silas tonight, we’d know where we’d want to take it on my birthday.
“When do you know?” he asked, interrupting my thoughts.
“Depends on the man,” I answered honestly. “I’ve known I was interested in more on the first date. Sometimes it took a little longer. But from this point forward, I’m just trusting my gut.”
“Smart. You have a good head on your shoulders.” He put his hands a few inches from his head. “That big head of yours will serve you well.”
“I do have a big head,” I acknowledged. “That’s not the first time I’ve heard that. Sorry you can’t relate.”
It took him a second before he burst out laughing. “Yooooooo.”
A couple of women approached the bar, and instead of going to Asia, they stood next to me and waited for Ahmad.
After he served them, he turned to me. “What does this Silas do? Please tell me he has a job.”
“He’s a tattoo artist.”
“That’s what’s up. He any good?”
I frowned. “I don’t know. He showed me pictures of some of his work, but honestly, he could’ve taken those pictures from anywhere on the internet.”
Amused, he shook his head. “You don’t trust nobody, do you?”
“I sure don’t!”
“You trust me, though.”
I rolled my eyes, but I didn’t answer him.
Funny enough, I did trust him.
As if my silence gave him confirmation, he smirked and moved on. “Well, if you get to know him and verify his work, let me know what’s up. I was thinking about turning this half sleeve into a full sleeve next month.”
The black ink dancing across his arm was mostly hidden by his shirt sleeve. But every time he reached over to mix a drink, wipe down the bar, or put something away, an intricate design peeked out. Even when I tried not to look at his muscles as he stretched out the fabric of his shirt, I noticed. I wasn’t checking him out, but I had eyes.
“What do you have and what are you thinking about getting?” I asked, studying his arm like it was the first time.
“I have prayer hands up here”—he pointed to his upper arm—“a Bible verse, a, um… a quote, and a design that goes all around my bicep. I want to get the design connected down to my wrist to make a full sleeve.”
I nodded slowly. “Did all that hurt?”
“Not as much as I thought it was going to. Do you have any?”
I shook my head. “No, but I’m getting one for my birthday.”
“Of what?”
“Aaliyah?” a voice interrupted the conversation, and instinctively, I knew it was Silas.
Caught off guard, I hadn’t had a chance to brace myself for the meeting. A jolt fired through me before I turned to face my date.
Oh, okay!
Silas was just as sexy as his pictures. Tall, slim, square-jawed, he had a cool vibe about him. He looked like a stereotypical artist.
“Hi,” I greeted him as he took his seat.
“You’re beautiful,” he complimented me. His eyes swept up and down my body. “Wow. You look good and you smell good.”
I grinned. “Thank you.”
“What would you like? How should we start off the night?” He cocked his head to the side. “With champagne?”
A slow smile crept across my face. “Sounds good.”
He lifted his hand to signal to Ahmad, who had taken a few steps away and was pretending not to be watching in the mirror.
“What’s up, man? What can I get you?” Ahmad greeted him.
Silas ordered a bottle of champagne and proudly pulled out a black card to pay for it. The way he was holding it made it clear he wanted me to see what it was. Once it was securely back in his pocket, he turned to me and engaged me in conversation. He leaned in close to me, inhaled deeply, and then started asking me some questions about myself.
A drink and a half later, he seemed to get a little too comfortable.
“Big women are my type—always have been and always will be.” He held up a finger. “The best hugs are from big women.” He held up a second finger. “The best cuddling is from big women.” He held up a third finger. “The best…” His sentence trailed off, and he let out a small chuckle under his breath. “The best skills.”
“Skills?”
“Yeah. Skills in the kitchen, in the home, in the bedroom—you asked,” he pointed out quickly, lifting his hands as if I were going to call him out. When I didn’t speak, he continued with a smile, “Big women are mad cool. And I might not look like it, but I eat a lot, and I need a woman with a big appetite, too. So naturally, I love a woman that can cook. Big women know how to treat a man because they can cook, they clean, and they’re the freakiest. So, if I’m being completely honest, there’s nothing better than a big, sexy woman who will match my energy.”
I was quiet for a moment as I assessed the self-satisfied look on his face. “Every woman who is big isn’t like that. You know that, right?”
His forehead creased. “What do you mean?”
“Big women aren’t just one thing. If you want these qualities in a woman, that’s one thing. But to say that you like big women because all big women are like this… is just not true.”
“Yo, chill… I’m just naming some things I like.” Confusion crumpled his face. “I’m trying to give you a compliment.”
“These aren’t compliments,” I explained. “These are stereotypes.”
He rolled his eyes and exhaled loudly. “You’re blowing shit way out of proportion.”
“No. I’m just trying to get clarity and making sure I’m not a fetish.”
“Ain’t nobody say nothing about a fetish,” he replied indignantly. He shook his head. “I’m going to keep it real with you, baby girl, this ain’t going to work if this is your attitude.”
“I agree. This isn’t going to work. We should call it a night,” I told him.
“Because I told you how sexy you are?”
I made a face. “That wasn’t exactly what happened.” I lowered my voice. “It feels like you’re fetishizing me, and I’m not interested in being someone’s fetish.”
His face contorted expressively. “What? How?”
“All of the assumptions and generalizations you were making about women with fatter bodies.”
“Aw, come on now! We were talking, and I was complimenting you.” He looked me up and down. “I think your body is sexy.”
I nodded, shifting my gaze to Ahmad, who was laughing loudly as he put on a show preparing a cocktail. “Okay,” I sighed. “I’m glad we got a chance to meet, but let’s not waste each other’s time. Let’s call it a night.”
His eyes were as big as saucers. “Are you serious?”
I nodded. “I’m very serious.”
“Wow, really? I don’t understand.”
I didn’t respond.
There was no reason to respond.
He didn’t get it, and I didn’t care enough to explain further. Instead, I stared at our reflection in the mirror until he stood up.
Looking me up and down, he leaned forward and inhaled deeply. “When you get over yourself, come find me. I’d still fuck the shit out of you. Fat bitches have the best pussy. And you look like—”
“You good?” Ahmad asked me, interrupting the bullshit coming out of Silas’s mouth.
I gave him a look, but I nodded.
He shifted his eyes to Silas. “What were you saying?”
Even though the bar separated them, the color drained from Silas’s face, and he took a step back. He lifted his hands, and his mouth opened and closed a few times. “I-I-I was just say-saying good night.”
Anger flashed in Ahmad’s eyes as they narrowed. “Yeah, I think that’s for the best.”
“She’s all yours,” Silas muttered before walking away.
Ahmad glared at Silas’s retreating form until he shifted his attention to me. “You good?”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t like that one.”
An amused smirk bent my lips. “Me either.”
“I came over because of the look on your face. I could see you weren’t feeling it, but then I got over here, and I caught the tail end of what he said and…” He shook his head. “He’s lucky I’m behind this bar.”
The protectiveness made me feel warm inside.
“Yeahhhhhhh.” I let the word stretch out in tired resignation. “But I was over him before he even got to the part you heard.”
“You looked like you were cool in the beginning. What happened?”
“We weren’t compatible.”
He stroked his chin. “You know what?”
“What?”
“I’m starting to think you’re the problem.”
Reeling, I felt my reaction consume my whole body. “What?!” I screeched.
“I’m just saying…” Grinning, he lifted his arms. “It’s just starting to look like it might be you. I mean, you are the common denominator.”
Reaching for a napkin, I crumpled it and threw it at him. “I can’t stand you!”
“Well, tell me what happened or I’m going to just have to assume you’re the problem.” He glanced at a man who was waiting to order. “Hold that thought,” he told me. When he came back, he crossed his arms over his chest. “Let’s hear it. Why weren’t you compatible with this one?”
I glared at him. The expression on his face was comical, but I held firm with my pursed lips. “If you must know, we weren’t compatible because he didn’t have a genuine interest in me.”
“That’s too bad. He was clearly attracted to you. Every time I came down to check on you, he was staring you down.”
“Yeah, well…”
“But he wasn’t here long enough to get to know that behind your beauty, you’re the Grinch.”
I let out a loud, unexpected laugh. “You know what? This is why I don’t talk to you.”
“Come on,” he chuckled. “Now what happened? I thought you two were hitting it off.”
“Yeah, I thought so, too, until he got that liquor in his system, and I realized he was fetishizing me.”
His face froze. “What?”
“His interest was based on stereotypes he has about ‘big girls’”—I did air quotes—“and what we like, how we act, what we’re willing to do.”
“So instead of getting to know you, he was just telling you who he assumed you were?”
“Pretty much.” I chewed my bottom lip for a second. “And it didn’t sit right with me.”
He shook his head. “Well, it looks like you dodged a bullet. Man couldn’t handle his liquor, and he didn’t see what he had in front of him. To hell with him.”
My lips curled into a soft smile. “Thanks.”
“And besides, I think he was smelling you.”
I burst out laughing. “You saw that?”
“Hell yeah! And I saw some shit like that on a documentary about serial killers once, and that just hadn’t sat right with me since. It’s one thing if someone smells good and you catch their scent. It’s a whole other thing when you’re trying to put your nose on somebody you just met.”
“That was wild, right? I’m so glad I have a witness!”
“Even when I’m busy, I keep an eye on you. I told you I got you,” he assured me.
His brown eyes were as kind as his words.
“I appreciate you,” I told him, ignoring the flutter in my belly. I lifted my glass in his direction. “Thanks!”
He grabbed a glass. “And you’re not talking about giving up on dating this time, so that’s a good sign.”
“Yeah, well, my birthday weekend is in a few weeks, so I don’t have much time.” I pulled out my phone. “I’ve been having conversations on the app here and there with this other guy. He asked me out, so I’ll accept his offer.” Typing as I spoke, I said, “For next Friday at seven thirty.”
“That’s my girl,” Ahmad cheered. His eyes flitted over me. “You want to stick around and have a drink?”
I nodded. “Yeah. That’ll be cool.”
The crowd at Onyx grew, and with all the tables packed, every stool at the bar was occupied. Sipping my drink, I busied myself on the app between conversations with Ahmad. When it was time to go, I leaned over the bar and caught his attention.
With a smile, he stopped what he was doing and came to me.
“You’re not leaving, are you?” he asked.
I nodded. “I am. I’m hungry—”
He jerked his thumb toward the kitchen. “I can get someone to make you whatever you want.”
“I took out chicken earlier, so I’m about to make that,” I told him.
“You can’t make chicken better than I can,” he teased.
“Well, I didn’t know it was a competition, but since you want to go there—we can do a cook-off anytime.”
He leaned closer, bringing his face inches from mine. “Just name the day and time, and I’m on it.”
“You don’t intimidate me. Not with your chicken”—I lightly bumped my forehead to his—“and not with your big-ass head.”
He cracked up.
The sound gave me butterflies.
Standing up straight, he pointed to the door. “Okay, Green Arrow, I’m tired of your shit. Get out of here,” he joked.
My eyes widened. “You’re going to play it like you’re kicking me out when I was already leaving?” I snickered. “Wow, Ahmad.”
“I invited you to stay longer, but you’re playing—pretending like you’re going to cook chicken at midnight.”
“You’re in my business.”
He gestured down the bar. “I have work to do. You good?”
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“See you Friday?”
I took a step back. “If I’m the highlight of your Friday night, just say that.”
Grinning, he shook his head. “You’re so full of yourself.”
“See you Friday,” I called behind him.
He winked at me and then proceeded to take the man’s order.
Despite how my date went, I felt really good as I walked out of Onyx. I’d just gotten to the corner and pressed the crosswalk button when I heard my name called.
“Aaliyah?”
Startled, I turned. “Asia! Hey!”
“Hey!” She switched her bag strap from one shoulder to the other. “Are you heading home?”
“Yeah, it’s late.” I gestured to her cute bag. “Are you leaving early tonight?”
“I am. I’m tired and I have to be back here tomorrow, so I told them I’m not closing.”
“I know that’s right!”
The signal indicated we could walk across the street. “I’m parked over there,” Asia informed me, so we both crossed. “So, I have a question. As I was leaving, you and Ahmad had your heads smushed together.”
Shit.I got a sinking feeling in my stomach, and it took everything in me to not trip over my own feet. Shit shit shit shit shit!
I knew how it looked, and that was the last thing I wanted for either of us. I would never knowingly get with a married man. And Ahmad had been nothing but a good friend to me and a loyal—as far as I could tell—partner to his wife.
“He just had jokes because I have on green. He called me the green MM and Green Arrow. You know how he is. Just jokes all the time,” I explained in a rush. “And he said he could cook better chicken than I could, so we were going back and forth, and then he got in my face. It was to be intimidating. It wasn’t… I’m sure it looked wild from the outside looking in, but it was innocent.”
“Innocent, huh?”
I glanced over at her.
Her smile made me uncomfortable. “He hasn’t been wearing his ring all the time, and I know it’s because of you.”
I shook my head profusely. “No, I don’t know anything about that. He’s just been looking out for me because we’re friends. That’s all,” I continued, stepping onto the sidewalk. I knew I was talking too much, but I couldn’t stop. “He gave me some therapy tips and helped me get more comfortable with dating. He’s been an example of what I’d want in my future husband—kind, loyal, funny, hardworking, thoughtful, interesting, giving… He’s truly a great man, and I treasure our friendship. We’re just friends. That’s all.”
“Are you sure that’s all?” Asia hit the button to start her car. “Are you absolutely positive?”
“Yes, of course. I would never…” I let my sentence trail off because of the way she was looking at me.
“Hmm. That’s too bad, because you’ve been really good for him. He’s different with you, and the way you two light each other up, I just thought maybe…” She moved her hands around as if she were searching for the word. “He doesn’t talk to me about his love life anymore, and he doesn’t take my advice. But I know my brother, and I haven’t seen him like this in a long time.” She bit her lip and nodded. “It’s been really good to witness.”
Confusion enveloped me, and my mind was racing. I actively fought the urge to take off running into my building. “We’re just friends.”
She gave me a knowing smile. “Okay. The chemistry is undeniable, but okay.”
“Asia, Ahmad is married!”
Her brows furrowed, and she made a face. “No, he’s not.”