Chapter 12
Iheard them come back to the apartment, my eyes popping open and adrenaline flooding my system when I heard them.
About forty-five minutes had passed since my last text.
I only knew because Jer’s clock glowed on the wall.
I turned off my phone after I sent the text and put it on the charger.
I didn’t want to know if they bothered to answer and I didn’t want to obsess if they didn’t.
Did they just get drunk and forget me? Didn’t look at their phones even once? Was Phoenix off in k-la-la-land?
The room smelled like Jer, which made more tears flood from my eyes.
Julian’s room struck me as organized, while Jer’s absolutely wasn’t despite the maids.
Papers overflowed his desk, tumbling in excess to the floor.
It is Friday—no, now it is Saturday morning.
He wouldn’t study until later, but if he pounded on the door and told me to get out, I would.
I could hear them having a discussion, but I couldn’t make out their words.
Great sound proofing. I waited for someone to pound on the door and shout get out.
When it didn’t happen, I dug my head into the pillow, realizing they weren’t even going to bother.
Phoenix wouldn’t sleep without me, so I thought it might be a problem for them that I shut myself away.
But I needed time alone.
I closed my eyes, and dreams came fast.
I walked with my mom, but an older version of her than I’d ever seen in reality.
She and my aunt Tricia were identical twins, and I remembered they looked so similar.
My mom was graying and wore yoga pants and a long tunic to keep out the chill.
It seemed so normal, it made my breath catch in sadness and longing.
I glanced down at my arm, to see myself at my current age instead of the child she left behind. Then I stared at her. Somewhere along the line, we got to be the same height, so I could look her straight in the eye.
She stared back at me before shaking her head sadly. The sky was tornado green. “You need to be careful. I ran away from that life for a reason. I took you away from wealth and privilege, and now, there is a tornado coming, Alatheia.”
I followed where she indicated, and noted she pointed toward where the sky looked green. “Should we run?” I asked her, terror icing my veins as I watched the storm roil toward us.
“It never works,” she replied with a shrug.
I woke up in a sweat. Sunlight streamed through the windows, not a single cloud not to mention green sky in sight. I rubbed at my eyes, wishing I could rub rest into them.
I pulled my knees to my chest, remembering all of the events from the night before, then put my head down on top of them. Nothing technically happened to me, not really. Why did I behave like that? The guys probably were mad at me.
I wouldn’t be surprised if they asked me to leave. I would ask me to leave, if my roommate pulled crap like locking themselves away from me.
I wished I could ask myself to leave, since I didn’t want to be myself that day.
I got out of bed anyway. I still wore my underwear from the night before, but I didn’t want to put back on the dress.
Instead, I grabbed one of Jer’s long black shirts, which fell past my knees anyway.
I would wash it for him before I returned it.
I checked the clock, surprised to see it was only seven in the morning.
They wouldn’t be awake yet, meaning I had the apartment to myself.
Which was good. I wouldn’t wake them. Instead, I snuck into Jer’s bathroom then splashed water on my face. I couldn’t get into Barrett’s room to grab my school stuff, but I had my phone and charger, at least.
I grabbed the discarded dress and my phone before powering on the device. With a sigh, I sank to the bed, waiting for my phone to turn on. They probably yelled at me.
I would yell at me.
Rethinking it from their perspective, they probably thought I stormed away from the party with nothing wrong then threw a dramatic fit. It didn’t surprise me that I didn’t manage to keep friends before, not to mention have anyone love me.
Message notifications hit my phone like a cascade.
The first one was actually from Tiffany, but I ignored it to check the group chat with the Lents.
Everything else could wait. I touched the pearls around my neck, since I slept in them for comfort.
They deserved better than the way I treated them, but I didn’t even know if they would let me keep them if they kicked me out.
What was the rule for gifts when it came to ex-girlfriends?
My last message—leave me alone—was at the top. About half an hour later, a stream of other messages flooded the chat.
Jeremy: What? You went up there? When? WTF. How did I miss this? Are you okay? I’m coming home.
Barrett: Jer, did you leave? Alatheia, are you okay? What happened? I’ll be there fast. What did they do to you? What happened?
Julian: Are you up, Baby? If you’re up, please come out and talk to us. I’m sorry we missed all your messages and left you alone.
Phoenix: Alatheia, are you okay? What is happening?
They gave up after they got home, but I didn’t know if that was good or bad.
As quietly as I could manage, I opened Jeremy’s door and crept into the living room.
Abruptly, I stopped short, shocked at the room.
They were all passed out on the couches and the floor, sprawled across the room as if discarded by a storm.
The twins snored, out cold on the carpet, while Barrett took up the entire big chair and Phoenix lay on the couch.
Why wouldn't they use the beds? Only Jer should have been inconvenienced, and there was a mattress on the floor in Barrett’s room he could’ve used.
In any case, they freed me up to sneak past them into Barrett’s bathroom where I brushed my teeth, which was pivotal. I needed a shower and my own regular clothes, too. I didn’t feel like bothering to pretend to be one of them.
On silent feet, I crept to my dresser. I’d only slept about three hours, so they likely got less.
I closed Barrett’s door, anyway, to ensure my noise didn’t bother them, then quickly showered.
Once I was finally clean, dressed in my slightly ripped jeans and the t-shirt I practically lived in day in and day out in Chicago, I started on my laundry.
A hand touching my back made me jump. I whirled around to see Jeremy before he pulled me into a tight hug.
“I’m so sorry,” he mumbled into my hair.
He’s sorry? It didn’t make sense to me. “For what? I am sorry. I…”
“No, we left you alone. I don’t know what happened, but you got scared, and not one of us checked our phones.
I was totally preoccupied. It doesn’t matter.
I’m sorry.” He kissed my neck, free of pearls since I finally stored them properly.
“I love you and I’m sorry. Tell me what happened, and it’ll be handled. ”
Jeremy couldn’t handle this situation, and I knew it, so I shook my head. “I don’t know if I should even talk about it. I don’t know what I would say, anyway. I can’t…”
“You’re exhausted,” he whispered in my ear, so I closed my eyes and leaned into him.
“And you hardly slept, because I know what time you got home. I liked thinking about how, if you weren’t going to be with me, then you were in my bed, surrounded by my scent.
I knew it would keep you safe. It may sound ridiculous, but that’s how I felt.
” He squeezed me again, making me sigh. “Come on, let’s go lay down in Barrett’s bed.
We can watch some television. If you don’t want to talk yet, you don’t have to talk. ”
I swallowed, because he didn’t get it. “I made a big deal out of something stupid, then I made you leave your party. I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t make me leave the party. It wasn’t my party in the first place.
At Murial’s party, you got summoned upstairs—which is insane—and you needed me but I wasn’t there.
You can make a big deal about me letting you down.
You are allowed to take up space in my life.
Do you understand? Take up space. Take up my time. I need you, too.”
I shook my head, because he still didn’t get it.
“I need to be able to handle things myself, anyway. I can’t be so reliant on all of you.
What good is it if I fall apart when you’re not with me?
I’ve pushed through worse than last night on my own before, and I didn’t feel like this afterward.
I can’t expect you to be there for me every second of the day. ”
“Yes, actually, you can,” he whispered near my ear. “We just found out we have to go to California for two days. I was dealing with some emotions, and lost track of life for an hour. I also got drunk, which didn’t help.”
I nodded. “I heard. Davis told me.”
He pulled away, searching my expression. “Davis told you?”
I wiped at my eyes, pleased when I realized they were still dry.
I didn’t know how I managed it, but I felt as if I would burst into tears at any second.
“Yeah, Davis told me. He told me how you had to go to get beaten in California, so you and Julian got drunk in the basement. He also told me Phoenix was in the kitchen with the other addicts, and that Barrett was out back drunk, but he was sober, like me. It wasn’t safe to be drunk with so many vultures around. He told me that, among other things.”
Jeremy’s face turned to stone. “That fucker.”
“What about it bothers you? Nothing he said bothered me, so much as the way he looked at me.” I shivered a bit, remembering.
Jeremy jumped up on the washing machine and pulled me up to sit next to him. “So, how did he look at you?”
“Like…I don’t really know how to explain it? But something about the way he looked at me felt like he could have me if he decided he wanted me whether I wanted it or not.”