30. Carter
30
CARTER
M y call went straight to voicemail for the third time today. Sunny had shut her phone off for the day apparently, or maybe it just died. I had no clue where she was or what she was doing. She called Jackson the day of our argument and told him she quit, so I didn’t expect to hear from her at all after that, but it didn’t stop me from obsessing about it and calling her several times a day.
I sat in the break room near the end of the day, stressed and not holding it together very well. I had a few patients ask me if I was alright, so I assumed that meant my body language and facial expression were speaking louder than my “I’m fine” I tossed at them.
The patient load was light. I could’ve told Jackson I’d had enough for the day and gone home already, but I didn’t want to go back to my home where I’d spent so much time with Sunny and stare at those walls. Lie in the bed we shared. Eat at the table I’d made love to her on a few times. I didn’t know how I was ever going to move on from this. If it had been something where it was mutual, where we both decided it wasn’t going to work, it would’ve been different. This was torture.
I had hurt her beyond belief, kept a secret from her that under normal circumstances wouldn’t have been a huge issue. I’d have told her about GenOne eventually, and it wouldn’t have mattered. But with what happened to Kira, there was no coming back from the depths of my mistake. I never intended to hurt her, but there was no way to know how all the details would line up perfectly to create the disaster that happened.
“Carter,” Jackson said, standing in the doorway of the break room. I looked up from where I sat at the table and blinked slowly. My eyes were heavy with emotion, though I knew I’d never sleep if I laid down.
“Yeah?”
“Rick’s here to see you. He insisted that he speak with you right now. He seems frustrated.” He stood with his hand wrapped around the doorjamb leaning on the wall, only his head and left shoulder peeking around the corner at me.
I narrowed my eyes at him in confusion. Rick here to see me? I didn’t know what he could possibly want now. He’d gotten what he wanted. Sunny walked out of my life. He drove the wedge between us and convinced her that I was a monster before I even had the chance to talk to her about the truth, and now she wanted nothing to do with me. My calls had gone unanswered for days.
“Send him in,” I said numbly and sat back in the chair to wait for him.
Jackson walked away. I heard the door to reception open and watched on the monitor, which I had been ignoring, to see Rick follow him back up the hallway. Rick looked upset, but that was par for the course lately. The last time I’d seen him look calm or at peace in any way was when he asked me to give Sunny that job, or perhaps the day of that party where this whole mess started.
I’d like to have gone back to that day and undone what happened. How Sunny flirted with me and the choices I made, but how could I truly regret that? I’d spent so many amazing days with her, connected with her in a way that healed my heart. To undo every part of our relationship would be to reverse the good times we had, not just the bad times, and I’d do it all over again, even live through this pain again, if it meant I could have those moments.
“Carter.” Jackson appeared in the doorway and pushed the door open, and Rick strode past him into the break room, standing over me with his hands on his hips.
I stood, smoothed my tie down my chest, and nodded at Jackson, who left the room and shut the door. Rick didn’t speak at first, too busy looking me up and down to articulate why he was here. I did the same to him, noticing he was dressed casually for a change. His polo and Dockers were out the norm for him, but the deep scowl and haggardly expression he offered I’d grown used to.
“Have you spoken with Soleil?” he asked in a gruff tone, and I shook my head.
“Haven’t you? She lives with you…” My entire body was tense from fear of what new trauma this interaction might bring. He had a way of twisting the knife sometimes, and I wasn’t prepared for it. I knew how reactionary I was and how easy it would be for me to bite his head off if he said the wrong things.
“No, I don’t know where she is.”
My heart sank at his words. If her own father didn’t know where she was, then where could she have gone? Back to Tampa alone? The thought scared me, that Sunny would really vanish into thin air and tell no one where she was going. I had hurt her that badly…
“My God, have you called the police?”
“The police?” he asked, shaking his head. “According to you she’s a grown adult and she can do what she wants.” He ran a hand over the top of his head and scowled at me.
“What did you do, Price? I trusted you with her. I thought you understood how vulnerable she is.”
My mind raced at the idea that she was out there hurting, all alone, not reaching for help at all. He was right. How could I have done this to her? As much as I wanted to let myself fishtail into that pit of self-loathing, I couldn’t. It wouldn’t do me or Sunny any good. Rick had to see that his pushing her made this even worse.
“You’re right. She’s an adult. She can make her own choices, but did you stop to think that if you hadn’t been trying to micromanage her life, she might be at your house instead of God knows where?” My heart played war drums against my rib cage. I loosened my tie and walked around the table, feeling angry enough I could punch him right in the nose.
“Don’t you start with me. You kept things from her and everyone else in your life. It wasn’t my fault she found out and saw you for what you are.” Rick didn’t back down. He walked toward me puffing his chest out as if he were challenging me to a fight. I refused to back away.
“And if you didn’t try to set her up with every single man in this city, maybe she’d have felt more comfortable telling you things, or asking for your help. You’re overbearing, Rick. She hates it. Can’t you see that?—”
“I see it!” he shouted as his chest heaved a few breaths. “I’m not a blind fool. Besides, Melanie tells me every day. I don’t need you on my case too.” His thumb and pointer finger pinch the bridge of his nose as I take a step back and tug the sleeves of my shirt back into place. When he looks up at me with a sincere look of concern and anger, I brace myself. “She’s pregnant, Carter. Melanie told me everything. I know this is a horrible shock to you, but she’s alone and she’s hurting, and there’s no way I’m ever going to get through to her again.”
His news felt like a smack to the face. My hands clenched into fists, for a second doubting he was telling me the truth. But while Rick was temperamental and a bit controlling, the one thing he wasn’t was a liar. I backed against the table, perching myself on the edge and gripping it for stability as my head swam. She was pregnant? But she hadn’t told me anything. Was that what she meant when she said she was keeping secrets too?
“What?” I asked to no one in particular. Sunny was out there hurting, alone, and pregnant with my baby. My eyes rose to meet his, but he had calmed significantly. The monster of a man who came in to tear my head off had been replaced by a gentle-eyed giant who looked sad.
“Before you say anything, I don’t know where she is, but Melanie does. She’s in contact with her and gives me regular updates to make sure I know how badly we both failed her.” He pursed his lips as his shoulders slumped. “The very instant Sunny contacts you, you tell me. And you make this right, Carter. I won’t stand for her being alone and having a child on her own.” It was the first time I’d ever heard him use her nickname, and I was shocked by it, but also by the fact that this seemed like a resignation. He was telling me I had to do the right thing, and to our generation that meant manning up and taking care of her.
I watched him walk out, but I couldn’t move. I leaned against the edge of the table feeling the ebb and flow of shock coursing through me. Sunny being pregnant meant a new baby, a new chance for my heart to be torn out of my chest the way it had been when Hope died. I knew why she hadn’t told me; I didn’t have to question it. Though we’d been careful, it had happened, and I’d told her I didn’t want more kids. She had to be terrified to tell me, and on top of that, all of this stuff with Kira.
I grappled for a chair and let my legs give out beneath me, thankful the chair caught me. What was I going to do now? I had hurt her beyond belief, but she carried a part of my heart now, beyond just my affection for her.