Marlena 5.
My stomach dips uncomfortably as I approach the Squirrel Hill clubhouse dining room. I’ve kept myself busy all day at the shelter after tossing and turning all night. It shouldn’t be a big deal that Czar is here. Just a normal visit. Except I’d be lying if I said I didn’t react this way every time he’s been around over the last several years. The pregnancy hormones have my nerves heightened, but I always get all girly in his presence. It’s sad really, I’m a thirty-year-old woman, and I’m not a southern belle from the 1800s so there is no reason for me to get the vapors over a handsome face.
It's just that he’s super-duper uber handsome and it’s like looking at the sun. His image is imprinted on my retinas. Ugh. Whatever.
I slip into the crowded dining room almost unnoticed, everyone preoccupied with catching up with Czar and getting the plates passed around. Morgantown, for all their differences, is just like the mother chapter when it comes to food. Food is at the center of everything, and luckily for me both chapters have amazing talent in the kitchen.
Sitting down towards the far end of the table, I grab my napkin and fix it over my lap, shift in my seat to get comfortable, then raise my face to look over tonight’s offerings and am immediately ensnared by dark brown eyes staring back at me from across the kugel. I choke on my own spit and splutter indignantly into my napkin as a wide and expressive mouth tips into a smirk. My face flushes but that becomes a secondary concern as I’m hit from behind and pushed into the edge of the table.
“Easy girl!” Aunt Pris says unhelpfully, her hand now resting on my upper back, “You scoffed at my hot dog eating contests, but you just choked and there wasn’t anything in your mouth yet!”
“No wonder she doesn’t have a boyfriend.” Conrad mutters loud enough for everyone to hear. My jaw drops open at the young man, shocked that he would say such a thing. He’s usually so sweet. But his words, the memories they invoke--
“CONRAD!”
“SON!”
“Motherfucker!” Penny and Issachar yell at their 15-year-old, who admittedly has turned an alarming shade of red as his eyes fill with tears while he stares at me with his own jaw dropped. But it’s Czar’s curse and the violent shoving of his chair from the table that has Conrad running scared.
“Czar.” Issachar calls to him in a firm voice.
“Disrespectful little shit stain.” Judah and Issachar move to the doorway to intercept Czar as he storms after the boy.
“My shit stain.” Issachar says, then points to his own chest. “I’ll deal with him.” Czar stands stock still, his broad rounded shoulders heaving with his back to the room. Has he gotten bigger since his last visit? His biceps are so thick…
“Marlena. I’m so sorry. I have no idea what would possess him to say such a thing.” Penny is at my side, her hand clasping mine in apology, her eyes so much like her son’s, shiny with tears. I force my eyes away from Czar and focus on my friend.
“It’s ok.”
“No, it’s absolutely fucking not.” Czar smacks his hand off the table as he resumes his seat.
Penny shakes her head, “No, it’s not. He’s a good boy, I don’t know why—”
“Pen, I’m alright. He probably meant it as a joke, wanting to be one of the adults.”
“Jokes are supposed to be funny.” I glance at Czar, my breath stolen at the clenching of his jaw and the flaring of his nostrils. He’s pissed. Like really pissed. For me? Or womanhood in general?
“Elazar.” I say his name and his eyes widen fractionally. It hits me like a ton of bricks, I’ve never said his name before. I’ve barely spoken to him over the years. This man saved my life almost 4 years ago and I’ve hardly said anything to him besides a quick greeting. God, I’m a horrible person, however, that’s something I’ll rectify later, right now I need to calm Czar down. “He’s 15, surrounded by adults all the time who make jokes and innuendos above his pay grade. He just wants to fit in. I know he didn’t mean any harm.”
Czar opens his mouth, and it looks like it takes great effort for him to stop clenching his jaw, but Penny starts talking before he can reply. “We’ll talk to him, Marlena, and he’ll be finding you later to apologize.”
I squeeze Penny’s hand in mine, “Don’t be too hard on him.”
“He’ll be lucky to sit down comfortably before next week.” She storms off after her youngest child and her husband.
Conrad’s older brother, Ferren, snorts at the other end of the table, drawing everyone’s attention. “What’s this world coming to?” He shakes his head solemnly, spearing another piece of brisket to add to his plate. “Parents are too lenient with their kids nowadays. You have to have a firm hand, that’s what I always say.” I bring my napkin to my mouth to hide my grin. He’s like three years older.
“Ferren.” Judah barks. Bite halfway to his mouth, Ferren pauses and stares at Judah with wide innocent eyes. These boys. “Shut the fuck up.”
“Yessir.”
We resume eating, conversation starting up again all around me. I’m a little lost in my memories, though, not really listening to anyone but the angry voice in my head. Someone kicks my foot under the table, my head snaps up. Czar stares at me with a lopsided grin, but his eyes give him away. He’s assessing me and I feel suddenly like a bug under a microscope.
“Marlena,” he begins, my nipples tighten in my bra and goosebumps dot my arms, “word on the street is you’re my chauffeur to Morgantown.” I nod, my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. For God’s sake, I’m literally building a person in my abdomen and I’m tongue tied because a hot man is talking to me. I roll my eyes at myself and sit up straighter in my seat. “Day after tomorrow?”
“That was a good movie.” He tilts his head to the side slightly, his grin growing more natural as his eyes light up in amusement.
“Emma Rossum was in that, right?”
“Uh…” I rack my brain to remember the girl in the old movie. “Honestly, I don’t remember much beyond Jake Gyllenhaal.”
He chuckles lightly, with a shrug he admits, “I don’t remember much beyond Emma Rossum.” He snaps his fingers, “No, that’s not true. I remember wanting to punch Jake Gyllenhaal in the face because she wrapped herself around him after he made that phone call in the water.”
“It was for body heat!”
He snorts in derision, “Wuss was milking it for sympathy and attention.”
“The water was below freezing!”
“So what?” A throat clears to my right, and I realize that Czar and I are both half-standing over the table, less than a foot between our faces as we playfully argue. A quick glance confirms that everyone at the table is now staring at us, most with obnoxious glee. I sort of slump back into my chair and dip my chin in embarrassment.
“Elazar.”
“Yes, mom?”
“Are you saying that if you were submerged in freezing cold water, you would turn away Marlena’s offer of body heat to warm you up?” In case any of you were wondering, teleportation has not been achieved yet. I’ll keep you posted.
A few chuckles around the table, but I’m keeping my chin down and my eyes averted from this immensely embarrassing moment. I can’t believe that Akivah would throw me under the bus like that. I am NOT anything like Emma Rossum and if that’s the type of woman Czar is attracted to, there isn’t anything about my 5’9”, 225-pound self that will appeal to him. As if Conrad’s assessment wasn’t enough for this evening…
“Oh, no. I’ll happily do the arctic plunge if Marlena’s gonna use her body to warm me up.”
“What?” Ow, shoot, that’s what whiplash feels like. Did he just say what I think he said?
Czar winks at me, his beautiful lips stretched wide, his white teeth sparkling in the chandelier lighting.
“Hmm.” Akivah makes a non-committal noise, sitting back in her seat with a pleased expression. “I thought so.”
“In fact,” Czar reaches across the table and sticks his index finger into my glass of ice water, exaggeratedly shivering as he pulls his finger back out. Everyone starts laughing while my heart beats wildly in my chest, my vision tunneling. When he removes his kutte, laying it over his lap and then pulls the neck of his t-shirt up from the back, baring stacked abs with a distracting trail of hair going down, down, down…I start to choke again on my own saliva, black spots dancing in my vision. “Brrr. Marlena, I need the heat of your body to save me from hypothermia.”
“Oh, shit! She’s going down…”