Chapter Twenty-Eight
Brock
I, along with Lexi and the guys, head toward the cafeteria. I’m not really hungry because my stomach has been in knots all morning. Over the weekend, really. I just can’t get it out of my head—my doubts about not fighting for Lexi. But then I tell myself how selfish I am.
I don’t know. I’m just so confused.
Lexi and Finn are at the back of the pack, their heads close as they chat about something. Is she giving him a shot? A part of me is glad—I know he’ll treat her right. But the other part…not so much.
But I force my gaze away. This really isn’t my business, even though Lexi is my friend. This is her decision. I want her to do what’s best for her.
We enter the cafeteria and wait in line to get our food. The guys are talking about dance and movies while Lexi and Finn are still having their own conversation.
As if she feels me watching her, Lexi’s head turns to me. My lips kick up in a small smile. She returns one, eyes lingering on me before she focuses back on Finn.
Once all eight of us have our food and drop down at our table, the others talk about different topics and I keep my attention on eating. Even though I’m not hungry, I should eat. It’ll give me something to keep busy with so I won’t watch Lexi and Finn sitting close to each other.
Despite ordering them not to, my eyes dart in their direction every so often. They’re close, but it doesn’t look like Lexi is into it as much as Finn is. I mean, she’s smiling her sweet smile and is nodding at what he says, but he seems smitten while she’s…not as much.
Darn it. Why am I being all obsessed with them?
I need to stop. I need to let her go.
I don’t want to be a selfish jerk.
I don’t realize I let out a heavy sigh until Theo turns to me. “What was that? Sounds like you’re carrying the world on your shoulders.”
All eyes—especially one pair—lock on me.
I poke at my food. “Just not really hungry, I guess.” I shrug. “I didn’t sleep well.” I stupidly risk a glance in her direction and notice the worry in her eyes. I force a smile to let her know I’m good. Or at least, I’m trying to be. “I’m fine. No big.”
“Chocolate pudding will make you feel better,” Lexi tells me with that sweet smile. “Trust me.”
I return the smile as I reach for it. “Okay, thanks.”
She still holds her smile, but I sense the worry all over her face. She’s not sure where we stand. If she and Finn get close, I don’t think he would appreciate Lexi and me hanging out without the other guys.
Man. I really need to stop. I’m just as obsessed with Lexi as she is with me. And that’s not healthy.
I never thought I’d ever think those words. Lexi and I have always been close before Andy died. She was always there. I could talk to her whenever I wanted. About anything. And when we were separated, I missed her a lot. Looks like we won’t be close anymore. I’d never do anything to jeopardize her relationship with Finn.
Sometimes during lunch, all eight of us share one conversation, sometimes we’re broken into groups. Now, it’s Lexi and Finn, Dean, and Nate, and the rest with me. Though I’m mostly quiet because I have a lot on my mind.
“Go for it, Coop,” Gael encourages. “We got your back.”
Coop twists his nose. “Yeah?”
“Yeah!” the others except for Lexi, Finn, and me, cheer.
He stands. “All right. I’m doing it.” He nods to himself and walks off.
“What’s going on?” Lexi asks.
Dean points his thumb in the distance. “He’s going to ask Eloise out. Where’ve you been? He’s been talking about her all day. She broke up with her boyfriend and he’s going to try to ask her out.”
Finn snorts. “That’ll go well.”
Lexi pokes him in the ribs with her elbow. “Don’t be a jerk.”
It’s odd to see Cooper nervous, but he looks very uncertain as he heads to Eloise’s table. His face has lost its color.
“Come on, Coop,” Lexi hisses. “You’ve got this.”
We all watch as he gets her attention and talks to her. Her eyebrows furrow as she listens to him. She nods in confusion and says something back. And the next minute, he’s heading back to our table, face lowered in shame.
The rest of us exchange glances.
“Looks like it didn’t go well,” Dean says.
“Poor Cooper,” Lexi says.
He returns to our table, throws himself down, and continues eating. “Darn it,” he mutters.
Lexi places her hand on his shoulder. “She’s a moron for rejecting you.”
His shoulders slump. “Thanks. She told me to go away and leave her alone. Man. Is there something wrong with me? Am I ugly?”
For the next few minutes, we all try to reassure him that there’s nothing wrong with him. It’s mostly Lexi doing the talking because the rest of us don’t really know how to deal with a sad Cooper. She’s so good at making people feel better. I think it’s one of her gifts. The marine animals will definitely benefit from that special part of her.
I’ll definitely miss it.
“That’s it, I’m done,” Cooper says. “It’s not in the cards for me to have a girlfriend, so I won’t have one.”
“Don’t say that, Coop.” Lexi pats his back. “It’ll happen at the right time with the right girl.”
As she says that, her gaze flings in my direction. Is she trying to hint that she’s not the right one for me? Or is she…hinting that she wishes she was? That things were different? Had I not gone to Boston, would she and I be together now?
I quickly avert my gaze. I can’t let myself think like that. It’ll only make it harder to move on from her.
“And I’m not just talking about Coop,” Lexi goes on. “I’m talking about all of us.”
Theo waves his hand. “Figured it’ll take a special lady to handle this awesomeness.” He gestures at himself.
Lexi and Nate playfully shove his shoulder.
The conversation shifts to the guys’ lame attempt at asking girls out, which makes Cooper feel a whole lot better.
The bell rings. We gather our stuff, throw out our garbage, and leave the cafeteria with the rest of the students.
Lexi and I go to bio class, sitting across from one another. This is the first time since Friday that we’ve been alone. I don’t want things to be weird between us, but maybe that’s inevitable.
Lexi smiles as she places her school things on her desk and I take out my book. “Hey.”
“Hi.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask her about her decision regarding Finn, but I hold back. If she wants to talk about it, she’ll talk about it. I’m not pushing.
She tucks some curls behind her ear. “Is that a good book?”
I glance at the cover of a man and woman battling dragons. “Yeah.”
“That’s cool. What’s it about?”
I need to keep my distance for both our sakes, but I don’t want to abandon her. Finn said that it’d crush her if I stopped being her friend. But how can I be her friend when I feel so much more than friendship?
The best I could do is give her a short summary.
She plays with her hair. “Is that all? Where’s your enthusiasm? I mean, you’re talking about books. Your favorite thing in the world other than sharks.”
My lips shake as I attempt a smile. No, my favorite thing in the world is her. “Yeah. I mean, I don’t want to spoil it in case you one day decide to read novels and pick this one up.”
She laughs. “You think I will one day?”
I shrug. “Maybe. When you decide to be cultured.”
She laughs again. “Well if I do, then this…” She taps my paperback. “Will be the first book I read. Because Brock loves it.”
We smile at each other, and for a second it feels like things are back to how they were only a few days ago. But then I remember I need to keep my distance and look away from her. I know this hurts her, but if I keep giving her attention, she won’t give Finn a shot. Even though it’s not up to me to determine what happens between them, I don’t want to be the reason she rejects him.
Luckily, we don’t sit in awkward silence for too long because the teacher walks in and starts the lesson.
***
“The arcade?” Cooper asks us after school as we stand at Lexi’s locker. “Ugh. Not in the mood.”
“Come on, man,” Theo says. “It’ll help get your mind off Eloise. Besides, we haven’t been there since before school started.”
Cooper frowns. “I don’t know, guys.”
Lexi snorts. “He’s worried he’ll lose like he did last time,” she teases.
“I did not.”
Nate rolls his eyes. “Dude, you lost, like, every single game.”
The rest of them chuckle as they talk about all the games Cooper failed at. I once again feel left out, but I’m trying not to think about it.
Cooper scowls. “Fine, fine. I’m in.”
“Yay,” Lexi says. She turns to me. “You coming, Brock?”
I shrug. “Don’t have anything else to do.”
Finn wraps an arm around me and laughs lightly. “This guy. You know, it’s not embarrassing to admit you want to hang out with us. You don’t have to make an excuse.”
“I’m not making excuses,” I argue. “It just feels like something you guys share.”
Dean throws his hands up. “Dude, what the heck? You’re part of us, so whatever we share you share.”
I smile in appreciation. “Thanks. Okay, let’s go to the arcade. Uh…I’ll meet you guys there?”
We separate, them to Finn’s van and me to my bike. Before I get on, I stare at it. Memories flash in my mind, of a certain beautiful girl with adorable curls behind me, her hands wrapped around my waist, squeezing tightly as we zipped through the streets.
My heart stops pumping for a second. What will it take for me to forget her? Am I doomed to cry after her for the rest of my life?
Shaking that off, I put on my helmet, get on my bike, and make my way to the arcade. The guys, Lexi, and I used to go there all the time when we were kids. I haven’t been there in four years and wonder if it’s the same.
The others are inside when I enter, fighting over the many arcade games. After giving the place a quick sweep, I notice they’ve added many more games and have gotten rid of old ones that no one played for years.
“Brock.” They wave me over.
Dean says, “Since you haven’t been here in forever, you choose.”
My gaze wanders around the arcade. There are many kids our age and younger here, all at the machines. “I don’t know. Doesn’t really matter to me.”
“You’re no fun,” Theo complains. “The Brock we knew was always so competitive at the arcade. Remember how you and Lexi owned all of us?”
Lexi and I exchange a glance and smile. She playfully rolls her eyes. “You never beat me.”
“Lies,” I say. “I beat you all the time.”
Finn steps forward. “That’s not how I remember it.”
Nate lifts his hands. “Yeah, our queen destroyed you, man.”
Lexi shrugs. “Fine, maybe you won, like, once,” she jokes.
We all know I won more than once, but they’re just teasing me. Maybe because I’m reverting to Damaged Brock. I was doing so well these past few weeks. And now…I don’t know. I want to be that guy again. It’s just hard when I’m losing my best friend. The girl who’s my world.
But I’ll get past this somehow.
Maybe that starts with making sure I have a good time here. So with a wide smile, I lift my head. “You losers remember the little Brock from years ago. Well, he’s grown up now and will annihilate you.”
“Oooh,” Lexi teases. “Look at the scary Brock talk smack. Well, put your money where your mouth is.” She gestures at one of the machines that’s not currently in use by other kids. “Have at it.”
“Gladly.”
Okay, I’m a big talker. Truth is, the current Brock has no idea how to even play this game. All I basically did back in Boston was read my books, watch ocean life docus, and sail on my grandfather’s boat. I’m going to get creamed.
All seven of them crowd around me as I start the game. Sure enough, I’m sucking. But then I get the hang of it and surprise myself. And the others. They’re cheering me on as my guy runs around collecting coins.
“You’re close to the jackpot!” Gael yells as he shakes in place. “Just a few more coins.”
We’re all tense as my guy leaps in the air, ready to snatch the last coin that will give me a high score, but then he goes splat into the mud.
We all groan in frustration.
“Man,” I mutter.
Theo bows down. “All hail the master of arcade games.”
Nate lifts a brow. “You tricked us. You’re a pro at this.”
“I swear this was my first time playing.”
“Dude.” Cooper slaps my hand. “Nice.”
Finn shrugs. “Beginner’s luck.”
I lift my brow. “Want to go head-to-head?”
The game has a feature where two people can battle each other, and whoever collects the most coins wins.
Finn lifts his chin. “Like heck I do.”
Lexi looks a little worried as she glances from me to Finn. “Come on, guys. No fighting.”
Finn waves his hand. “Just a friendly competition, Lexi. It’s all good. Right, Brock?”
“Yeah. All good.”
I take one side of the machine and he takes the other and we start the game. Why do I feel like this is a battle for Lexi’s heart? That’s silly. She chose Finn, or at least she’s leaning toward him, and like I said, I’m not going to get in between them.
Half the guys cheer for me and the other for Finn. Lexi’s quiet, so I have no idea whose team she’s on.
The guys go crazy when Finn and I are tied. All the winner needs to do is grab the bundle of coins at the end of the moving platforms. We’re both inches away from it, so close. Both our guys jump toward the coins and…
The machine freezes and the screen goes black.
“No!” Finn shouts. He thumps his fist on the machine. “Darn it.”
What in the world? I know that whoever won wouldn’t have won Lexi’s heart—that’s stupid—but it would have been nice to know if I’d beat him.
“What a bummer,” Cooper says. “Maybe rematch on another game?”
But as we examine the place, we realize that all of the machines have gone dead. The other kids start complaining.
“Sorry about that,” the manager says as he exits the back room. “Seems like we’re having some technical problems. The arcade is closed now, so everyone needs to leave.”
“For real?” Gael mutters as we follow the rest of the kids toward the door. “Just when things were getting interesting.”
Finn heads over to me, holding out a fist. “Good game.”
I bump it. “Yeah, good game.”
“So who won?” Theo wants to know.
Finn and I look at each other and shrug.
“I think we should call it a draw,” Lexi suggests.
“That’s fine with me,” I say.
Finn nods in agreement. “Same with me.”
I’m glad he and I are still friends. Even though he said some harsh things to me last week, I don’t hate him for it. Because everything he said was true, and at the end of the day, we both want Lexi to be happy. That’s all that matters.