Chapter 2 #3
My stomach was too full to care about big things. I slipped into my pajamas and crawled into bed with a yawn. It was Julian’s turn with me, and Phoenix always had one side of me since he couldn’t sleep alone. Everyone completed all their getting ready for school preparations.
“Do you two want to sleep in your own rooms?” I asked Barrett and Jeremy. “Jer, I worry because you’re exhausted. Barrett, you have a huge new day tomorrow.”
Their refusals rang out in unison as Barrett shut off the light from his phone and stretched out onto the mattress on the floor—the one they rotated on and off, depending on who was with me. Two of them crammed into the room with us.
“I’m exhausted, too,” Julian admitted then yawned next to me.
Phoenix lifted his hand as if voting. “I’m always tired.”
I sighed. “You should probably all go to your bedrooms, and I’ll sleep on the couch. If you’re not getting enough sleep because of me, we should figure something else out.”
“We are.” Julian rolled to face me on his side. “We’re just water poloing, so this is always how the season begins for us. Barrett isn’t exhausted. And Phoenix—well, dude, you know what you’re doing.”
It earned a laugh from his younger brother.
I sighed, deciding it wasn’t on me if they thought they were fine.
The twins would have to practice before school every day, getting up at five starting tomorrow.
Phoenix wasn’t likely to rouse at that hour even if they got dressed on top of him. Barrett probably wouldn’t, either.
I got slapped. How bizarrely awful is that.
Quiet pressed over the room, a heavy sort of sacredness like a blanket when they started to fall asleep.
I would never want to share the very private moment with anyone but them.
They trusted me with their most vulnerable times, and I did the same.
Sometimes they had nightmares or morning wood.
Sometimes kissing sessions happened with one or two of them while the others slept.
I didn’t know how I’d lived without them, and I didn’t know how I would when I had to again. I sighed. Why do those thoughts always find their way in?
Jeremy fell back asleep, his nap obviously not enough from earlier.
His snores soon sounded slow and steady.
Barrett conked out, too. Phoenix’s hand rested on my stomach, his usual pose as he fell asleep.
I could feel his fingers twitch sometimes, especially when he dreamed.
He tucked his forehead against my neck, so I could feel him breathing, and I was grateful for it.
My mother died in her sleep from a drug overdose, so I absolutely loved being able to feel him breathe and know he lived.
Julian wasn’t asleep, though. I turned my head to regard him, practically feeling his alertness. “You okay?” I asked him.
“I finished my play during our break this morning. It terrifies me, but I would love if you would read it. I think…I think it might be good?”
I wasn’t sure if I’d ever heard him sound insecure before, so it took me a second to recognize the differences. My heart clenched and I kissed his nose. “Yes. Tomorrow. Give it to me.”
“Thank you. Tell me if it’s bad, you can be honest. I trust you. The stuff you do with the Poor Relation? You’re talented is what I’m trying to say. I might not be.”
I shook my head. “I can do one thing. I’ve never written a play.”
“You’re talented, Baby.” He smiled, his teeth glinting in the darkness.
“Are you okay about tomorrow? I wish I could walk you to school, but Phoenix will be with you. I’ll find a way to see you during the day.
Plus, you’re going to come to our scrimmage tomorrow, despite the fact we’ll lose.
The teams from Dallas always eat us for dinner.
But who knows, though? Maybe we are better this year. That’s how we’ll find out.”
I nodded. “I’ll be there.”
“Good.” He kissed me gently. “You’re sure you’re okay after today?”
“I’m never really okay. You know that. Today…it’s not harder or worse than other times, but when your brothers were with me, it made it…survivable.”
He didn’t speak for a long second. “If I was there, I would’ve lost it.”
I could believe that. Jeremy often got painted as the more volatile of the twins, but when it came to me, Julian lost his cool if I was hurt in any way.
“Oh,” he added then sighed. “Don’t let Phoenix kiss you on the steps of Pullman, okay?”
I laughed gently, which made Phoenix mutter something and shift his hips, his body pressed more fully against mine.
He didn’t really sleep for years before I came into his life, but now he was convinced I was the reason he could finally rest. I sometimes wondered if it was less about me and more about the peace he found in surrendering to the idea of staying with his family.
I mentioned the theory to him, and he didn’t agree, but did it really matter so long as he got rest?
It was so much better to have a rested Phoenix than a not-rested Phoenix.
“I love you,” Julian whispered, tucking me a bit closer to his body. “I know you don’t say it yet, but I love you. I want you to know that, to hear it and believe it.”
I ran my finger over his nose. “I’m just afraid.”
“I know. We’ll be okay. Soon, things will be normal, or our version of it. You’ll be able to trust it.”
I hoped he was right, even though I kind of doubted such a thing was possible.