Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
I never thought I’d be in the driveway of my parents’ house with Elio by my side again. It was surreal to think about, questioning how many years had gone by since we’d ridden home together. To the same home.
How many times did we sit outside in the car, arguing over what we’d have for dinner that night?
After a long day of classes together, we’d go in and raid the pantry and fridge together, eat together, and hang out together until we went to bed.
If I missed him, it was easy to just go down the hall to his bedroom, knock on the door, and bother him.
Though it was never actually a bother to him. Or, I didn’t think so, anyway.
Elio finished one of his breathing exercises, his hand in mine.
I squeezed it, trying to give him some sort of comfort.
We’d only be staying for the weekend, since I had work and he had therapy.
Our bags were in the back seat, ready to be taken in, and I’d asked my parents ahead of time to wait until we came in, rather than coming out to meet us.
We both needed time. The house wasn’t the exact same anymore, but I knew there was one bedroom Mom and Dad had never touched. It’d been evidence of Elio existing in our world, even after he’d left.
There were many nights I’d gone into the room, looking around at everything he hadn’t taken with him. All the way down to the blankets and sheets on his bed.
“I think I’m ready. Or, as ready as I can be.”
I looked over at him, searching the green in his eyes for something different from what he was telling me. “Okay, Sunshine. Mom, Dad, Star, and Moon are all going to be in there. But you know you’ll be okay, right?”
He nodded, pulling my hand to rest over his heart. “Because you’ve got me, and you aren’t letting go.”
“Exactly right.” I leaned over the console, pressing my lips to his. The feeling never got old—a swoopy warmth deep in my gut every time we kissed.
We unbuckled our seatbelts at the same time and got out at the same time. I opened the back seat to grab our bags and stood beside him, holding my hand out to him. He took it, gripping it tightly with his.
I could feel the tremble run through his body as he let out a breath. “Do you think they hate me?”
I had to close my eyes for a second because of how painful that question was. After everything he’d been through, it made sense he’d feel that way. It fucking hurt, though. I pointed to the door of the house, sweeping my hand toward the right side. “Remember that plaque?”
He squinted, leaning his head forward to see it better. “Is that…”
“Yeah, Sunshine. They’ve kept it all this time, always remembering you. How could they hate you?”
“Fuck, Cres. I can’t believe that.”
“You don’t have to right now, but you’ll be able to feel it when we go in. They know not to try to hug the shit out of you or anything like that, but I have a feeling you’ll still be able to feel it.”
“Okay. I’m ready.”
Together, we held hands and walked up to the front door. Just to the right, just beside the doorbell, was a rectangular metal plaque.
Has the universe spoken to you today?
Welcome to the Millers’ house.
Mom & Dad
Moon
Crescent
Elio
Star
They’d listed us in order of age and always said they had four kids, not three. Our house was incomplete without Elio, the ray of sunshine we all needed in our lives.
I let go of Elio’s hand, wrapping mine around the doorknob. Feeling it turn was like stepping into a new world, or the same world from nine years ago, just better. So much fucking better. The door groaned as I pushed it open, tired from years of kids slamming it.
Just beyond the threshold was the living room. It was suspiciously quiet as I grabbed Elio’s hand again and walked us inside. I dropped our bags from my shoulder, letting them fall to the floor beside us.
“Where are they?” Elio’s hand was starting to get sweaty. I could hear the growing anxiety in his voice.
I opened my mouth to reply but never got to. Chairs scraped against the kitchen floor, and within a few seconds, my parents, Moon, and Star were coming around the corner.
Mom was already crying, a huge smile on her face, so big that her tears were catching in her smile lines.
Dad looked teary too, the brown of his eyes glossy.
Star’s grin was from ear to ear, and she was rocking on her feet to contain her excitement, her long curly hair bouncing with her.
Moon was looking between both of us, a much more subdued look on his face.
I knew he was freaking out on the inside, though. I could always tell.
“Our family is all back together in the same house, huh?” Mom’s usual sweet and comforting tone was shaky.
I couldn’t hear it as well as I wanted to because of the earbuds stuffed in my ears, but it was enough to get me choked up. A tickle began at the back of my throat, climbing over my tongue.
Elio let go of my hand, slowly walking toward them. Mom met him halfway, standing still in the living room, watching each other in silence. I watched on the sidelines, witnessing the colors around Elio ebb and flow and merge with Mom’s. Maybe their auras? Mom knew more about those than I did.
His shoulder blades shook and stretched, almost straining against the skin surrounding them. Like he had the wings of an angel, gearing up to take flight. “I missed you so fucking much.” A whisper, at most, before he enveloped my mom in a huge, tight hug.
“Oh, my baby. My baby.” Mom was hysterical, rocking their bodies side to side, gulping shaky breaths through tears.
I came up behind them, wrapping my arms around Elio, gripping him and my mom’s shoulders at the same time. Everything was muffled, but I could make out enough. More hands and bodies joined, Moon leaning in on one side of Mom, Star on the other, and Dad behind Mom.
Grief fell right in the center, pooling into one big pond. We stood in it together, nearly waist-deep. Hundreds of unanswered questions and sleepless nights. A million shed tears. Thousands of stabs to our hearts when we remembered our lack of closure. After so long, all any of us needed was a hug.
A Miller family hug.
Once the cries died down to sniffles, we slowly began to untangle ourselves. I rubbed a hand over my face and pushed my earbuds back into place. They’d shifted somehow, which made it easier to hear all the voices creeping through the hallways.
When I looked up, Mom was staring at me. Her eyebrows were pulled down in concentration, assessing me. She brought one hand up, pointing to her ears and then to mine.
Fuck.
She’d noticed. Of course she’d noticed. I tried not to admit any guilt with my facial features, keeping what I hoped was a straight face.
“Come on, you two must be hungry. I made us some lunch.” We all followed her to the kitchen, each taking a seat around the table.
Elio sat next to me, his eyes rimmed with red. Mom had made organic grilled chicken, organic broccoli, and a side of rice. Everything had to be organic. There were already six plates of food sitting out in front of six chairs, waiting for us to take our seats.
The house smelled like my childhood. On the counter by the other side of the kitchen, lavender incense was burning, mixing with the scent of Mom’s signature chicken spices. If there was anything I didn’t miss about living here, it was the egregious amounts of incense burning at all times.
Three in the living room, though they weren’t lit when we walked in, only one in the kitchen because cooking was good enough for the soul, two in each bedroom, one in every bathroom… the list went on. And they were never the same scent, either.
Star locked eyes with me from across the table. “You didn’t bring us any muffins. You never could cook worth a shit, but now that you can bake, you don’t even think about us?”
“Be nice to your brother, Star! We haven’t seen him in forever, and this is how you start?”
I tried to hold in my laughter, but it seemed Moon was losing the fight worse than I was. “I think that’s pretty valid. El had to step in at least a hundred times to make sure Cres didn’t accidentally poison us.”
Dad piped up from the end of the table. “I think he got those skills from me, or lack thereof, I guess.”
“I was scared the first time he made dinner for us, but honestly, he isn’t that bad anymore. No fires yet, anyway.” Elio turned his head to me with a smile—a true, genuine smile I’d missed seeing against the backdrop of this house.
We walked through the halls quietly, both of us trying to ignore the myriad of strong scents clouding them. It was quiet, everyone having gone to bed already after a long day of hanging out, catching up, and a whole lot of hugs.
Elio was stuck, standing in front of a dresser that sat in the hallway with trinkets and framed photos on top of it. “My god, we were so small here.” He lifted one of the frames, staring at it with awe in his eyes.
“I know. That seems so long ago, but also not. You know?” I wrapped my arm around his middle, pulling him close to me. “Time to make new memories.”
He leaned his head against me. “New memories with new meanings. And lots of kissing.”
“Oh, yes. Lots of kissing.” I leaned down, taking the moment to make this one of them. Just before my lips touched his, though, I heard a throat clearing from behind us.
We both jumped, pulling apart. I turned, finding Mom, who was standing awkwardly with her hands tucked in front of her. “Sorry. I was wanting to talk to Cres for a minute if I could.”
Something a lot like shame and guilt swirled deep in my gut. I looked to Elio for guidance, sort of hoping he’d want me to stay. “Go ahead, honey. I’ll wait in your room for you. Our bags are already in there, right?”
“Yeah. I’ll see you up there.”
I followed Mom into the living room, looking around, peering into each corner. Nobody was lurking around, but I did notice a couple of shadows.
She plopped onto the couch. “Sit down, son.”
That never failed to make me more anxious. I did as she said, sitting beside her. “What’s up?”
“You have your earbuds in. Want to tell me why?”
Shrugging, I tried my hand at master evasion. “Because I just wanted to listen to music. That’s all.”
The sound of my mother’s sigh was deafening. It echoed, bouncing off the walls and straight into my heart. I was a liar right now. Doing exactly what the voices always accused me of. “Cressy, I’m your mother. I know when something isn’t right. Have you really not reached out to another therapist?”
“Mom, please. I’ve got it all handled, okay?”
“It’s okay to need help, baby. If your spirit is disrupted, it can mess everything else up.”
“Mom.”
“Cressy.”
We stared at each other helplessly. She knew, and she was worried. I just didn’t want help if I could deal with it on my own, which I was sure I could. I had to.
Another sigh, long and drawn out. Even heavier than the previous one. “So, what’s going on with you and El? Does he know?”
“We’re dating, I think. I mean, we’ve gone on a date, plan to go on more, and all that stuff. He doesn’t know about my past with the depression, but I don’t think I want to tell him just yet.”
“He’s been through a lot. I understand. I actually have something he could carry around for—”
“No, Mom. We’re good. Thank you. Elio doesn’t need any crystals or anything like that. He’s in therapy.”
She nodded, a slight frown tugging her face downward. “Well, okay. I can’t say I’m surprised you two are together. It was either that, or I truly thought you wouldn’t date anyone.”
Shifting on the couch, I tried to stay comfortable. But there was a figure right in front of us, staring down at me. If I didn’t look, it might go away. If I did, it might stay. “I think I’m in love with him, Mom. It’s a little scary. I think I always was and just didn’t know.”
“It doesn’t have to be scary. It’s Elio. You know him. You trust him. The person you date, or spend the rest of your life with, is supposed to be your best friend. You already found that.”
“Yeah. I know you’re right, but I worry it’s too soon.”
“Does it feel too soon? To you or him?”
I thought about it for a moment. Every conversation we’d had, every touch of our skin, every morning waking up with Elio wrapped around me. “No. No, I don’t think it does.”
Mom leaned her head on my shoulder, wrapping an arm around me. “Then it probably isn’t, son. Let the universe decide how things are supposed to go. If it feels right, that’s the universe agreeing with you.”
The universe. Soulmates. Love. They all had something in common—they were built on hope in some way. I hoped I was right. I hoped I was doing the right thing. I hoped that trusting my gut would lead us in the right direction.
In the end, despite the constant trail of dark souls following me, loving the sunshine of Elio’s was the easiest thing I’d ever done. And I was never going to give up on that.