Chapter Twenty-Nine
Lexi
Brock doesn’t hang out with us during dance rehearsal after school on Tuesday.
I can’t help but wonder if there’s a reason for that, or if he found something better to do. None of the other guys seem bothered about it.
When Gael and I take a break at the water cooler, I ask, “Is it weird that Brock’s not here?”
He shrugs. “No. Maybe he got bored of watching us dance for hours.”
He could be right. Maybe Brock had a shark documentary to watch.
Would he watch it without me?
I take a deep breath and let it out. Why am I going crazy? He could watch it alone if he wants. We’re not attached at the hip. Besides, I need to put all my focus on Finn if I want to see if he and I have a shot. As much as it hurts, Brock can’t be at the forefront of my mind anymore.
Finn joins Gael and me and fills his cup with water. As soon as Gael walks away, Finn asks, “What are your plans after rehearsal?”
“I have a date with homework.”
“Do you have a lot? Because I thought we could hang out.”
This is exactly what we need, to spend time together and figure out if we’re good for one another.
“Actually, my date is a pretty bad kisser, so I’m willing to push him away and hang out with you instead.”
Finn just stares at me.
I playfully hit his shoulder. “That was a joke. Geez, dude. You used to laugh at my jokes all the time.”
He chuckles sheepishly. “Yeah, sorry. I guess I heard you say ‘kiss’ and my brain short-circuited.”
“Oh, haha.” My cheeks heat up. “You don’t have to worry about that. These lips have never touched other lips.” I point to them.
Finn laughs again.
Ugh, why did I mention kissing or my lips? And why did things get so weird? Things were so much more natural with Brock—
No. Enough with the comparisons.
Finn clears his throat. “Do you want to go to the comic book store? I haven’t gone in a while and they might have gotten new stuff.”
“Cool, that sounds like fun.”
When dance class is over, the seven of us pile into the van. My eyes linger on the spot where Brock used to park his bike. I miss him. I miss riding behind him on his bike. I miss talking to him and texting him like we used to. He and I didn’t say much to each other these past two days. I hope things can still be normal between us. I mean, as friends, we should be totally cool with each other, right?
After Finn drops everyone off, he drives us toward the comic book store. We mostly talk about the ballet and school on the way. Things seem more natural now that we’re talking about things that don’t pertain to our feelings. Though I still feel like he’s choosing his words carefully. Like he’s worried he might say something that might offend me. As friends, we can joke around and say whatever we want. But it’s different with a potential girlfriend or boyfriend.
And when I tease him, I worry I might have crossed a line. Geez, are things ever going to feel natural? Why do they feel more natural with Brock?
Oh my gosh. For the millionth time, stop comparing him to Brock.
“Here we are.” Finn parks in an empty spot before the comic book store, and we get out of the van. I haven’t been here in a while. Usually, Finn is the one who’s always buying the new comics and sharing them with the rest of us.
“Are we on a mission to find a new comic or do we want to find an old treasure?” I ask as he opens the door for me. “Thanks.”
“I just want to read something good,” he says.
“I’m in the mood for a tough, kickbutt heroine.”
“I’ll keep my eyes peeled for that.”
As we walk further into the store, I notice the humongous gumball machine against the wall. “They still have that thing?” I ask. “It’s been there forever.”
“I know, right? Hey, remember how Nate forced us all to buy a gumball every time we came here?”
“And they were so big, I thought my jaw would snap.”
Finn laughs. “I remember! And I think they gave me a few cavities, too. Want to buy some?”
“Sure, but if they’re still too big for my mouth, I’m spitting it out.”
“Fair.”
He walks up to the machine and produces quarters.
“I can pay for my gumball,” I offer.
“It’s okay. I mean, this is kind of a date, right?” His cheeks grow pink as he glances at me.
“Oh, um…yeah, I guess.”
He clears his throat and loads the quarters into the machine, releasing two gumballs. An orange one and a dark blue one.
“Dibs on the blue one!” I grab it before he can and pop it into my mouth. The thing is really big, but unlike when I was a kid, I can actually chew it without breaking my jaw. “Mmm. I forgot how good these things are.”
“My flavor sucks,” he mutters with a frown.
“Bummer,” I joke. “Because mine is awesome.”
“I’m trying my luck with another.”
He spits his gum into a tissue before launching it into the garbage bin. Then he puts in his quarters for another gumball. An orange one falls out of the shoot.
I burst out laughing. “I think the Universe is trying to tell you something.”
“Just my luck.” With another frown, he pops it into his mouth. “Let’s check out the comics.”
The store is pretty big and I swear there’s every single issue known to man and woman here. I’m thankful there’s no “female superhero” section here because the female superheroes are just as kickbutt as the male ones, but it does make searching for the female ones a little difficult.
I’ve read most of the famous female superheroes before, like Supergirl, Wonder Woman, Harley Quinn, Batgirl, and so on. But it’s always awesome to find an issue I haven’t read before. But after browsing for twenty minutes, I come up with nothing. When I look at Finn, he’s got a few comics in his arms, and a ginormous smile on his face. I watch him for a few seconds, enjoying the way his eyes light up every time he checks out a comic. But I don’t feel anything in my heart.
Maybe that’ll change in time? Or am I supposed to feel a spark from the start?
“Find anything good?”
I snap out of my thoughts. “What? Oh, um, nothing good yet. What about you?”
He holds out the stack. “Got a few options. And I found an X-Men issue that focuses on Storm. I don’t think you’ve read it before.”
“Storm? Nice. I love her. Did you find any on Jean Grey? I love her, too.”
“I’ll make sure to keep my eyes peeled for that, too.”
We browse for another fifteen minutes before deciding we’ve had enough. I choose the Storm one while Finn chooses three issues that came out this month.
When we head to the guy to pay, Finn places all the issues on the counter and produces his wallet.
“I can pay for my own,” I offer.
“Date, remember?” he says with a grin, handing the money to the guy. I don’t know why him saying the word “date” makes me cringe a little. Maybe because I’m not used to it? It’s somewhat weird to be hanging out with one of my best friends like usual when in reality…it’s more than that.
We walk out of the comic book store and stand before one another. I move from one foot to the other. Finn clears his throat.
“So do you want to do something else?” he asks.
“Like what?” The truth is, I do like hanging out with him and don’t want to part for the day. But to say I feel differently than all the other times the two of us hung out alone? That would be a lie.
“There’s a smoothie shop over there.” Finn points to a store in the distance. “It just opened a few weeks ago. Dean says their smoothies are really good.”
“Oh, yeah. I remember him mentioning that. Sure, I could use a smoothie. And the weather is pretty nice. We’d better soak whatever’s left of it before it gets too cold.”
“Yeah.”
Walking side by side, we make our way to the smoothie shop. His hand is very close to mine—if I would move it just a few inches, I would feel his skin on mine. Would warmth and protection and all the good stuff engulf me like when I held Brock’s hand? I know, I know, I shouldn’t compare. But I don’t feel the desire to reach for his hand like I did with Brock.
He raises his hand to push some hair out of his eyes, and the opportunity is lost.
“Yeah?” he asks.
“What?”
“I asked if your private rehearsals have been paying off.”
“Oh. Yeah, I think so. I mean, there are still areas I need to work on, but I’m sure I’ll be perfect by the performance. I hope.”
“I bet you’re perfect already.”
“Thanks.”
His compliment doesn’t make my insides feel all gooey. It just feels like one of my best friends complimenting me. It could be any of the other six guys and I would still feel the same. Is that normal? Or am I too much in my head and need to stop overanalyzing everything? I should enjoy my time with Finn without questioning every little thing.
My troubled thoughts get interrupted when I notice a cartoon drawing of a blue whale and tiger shark on a sign hanging on the window outside of the smoothie shop. “Look!” I point them out to Finn and hurry over. “Aren’t they so cute?” The caption reads “As Smooth As The Ocean.”
“Yeah, they’re cool,” Finn says. There isn’t an ounce of excitement in his voice.
“Come on, dude. With a name like Finn, you have to love sharks and whales.”
He gives me a confused face before grinning and tapping on the whale’s flipper. “Right. Here I am. And here.” He taps on the shark’s fin.
“Well, you got the shark one correct. But this is a flipper.” I point to the whale’s flipper. “And this is the dorsal fin.” I tap the whale’s dorsal fin. “Oh my gosh! The person even drew the shark’s anal fin! How cool is that?”
Finn gapes at me. “Did you just say ‘anal?’ I’m having flashbacks to middle school biology class.”
“Oh my gosh.” I shove his shoulder. “The anal fin is this small fin at the bottom back of the shark. It helps stabilize the shark as it swims.”
Finn doesn’t seem impressed by that.
For some reason, I start spouting random facts about sharks and whales. Maybe hoping to spark Finn’s interest. Maybe he’d like the fact that blue whales can grow up to one hundred feet, or that their hearts are as big as cars. Or that despite their size, they eat tiny shrimp-like creatures called krill. Or maybe he’d like to know that tiger sharks are called that because of the stripes or spots covering the sides of their bodies.
But this is so stupid because I know this stuff doesn’t interest Finn. We’ve been best friends for years and he’s never once shown an interest. But he doesn’t have to be interested in what I’m into. We can both have our stuff and still be together. But yet…
Brock and I could gush and obsess about ocean life for hours and hours and hours. And never get bored.
“Should we go in and see if the smoothies are as ‘Smooth As The Ocean?’” Finn asks with a chuckle. He opens the door and looks back. “You coming, Lexi?”
With a nod, I follow him into the shop. Once we choose our flavors—him strawberry and me blueberry—we decide to take a walk around the area.
I tell myself to forget about the whales and the sharks and focus on the things we do have in common. Like our love for comics, superheroes, and dance. It’s not long before we’re both laughing and joking around about random stuff.
Things were a little rocky today, and I still don’t know how I feel about Finn, but the important thing is that I’m trying. I’m giving him a shot—I’m giving us a shot. And who knows, maybe in time I will feel differently about him. Maybe we just need to spend more time together.
When he drops me off at my house, he gives me a wide smile. “I had lots of fun with you today.”
I return the smile. “I did, too.” Which is not a lie, because I genuinely did have fun with Finn.
I’ll just need more time to figure out exactly how I feel.