Chapter Four
Brock
My friends are telling me all these different things as they lead me into Edenbury High. Like the time Theo broke his arm three years ago after he fell from his skateboard. Or when Dean and Cooper got into a fight last year over a girl they both liked. As glad and relieved as I am that they’re making me feel like nothing has changed, there’s still something in the air. Some distance.
Or maybe that’s just on my end. Maybe because my insecure brain keeps telling me that they don’t trust me. I did hurt them after all. But they have always been good friends to me. I was wrong to shut them out.
The only one in the group who doesn’t say much is Lexi. She lingers at the back of the group, arms wrapped around herself like she’s cold. I only have a chance to look at her for a few seconds—and notice her eyes are on me—before Cooper hits me in the chest as he nods to the girl he and Dean both tried to get with. She didn’t choose either of them in the end and their friendship is as normal as it was before.
“She’s hot, right?” Cooper asks as we pass her and the kids she’s talking to. I didn’t realize it before because the guys have kept me busy, but every single person we pass stops what they’re doing and stares at us. At me. I squeeze my grip on my motorcycle helmet.
Everyone knows what happened four years ago and why I left for Boston. Edenbury is a very small town, so everyone basically knows everything about each other. The kids stare and whisper, probably surprised that I’m back. I wasn’t the only one who lost a classmate that day. Our entire grade did. But I was the only one who saw it happen. And they all know how messed up it made me.
“Nothing to see here, folks,” Dean says to them as Theo tightens his arm over my shoulder. The others motion for them to return to whatever they were doing. Most continue to gawk and whisper as we pass.
“Sorry, man.” Gael gives me an apologetic look.
“Yeah, you’re the most interesting thing to happen here since forever,” Nate says.
I push a smile on my face. “I get it.”
As we make our way to our lockers, I notice Finn hangs behind with Lexi and bends close to whisper something to her.
“Cool! Our lockers are near each other!” Theo cheers with bright blue eyes. “Nice. Last year, Lexi was all the way down there.” He points his thumb to the other end of the hallway. “Now she’s with us.”
Lexi scowls. “Yeah, and that locker was so far from all my classes. You guys were so nice to carry my books for me.”
Cooper ruffles her hair, causing her curls to fly all over the place. “You know we’d do anything for our queen.”
The others nod and cheer in agreement. A pang strikes my stomach. I’ve missed so much. I’m like an outsider. Will I ever feel part of them again? Do they want me to?
Lexi looks at me, then gives me a sweet smile. I return a small one, wishing I could do more. Or say something.
The bell will ring soon and we quickly dump our school things in our lockers. They’re empty now but will be filled with books as we attend our classes. After I shove my helmet inside, I grab the paperback I’m currently reading and tuck it into my back pocket. It’s a mystery book. I usually go for sci-fi or fantasy, but if I find a good mystery, I’ll check it out.
I’ve always loved to read, something I share with my dad, a well-known fantasy writer. Mom’s not much of a reader, though Dad has gotten her into it. And Zoey loves to read, too.
Because of what happened four years ago, I’ve become even more obsessed with books. They take me away from my problems for a bit and make me feel hopeful. Right after the accident, I didn’t read. I shut myself off completely. Then, after moving to Boston, I picked it up again. My grandfather had to build a bookshelf to hold all my books. Now, they’re stacked up in my room in huge piles because there’s no room on my bookshelf.
Soft laughter enters my ears as the guys crowd around Lexi, each one telling her how excited they are for dance practice after school tomorrow. I’m glad she hasn’t given it up. I always loved watching her dance and cheering her on at recitals.
I love seeing her eyes light up. They remind me of a different time, when life was good. When I was a happy kid. When I was the first person she ran to whenever she had something to tell us. But it’s selfish of me to think these thoughts. I was the one who left her.
She must feel me watching her because her gaze drifts in my direction. She gives me another shy smile. She’s never been shy with me before, but I can’t expect us to go back to the people we were. I wouldn’t be surprised or blame her if she doesn’t trust me.
There’s something I need to say to her. Something I need to do that I should have done years ago.
I inch closer to her, and the guys step aside like I’m a king heading to his queen. Lexi straightens up from the locker she was leaning on, beautiful green eyes on me.
“I…” I push some bangs out of my eyes. “Can I talk to you?” I shift in my spot. “I mean, can we go somewhere…?” My voice trails off as the bell rings.
Lexi’s face falls, like she’s very curious what I have to say to her and hates the bell for preventing it from happening. “Sure, we can talk. Um…maybe at lunch?”
I nod. “Yeah. Lunch.”
“Who do you have for first period?” Finn asks me.
“Aunt Ally.”
“Nice! We’re all in her class.” Theo holds out his fist for a bump and I bump it. Then all eight of us head to Aunt Ally’s class. She’s Uncle Zack’s wife and teaches English. I’ve never had her class before, but Zoey and her friends and the rest of my cousins have told me her classes are the best in the world. I can’t wait. She and I always talk books, so if it’s anything like our discussions, it will be my favorite class.
Lexi walks beside me as we make our way to the classroom. Her hand is only inches away from mine. When we were younger, we used to hold hands a lot. Not in a romantic way, but as friends. She was so adventurous and fun and always grabbed my hand and pulled me places. Like to the large slide in the park when we were eight. I was too scared to go down it, but she made it seem so effortless. I don’t think anything scares her.
I don’t realize I’m staring at her until she tucks some hair behind her ear, smiling shyly. Finn, on her other side, keeps her busy talking about the comic book he read yesterday. All the guys like comics while I prefer novels.
Aunt Ally is at her desk, reading a romance novel as the students gather inside. Her head lifts and her expression shifts as she spots me enter the classroom. She and Uncle Zack came over last night for dinner in honor of my return. Aunt Ally was impressed with my collection of books, but was dismayed to learn I didn’t have any romance books she could borrow.
Since she’s my teacher, she has to treat me like a student and not her nephew, but she gives me a smile meant only for me. I wave before joining the others, who have saved a seat for me. All of us are gathered at the back of the room, with Lexi in the center desk.
Aunt Ally begins the lesson by asking the students if anyone read the assigned reading over the summer. Not a single kid raises their hand. Even though she expects it, Aunt Ally is still bummed.
Her eyes move to me. “Did you read it, Brock?”
“I read it last year at my old school.”
“Good. Would you like to discuss the themes?”
I’ve never liked having eyes on me, but it’s different now. Especially because I’m the latest gossip around Edenbury High. But Aunt Ally is so desperate for someone to discuss the book, so I talk about the themes.
She grins. “Very good, Brock.” Then she faces the class and continues to gush about it. The kids don’t look bored like my former students did at my old school. Everyone is wide awake and absorbing her words like they’re sponges.
I smile as I watch their expressions. Everyone was right about Aunt Ally’s class. It’s too bad the bell rings and she’s forced to end the lesson.
As my friends and I leave the classroom, Aunt Ally says, “Brock, can I talk to you for a second?”
I make my way over to her.
“Hey, Brock.”
“Hi.”
She searches my eyes. “Is everything okay? How are you adjusting to your new school?”
What she’s really asking is if I’m falling apart from all the memories crashing down on me. The school is different, but the kids are the same. Every single kid I grew up with is here.
Except for one.
“Yeah, I’m good.” I squint at her. “Did my mom or dad tell you to spy on me?”
She shakes her head. “No, of course not. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
I force a smile. “Yep, totally okay. Cool class, by the way.”
“Thanks. You know I’m here for you if you need me. Or if you’re more comfortable talking to a guy, Uncle Brayden is here for you, too.”
Uncle Brayden is Mom’s older brother. He’s the football coach and PE teacher at Edenbury High. He was QB when he was in high school and then went to play for the Silverton Sharks. Such a legend.
My mom and Uncle Brayden had an older brother, but he died in a car accident when he was in high school. His name was Brock, and both Zoey and I are named after him, her middle name being Brooke. He was also QB for the Edenbury High Lions.
I used to be sporty when I was younger. Everyone thought I’d follow in Mom, Uncle Brayden, and Uncle Brock’s footsteps. But I lost interest after Andy died. He liked sports as much as me, and we used to play ball a lot. And we hung out at the basketball hoop in the park and at Uncle Zack’s house a lot. I always beat his butt, but he never complained.
“Brock? You okay?” Aunt Ally pulls me from my thoughts.
I blink. “Yeah. I’m fine.” I wish everyone would quit asking me that, but I get it. They’re worried I’ll sink to rock bottom like I did after the accident. I don’t know where I’d be right now if Mom and Dad hadn’t pulled me out of the dark hole I was in.
Aunt Ally presses her lips together like she doesn’t believe me. She’s about to say something, but students file into the classroom for next period.
I rush to my next class. Biology. Lexi and the others are standing outside the classroom, grumbling that no one shares this class with her. Apparently at least one of the guys has always shared a class with her and she was never alone.
“We should demand that they put you in one of our classes,” Cooper says, shaking his blond head. “The nerve of them.”
I pull my phone from my pocket and check my schedule. “I have bio with Mrs. Cassidy next.”
“Awesome!” Gael says. “Now you’re not alone, Lexi.”
She and I latch eyes on each other and smile. Is it bad that I’m glad I share a class with her alone and not with the others?
“See you guys later,” Dean says as the rest of them walk away. Lexi and I enter the classroom, choosing seats across from one another. The teacher hasn’t arrived yet, even though the bell rang a few minutes ago.
Lexi places her school stuff on her desk table, while I take out my paperback.
She bends forward to take a peek. “You still like to read, huh?”
“Yeah.”
Silence.
“Cool,” she continues, a bright smile on her face, though her eyes are unsure. “I wish I liked to read books, but you know me. Only comics.”
I nod, wishing I could just get some darn words out. But I can’t talk to her like we’re friends. There’s still that thing I need to do first.
Sitting up in my seat, I say, “Look, Lexi. About that thing I need to talk to you about?”
She nods.
The teacher enters the classroom, calling for everyone to quiet down. Man. Why do I keep getting interrupted?
Lexi mouths “lunch” to me and I nod. We have a few classes until lunchtime, which sucks because I really need to try to fix the mess I made between us. If that’s even possible.
***
While the guys head to the cafeteria for lunch, Lexi and I remain at her locker. I’m leaning against it with my arms crossed over my chest, my eyes on her. Lexi stands before me, biting her lip.
She shifts from one foot to the other. “So, um, what did you want to talk to me about?”
I let my eyes wander around the area because I don’t exactly know how to say this. The fact that she’s even giving me the time of day shows what a special person she is. Someone else would ignore me the same way I ignored her. But not Lexi. No, she’s got a heart of gold. It’s no wonder everyone loves her.
My gaze drops to the floor. “Why are you talking to me?” I raise my head, taking in the surprised expression on her face.
“What do you mean? You asked to talk to me in private.”
I shake my head, letting my bangs fall into my eyes. “No, I mean in general. Why are you talking to me?”
“Because you’re my friend.”
There’s no hesitation. No uncertainty. She still considers me her friend after everything I put her through.
She moves closer to me, not leaving much space between us. “Brock, I…”
“No, please. I need to say this…to explain…” I puff out my cheeks, unable to continue.
She takes hold of both my hands, and a strange tingle shoots up my spine. “Brock, you don’t have to say anything. I understand.”
“No.” I pull my hands out of hers. “Stop excusing my behavior. Please.” I shut my eyes. “I don’t deserve it.”
She takes one of my hands, forcing me to open my eyes. “It’s okay,” she whispers. “We don’t have to talk about it.”
“You’re not upset about the way I treated you?”
She shakes her head. “No, not upset.”
“Hurt then.”
She bites her lip.
I bang the back of my head on the locker, staring up at the ceiling. After taking a deep breath, I slowly release it and look into her eyes. “I hate the way I treated you and I want to apologize. Lexi, I’m sorry.” My voice cracks as I try to hold back tears. “I’m so, so sorry.”
Tears flash in her eyes, making it harder for me to contain mine. “It’s okay,” she whispers again. “I don’t blame you for what happened. I…made some mistakes, too, and I’m sorry.” Her tears drop down her cheeks.
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong,” I tell her.
“What I said that day. It was terrible. I shouldn’t have said it.”
Shutting my eyes, the tears slip out and spill down my cheeks. The images from that awful day four years ago flash in my mind. My body convulses. “I don’t…I can’t…”
She places her hands on my cheeks. “We don’t have to talk about it.” Her voice is soft. “We can leave it in the past and move on.”
My eyes open. “I can’t just forget about what a jerk I was. I treated you worse than garbage. I’ll never forgive myself.”
“Don’t say that,” she whispers. “I forgive you. Please don’t worry about me.” She smiles widely. “I’m okay.”
I search her eyes, wanting to believe her, but I don’t know if I can. She’s being strong for me, but I wish she wouldn’t be. She should slap me across the face for being a jerk to her. But the sweet, amazing Lexi would never do that.
“Don’t beat yourself up, Brock,” she continues, voice low and soft. “Please.”
How could she be so forgiving? I don’t deserve her friendship.
She wipes her tears away with her shirtsleeve, then holds out her hand to me. “Come, let’s go to lunch.”
My eyes linger on her hand before I slowly slide mine inside. Hers is so warm and comforting, just as I remember. But it feels different somehow, too. More profound. It causes my heart rate to pick up speed.
Giving me another sweet smile, Lexi leads me to the cafeteria.