Chapter 17
17
Faith knew she was going to be in trouble.
Her stomach was rolling as she placed her handbag into the desk drawer.
She wanted to peek into his office, but she knew he was probably here
He always got to the office before her.
Sometimes, she worried that he slept here.
No. Nope. She didn’t worry about him. Reuben Jones wasn’t a man that you worried about.
He was a man you avoided.
That didn’t feel right, though. Especially not after last night. She’d never expected him to take care of her like that.
Even if she was slightly worried that she might have agreed to something without meaning to.
Oh, you meant to.
You’re just trying to tell yourself that you only wanted one night.
Only there was a part of her that wanted that. For him to take over.
Urgh, it was all these thoughts that had kept her awake most of the night. She’d barely gotten any sleep. And then Eric had been making so much noise this morning. Slamming doors, stomping around.
Asshole had been doing it on purpose, of course. She got it. She felt bad for waking them up. So maybe she deserved Eric thwarting her efforts to sleep in.
Anyway, unable to take it anymore, she’d gotten up and come in to work.
Moving to the kitchen, she turned the coffee machine on. Not Estelle. She still sat gleaming on the counter. Nope, Reuben had told her to go buy a machine she could operate.
So now she had Barry who was way nicer than Estelle. He just sat there, dripping coffee into his pot.
And thank God she could use him because she was going to be living on caffeine this morning.
Once she had Reuben’s cup of coffee just the way he liked it, she carried it carefully into his office. She had talent with flowers, not carrying coffee.
Knocking, she entered when she heard him call out.
If he was surprised to see her, he didn’t let it show.
And that instantly made her trepidation grow. She hated not being able to read him.
“Here is your coffee.” She set it down on his desk and took a hasty step back. Did she think he was going to grab her?
Maybe.
“Could you cancel the car you arranged to pick me up? Or if you let me know who it is, I’ll call them. I don’t want them to be there, waiting . . . um . . . are you going to say anything?”
He leaned back in his chair, his hands interlocked over his firm stomach.
Do not look.
But it was hard not to when she knew what he looked like under his shirt.
So sexy.
“What would you like me to say, Faith?” he murmured.
Oh darn. He was back to using her first name.
And now she was starting to sweat. He had a way of making her feel guilty, even when she hadn’t done anything wrong.
It was a truly evil gift.
“Maybe good morning or how are you or just say thank you for the coffee?”
Urgh. Why did she say any of that? Why hadn’t she just left the room after delivering the coffee?
Because you seem to be a glutton for punishment.
“Good morning, Faith. How are you this morning?” he drawled.
Danger. Danger.
“I’m good, thank you very much. And you?” Darn it. She shouldn’t have asked him that.
“I find myself irritated.”
Red light. Red light.
“Irritated?”
“Yes. You see, I like obedience. Did you know that?”
“Oh, I had some idea.”
“You did? Because I thought you must have missed that. Otherwise, why would you disobey me this morning?”
“I’m not disobeying you.” Why was her voice pitched so high?
She took another step back. His eyes narrowed, the only sign of emotion on his face.
“Are you scared of me, Faith?”
Her instinct was to tell him no. But he seemed to know when she was lying.
“I think I’d have to be crazy not to be, uh, wary of you.”
“Do you think I’d physically harm you?” he asked.
There was a tenseness to him that actually made her feel bad. She took a step forward. “No, I know you wouldn’t harm me. It’s just . . . you’ve got a really diabolical mind.”
“Thank you.”
It wasn’t really a compliment. But she wasn’t going to tell him that.
“So, you trust me. That pleases me.”
She wasn’t sure she’d go that far. She trusted him enough to know that he wouldn’t harm her.
“Did I not tell you to sleep in today, Faith?”
“Um, yes, but?—”
“And did I not tell you that a car would collect you at midday? After you slept in.”
“Well, yes, but?—”
“So, you know that I told you these things, and yet you’re here at eight in the morning. Did you sleep at all?”
Fudge knuckles.
He wasn’t going to let her talk at all, was he?
“I might have gotten an hour or two. But you can’t have had slept much either.”
“I don’t need more than a few hours a night.”
She didn’t know why, but she lapped up that bit of information from him. It was so rare for him to give her pieces of himself.
“But you need sleep. Which is why I told you to sleep in. Are you pushing me because you want to see whether I’ll punish you or not?”
This time, she took several steps away. “I don’t need to be punished.”
“Naughty girls get punished. Good girls get rewarded. It’s too bad you won’t get rewarded today. I think you would have enjoyed it.”
Drat.
Now she really wanted to know what the reward would have been. That wasn’t fair.
Maybe you should be more focused on the punishment.
“But I am owed a reward. Maybe they could cancel each other out.”
“Hmm, you are. Unfortunately, you’ll have to wait for it. And no, they don’t cancel each other out.”
Drat.
“Look, I’m not sure exactly what I agreed to last night, but I don’t think it was me obeying you and being punished if I don’t.”
“Baby, that’s exactly what you agreed to.” There was a softness to his voice that she didn’t expect. He seemed almost tender?
“And you shouldn’t call me baby at work.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Why? I’m the boss. I make the rules.”
“You can’t just make any rules you feel like. Or punish people when they don’t follow them.”
“Of course I can. Why would I bother with rules if I didn’t enforce them? If you break the law and get caught, you get punished. This is no different.”
“Except I have the feeling that the punishment will be vastly different.”
“I knew you were a clever girl,” he replied.
She swallowed heavily. “What I agreed to last night . . . you taking charge. That was only for last night.”
He eyed her for a long moment. “You don’t want this, baby? You don’t want me?”
Oh Lord.
If he’d gotten all bossy and demanding, maybe she could have told him no. But he was pushing her to admit the truth. To him and to herself . . . and yeah, that was harder to fight against.
“I think you want to submit. You want someone to take care of you. To make the decisions when you can’t. To do what is necessary to keep you safe, even when you don’t agree. And you need someone to enforce the rules, because that’s what makes you feel secure. Knowing that person will always be there to catch you.”
It was like he’d leapt inside her head and ripped through all the barriers she’d put between herself and her deepest desires.
How did he do that?
How did he know?
Those weren’t things she even admitted to herself. How . . . how disappointed she’d been when Matt didn’t want to take things that far. Even when she was in Little headspace, he hadn’t ever really had rules for her.
Or punished her.
Sure, he’d taken her over his knee a few times, but she could sense it made him uncomfortable. The few spanks he’d given her were lackluster at best.
Faith had finally stopped asking him. Stopped hinting at more punishment and rules because she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.
Once again, she’d been the problem.
“What are you thinking?”
She was jolted back into the present. “I, um, I . . . ”
“I find I don’t like your attention on anything but me.”
Dear Lord.
She knew he was arrogant. But sometimes, he took it to the next level.
“Reuben, that’s not possible?—”
“It is.” He looked thoughtful. “If you didn’t have a job, you would have time to devote to me.”
Panic flooded her. “I need this job.” He couldn’t fire her.
Could he?
Of course he can.
“Why?” he asked.
Why? Was he for real right now?
“To live. For food and rent and everything else.”
He waved a hand in the air. “I would take care of those things.”
She couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t she breathe?
She needed this job more than he knew. Sure, he could take care of the day-to-day stuff.
But he couldn’t get rid of all her debts.
What are you thinking? You’re not about to let him take care of anything.
Right. Nope. Uh-huh.
“I . . . can’t . . . breathe.”
Suddenly, he was in front of her. He took her hands in his. God, he was so warm. Leading her to a chair, he helped her sit before crouching in front of her. “Yes, you can. Breathe in. Hold. Now out. And again. In. Hold. Now out. That’s a good girl.”
Gradually, she found herself able to breathe easier again. She stared down at him in shock.
“You’re all right, baby. I know this is overwhelming. I can be a bit overbearing sometimes.”
A bit?
“But I’ve changed my mind.”
Wait? What? No! She hadn’t meant it when she said that she didn’t want this.
“I like you working here. Where I can keep a close eye on you. In fact I think it’s time we made it more permanent. Let the agency know that you’re no longer on their books.”
“Really?” she asked.
“Yes.”
Oh, thank God. Relief flooded her.
“I swear I’m going gray dealing with you every day,” she muttered.
There was a beat of silence.
Oh fuck. She was dead.
This was the reason she shouldn’t have come in this morning. When she was tired, she tended to just say whatever she thought.
Bad, bad idea.