Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Tessica got in her car, tossed her laptop and jacket on the passenger seat, and slammed the driver’s door closed. Furious, she jammed the keys into the ignition and started the car with shaky hands. Driving on autopilot, she headed to her apartment. Luckily, it wasn’t very far away and she didn’t have to go on the freeway.
How dare he threaten to sell the house in an attempt to force her hand? Bile rose up in her throat as she replayed their conversation.
“It’s better to know now,” she whispered to herself, even though she didn’t believe the words.
She’d confided in Connor. Told him the way her husband had forced her compliance with an ultimatum. Never speak about her sexual identity or possibly lose custody of her children. And just like today, she’d chosen the only option she could live with.
She wouldn’t continue a relationship with a man who refused to listen or compromise. She’d rather be lonely forever than live with a man who forced her to bend to his will with threats.
Tessica’s chest hurt when she thought about how much she’d been missing Connor and how much she’d been looking forward to his visit. Their little glimmer of a relationship showed her how starved for human companionship she was after so many years, and made her painfully aware of how much better sex was when she wasn’t alone.
She parked in front of her apartment, gathered her things, and went inside. After locking her door, she leaned against it and felt her eyes blur with tears.
Her phone buzzed with a notification. Hope shot through her as she yanked it out of her purse. Maybe he’d texted an apology.
It was her bank texting an alert to let her know her monthly statement was ready to view online.
Disappointment washed over her, as she noticed at the time on her phone. She was supposed to go to Connections with Connor tonight. Knowing she was in no emotional state to go to Littles’ Night, she sent Gwen a quick text.
Sorry, I don’t feel well. I won’t be at Connections tonight .
Gwen texted back almost immediately.
Oh no! I’m sorry. Is Connor there to take care of you?
There was no way to respond without lying or explaining. Instead of answering, Tessica walked over to her couch, sat down hard, and put her phone face down on the coffee table.
Was Connor taking care of her? No. He wouldn’t be taking care of her ever again. The thought of how nice it would be to have Connor’s arms around her right now made her eyes burn, and this time the tears fell.
She put her head in her hands and cried. All the hopes and dreams that she’d had for her budding romance had been ripped away with one threat. All the trust and vulnerability she’d shared with Connor by letting her Little side out was now tainted.
Their relationship had moved incredibly fast, but she hadn’t been overly worried about it since she’d known Connor for so many years. Now she realized how foolish she’d been to assume knowing about him equated to knowing him. She would know better for future relationships. If she ever had another. It wasn’t like she was a spring chicken, and she wasn’t interested in dating someone several years younger than her.
Her chest heaved with sobs as the tears continued. How could she have let this happen? She should have known better than to fall in love. Love never ended well for her. But they’d seemed so perfect for each other.
All the fantasies she’d had about the two of them running the matchmaking service together would never come to fruition. And as she sat there crying, she realized the excitement she’d had for her matchmaking plans was gone.
She wasn’t sure how long she cried, but eventually her sobs slowed, and she got some tissues to wipe the tears off and blow her nose. A few stray tears continued to leak out, but she forced herself to get up.
She went to the bedroom, put on some comfortable pajamas, and went to the kitchen to find some dinner. Not in the mood to cook, she microwaved a frozen dinner of macaroni and cheese, and poured herself a glass of wine.
By the time her food and wine were gone, the stray tears had stopped. The submissive in her kept having the urge to call Connor and apologize, but the dominant in her knew Connor was in the wrong. He didn’t deserve an apology, she did. And she wasn’t sure if she could forgive him even if he did apologize. Not that she thought he would, but if he did, she might not be able to accept it. At least not unless he was willing to submit to some kind of punishment so she could be certain he was seriously repentant and not just saying what she wanted to hear.
As she poured herself a second glass of wine, her phone rang.
She rushed over to the coffee table where she’d left the phone and picked it up with trembling fingers and a glimmer of hope.
The screen told her Paul at Connections was calling.
Hope dampened, Tessica took a deep breath and answered. “Hi, Paul.”
“Hey Tessica. Gwen told me you’re not feeling well, and that you didn’t answer her last text. I know I’m probably being paranoid and overprotective, but I had to check on you and make sure you’re okay.”
Her eyes blurred again. “I’m okay.”
“You don’t sound okay.”
“I… Connor and I had an argument.” She angrily wiped tears off her face, sat down on the couch, and tried to calm her emotions.
“I’m so sorry. Did you want to talk about it?”
“No. I’m not ready for that.”
“Okay. Are you in a safe place?”
“Yeah, I’m at home. Alone.”
“Do you need someone to come over and hang out with you?”
“No.”
“Are you sure, because Tucker or I would be happy to come over, watch some television, and sleep on the couch if you need that.”
Tessica’s broken heart mended just a touch with his offer. “Thanks Paul. I appreciate the offer, but I’m o… well I’m not okay, but I will be with time.”
“If you’re sure.”
Tessica found she didn’t want to hang up yet. She wasn’t ready to talk about Connor, and she didn’t want anyone else in her space, but being on the phone with Paul made her feel marginally better. “There is something I wanted to talk to you about if you had a few minutes.”
“Sure, what’s up?”
“It’s a new idea that I’ve come up with, and I was thinking it could either be done through the club or if you don’t want to do that, maybe I could put up some flyers about it at the club.”
“What’s the idea?” Paul asked.
“It’s matchmaking for Littles to help them find the Daddies and Mommies that are compatible with them.”
“Great idea,” Paul said. “Is it a phone app or something?”
His instant approval of her concept made it easier to dive into a full explanation. “I was thinking old school paperwork. No electronic footprint for anyone to discover later on. Just paper that can be shredded after the fact. I’ve come up with a compatibility test, a list of rules for dating if people match up and even a commitment certificate. Maybe that’s a bit cheesy, but?—”
“No, it’s not cheesy,” Paul said. “It’s fantastic. I love your idea. I can’t believe no one has thought of it yet for our club. I mean, sure you can go onto Fetlife and put in your info, but a lot of us don’t actually want our fetishes on the internet for everyone to see. And Fetlife can also be a bit overwhelming for some Littles.”
“You really like it?” Tessica asked.
“I love it. I’d be happy to do it through the club, or if you want to run with it, I’d be happy to put up flyers about it at the club.”
“Thanks, Paul.” She felt close to tears again.
“And I can picture this being really helpful for tops, too. I know several Daddies who would pay to know which Littles match up with their specific kinks, and maybe more importantly, which Littles don’t match up with their kinks. I’ve known Daddies who’ve spend weeks coaxing a Little to play with them, only to find out they aren’t compatible at all.”
“Exactly,” she agreed. “Can I send you the documents I’ve created? I’d like to get your opinion. I’m open to making changes.”
“Absolutely. I probably won’t have the chance to look them over until tomorrow morning, but I’d love to see them.”
“Great, I’ll send them to you right now.”
“Can’t wait.”
“Call me tomorrow once you’ve looked at them?” Tessica tried not to sound pathetic or desperate.
“Will do.”
“Okay, I’ll let you get back to the club.”
“You sure you don’t need someone to come over?” Paul asked.
“I’m positive. Thank you though.”
“All right then. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Bye.”
Tessica hung up the phone and stared at the screen for about half a second before bursting into noisy sobs again. Paul’s reaction was exactly the reaction she’d wanted from Connor. The stark contrast between their reactions made her sick to her stomach. She wasn’t in love with Paul, but he’d given her the validation and encouragement she’d so desperately wanted, and even expected, from Connor.
She put the phone back on the coffee table, rolled onto her side so she was lying on the couch, and pulled her knees up to her chest as she cried. The urge to call Connor was almost overpowering. She wanted to yell and scream. She wanted to tell him how much Paul loved her matchmaking idea. She wanted to tell him that he was a horrible Daddy to make him realize how much he’d hurt her.
But she knew better than to act on her impulses when she was this emotional. Instead, she cried herself out, wiped her face and blew her nose, and then took her full glass of wine into the bedroom with her. She drank it in bed while watching mindless television to help her forget her troubles.
An hour later when her wine was gone, she remembered to email the matchmaking documents to Paul before brushing her teeth and going to sleep.