31. Sunny
31
SUNNY
T he needle pinched as it stuck into my arm. The nurse was being careful, but blood draws were always a bit painful no matter how gentle the phlebotomist was. I held the bandage to the inside of my elbow and sighed as she finished up.
“It’ll just take a few minutes and we’ll be right back with you. Dr. Fetters will be right in.” She smiled in her professional way, the way I’d smile if I were the practitioner, and I had a patient here for a pregnancy test.
Luna sat on a chair along the wall of the tiny clinic exam room with her hands folded in her lap. She’d taken the day off of school to come with me when I called and told her I’d like company. Mom would’ve come, but I knew she would have made a huge deal about me not eating anything for those few days, and I didn’t need to hear the lectures. After the soup she brought by, I managed to force myself to eat three times a day because I knew it was the right thing. I still threw it all up, but I ate at least.
“Sunny, you don’t have to do this all alone.” Luna stood and walked over to the exam table, resting her hand on my knee.
“I know, you’re here,” I said boastfully, faking a smile for her sake.
“I mean Carter, not me.” She frowned and tilted her head. My hand rose to find a strand of hair to twirl, but with all the vomiting lately, I’d taken to tying it up in a messy bun. It kept my long locks safely tucked away so I didn’t have to hold it out of the toilet or trash can. The nervous energy had to go somewhere though, so I chewed my lip.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I told her. I’d been avoiding his calls and messages, thankful he was older so I didn’t have to sit and read a million texts a day.
“Well tough, we’re talking about it now.” Luna could be just as stubborn as my mother, a nag at times. My instant thought was regret over asking her to come along, but it cooled as she started talking. “Carter really is the man of your dreams, Sunny. I know you can’t see it because of the pain, but I see it. I’ve known him for a while. Dad would bring him over and they’d have card games. Carter would join us for dinner. He’s not the horrible man you might think he is.”
I didn’t want to feel what she was feeling, but when I looked into her eyes, I saw how sincere she was. She squeezed my knee and rested her head on my shoulder as she continued. “You’re hurting, and I get that. But Dr. Price is probably hurting too. You can’t possibly think he hid things from you on purpose with the intent to hurt you. If he had known how it would hurt you, don’t you think he would have spoken up sooner?”
Everything she said made sense, just like the stuff Mom told me the other day. I knew Carter, and I knew his heart well, probably better than any of my family did, including Dad. My heart hurt though, a clawing ache at my soul that relentlessly hammered me. I couldn’t shake the questions I had about his secret keeping, and I was guilty of it myself, which didn’t seem fair at all.
The door popped open as Dr. Fetters walked in. He glanced up at me and smiled, walking over to his stool to sit down. Luna hovered by my side, but she no longer rested her head on my shoulder.
“How are you doing today, Soleil?” Dr. Fetters’s large brown eyes studied me intently as I swallowed the frustration I’d been feeling. I was pregnant and not planning it, depressed after losing my best friend, and heartbroken over the state of my relationship—or non-relationship at this point; I didn’t know.
“I’m okay,” I told him, burying the truth yet again.
“The chart says you’ve been having morning sickness?” He flicked his gaze at my chart and then back up to my face.
I bobbed a shoulder and nodded, saying, “Yes. I took a home pregnancy test, and it came back positive. I’ve been throwing up a lot. I think I need vitamins and some anti-nausea meds.” If I were the one prescribing the medications, it would be a prenatal and some doxylamine and B6, but I wasn’t the medical professional in this situation.
“The bloods came back positive, Soleil. Congratulations.” He didn’t offer a smile, but I didn’t want the congratulations. I was content enough with the situation and knew I would grow to love this baby with my whole heart, but right now my heart was so raw I didn’t know what I truly felt. “We’ll get you some prescriptions and set you up for your first real appointment. We’ll do a sonogram to measure the fetus and determine your due date. How does that sound?” He stood up and clutched the chart to his chest as I sighed again. Something else I wanted Carter here for.
I nodded, but it felt more like I was watching someone else respond. The air in the room was thick, pressing against my chest. A sonogram. An actual picture of this tiny life inside me. The reality of it hit harder than I was prepared for. I wasn’t just sick; I wasn’t just feeling weird. There was a baby growing inside me. Carter’s baby.
Luna squeezed my knee again, anchoring me to the moment. I let out a breath and turned back to Dr. Fetters, who was already scribbling something down.
“We’ll start you on a prenatal vitamin today,” he continued. “And I’ll prescribe some Diclegis for the nausea. It’s a combination of doxylamine and B6, which should help with the vomiting. Try to stay hydrated. I know eating has been tough, but small, frequent meals can sometimes help. Dry toast, crackers, things like that.”
I nodded again, this time more firmly. “Thank you.”
He glanced at the chart again, then at Luna. “Would you like us to go ahead and schedule the sonogram now, or would you like a few days to think about it?”
I knew he was offering me an out, a way to stall, but I shook my head. “Let’s schedule it now.”
He smiled, small but reassuring. “Alright. I’ll have the nurse set it up. We typically aim for around eight weeks for the first scan. Based on your symptoms, I’d say you’re close to that, but the ultrasound will confirm.”
Luna let out a soft sigh beside me, and I knew she was relieved I wasn’t putting this off. I could feel her staring, but I kept my eyes on Dr. Fetters. “And, um…” My throat was dry as I forced out the question. “Can I get a copy of the sonogram picture when we do it?”
His expression softened. “Of course. Most parents like to keep them.”
I wasn’t sure if I’d be keeping it for myself or if I’d be sending it to Carter. Probably both.
Dr. Fetters jotted down a few more notes before looking up. “Do you have any other questions, Soleil?”
A thousand. A million. But none that I could ask here. None that he could answer.
“No,” I said, voice quieter than before. “Not right now.”
“Alright. The nurse will be in shortly with your prescriptions and appointment details.” He hesitated, then added, “And if you need anything else, even if it’s just to talk, don’t hesitate to reach out.”
I forced a small smile and nodded.
As he left, Luna exhaled, long and slow. “That wasn’t so bad, right?”
I ran my hands over my thighs, trying to smooth out the wrinkles in my leggings. “I guess not.”
She studied me, and I knew she wasn’t convinced. “Sunny…”
“I don’t want to talk about Carter right now.” My voice came out sharper than I intended, and regret immediately followed. I sighed and shook my head. “I just…I can’t yet.”
Luna didn’t push. Instead, she looped her arm around mine and leaned her head against my shoulder again. “Okay,” she said softly. “But you don’t have to do this alone.”
The words settled into my chest, heavy but comforting. No, I wasn’t alone. I had Luna. I had Mom. And whether I was ready or not, I had this baby. And sooner or later, I’d have to decide if I still had Carter too.
After finishing up at the clinic, Luna drove me home and hugged me goodbye. I let myself into the house and locked up. I’d left my phone here on purpose so I wasn’t distracted by it or forced to push away thoughts of Carter when I knew he would be messaging or calling.
When I went to the bedroom to find it and check for notifications, I saw a message from him.
Carter 2:12 PM: Sunny, is there any way we can talk? Please, I have so much to say to you.
I perched on the edge of the bed as my stomach rolled with nausea. The pharmacy would fill the prescriptions, and I’d have a delivery guy drop them by for me, but right now, there was nothing to help me with the feeling that I had to throw up again. Carter’s request definitely didn’t help.
However, while I was still angry with him, Mom and Luna’s words had gotten to me. I couldn’t keep pushing him away and expect him to be there if I needed him. It was time to put on my big-girl pants and handle this like an adult. If things were going to go sideways, I had to let them go and not try to stop the inevitable.
After all, I owed it to myself to get those answers, and Carter deserved to know the truth about his unborn child, even if he didn’t want a future with me or our baby.
I sent him the address to the Malibu house, and all that was left to do was wait. Now that he knew where I was, I knew he’d show up and want to talk, and I prayed I was ready to talk when he got here.