Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
In which Ocean asks me to top him but shows he’s still in charge. As if I had expected anything else by now.
The weight of our conversation hung heavy in the air between Ocean and me, yet I felt oddly lighter having shared the painful details of my past. At the same time, my insides were raw and exposed, like a bandage had been brutally ripped off. Maybe this was what healing looked like?
Ocean’s hand found mine, his touch anchoring me to the present. Even in the dim light, he was breathtaking. “I’m glad you feel the same way about us.”
“Please don’t hurt me,” I whispered. “I’m not as strong as I seem.”
He cupped my cheek and leaned in for a soft, lingering kiss. “I know.”
I breathed out, my shoulders losing their tension.
“Can I take you to bed, Cash?” I loved him for once again double-checking consent.
As much as I wanted to say yes, the sting in my ass had me hesitate.
“You can fuck me. Give your ass a chance to recover.” His tone was light, but I sensed the underlying care in his words.
Heat flooded my cheeks at the memory of being bent over his knee. “Yeah, that’s… That sounds good. Wonderful, I mean. Amazing.” I groaned. “Fuck, my brain is malfunctioning.”
Ocean smiled as he leaned in. “How about we stop talking then?”
Now that I could get behind.
Ocean’s hand found mine, his fingers intertwining with my own as he led me toward the bedroom. Everything else faded into the background, my focus narrowing to the man before me. As we crossed the threshold, Ocean turned to face me, his gaze seeming to peer into my very soul.
“I’ve got you.” He kissed me again. “You’re safe with me, baby.”
Something inside me gave, bending rather than breaking. “Okay.”
Ocean’s lips curved into a tender smile. “Good. Now, I want you to undress me. Slowly.”
My hands trembled slightly as I reached for the buttons of his shirt. I had no idea how to explain it, but there was something incredibly freeing about following Ocean’s lead. As I worked each button free, I allowed my fingers to trace the warm skin beneath, marveling at the contrast between his tanned torso and my own paler complexion.
I ran my hands down his arms, exploring the lean muscles beneath. “You’re so beautiful.”
Ocean’s eyes darkened with desire. “Thank you, but so are you, baby.”
I moved to his belt next, the clink of metal loud in the quiet room. As I slowly pulled the leather free, I thought of the spanking from earlier, how it had cracked my carefully constructed walls. Now, as I unbuttoned Ocean’s jeans and slowly lowered the zipper, those walls crumbled further. “Ocean, I don’t know if I can?—”
He cupped my face in his hands, cutting off my doubts with a gentle kiss. “You can. I trust you, Cash. Do you trust me?”
I nodded, losing myself in the depths of his eyes. “More than I’ve ever trusted anyone.”
My reward was another kiss, our tongues tangling in a way that made my head spin.
His pants came off, then his socks. And then he stood naked before me like a goddamn work of art, worthy of being shown in the Louvre or the Met.
Acting on impulse, I kissed his shoulder, then his collarbone, his pectoral muscles, before my lips closed around his right nipple. It hardened in my mouth as I sucked on it, and it took me a while before I was ready to move on to the other one.
His belly button deserved a kiss, and so did that blond trail south that I followed and followed until I could bury my nose in his pubes. He smelled fresh, like the shower gel, and I almost missed the heavier scent of his sweat.
I sank to my knees then, exhaling as more tension seeped from me. A kiss on the tip of his cock, but that wasn’t enough, so I suckled him for a bit. His hands threaded through my hair with a firm yet gentle grip, heavy enough to let me know who was in charge without forcing me to do something against my will.
His balls fit in my mouth, heavy orbs I loved sucking on, rolling them in my mouth. Ocean made the most beautiful sounds when I did that. His thighs were strong without being bulky, and I ran my hands along the firm lines, then peppered kisses all over them. For a man that gorgeous, his knobby knees were downright ugly, and I found it endearing.
“Not my best part,” Ocean said with a chuckle as he caught me grinning at them.
“No, but I love that not every part of you is perfect.”
I kissed them anyway before bending lower and kissing a trail to his feet. Elegant was a surprising term for describing feet, but his were, and I had no issues pressing my mouth against them, even suckling his big toe for a moment.
It wasn’t until then that I realized I was literally flat on my belly, worshiping his feet. I’d bowed as low for him as I possibly could in the most submissive position I could’ve chosen.
I swallowed, freezing for a moment. Should I…?
No, I was okay. This was okay. I felt…calm. At peace. Almost happy, despite the sting on my ass.
“Cash?”
I didn’t look at him. “Give me a moment.”
He waited, and I blew out a breath. Ocean knew I was submissive. He’d known all along, and he was more than fine with it. He liked this. He liked me.
The knowledge filled me. He liked me the way I was. My age, my body, my wealth, my submissive side—none of that mattered to him. He wanted me despite all that, or maybe because of it. It didn’t matter.
And so I scrambled back to my knees, then bent as low as I could, letting my head rest on his feet in a position of absolute surrender.
“Cash,” he whispered. “Your submission to me is a precious gift. I hope you know that. One I value beyond anything else and that I will never betray.”
His words washed over me like a gentle breeze, and the last bit of tension dissipated. He let me sit there for a long time, my mind emptying in a strange way. And just when I wanted to move because my body was starting to tense from the unfamiliar exercise, he spoke. “Rise for me, sweetheart.”
I did, though my scramble wasn’t particularly elegant.
He cupped my cheeks, then kissed me deeply, his tongue invading my mouth as if it owned it, as if he owned me. Maybe he did, and right now, I couldn’t even care.
He walked us back to the bed, where we tumbled onto it. I winced when my smarting ass hit the bedding. But when Ocean kissed me like this, a minor inconvenience was easily forgotten.
Our lips met again and again, greedy and demanding, and I was lost. Ocean’s tongue dominated mine, and I responded by opening and letting him in.
“Prep me, Cash,” he whispered against my lips. “Want you inside me.”
I never minded this part of sex. Others might find it dirty or a hassle, but I didn’t. And I’d done it so many times by now that I could keep kissing him while my fingers opened him. The fact that he was limber as fuck and practically folded double helped too. Ocean’s soft sighs of pleasure grounded me in the present, in the warmth of his skin against mine. His trust in me, so freely given, was a balm to my soul.
It felt so natural. So right.
I’d never felt like this with anybody. So free, with the deep knowledge that I could be myself. No masks, pretense, or need to be someone I was not. He saw through me, saw the real me.
I wanted this to last. Jesus, I’d never wanted anything more than him.
For a moment, I froze as the truth of that thought hit me. It was easy to imagine what life could be like with Ocean by my side. Lazy Sunday mornings, making love until we were too hungry to stay in bed. Stolen kisses in the elevator of my office building. Holding hands as we strolled through New York.
I wanted forever with this man, but how could I even hope for that when so much was stacked against us? Our age difference, his job, which led him all over the world, the fact that, at some point, he’d inevitably grow bored with me.
“Cash?” he asked softly, and I blinked.
No, it might not last, but I would enjoy every second with him. If a few weeks was all I would get, then I would suck every last drop of pleasure out of it.
“Sorry, got lost in my head for a moment.”
He cupped my cheek, his eyes shining with an intensity that took my breath away. “Stay with me. Right here, in this moment.”
Despite my worries about the future, I wanted to be fully present, allow myself to get lost in the depth of connection between us. Whatever tomorrow might bring, we had this moment, this perfect union of body and soul.
And for now, that was enough.
He was ready for me, and after spreading some lube on my cock, I wiped my hands on the sheets. He lay on his back, watching me as he held his arms open. I lowered myself on top of him, my cock finding its way home without hesitation.
I took a deep breath, my heart pounding as I slowly pushed into Ocean. The sensation was overwhelming, like diving into warm, welcoming waters. He enveloped me completely, not just physically but emotionally too. It felt like coming home to a place I’d never known existed.
“Oh, Cash,” Ocean breathed, his eyes locked on mine. “You feel amazing.”
I moved with careful tenderness, each thrust a declaration of my feelings for him. The way Ocean’s body yielded to mine, the trust implicit in his surrender, it was almost too much to bear.
“Is this okay?” I asked, my voice rough with emotion.
Ocean’s hands caressed my back, tracing patterns that sent shivers down my spine. “It’s perfect,” he murmured. “You’re perfect.”
Nothing mattered but the feeling of Ocean’s body against mine, the tenderness and acceptance radiating from his touch. It was overwhelming, this sense of belonging I’d never experienced.
Our lips met in a slow, languid kiss. It differed from our earlier passionate exchanges—this was unhurried, deep, full of unspoken promises. I poured everything I couldn’t say into that kiss, hoping Ocean could feel the depth of my emotions.
When we finally broke apart, Ocean’s eyes were shimmering with something I was afraid to name. “Cash, I?—”
I silenced him with another kiss, not ready to hear whatever he was about to say. For now, this was enough. This connection, this moment of perfect understanding between us.
The intensity between us built like a cresting wave, each movement bringing us closer to the edge. Ocean’s body moved in perfect synchronicity with mine, our breaths mingling in the space between us.
Ocean gasped, his fingers digging into my shoulders. “God, you feel amazing.”
I couldn’t form words, lost in the sensations overwhelming me. The warmth of Ocean’s skin, the taste of salt on his neck, the intoxicating scent that was uniquely him—it all combined to create a symphony of sensory overload.
He slipped his hand between us, circling his cock. As I moved in and out of him, his hand coordinated with the rhythm, pushing him higher. He bit that sinfully lush bottom lip, his eyes darkening with pleasure, and I couldn’t look away. Beautiful was too mild a word to describe him. He was simply stunning.
As we approached the peak together, I felt something shift inside me. It was more than just physical pleasure. It was a sense of completeness I’d never experienced. For the first time in my life, I felt truly seen, truly accepted. It was terrifying and exhilarating all at once.
“Let go, sweetheart,” Ocean whispered. Had he picked up on my emotions? “I’ve got you.”
He did.
He had from the moment we’d met.
With those words, I surrendered completely. I sped up, and so did Ocean, and no more words were spoken. The room filled with our panted breaths, with the slick sounds of our bodies joining, and with the moans and grunts we let out.
When I reached that edge, I didn’t stop but sent myself right over, knowing he was with me. Wave after wave of pleasure crashed over us, our bodies shaking together and our hearts aligned in perfect harmony, like the orgasm had been spiritual as much as physical.
As we came down from our highs, I lay on top of him, his arms around me like a fortress. Ocean’s fingers traced lazy patterns on my skin, sending shivers down my spine.
“You’re incredible,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to my temple. “So beautiful, so perfect.”
My cheeks heated at his words. “I’m not perfect. Nor am I b?—
“Shh, don’t argue with me. We both know that’s useless anyway.”
I smiled despite myself. He wasn’t wrong there.
And so I stopped fighting and let myself sink into the warmth of Ocean’s embrace, reveling in the peace that settled over me. For once, my mind wasn’t racing with thoughts of work or the future. I was simply present, grounded by Ocean’s touch and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath my ear.
A profound sense of being cherished and understood washed over me, something I’d rarely experienced. Despite the lingering fears that lurked in the corners of my mind, I wanted to revel this.
Finally soft, my cock slipped out of him, and I missed that connection instantly. Reluctantly, I pushed against his arms. “Let me clean you up.”
“Nah, you stay in bed, sweetheart. I’ll do it.”
“It’s my job as your… As the top. Isn’t it?”
Ocean chuckled. “Nice try, but no. I’ll take care of you, baby. Besides, I want to check on your ass and put some aloe on it.”
Before I could form another protest, he gently rolled me off him and, in one fluid motion, got up. I turned on my side, not robbing myself of the pleasure of seeing him naked. He moved with such grace, completely unbothered by his nakedness. Then again, if I looked like that, I’d walk around butt-naked all day.
“Turn on your belly for me.”
I complied before he even finished his sentence. His hand was gentle as he caressed my throbbing skin. “You look gorgeous with my handprints on your ass.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
“Want me to show you?”
How would he…? Oh, a picture. “Yeah.”
He grabbed his phone and took a few pictures. “I’m gonna put the lotion on first, and then you can see.”
“Why can’t I see them first?”
He chuckled. “Because I said no.”
Right. I considered arguing but then gave up. What was the sense? He’d win anyway.
He cleaned me first, then dripped cool lotion on my ass. It felt wonderful as it soaked into my skin, helping it cool down and hydrate. When he was done, he threw the washcloth in the bathroom and crawled right back in next to me. With a few swipes, he held up a picture.
Holy crap, my ass looked fiery. Much redder than I would’ve guessed based on the pain. It stung, but more a throbbing discomfort, not actual pain. But in the picture, it was fiery red, and yes, I could see his handprints. It was strangely arousing.
“It doesn’t hurt as bad as it looks,” I said.
“I’m glad. Not that I would’ve regretted it either way. You needed that.”
“You mean I deserved to be punished.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Yes, but you also needed that spanking. You needed to lose control.”
Had I? Maybe he was right, but I was too tired to make sense of it now. “Can we go to sleep?”
He immediately put away his phone. “Yeah. It’s been a long day.”
Turning on his back again, he held out his arm, and I snuggled close. I loved that he was such a cuddler. I had never been, not until him, but now I craved it. Or maybe it was all him.
As we drifted toward sleep, Ocean wrapped his arm around me tighter, pulling me closer. The gesture was so natural, so effortless, it made my chest ache with a longing I hadn’t even known I possessed. I felt a sense of peace settle over me, a quiet hope blooming in my chest.
Maybe I could be enough for him.