Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
Daisy
I let my car warm up as my breath puffed out. My vehicle was idling in the parking lot of the refinery. Today was one of my last days I’d come to a job where Alder wasn’t over me.
A swath of heat crashed into me. Alder over me. In me. Under me. A full-body shiver racked me. Thankfully, it looked like I was cold and not lusting over my ex-husband turned husband.
I splayed the fingers of my left hand out in front of me. I wore a knit glove, but I could see the ring perfectly, like a hologram over the material. I could not afford to develop feelings for my husband. I was already the bad guy to Jason’s family for breaking his heart. It wasn’t like I could stay married. These things ended. Always.
Alder had been out of my league back then. He wasn’t even in the same stratosphere now. Next week, he’d show up in the head office, in one of the shades-of-gray power suits he had, and he’d be my boss. He’d be in meetings with women who didn’t wear lab coats and didn’t have marks from her safety goggles lined into her face.
There was no way to look sexy in a lab coat.
Those women he’d dated after me had probably worn nice blouses with power suits. Hadn’t one done some modeling before working in the PR department of an energy company? They’d probably had friends in school. Alder had seen by now how much better he could do than me. Once he had the house, he’d be free to do whatever he wanted. Whomever he wanted.
But he’d given me a carving of Trixie. Scar and all.
I blew out a breath. Warm air was starting to pump from the vents. I had to get home. Laila was still with her dad, so I had no reason to delay.
Weston and Magnolia would be there. I’d walk into that house again and be thrown back in time. To when I had been loopy in love and enamored with the vibrant house so full of energy.
My parents loved me. In their way. But growing up, our house had been cold and quiet. My parents hadn’t been the touchy-feely type to the point where I wondered how my brother and I had even been conceived. Emotions hadn’t been a bad thing, unless it was anger. Conflict. But on the flip side, they hadn’t been encouraged or expressed.
The butterflies in my stomach went wild. There’d be feelings walking into that house today.
I closed my eyes. I could do this. More so, I wanted to do this. I liked Weston and Magnolia.
How awkward would this be?
Only one way to find out.
For the entire drive, I sucked in long breaths and blew them out slowly. Nothing like a little Lamaze to wrangle the mass of unruly butterflies. I parked in the garage, passing an unfamiliar large black pickup on the way.
I could barely keep my hands from shaking when I walked into the house. Magnolia was at the table, her salt-and-pepper hair pulled back in a puffy ponytail like she’d often worn it when I was younger. Her simple black sweater and loose black pants only highlighted the red Converse on her feet.
Her smile grew wide and she rose. “Daisy.” She rushed toward me.
I hastily dropped my tote bag and hung my coat up before she reached me. I was enveloped in a floral-scented bear hug. Her strength hadn’t diminished over the years.
I returned her embrace and soaked in her unrestrained delight. When Magnolia embraced me, I never questioned the action. She put her all into her hugs. It was one of the few times a hug didn’t make me uncomfortable.
“I’m so happy to see you.” She stood back and beamed at me. “I didn’t even mind missing the second wedding because it meant you were part of the family again. I admit to being a little disappointed I can’t meet Laila yet, but perhaps it’s best. A lot of changes for her.”
“Yes, it is.” For us. Was Magnolia tracking the differences in me? My face was fuller, my body rounder in areas. I dressed even more plainly than I used to. I had lived in graphic tees until I’d had to buy scrubs or nondescript clothing for the chemistry lab.
Magnolia hadn’t changed much. If anything, she appeared happier. Less stressed than when she’d had kids under the roof. Now they were all responsible adults, and she could be the indulgent grandma.
“Daisy.” Weston’s voice boomed.
I jumped. Magnolia chuckled and pivoted to my side in time for me to get yanked into another all-encompassing hug.
“Hey, Weston,” I said, smushed against his shoulder. Another hugger I didn’t mind because he was all-in. My dad wasn’t a touchy-feely guy, but Weston was the dad I’d missed all my life. “How are ya?”
“Better now that I get to see the proof.” He released me and I nearly went reeling, but a warm hand steadied me on the small of my back.
My heart hammered. I knew that touch. I glanced at the man crowded close. Alder was smiling but his gaze asked if I was doing okay.
My insides were a tangle. I was thrilled to see Magnolia and Weston, but now it was real. For the next several days, I’d have to pretend that I was really married to Alder.
“How was work?” he asked as he dipped his head. Our lips touched briefly but my eyelids fluttered like I’d never been kissed before.
Satisfaction filled his eyes. Did he like the quick kiss? Seeing me with his family again? Or was he relieved his parents seemed to be buying everything so far?
They hadn’t really seen us together yet.
“Good,” I said.
Magnolia twisted her hands together. “I hope you don’t mind. I didn’t want you or Alder to feel like you had to make a big meal for us. We put in an order at Rattler’s to pick up.”
“I was just heading there,” Weston said. His gaze lifted to his son. “Care to join me?”
“You afraid you’ll get lost?” Alder joked.
His dad rolled his eyes but laughed. “We’re city folks now.”
They took off, and I was left with Magnolia. Alder probably figured I wouldn’t mind. I never had before, and I didn’t now. Even though Alder and I were trying to fool them, I had missed Magnolia more than I felt bad about the fib. For one year, I could put off disappointing them again.
“Thank you so much for letting us intrude.” She chuckled. “West and I brought our bags upstairs, and it’s just so weird. I’m sleeping in Alder’s old room, and he’s in ours.”
Yes. The sleeping arrangements. Another reason I couldn’t tie myself up about fibbing to Magnolia and Weston. I was crawling into bed with their son tonight. Something I never thought would happen again. “Did you know this house would go to him?”
She shook her head, a beat of sadness lighting her eyes. “I thought Annie would’ve sold it. I had no idea she was accruing properties for all the kids or that she’d play games with them.”
“The trust?”
Her lips flattened. “It’s not right. I mean, Lily and Eliot worked out even if they had to rush the marriage.”
I was struck with a moment of confusion before I remembered. Alder’s parents wouldn’t know that Lily and Eliot had started as an arrangement. As far as my in-laws were concerned, Alder’s youngest sister and her husband started as a love match like me and Alder.
“Violet and Evander sort of did too, and now you and Alder.” A line of concern creased her forehead. “I want nothing more than for my kids to be happy, but I’d like for it to be on their own timeline.”
I wrung my hands together. She was a mom. She’d worry no matter what, but her concern added to my anxiety. Our rushed nuptials were because of the trust, but they wouldn’t have happened without it. “May I ask if Annie was doing okay when she designed the trust?”
“Was she losing her mind?” Magnolia shook her head, her mouth pursed. “No. She got some romantic idea after hearing the guy West replaced. The late wife of Gentry King—the old owner of King Oil—left a trust for their four boys. They had to be married for a year before they were thirty or something before they got it.”
“How’d that turn out?”
She released a gusty laugh. “Amazing. I guess the guys are blissfully happy, and Gentry has a ton of grandkids. He also remarried, and his wife is just as amazing.”
Envy cut through my heart. Had either of them tried and failed at being married? I shuffled into the kitchen. “What do you all want to drink?”
“Alder had us order lemonade. I’ll wait for that, and we went deluxe and requested paper plates and plastic silverware. No dishes or glasses for you to clean up.”
I smiled my thanks. Lemonade. I used to always order lemonade to drink, but after having gestational diabetes with Laila, I had cut out all sweetened drinks. I had never regained the habit. Alder didn’t know the story, but he’d ordered it last time and I had indulged.
I got my water glass and filled it up. Magnolia was at the table, still grinning at me like I was a dream come to life. From what Lily said, I just might be.
She was going to be heartbroken again. And it’d be my fault. My stomach cramped as I sank into my chair. They had forgiven me so readily the first time. Everyone had seen how he’d changed once he had his own place and didn’t have to listen to his parents. This time, I’d be leaving a suited-up CEO who had fast-tracked his life straight to the top. All I had to show since the divorce was a kid who had to be shuttled between homes, a few exes, and a ton of debt that proved how poor I was at deciding who I should and shouldn’t settle down with.
“How are your parents?” she asked.
“Dad’s good as far as I know. I think he’s in Phoenix. Or Tampa. He moves around.” Depending on where his girlfriend at the time wants to go. “Mom’s in Grand Forks and happily retired.”
“That’s good to hear.” Her expression filled with sympathy. “I’m really sorry about Lee.”
The sudden twist in my heart stole my words for a breath. I blinked back tears. It wasn’t often I talked to people who’d known my brother. Lee hadn’t lived in a way that made him known and popular, so to get condolences from someone who’d known him brought some of the loss to the front. “It’s still hard some days. I’ll just randomly cry.”
“It’ll be like that forever probably.”
I nodded. “I’ve been able to catch up with Violet and Lily. How are the others?”
“I’m afraid I can only tell you how they want me to think they’re doing, which is always fine.” She chuckled. “Jasper’s a little closer now that he’s taken over the Knight ranch in Buffalo Gully.” She put her elbow on the table and rested her chin in her hand. “Alder’s told me all about your job. I’m glad it’s going well.”
The pleasure that Alder had discussed me with his parents couldn’t be denied, but we were married. Of course he had talked about me. Magnolia had probably interrogated him. “Yes, it’s a great environment to work in.”
Her smile was knowing. “Alder said he ran into you at Reservoir Barrel and things just took off.”
I had taken off much before things had. “Yes. It was like no time had passed.” The truth of that wrapped around me like a warm blanket. My verbal filter readily switched off around him. He was so easy to talk to. He didn’t patronize me. He didn’t argue with my perception of events or people. Sometimes, he’d play devil’s advocate, but then he’d give me room to change my mind. Alder made life easy. When he wanted. When I’d been worth it. “He’s always been easy to talk to.”
“Ha! To you maybe. Or when he’s talking about you. Otherwise, that kid is like a fortress.”
I smiled. That kid . Alder was thirty-seven. Eight months older than me.
She got up and moved to a closer seat. “I’ve seen the pictures of Laila you have in the living room, but can I see more?”
I picked up my phone. “Alder hasn’t shown you any?”
“He said he was being respectful. Letting you lead with introducing her.”
Yes. Introducing Laila to two people who’d be her grandparents would confuse her when they no longer were. Alder probably didn’t have any photos of Laila, or even me, out of respect for our space and privacy. He hadn’t said a thing about his mom asking me. He’d kept that pressure off me, just like he had about his conversations with his parents about our marriage.
The cozy sense of being cared for was dangerous. Alder would lure me in again. Make me fall for him and then figure I was no longer worth the effort. Everyone wanted something out of a relationship. Some guys wanted a housemaid. Some looked for a vulnerable woman with resources to exploit. Others wanted a wife and any wife would do. There were those who wanted a love match.
Alder had needed a wife. Would he ever want a love match? My chest still ached for that young woman who’d had to make the hardest, most embarrassing, utterly isolating decision of her life. Now I had Laila to consider.
I paged through images. “I think it’s best to take things slow with her. She’s adjusting to bouncing back and forth between houses. And to Alder. But I’m happy to show you some pictures.”
“I understand. We’ll play it cool.”
I pulled up last Halloween’s pictures. Laila was a little witch with a green face and a giant smile. Grinning, I showed Magnolia. “She insisted on carrying a broom, but all I had was the one that’s taller than her and plastic.”
Magnolia chortled, delighted. She oohed and aahed over every picture I showed her, going back to when Laila was born. Jason had taken one of me with Laila snuggled on my chest. I was red-faced and looked half drunk with my sweat-soaked hair plastered against my forehead.
Magnolia sighed, a giant smile on her face. “She looked absolutely angelic. I bet she’s just like you.”
My appreciation for Magnolia grew. For all of the Dukes. I had missed them. The yearning to be a part of their big, hearty group had stuck with me over the years. I was different from them, but I had been a part of the crew. I’d had my own place.
They had welcomed my small family, accepting my parents and brother as they were—socially awkward and a little distant. Jason’s parents had amplified any awkwardness, and the nicer they tried to be, the worse it had gotten. The more attention they’d tried to give me, the less I knew how to handle it. His folks were sweet, but they didn’t get me, just like their son.
Magnolia scanned the room, fondness written into her expression. “Different room or not, it’s going to be so weird sleeping under this roof again.”
Every muscle in my body tensed. The moment I’d been intentionally not thinking about for days—weeks even—was coming to pass. Tonight would be the first night in fifteen years I’d be in the same bed as Alder.
Alder
The cloud of tension clinging to Daisy dissipated as the night went on. My parents had always had that effect on her. I thought the lying would be hard for her, and maybe it was, but there was a comfort in slipping back into the familiar. Did she feel it too? She was next to me on the couch. I was in the corner and she was propped on me like she used to do.
All evening, she had laughed with my parents, told stories of Laila when she was a baby—and the real reason she didn’t drink much lemonade, and she even swapped stories of when we were younger. She readily answered questions about her school and jobs, although she didn’t go into nearly as much detail with them as she had with me.
She still trusted me. At least with her history. Not with her. Because while she wasn’t a piece of plywood leaning on me, she was still tense. Hyperaware. Small muscles in her back flinched whenever I moved.
I didn’t push the position. I kept my arm wrapped around her, but I didn’t run my hands over her. My palm stayed flat on her side, but I inhaled her lemon-vanilla scent. She invaded every corner of my being, no longer a ghost but right here. With me.
Yet still so far away.
Mom yawned and slapped Dad’s thigh. “Time for bed, West, my dear. Let’s let them have some of the evening to themselves.”
Daisy’s stiffness returned. As Mom and Dad started to rise, she peeled herself away from me. I let her go, immediately missing her heat.
We exchanged “good nights” with Mom and Dad. Then without looking at me, Daisy walked stiffly toward the hallway.
I gave her space. We had discussed changing beds and that sleeping in the same bedroom tonight was necessary, but beyond that, the topic had been ignored. My only goal was to make her comfortable about the situation.
Each night since my parents had asked to stay with us had ticked by ever so slowly. Mitigated by being under the same roof as Daisy, time had still not gone fast enough until we were in the same bed again.
Ever so slowly, I was getting closer to her.
When I pushed into the bedroom, she crowded around me to get to the bathroom. I used the time it would take for her in the bathroom to change. When I swapped the beds, I had also moved the bulk of my clothing. I kept the rest in boxes. It made it easier to move around while renovating. If Mom and Dad peered into all the boxes in the spare rooms, it’d look like we were still unpacking.
I shucked my pants off and tugged a pair of green plaid flannel sweats on. I’d bake in them, but the long-sleeved shirt I was wearing would push me to sweltering limits. Daisy liked her fluffy blankets.
After I whipped the shirt off my head, I tossed it in the white plastic clothes basket in the corner. I missed, and the material puddled at the base.
Daisy opened the door and her gaze landed on my chest. The same stunned expression as the last time she’d seen my bare chest froze her face, except for the blush creeping along the apples of her cheeks.
I grabbed my lighter T-shirt off the bed. The movement broke her trance, and she blinked away, her gaze landing on my shirt on the floor. Her jaw went tight. “You missed.”
I didn’t like how she used a small reminder of how I used to be to shut me out, but I was also captivated by the way her loose gingerbread pajamas swallowed her up, leaving only her toes poking out. I’d rather have time to prove myself to her, one piece of dirty laundry at a time. “I know. I’ll get it.”
Her back ramrod straight, she marched to the other side of the bed.
I hadn’t creeped on her during her bedtime routine, but we’d run across each other in the kitchen. I’d have remembered the gingerbread. I tugged my shirt over my head. “New PJs?”
“I got myself a Christmas gift.” She tugged the covers back—only on her side.
“They look comfy.” I didn’t wait to see how she received the quasi-compliment. If she thought I was coming on to her, she might sleep on the floor. I picked up my fallen shirt and dropped it in the basket without even a sleeve hanging over.
When I finished in the bathroom and returned, Daisy was on her side, blankets to her chin, her lamp off and mine on. The overhead light in the room was off. So was the fan. The thick blinds were down all the way, and the walls glowed faintly. Daisy hadn’t hung anything up yet. It might take her weeks or months to decide on something she’d hang and then never want to move again. If anything, she might leave them bare. The clean swath of wall probably soothed her.
The block pattern on her comforter matched the earthy brown shades of the blinds. Soft colors. Bold but in a subdued way, like the woman herself. I’d kept it for her, for us, to use. Like a security blanket. I approached my side of the bed, keeping an eye on Daisy. She didn’t look at me. My stomach clenched. This was so damn familiar. This was exactly the future I had fucked up. Me crawling into a giant plush bed with her in this house.
I treasured this moment. It proved I wasn’t past the point of rescue. That we weren’t past the point of rescue.
Yet as I crawled in and she didn’t move despite the dip of the mattress, the truth was clear. We were still so far away I could lose all progress.