Chapter Two
Brock
It’s weird to be back in my room after four years. Everything is the same as I left it, but it feels different. I’m different.
Standing in the center, I let my gaze roam around. I almost forgot about the shark posters splattered all over the walls. I like all species of sharks, but my favorite is the great white. Dad used to tease me when I was little that if I had it my way, I’d turn into one and live in the ocean. Who knew that only a few years later, I really would want to run off into the ocean? Just to escape everything that happened four years ago. When my life changed forever.
I just came back from living with my grandparents in Boston. I moved there the summer before seventh grade because Mom and Dad felt like I needed to get away. I don’t think they thought I’d be there for four years. Heck, even I didn’t think so. Truth is, I never thought I’d be back, either, yet here I am.
I don’t really know why I’m back in Edenbury. Maybe because I miss my parents and family, maybe because I want to be back to my old self, even though I know I’ll never be. Or maybe because it’s time I face the past.
Sighing, I push some of my long dark bangs out of my eyes. Grandma wanted me to cut them before I left, but I refused. She and Grandpa were sad to see me go, but at the same time, they knew I needed to go back to my life. If that’s even possible.
There are so many boxes lined up against the wall, but I’m not in the mood to unpack. Being in this room makes all the memories crash down on me, and no matter how many times I squeeze my eyes shut, they don’t go away.
This is why I’ve been avoiding coming back home. This among other things, but I’d rather not think about them, either.
Since my bedroom door is open, I can hear Mom and Dad talking downstairs. Probably about me. They didn’t say much when they picked me up from the airport and drove us home. I guess they figured I needed time to process everything. But knowing them, they’ll want me to talk about my “feelings” and stuff soon. I’m not looking forward to that conversation.
As I’m trying not to let the memories that happened when I was twelve wash over me, a weird sound comes from downstairs. It takes me a few seconds to realize they’re footsteps. Footsteps that don’t sound like Mom or Dad’s.
I don’t have a chance to think about it a second longer because a blur rushes into my room and then someone flings their arms around me.
It’s a girl with curly brown hair.
The girl who used to—and still does—mean the world to me.
Lexi West.
Her face is buried in my chest as her shoulders heave in what I can only describe as relief.
“You’re back,” she whispers, clutching onto me like she doesn’t want to let go. It’s so gentle and her body is so warm and soft.
I wrap my arms around her waist, immediately feeling a thousand times better than I did only a few minutes ago.
Lexi West is in my house. In my room. In my arms. A breath I didn’t know I was holding seeps out of me, and my entire body nearly doubles over in relief. I forgot how good it feels to hug this girl.
We remain in each other’s arms. There’s so much I want to say to her, but I can’t get the words out. It’s like they’re lodged in my throat. So much has happened between us. I treated her like crap. I don’t even deserve to have her in my arms right now.
Her body goes stiff and she slowly backs away from me. Her gaze drops to the floor before she pins those beautiful green eyes on me. I keep mine on her, again wishing I could say something, but I can’t.
Smiling shyly, she pushes some curls that have come loose from her ponytail behind her ear. “So, uh, I guess I’ll let you unpack.”
I nod, my throat tight. I haven’t seen her in so long, but I’ve never forgotten how beautiful and adorable she is. Her smile is the same, full of light and joy—though now there’s some pain mixed in as well. Her hair is still crazy curly, but so pretty. I wonder if it feels as silky as I remember.
And her lips…I remember when I was twelve and wondered what it would feel like to kiss her. I’m forcing myself not to wonder the same thing now. I have no right to even think about her that way. Not after the way I treated her.
“So…bye…” She waves and makes her way to my door. Before she leaves, she turns around and watches me for a bit. We stare at each other for I’m not sure how long before she tears her eyes away and walks out.
Dropping down on my bed, I bend forward, running my fingers through my hair. I didn’t think I’d see her so soon and wasn’t ready to face her. I thought we’d see each other at Edenbury High tomorrow. Maybe we’d just pass each other in the halls. Maybe she would have said a few words to me. I honestly thought she’d be upset with me. But it was like she was waiting for me to return. I know she used to wait—she wrote me a letter two years ago and always asked my older sister Zoey about me—but I figured she’d forget about me and move on. But she hasn’t forgotten me. I don’t know why that causes this strange, warm feeling to gather in my stomach.
I sit here for what feels like forever, thinking about how good Lexi felt in my arms, when Mom peeks her head in. “Brock? You unpacking?”
I blink at her like I’ve never seen her before.
Dad peeks in as well. “You okay, Brock?”
I try not to sigh. Is this how they’ll be from now on? Every time they visited me in Boston or video chatted, they always asked me the same thing. How am I doing? Am I ready to come home? Do I want to talk? I get that they love me and are worried, but I’m sixteen. I don’t want my parents to worry about me all the time.
Dad plows his fingers through his dark hair. It’s the same shade as mine, but longer. I inherited my blue eyes from my mom. My dad—Zane Hastings—kind of understands what I’ve been through. He and his older brother, my uncle Zack, lost their parents in a house fire when my dad was four. He was in the foster care system before a nice couple took him and Uncle Zack in. But then they died when Dad was sixteen and he was very lost and upset. All he wanted was to be the quarterback for the Edenbury High Lions, but my mom Bailey got chosen to be quarterback. She was the first female QB for the Lions. And my sister Zoey was the second. I know it was Mom who changed Dad’s life. He wouldn’t be where he is today if not for her. She sort of fixed him. Makes me wonder if I’ll ever be fixed.
“Brock?” Mom says for what sounds like the millionth time. “Did you hear us?”
I play with a loose thread on my shirtsleeve. “What?”
Mom lowers herself on one side of me, taking my hand and sandwiching it between hers. Dad sits on my other side and stretches his arm over my shoulder.
They don’t say anything, but I can feel them sending eye signals to one another as I keep my focus on the floor. I don’t know what to say to them. I am okay for the most part. I mean, it’s been four years and I need to move on. But at the same time, I’m back here where everything happened. I can’t escape the past anymore.
“You know we’re here for you, sweetie,” Mom says as she presses a kiss to my cheek.
“Yeah, I know. But I think you should stop kissing me. I’m sixteen and it’s not cool.”
Dad chuckles as he squishes me to his chest. “You might be sixteen, but you’re still our youngest. And we missed you like crazy.”
“So excuse us if we want to cuddle you,” Mom adds as she also squishes me close to her. We’re now one big Hastings sandwich.
“Okay, I get it,” my muffled voice says against Mom’s shoulder. “I missed you guys, too. But you’re ruining my rep.”
“No one’s here,” Dad points out.
I groan as they continue squeezing the life out of me. Geez.
“Brock, Brock, my little Brocky,” Mom murmurs, like saying my name gives her comfort. I know I worried my parents a lot and I don’t want to make a big deal about them treating me like a baby. But after what happened with Lexi, I want to be alone with my thoughts.
“Did you text your grandparents that you made it home safely?” Dad asks me.
“Yep.”
“And you’re sure you have everything you need for school tomorrow?” Mom adds.
“Uh huh.”
They exchange a glance.
“And how did it go with Lexi?” Dad asks.
I shrug. “Fine.”
“Did you guys talk?”
I shrug again.
They’re quiet, maybe waiting for me to say more, but I don’t have anything to add. It seems like they want to ask more about me and my former best friend, but they decide to drop it. Maybe they don’t want to push.
They stay a little while longer, making sure I’m okay before exiting my room. I stare at the open door, my thoughts on one person and one person alone.
My parents didn’t say it, but I know what they were thinking. That I didn’t treat Lexi right. I was so hurt and angry that I didn’t consider her feelings. Even though her close friend didn’t die in an accident like mine did, she still lost a best friend—me. I left her for four years and never contacted her. And I purposely shut her out after she reached out a few times. I didn’t see it then, but I see it now. I was a really, really big jerk.
And I still am a jerk. Because I’m not sure I can be close to her again. I mean, I want to, but she reminds me of all the pain I went through. She used to mean comfort and happiness. Now she means guilt and confusion.
I’ve ruined everything between us and I don’t think I can ever go back to the person I used to be. Lexi wants that guy back in her life.
She doesn’t want the damaged Brock Hastings.