Chapter Thirty-One
Brock
I keep busy over the weekend reading my books, watching my TV shows, spending time with Mom and Dad, and catching up with Zoey. Of course I thought a lot about Lexi.
When my phone wakes me up on Monday, I let out a loud groan. I’m not in the mood to go to school. I know it’s wrong of me to skip, but…
“Brock?” Dad says as he knocks on my door. “Are you awake?”
“No,” I groan again as I roll onto my side.
He lingers in the doorway and I can feel his eyes on me.
“Just tired,” I say.
“I don’t want to stand here and wait for you to get up,” he tells me. “You’re old enough to get to school on time.”
I sit up, running my hands through my hair. “Guess I’m just not in the mood.”
He steps into the room, lifting a brow. “Is anyone your age ever in the mood for school?” Moving closer, he sits down on my bed and pats my arm. “Talk to me, Brock. What’s going on?”
I shrug. “Nothing, really.”
He bumps his shoulder into mine. “I remember being your age. There’s never nothing going on.”
“It’s just hard when things change.” Will our friend group ever be the same? Is that wall Lexi and I worked so hard to break slowly rebuilding? Will it always be there?
“Growing up is all about change,” Dad says. “It’s hard, but sometimes change is necessary.”
I puff up my cheeks. I know he went through a lot when he was my age. I honestly don’t know how he managed it all. And he turned out to be an awesome dad.
I wrap my arms around him. “Thanks for being such a cool dad.”
He holds me close, laughing gently. “What did I do?”
“You and Mom have always been there for me. So thanks.”
He draws back to study me. “Is everything okay? You’ve been very quiet the past few days. Mom and I wanted to give you some space, but we’re worried.”
I wave my hand. “I’m okay. Just have a lot on my mind.”
He nods slowly. “You know I’m here if you want to talk.”
“Yeah, I know. Thanks.”
It’s just weird to talk to Dad about Lexi. Besides, I don’t want him or Mom to worry about me.
“How’s everything going with Dr. Brewer?” Dad asks.
“Fine. Good. Great.”
“Good.” He glances around my room. “This place is too clean.”
I lift a brow. “What?”
He waves his hand around. “Last I checked, you had books all over the place and your school stuff was a mess.”
I shrug. “Yeah, I cleaned up a little.” As a distraction from thinking about a certain girl with beautiful green eyes and curly hair.
“Who are you and what have you done with my son?”
I roll my eyes. “Such a nerd.”
Laughing, he pulls me close to him.
“I hate to break this sweet father/son moment, but is the boy going to school or what?” Mom asks as she walks into the room.
Dad lifts a brow at me.
“I have a choice?” I ask.
“No,” Mom stresses, making a face at Dad. “You don’t have a choice. Unless you’re sick or have a good excuse. Do you?”
I slouch. If she counts avoiding Lexi and Finn as a good excuse. “My tummy hurts?” I try.
“Brock, what’s going on?” Dad asks. “What aren’t you telling us?”
I puff out my cheeks. “It’s just…some guys are, like, trying to get with girls, you know? I guess I feel like…I don’t know.”
Mom sits down on my other side. “You feel pressured to have a girlfriend because they’re looking for girlfriends?”
Well, not exactly. “It’s dumb.”
“No, it’s not dumb,” Dad says. “Is there someone you like?”
“No.”
Mom and Dad exchange a look. I’m pretty sure they suspect I feel something for Lexi. But I’m glad they don’t mention anything about it.
“Are you worried your friends will pair up and you’ll be left alone?” Mom asks.
I shrug. “I guess. I don’t know.”
Mom rubs my back. “You kids are growing up. It’s only natural you’ll all want girlfriends. Things will change, but that won’t stop you from being best friends. You guys are so close. Just look at me and Manny. We’re both married with kids and are still best friends after so many years. And look at your sister. She and her friends have boyfriends and they haven’t lost their close bond.”
“I guess that’s true. Maybe I’m worried over nothing. I should get to school or I’ll be late.”
“Okay.” Mom squeezes my hand. “Remember that we’re always here for you.”
They keep saying it, and while I appreciate it, it’s still awkward to talk to them about Lexi. I mean, I’ll have to eventually tell them that she and Finn are together, but not yet. Maybe because I’m still trying to make sense of it.
I get ready, eat breakfast with my parents—we talk about lighter topics—then climb on my bike. It’s crazy that I can still feel her arms around me when we rode on my bike together. I squeeze my eyes shut, reprimanding myself for thinking about her again.
I ride to school and pull into a parking space. I spot Finn’s van only a few feet away. Looks like my friends have already arrived. Time to be mature and face the fact that Lexi has chosen Finn.
The guys and Lexi are at her locker, talking and laughing. Lexi’s back faces me, and Finn stands very close to her. Not closer than he did in the past, but it means something else now.
Theo sees me, waving me over and calling my name.
Lexi turns around. Our eyes meet for a few seconds before I pull away, smile at everyone, and slap hands with the guys.
“Kind of cutting it close,” Dean says. “Bell’s about to ring.”
I shrug. “Had a late morning.”
“Is something wrong?” Lexi asks.
“No, everything’s cool.”
The bell rings and we head to Aunt Ally’s class. She begins discussing the book we’re reading, then stops fifteen minutes later and tells us she’s giving us an assignment.
“Please pair up into teams of two.”
My eyes immediately dart to Lexi. In the past, we’d probably pair up. But not anymore.
Finn grins at her. “Partners?”
“Partners.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. But then I internally yell at myself. I have no claim on her. She’s free to pick whoever she wants.
How do I stop myself from being so selfish?
“Brock, partners?” Gael asks. He seems a bit surprised that Lexi and I aren’t together—the others also do—but he doesn’t say anything.
The assignment is to rewrite the ending of the book. Dad did this assignment, too, when he was my age. Apparently it’s what got him into writing. Aunt Ally was so excited about its success that she assigns this a few times a year.
Gael frowns. “This is all you, man. You’re the reader and your dad’s the writer.”
I wave my hand. “Aunt Ally won’t mark this. It’s just for fun, so it’s okay if it sucks.”
He lifts a brow. “I have the kid of a famous writer and you’re telling me you can’t rewrite the ending?”
I shrug. “Guess my dad’s genes weren’t passed down to me. But let’s try. You read the book, right?”
“Yeah, but, like, I don’t remember details.”
“That’s fine. I’ll summarize it for you.” After I do that, Gael and I read the last chapter in order to write a new ending. As I read, my gaze shoots to Lexi and Finn. Their heads are bent together as they work on the assignment. And they’re laughing.
Call me crazy, but it doesn’t sound like she’s laughing with him the way she laughs with me.
Man, what’s wrong with me?
“I don’t get it,” Gael pulls me from my thoughts. “The story ends. So why should we write a new ending?”
“Because everyone gets sick and dies?”
“Oh, I guess. So instead of everyone dying…they live?”
“Let’s make it more exciting than that. Give them some obstacles they need to overcome.”
As we work, I peer at my aunt. She’s sitting at her desk, engrossed in a book. Mom and Dad told me she’d give them assignments during class just as an excuse to read. I laugh. She’s totally doing that now.
“What?” Gael asks.
“Nothing. Just my aunt being my aunt.”
He shrugs. “Okay. Are we done?”
“I think so. Unless you want to torture the characters some more.”
“I’m good.”
“Cool.”
He takes out a comic and I take out my paperback and we spend the rest of the period reading. I can’t help noticing the way Lexi and Finn laugh and talk and everything, but I’m trying to ignore it. I have to or I’ll never move on.
Class ends and Aunt Ally collects the assignments. As she reaches for ours, I lift a brow at her. “Sneaky, Aunt Ally.”
“What?”
I give her a cheeky smile. “How was your book?”
Laughing, she ruffles my hair. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She moves on to the next group.
Classes pass like they normally do and it’s time for lunch. We all wait in line, except for Lexi and Finn. Hmm. I wonder where they are. Did they go somewhere alone and…?
No. I’m not going to think about it.
“Dude, where are Lexi and Finn?” Nate asks as he scans the cafeteria.
The others say they haven’t seen them.
“That’s weird. I hope nothing’s wrong,” Dean says.
We get our food and settle down at our table. Lexi and Finn still haven’t shown up. Cooper tells us he texted them, but hasn’t gotten a response.
“Maybe they left school?” Theo suggests. “But why would they do that?”
They’d need permission to leave school. Did Finn organize for them to go on a romantic date or something?
“Weird,” Gael says.
We eat our food, talking about new movies that are coming out. A short while later, Nate points. “There they are.”
All our heads turn to the entrance of the cafeteria, where Finn and Lexi walk in together. They’re not holding hands, but their fingers are only inches from each other. They get in line behind the other kids.
“Have you guys noticed they seem a little…snuggly lately?” Theo asks.
“So it’s not just me?” Cooper says. “Thought I was losing my mind.”
“Wait,” Gael says. “You think they’re, like, dating?”
Nate holds up his hands. “Looks like it.” He turns to me. “What do you think, man?”
I poke at my potatoes. “I think it’s not our business and they’ll tell us if they want to.”
I can feel Dean watching me. If anyone would notice how much this bothers me, it’s him.
“I guess,” Theo says. “But Lexi and Finn? They have no chemistry.”
Cooper scoffs. “So Finn managed to get himself a girl. Nice.”
“But him and Lexi?” Gael echoes Theo, shaking his head. “I don’t see it.”
“It’s her decision,” I say. “And I don’t think we should whisper about them behind their backs. Be cool, guys.”
Nate frowns. “I’m all for them being happy, but everything will be different now.”
He has no idea.
We don’t say much to each other before Lexi and Finn take their seats at our table. Every single guy looks at them with an odd expression.
“What?” Lexi asks.
The guys exchange a glance. “So what’s going on there?” Cooper asks as he gestures between Lexi and Finn.
They look at each other and exchange a message only the two of them understand. “Well…” Finn says. “We’re kind of…dating.”
“Knew it!” Cooper says. “That’s cool.”
“You guys been holding out on us?” Theo says.
Lexi shrugs. “We didn’t want to tell you until things made sense.”
“And now they make sense?” Dean asks.
“Yeah. Finn and I are dating.”
Cooper slaps Finn’s hand. “Nice, man!”
As the rest of the guys congratulate them, Lexi’s eyes meet mine. I give her the best smile I can, ignoring the pain in my heart.
“I’m happy for you guys,” I tell her.
She pushes some curls out of her face. “Thanks.”
I want to take her hand, like we did many times as kids, but it’d be completely inappropriate now. They’re officially together and I need to keep my distance so I don’t mess it up.
Now that the guys know about them, Lexi and Finn aren’t trying to hide their relationship. They laugh to each other, joke around, look into each other’s eyes.
I tell myself to be cool about it, to accept it and be happy for them. But I can’t. It feels like the walls are suffocating me.
“I’m going to get a drink,” I tell the others. “Be right back.”
I don’t go to the soda machine, but into the hallway and drop down to the floor. Tearing at my hair, I tell myself to just accept that they’re together. It shouldn’t be that hard. I can’t be a good boyfriend to her, so I should want her to be with Finn.
So why am I having such a hard time?
“Hey,” a voice says from above me. Looking up, I find Dean standing there.
“Hey.”
He slides down beside me. “So Lexi and Finn, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s up with that? Why is she with him and not you?”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “Dean…”
“I just don’t get it. Everyone knows she’s crazy about you. Ever since you came back, you brought life into her eyes. And now she’s with Finn?”
I shrug. “She’s happy with him.”
“Is she?”
I don’t say anything.
A few seconds tick by.
“He’s good to her,” I finally say.
“Well, yeah. He’s a good dude and everything, but he’s not you.”
I turn to him. “What does that mean?”
“I think you know.”
I puff out my cheeks. “What do you want from me, Dean? You know very well that I’d only hurt her in the end.”
“No.”
“I’m messed up. You even admitted she was a mess after I left. The best thing for me is to be her friend. Nothing else. She chose him, man.”
“Because you’ve given up.”
“No, I haven’t. I’m just not the right one for her.”
He rests his hand on my arm. “We all care about Lexi. We’re protective of her and want her to be happy. But I don’t think she’ll be happy with him.”
“Dean, we can’t make that decision for her. Only she knows who makes her happy and clearly that’s Finn.”
He’s about to respond, but I say, “Look, I appreciate you coming here to talk to me, but I’d like to be alone.”
“So you’re not going to fight for her?”
I shake my head. “She chose him and I need to accept that. And so do you. Please don’t try to convince her otherwise. Don’t mess this up for them.”
He holds up his hands. “Of course I won’t. You’re right that she chose him and only she knows what’s best for her. But I also think she chose him because she thinks you don’t want to be with her.”
I release a heavy breath. “No, she chose him because he’s the guy I can’t be.”
He stands. “I disagree. I think you are the right one for her, but it’s not up to me.” He pats my shoulder again. “Will you be okay, man?”
My lips shake as I force a smile. “All that matters is that she’s happy, so yeah, I’ll be okay.”
He nods reluctantly and leaves me alone with my thoughts. I can’t bear to return to the cafeteria, so I remain out here and try to read. But it’s hard when my mind keeps drifting to Lexi and Finn. And to what Dean said.
Fight for her? I have no right.
Perhaps in another time and place, it’d be Lexi and me announcing to the guys that we’re together. But that’s not the case. Things are how they’re supposed to be.
Maybe the more times I say it, the more I’ll believe it.