Chapter 14
“What?” I sputtered. “What?”
Asia’s eyes slowly widened, and she took a step back. “Wait, you didn’t know?”
“Didn’t know what?” I was having trouble understanding what she was saying. I felt like my brain wasn’t functioning correctly because nothing was making sense. “Ahmad is married.”
She looked as stunned as I felt. “I thought you said he told you about therapy.”
“He did tell me about therapy. He also wears a wedding band like most married men. So, I’m not understanding what you mean.”
Pinching the bridge of her nose, she closed her eyes and exhaled. “So, he didn’t say why he was in therapy?”
“No, but he did say out of his own mouth that he was happily married.” I let out a humorless laugh as I tried to put the pieces together myself. “So, you’re saying he’s lying about being married?”
“It’s like a defense mechanism. It’s… complicated. It’s really not my place to say anything. I didn’t know you didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
I turned toward Onyx and contemplated marching over there and giving Ahmad a piece of my mind. But a myriad of emotions kept me rooted in place.
“Hey…” Asia grabbed my shoulders and turned me toward her. “If he hasn’t told you yet, he will. Just… ask him.”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. But if y’all are friends like you described, talk to him about it. He’s different with you. I know he’d tell you. Maybe it’s just hard at the bar with all the people around.” She covered her face and let out a loud groan. “He’s going to kill me.”
My throat burned, and I felt like I was going to choke. “I’m not going to tell him you said anything,” I told her, taking a step back. “I might not say anything at all. He didn’t tell me for a reason.”
“Aaliyah—”
I looked at my phone. “It’s getting late, so I should really get going.” I lifted my hand and forced a smile as I headed toward my door. “See you later, Asia.”
“Give him a chance to explain,” she called out after me. “See you Friday!”
I waved but didn’t say anything.
I couldn’t.
I was still reeling from what she’d just told me.
I damn near ran through the front door and to the elevator. When I got to my floor, my vision was blurry, but I managed to get inside my apartment before a tear squeaked out. My chest burned and my heart hurt. A hundred and fifty-seven thoughts ran through my mind, and I felt betrayed and lied to.
I walked right past the kitchen and straight to the bathroom. I wasn’t even hungry anymore. I needed to clear my mind and slow everything down. Stepping into the hot shower, I lathered my body in a daze. It wasn’t until I rinsed off that I allowed the tears to fall freely. I didn’t cry because I was sad. I cried because I was in shock.
I really thought I knew him.
Wrapped in a towel, I called up Nina. She didn’t answer, so I called Jazz. When she didn’t answer, I went to my music app and started to play music. Unfortunately, it was set to start from the last playlist, and the last playlist was Ahmad’s. I tried to keep my composure, but I was sick.
I’m not talking to him about it, I decided as I pulled on my pajamas. I might not talk to his ass ever again. Wait, didn’t I already tell Lennox to meet me at Onyx next weekend? Shit… well, it’s still early. I can switch locations. It’s probably for the best anyway—
“Nina!” I answered the phone on the first ring.
“Hey, how was your date?” she responded in a singsong tone.
“Oh, he was problematic. But, girl, that’s not even the most shocking thing that happened. I have something to tell you. I haven’t even fully processed it yet, and honestly, I don’t know how to process it. I feel—”
“You are killing me! What’s going on?”
The worry in her voice rushed me to my point.
“Ahmad isn’t married,” I told her.
“He left his wife because he’s in love with you,” she gasped. “I knew it!”
“No.” I shook my head even though she couldn’t see me. “He was never married.”
“Wait, what?”
“Exactly!” I yelled into the phone. “His sister, Asia, works at Onyx, too, and she thought I knew. She said something about our chemistry, and I was telling her that I would never because he was married. She looked baffled, okay? Baffled! She looked confused as to why I would even think he was married.”
“He wears a wedding ring!”
“Exactly!”
“Men who aren’t married don’t wear wedding rings. Hell, men who are married be slipping theirs off from time to time. So, what is going on?”
“That’s what I’m saying. I don’t know, and I’m sick about it.”
I could hear Nina starting to move around as if she were pacing.
“Now wait a damn minute!” she exclaimed. “I’m confused.”
“Same, sis! And not to mention that I’ve just spent the last five weeks getting to know this man only to find out I don’t know him at all. He lied to me.”
“Not to sound like Jazz, but there has to be a reasonable explanation. It doesn’t make any sense. What did he say when you asked him?”
“I just found out like an hour ago. I haven’t talked to him. But the more I think about it, the more I don’t think I want to talk to him.”
Nina was silent for a few seconds. “Now I’m really confused. What do you mean you’re not going to talk to him about this?”
“He clearly wanted me to think he was married. He isn’t interested in being honest with me. He isn’t interested in me knowing. He isn’t interested in…”
Me.
I let my sentence trail off and continued it in my head. The pang in my chest punctuated the sentence.
He isn’t interested in me.
“No,” Nina uttered firmly. “The dots aren’t connecting. I watched you and him together. There’s no way he’s not interested. And from everything you’ve ever said about him, there has to be more to it than what it looks like. Because this really doesn’t make any sense.”
“It’s the only thing that makes sense,” I reasoned.
“So, you’re just not going to talk to him? Really?”
“Not about this.” I swallowed hard. “If he wanted to talk about it, he would’ve brought it up. So, I’m going to respect his lie and keep doing what I’ve been doing. I’m going to have to reach out to Lennox and tell him that our date needs to be relocated.”
“I mean… I’m all for you seeing what’s up with Lennox because variety is the spice of life. But are you sure you want to give up on the bartender without at least hearing him out?”
I sat up abruptly. “I didn’t give up on him!” My tone was indignant, as my best friend clearly didn’t listen to what I’d told her. “Nina, he gave up on me! He was pretending to be married so I didn’t hit on him. He let me believe he had a wife so that I would leave him alone.”
“From what I saw at the concert, that man did everything but make sure you’d leave him alone.”
“There were ample opportunities for him to tell me the truth, and he didn’t.”
“Liyah,” Nina sighed.
I climbed under the covers. “I don’t understand what you don’t understand. Ahmad lied about his relationship status to let me down easy or whatever. And then I thought we became friends, and he still didn’t say anything. I’ve told him personal stuff, and he just…” I shook my head and rolled onto my side. “I guess he’s not who I thought he was.”
“I can understand that,” Nina said carefully. “That’s valid.”
I could hear the but in her tone.
“But what?” I replied with a sigh.
“You know my motto is ‘On to the next one,’” she reminded me. “And ordinarily, I would be completely on board with you leaving one man in the dust and seeing what’s up with the next one. Because really, I’m still struggling with why you want one boyfriend when you can have several.”
“Nina,” I laughed, shaking my head at the unexpected comment.
“I’m serious. But since you’re not trying to live a beautifully carefree life like me, I have two questions I want you to answer and sit with before you make moves.”
“What’s that?”
“Think about why having a boyfriend on your birthday is important to you. And then ask yourself if you’re willing to settle for a boyfriend just to have one on your birthday.”
“No,” I answered quickly.
It was a no-brainer. I wasn’t willing to settle, and that was why I spent most of the summer running through so many dates.
“Exactly!” Her voice was elevated and sharp. “So of all the men you went on dates with, talked to, and connected with on the app, none of them were boyfriend material. For you. Some of them seemed cool, but they weren’t it. For you. And that’s fine. But at the end of the day, forget your family’s expectations, forget trying to prove something to them, forget what you think you should do. What do you want? For you. Not for anyone else. For you.”
“I—”
“No,” she cut me off before I could respond. “I don’t want you to answer right now. I want you to really think about it, so sleep on it. I’m serious.”
I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. “Okay.”
“And my second question for you circles back to this thing with the bartender, and this time, I want an immediate answer from you.”
I stared at the ceiling fan as I replied, “Okay…”
“Why are you really mad at Ahmad?”
“Because he lied! I was completely honest with him, and he lied to me.”
“Aaliyah, let me give you some real talk… You weren’t completely honest with him either.”
“What?” I sat up, indignant. “Yes, I was! I told that man my business, and the whole time—”
“Did you tell him you had feelings for him?”
My mouth hung open for a second. “I—so—it—the—I don’t,” I sputtered, completely flustered.
“Give it up, girl!” Nina laughed lightly. “I commend you. You tried not to like him, because you thought he was someone else’s husband. But you are not about to sit on this phone and deny you have feelings for him. I saw the two of you looking at each other with hearts in your eyes. It was sickening, to be honest.”
It took me a full thirty seconds to find my words. “You’re right. Maybe I did have a little crush on him, but that doesn’t change the fact that he lied.”
“Did he come out and tell you a lie? Or did he let you believe a lie?”
“As my friend, he shouldn’t have let me believe a lie,” I argued, feeling my case becoming increasingly shaky.
“Was it a lie that he told or a lie you assumed to be true?”
I balled my face into a frown and remained quiet. Nina was cutting a little too close, and I wasn’t ready.
“Exactly,” she stated. “Because if I’m remembering correctly, he never told you he was married. You saw his ring and you overheard him telling someone about his wife. But he never looked you in your face and told you specifically that he was married.”
Groaning, I rolled onto my side. “Okay, this conversation is over.”
“This conversation might be over, but the conversation you need to have with yourself needs to start. And here’s what I want you to think about… you assumed he was married, and he let you run with that assumption. I get why you’d feel a way—so again, that’s valid. But are you really mad at him because of that? Because I don’t think that’s it at all. I think you’re mad at him because of your feelings for him.”
My chest hurt as my card was pulled. In that way that only a best friend could, Nina cut to the chase and forced me to look at my situation differently.
And I wasn’t ready for that.
“No, it’s just—”
“No,” she interrupted me again. “I’ll make it easier for you. Just answer this question. Do you have feelings for him?”
My heart thumped as I heard the question I’d been avoiding in my mind for days. “Nina.”
“Yes or no?”
I made a face. “Whose side are you on?”
“The side of truth. Yes or no?”
“Nina.”
“Do you have feelings for him? Yes. Or. No.”
“Yes,” I answered through gritted teeth.
“So, now that you’ve gotten to the root of the problem, what’s the solution? Because—and I’m going to be real with you—there’s something between you and Ahmad. I’ve heard it in your voice the last few weeks, and I saw it firsthand at the concert. You denied it because you thought he was married, and now that you know he’s not, you’re not even going to talk to him about it?”
I felt a burning sensation coat my throat. Tears pricked my eyes as I held in my emotion. The silence between us grew.
She waited for my answer, and I choked on my truth.
I was mad that he wasn’t honest and forthcoming with me. But the real reason I was in my feelings was because of what it meant. If he were interested in me, he wouldn’t have continued with the charade of being married. If he were attracted to me, he would’ve made a move by now. So, I felt a way because of the feelings I developed for him. But more than that, I felt a way because of the feelings he obviously didn’t have for me.
I wasn’t ready to admit any of that out loud.
“But hey, what do I know?” Nina conceded after my extended silence. “Sometimes my real talk can be a little too real, so I’m going to give you a chance to digest it. But know that I love you and I want what’s best for you. And you’re not going to get what’s best for you if you’re not honest about what’s for you. And, Liyah, let me tell you… living your life for others isn’t what’s for you. You don’t have anything to prove to anyone about anything. Okay?”
“Yeah,” I whispered, swiping the tears that fell from my lashes. “Love you, too, Nina.”
“Think about what I said and call me tomorrow.”
We said our goodbyes, and I buried my face in my pillow to stop the tears that wanted to flow freely. I kept hearing Nina’s question over and over again. And it wasn’t that I didn’t have an answer to her question. I had one. I’d just been avoiding it for the last few days.
A man not being interested in me didn’t make me feel insecure. It didn’t make me feel bad about myself. It didn’t hurt my ego. It didn’t hurt my feelings.
But Ahmad not being interested in me hurt my heart.
And I wasn’t ready to deal with that.
I tossed and turned all night, and when I finally got out of bed Saturday morning, I still couldn’t do anything about the heaviness on my chest. Every time I thought about Ahmad, I felt such a volatile cocktail of emotions. I had so many questions. And all night thinking about Nina’s questions forced me to one conclusion.
Maybe I do need to talk to him.
I didn’t have his number. I didn’t know where to find him except on Friday nights. But I knew his full name, and I knew he lived in my building. I grabbed my phone and hesitated for only a second. When I felt that pang in my chest, I called down to the leasing office.
“Hi. Is Angelique available?” I asked as soon as someone answered.
“Yes, one moment, please.”
I nervously paced from one end of my apartment to the other.
“Hello. Angelique speaking,” the property manager answered.
“Hi, Angelique. It’s Aaliyah! How are you?”
“Aaliyah! How is the woman who saved my ass?”
I laughed. “I just fixed your computer. You are too funny.”
“You saved my ass. What can I do for you? You don’t have any maintenance issues, do you?”
“No, no, nothing like that.” I stopped in the living room and stared at my coatrack. “I have something that belongs to Ahmad Williamson, and I don’t know his apartment number.”
With my fingers crossed, I waited to hear what she would say. I heard keys clicking and tapping.
“We usually don’t give out that information,” Angelique started. “Even though if you have something of his, it would be quicker for you to put his correct address on it and place it in the mailroom room.” A few more clicks. “Oh, and it makes sense why they got it confused. You’re 303, and he’s 503.” She paused. “So just address it to 503, and then it’ll get worked out.”
Biting my bottom lip, I stared at Ahmad’s umbrella. “Okay, perfect. Thank you.”
I showered, and pulled on a pair of black yoga pants and a matching black racer-back tank top. My hair was pushed up into a high puff, and I put in a pair of white-gold hoops. With no makeup, no plan, and no invitation, I marched to the elevator and took myself to the fifth floor. Armed with his umbrella and a need for answers, I knocked on Ahmad’s apartment door.
It wasn’t until after I heard the shuffling on the other side of the door that I had doubts about my actions.
I look like a stalker.
It’s nine o’clock in the morning.
I should’ve called Nina and Jazz and run this plan by them.
What am I doing?
What the fuck am I doing?
You know what, no… I deserve answers. I demand answers!
I shouldn’t be the one nervous. He should be the one nervous!
With a confused expression on his face, Ahmad opened the door. “Aaliyah?”
Shook, my mouth went dry.
Reality hit me: I really just showed up at this man’s place.
Even in a pair of gray sweatpants and a disheveled white T-shirt, he looked good. It was hard to look into his eyes, so I found myself staring at his lips.
Realizing I was just staring, I quickly greeted him. “He-hey!” Holding up the umbrella, I awkwardly announced my decoy reason for being there. “There’s a chance of rain, so I wanted to make sure I got this back to you.”
With crumpled brows, he chuckled lightly. “Oh, really? The news just said it’s supposed to be sunny all week, but thank you.”
I opened my mouth to begin launching into the real reason I was there, but he spoke first.
Stepping back, he opened the door a little wider. “Come in. I actually have something for you.”
It was my turn to be surprised. “Oh! Okay…” I dragged the word out.
I came to demand answers, and curiosity and the unexpected gift kind of took the wind out of my sails a bit. Rolling my shoulders back, I walked into his home as if I hadn’t shown up unannounced.
“Don’t mind the stuff in the living room. I wasn’t expecting anyone, and I was reorganizing,” he mentioned.
“Oh, this is nice,” I commented as I looked around.
“Thank you,” he said, closing and locking the door behind us. “How did you know which apartment was mine?”
I glanced over my shoulder. “A lady doesn’t reveal her secrets.”
“Well, it’s a good thing I’m not speaking to a lady,” he joked.
“Ha ha,” I replied dryly. “The internet has way too much information out there.”
“Facts,” he agreed.
“Your layout is like mine,” I told him, changing the subject.
His apartment looked almost identical to mine, but it had a lot less stuff. The living room was just a nice leather couch that took up the whole back wall, a glass coffee table with a few books and coasters, a bookshelf in the corner, an entertainment center, and a huge hundred-inch TV mounted onto the wall. There were no wedding pictures, no pictures of him with any woman, and no photo indication that he was in a relationship. There was no décor with any extra touches that made it look like a married couple lived there.
Not that I thought Asia was lying, but seeing Ahmad’s bachelor pad confirmed his single status. Again, a mix of emotions bubbled up in me.
I didn’t know how I was going to bring it up, but I knew I needed to do it right. If I wanted answers, I couldn’t let my frustration lead the conversation.
I looked around, craning my neck. “That’s a lot of albums,” I pointed out as I noticed the mess on the floor.
“Yeah.” He gestured to the couch. “You can have a seat. I need to go to the back and grab the thing.”
He disappeared down the hall, and although I took a few steps toward the butterscotch leather sectional sofa, I stopped. The bookshelf in the corner didn’t have books. Instead, it had photos, awards, degrees, and trophies. I gravitated to it.
Asia was right. They look just like their parents.
There was a childhood photo of the four of them that was adorable. I’d never met his parents, but there was no denying who they were in that picture. Ahmad and Asia looked to be elementary school aged in the photo, and Mr. and Mrs. Williamson looked almost identical to present day Ahmad and Asia. There was another family photo that looked like it was taken within the last year. There was a picture of Ahmad, Leon, and Darius all dressed up in tuxedos. And then, in the back corner, I saw a photo of a beautiful brown-skinned woman with a radiant smile.
“Oh!” Ahmad reacted as he returned. His eyes flickered toward the couch and then back to me. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, quickly turning around. I quirked an eyebrow as we made our way toward each other. “What’s that?”
With a wide grin, he ceremoniously presented me a folded T-shirt. “It’s for you.”
I came here to call him out, possibly cuss him out—and he has a gift for me?
I got nervous all over again. “What?”
“Here.” He shook the olive-green shirt until I took it from him.
Our hands brushed against each other’s, and the sensation from his fingertips rippled through my entire body. I took a small step back, hoping he didn’t notice his effect on me.
“Thank you,” I murmured. When I held the shirt open, I realized it was an India Davis concert T-shirt. “Oh, wow—” I balked. “Is this signed?”
Grinning proudly, he nodded. “Yeah.”
My mouth was agape. “How?”
“At the concert, you could buy shirts outright or you could pay to get them signed and then they’d ship it to you. So I ordered a couple to be signed. When we met, you said you loved India, so when they said they only had one in green left, I…” He shrugged. “I ordered it for you.”
“Ahmad!” I clutched the shirt to my aching chest and looked everywhere but at him. “This is really cool, but I can’t accept this.”
“You can,” he insisted.
I shook my head and tried to hand it back to him. “I can’t,” I whispered.
“Your birthday’s in less than three weeks. Think of it as an early birthday gift.”
When I looked back up at him, our eyes locked again, and I felt something.
“Aaliyah—”
“Do you have a wife?” I blurted out.
He froze momentarily. “What?”
The emotions he brought out of me shook something loose. Unable to rein it in, I kept going. “You were wearing a wedding band. Are you married?”
He brought his left hand up and rubbed his ring finger. “Oh! I, uh… No, I’m not. It’s…” Shaking his head, he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m not.”
“Okay, so then… I don’t understand.” I pointed to his hand again. “You were wearing a wedding band last night, and you said you were married. So, none of it is true?”
Panic crossed his face. “No, no.” He gestured to the couch. “Come sit and talk for a minute.” He reached out for me, and I backed away.
“So, you lied to me?” I sputtered, trying to hold back the tears. “Everything I thought I knew about you was a lie?”
He shook his head. “No, I didn’t lie—not to you. I’m sorry if I misled you, but I never told you I was married.”
“You alluded to it! What was all that bullshit you said about online dating and meeting your person on TenderFish? Why did you make it a point to be my wingman? Was the whole thing bullshit?”
“It wasn’t bullshit. It’s just”—he ran his hand over his beard—“a long story. Can you just sit and talk to me?”
He stared at me with fierce intensity as I warily crossed my arms over my chest.
“Answer one question for me. Did you intentionally lie to me about your marital status? Yes or no,” I replied dryly.
He exhaled. “I bartended during my last couple years in college,” he started. “And long story short, I learned it’s easier to be unavailable than it is to be single and not interested.”
I just stared at him.
So that’s why he was my wingman… It was easier to pretend to be married than to just tell me he wasn’t interested in me. This is why he was so invested in helping me find someone.
I felt like I’d been kicked in the chest. The breath I sucked in hurt.
“So, I started wearing a wedding band, and it worked,” he continued.
“Got it. Loud and clear.” I bit the inside of my cheek to keep any tears from falling. “I’m going to go,” I announced even though I didn’t attempt to move my feet.
Ahmad took a step toward me. “Aaliyah, please sit down and talk to me.”
I moved to the other side of the room. “I don’t even know you.”
He stopped in his tracks. “Aaliyah.”
“What?”
“Don’t do that.”
“Don’t do what?” I put my hands on my hips. “I don’t know you—”
“You do know me. We’re… friends.” He looked like he had to search for the word before he let it out.
That rubbed me the wrong way.
“No, I thought we were friends, but friends don’t lie to each other, so…” I lifted my shoulders and then headed out of the living room.
“I didn’t lie to you,” he said, continuing to follow me. “I didn’t…”
I spun around. “You did lie,” I stated before I realized how close he was to me. Tipping my head back, I stared into his eyes. “I’ve told you a lot about me. I’ve divulged personal stuff about me and my life. And you”—I poked him in his chest—“were pretending to be someone you’re not.”
His face scrunched up, and he took a step back. “I’ve told you a lot about me, too! What are you saying? I’ve talked to you, confided in you.” His voice rose passionately. “And because of this one thing, you’re going to act like you don’t know me?”
“I don’t know you!” My tone matched his. “That’s what’s sad, Ahmad! That’s what’s so messed up about this whole thing! You just—ugh!” Frustrated, I backed away from him. “It doesn’t matter. I’m just glad I know the truth.”
“And what do you think the truth is?”
My heart thudded in my chest, and I felt that sick, sinking feeling that had been plaguing me since I’d found out. “The whole story… your whole story.… who I thought you were… it was all a lie. You—you’ve been lying since day one.”
His eyebrows flew up, and he looked taken aback. “Wow. Okay. Again, I’m sorry I misled you, but I would really like the chance to explain myself, because I didn’t lie to you. I just don’t like dealing with a lot of the bullshit that can come with being a bartender, and I’ve found that wearing a ring keeps unwanted attention away. It lets me let people down easy without having to do much of anything. And I didn’t clarify my relationship status when we first met because I didn’t know you.”
His reasoning wasn’t easier to digest the second time around. My stomach was in knots. Blinking rapidly, I shook my head. “No, no, it’s okay, Ahmad. Really.”
“So, it’s not even—”
“No, I’m serious,” I interrupted, not wanting to hear more of his explanation. “It’s okay. Because the more I think about it, the more I realize this is on me. I was the one telling all my business and getting all this dating advice from a man I met in a bar. I was the one coming to you like you were someone I could trust. That’s one hundred percent on me. It’s like you said in our first conversation. You can’t trust some of these men out here. Especially a man you don’t know.”
“Aaliyah—”
I tried to hand him back the T-shirt, but he wouldn’t take it. Shaking my head, I turned around and opened his front door.
“My fiancée died,” he uttered.