Chapter Thirty-Seven
Lexi
Tonight is the fall dance!
I spend about an hour doing my hair and makeup, and then dress into my hot pink poofy dress that reaches just slightly below my knees.
Mom’s in the living room, watching a reality show. Her eyes fill with love and pride when she takes me in. “I can’t believe how grown up you are,” she says as she gathers me in her arms, though she’s careful not to ruin my hair or makeup.
“You say that every time I go to a dance,” I tell her with a laugh.
She laughs, too, as she presses her lips to my temple. “I know. It’s because you grow more beautiful every day.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
I settle down next to her on the couch and watch the show with her until Finn honks outside. Mom wishes me to have a wonderful time at the dance, and then I leave and get in the passenger seat of the van. The guys look handsome and dashing in their dress shirts. It’s not the first time I’ve seen them dressed like this because we’ve gone to every single high school dance, but we’re older now and I guess they look more…manly? More mature. It’s weird to think that after next year, we won’t hang out as much as we do now. Who knows what will happen after college? I doubt we’ll all live in Edenbury. Especially me because I might be away at sea for long periods of time.
“What’s wrong?” Dean asks.
I blink and laugh sheepishly. “Sorry. I was just thinking how much it’ll suck once high school is over and we have to go our separate ways.”
We’ve spoken about this before, and I know I shouldn’t be sad about it because that’s just part of life, but it’s hard not to worry about it.
“We’ll all stay in touch, Lexi.” Gael leans over to pat my arm. “We’ll never forget our queen.”
“Never,” Theo agrees. “Be prepared for daily video calls.”
“Daily?” Coop exclaims. “Maybe weekly.”
“With your track record? More like monthly,” Nate says with a chuckle.
Their words make me smile. They’re right—no matter what happens in life, we’ll always make sure to keep in touch. We’ll be best friends forever.
“Can we get the show on the road?” Cooper asks as he leans back in his seat. “I’m still hoping I’ll meet a girl at the dance and spend the whole night dancing with her under the beautiful fake snow.”
“Fake leaves,” Finn corrects. “It’s the fall dance, remember? Geez, Coop, do you even know what season we’re in?”
“And who says ‘Get the show on the road?’” Nate asks. “You’ve been hanging out with your grandparents too much.”
As the guys in the back continue to tease him and each other, I cross my eyes at Finn, which has him laughing. I’m glad everything has gotten back to normal between us over this week. He called me a few days ago to gush about the new comics he bought, and he admitted that he felt so much more comfortable as friends. There was no pressure and we were able to joke around with each other without worrying about hurting each other’s feelings. He told me he’ll always care deeply about me, but he now understands that we’re better off as friends.
As Finn pulls away from my house, the guys get rowdier. “Guys, guys!” he calls. “I can’t think straight when you’re so noisy.”
Of course they don’t hear him. Or they pretend not to.
“Guys!” I say. “The driver asked you to shut the heck up!”
Do they even hear us?
Finn scowls, “If I crash because they don’t know how to shut up, it’s on them. And if I die and they don’t, I swear I’ll haunt them from my grave. There’s no way in heck I’m dying before I have my first kiss.”
“I have an idea,” I say and reach for the radio. I sift through the stations, hoping I’ll find what I’m looking for. Aha!
Music from a genre none of us like fills the car.
Finn gapes at me in horror. “Heck no.”
I put my finger on my lips and nod toward the back of the car. The guys are just as loud as before, but after a few seconds, their voices die down.
“What the heck is that?” Coop demands.
“Oh my gosh, my mom listens to that kind of music,” Gael mutters.
“Turn it off!” Theo whines as he clutches his ears. “My ears are bleeding.”
“My ears are bleeding, too!” Nate slides down the seat until he’s basically lying on the floor of the van. “Take me out of my misery.”
Finn and I roll with laughter. But after a bit, I decide to indeed take the guys out of their misery and switch to a pop station. Luckily, they’re no longer bickering.
When we reach the student parking lot, many other cars are pulling in as well. The seven of us get out of the car and make our way to the gym. The place is decorated beautifully in a fall theme and the music is pretty loud. Lots of kids are already dancing.
“Punch first,” Nate says before taking off toward the refreshment table.
My eyes do a quick sweep of the gym, zeroing in on the tall guys with dark hair. But none of them are Brock. I didn’t see his bike in the parking lot, so it’s safe to assume he hasn’t arrived yet.
If he arrives, that is. He told us that he would, but he could have changed his mind. I hope he does show up—I want to have fun with him as a friend. I mean, things were a little awkward and weird between us these past few days because we were both trying to give each other space, but I still want to be his best friend. But I don’t know if dances are his scene.
Since Evie and Noah couldn’t perform for the school dance, there’s another band playing for us tonight. They’re also a local rock band, and I love what they’re playing so far. “Why are we just standing here?” I grab Gael and Dean’s hands and yank them to the dance floor. The rest of the guys quickly follow us, and we waste no time dancing.
Like at Sarah Linn’s party, the guys and I have fun doing all these crazy dance moves. Some of the surrounding kids mimic us. I love the way my dress swooshes across my knees as I spin around, and I bet my hair is one big mess. It probably looks like it went through a tornado. But I don’t care. I’m having way too much fun.
My dancing comes to an abrupt halt when the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. My gaze shoots toward the entrance of the gym and I see him. Brock. He’s surrounded by so many kids, but he stands out clearly to me. As though the spotlight is on him.
It’s like I felt him walk into the gym. Like we’re connected supernaturally or something.
And even though there are so many kids blocking my view, he still stands out to me, as though he’s the only one in the room. He’s wearing a dark blue dress shirt that fits so perfectly on his body—like it was made for him—and black pants. His hair is the same, his bangs still falling into his eyes, but I can’t help but feel that there’s something different about it, too. Maybe he put some product in it? I don’t know, but he looks so amazing. And his eyes? They’re so deep and intense. So mesmerizing. And they’re staring right at me.
At least, I think it’s at me. I turn around to see if there’s anyone behind me and find the freshman math teacher wiping his glasses on his suit jacket. When I spin back around, Brock has a smile on his face and he’s making his way toward me. Well, to me and the guys. Why does it feel like he’s only walking toward me, though?
Gosh, the closer he gets, the more handsome he looks. I mean…wow. I can’t remember the last time I saw him in a dress shirt. I guess not for four years. I always thought he looked dashing and super cute when he dressed up, but now? It’s out of this world.
My blood pounds throughout my body, so strongly that I feel it in my head. And my stomach has been overrun with humongous butterflies.
When Brock reaches us, he smiles that sweet smile of his and says, “You look beautiful.”
“Thanks,” Theo says, patting himself on the back. “I do clean up good, don’t I?”
Brock gives him a look. “I mean Lexi? You all look great, too.”
“Thanks.” My face is so hot I think I might combust. “You look so good, Brock. So handsome.”
“Thanks. I love the color of your dress.”
“Thanks.” I do a spin and then curtsy like a ballerina. “I think I look good in hot pink.”
“Definitely,” Brock says in a faraway tone. Then he blinks, his face turning as red as a tomato. “I mean, yeah, you look beautiful. Sorry, I already said that.”
“Thanks.”
We just stand before each other.
“We gonna dance or what?” Gael asks.
Now that Brock is finally here, the energy is different. It’s like we’re whole. Complete. The guys and I totally let loose and have fun, including Brock, who is picking up on our dance moves very well. I can’t help but watch him as he smiles and laughs. Especially when he messes up or steps on Dean’s toes. His face is so full of light, which makes him look…well, beautiful. And I don’t just mean it as a physical thing. I’m seeing his heart and soul, the thing inside him that makes him the wonderful person that he is. He might not have wanted to let it free these past few weeks, but I see it very clearly right now.
I wish I could bask in it forever.
And yeah, he’s hot as heck, too. His shirt definitely brings out his blue eyes, making them look more gorgeous than usual.
Because I’m so distracted by him, I don’t pay attention to what’s going on around me, and Nate knocks right into me, sending me hurling toward Brock. As quick as lighting, he holds out his arms and catches me just as I slam head first into his chest. He closes his arms around me so I don’t bounce off him and land straight on my butt.
“Ow,” I mutter.
“Are you okay?” Brock asks.
My eyes get wide when I realize I’m in Brock’s arms. On his chest. I’m not supposed to be in his arms or on his chest! We’re supposed to keep our distance. I scramble back, knocking into Nate.
“Geez,” he grumbles. “But I guess I deserved it.”
“You okay, Lexi?” Brock repeats.
“Yeah, sorry about that,” Nate says.
“I’m fine,” I assure them. “I think the place is getting a little crowded.”
“Yeah, because everyone wants a front row ticket to our amazing dance show,” Gael says, high-fiving Finn.
“I’m going to get a drink,” Brock says. “Anyone else thirsty?”
We tell him we’re good, and he walks off.
The guys continue dancing, and I do, too, but my eyes follow Brock as he heads to the punch table. He seems to be in deep thought as he pours himself a cup of punch and slowly brings it to his mouth. He doesn’t drink it, though, just looks distracted. His bangs fall into his eyes, but he makes no move to push them aside.
I…miss him. Darn it, I miss him so freakin’ much. I know we’re supposed to keep our distance so we can figure out what we want, but…
I know what I want. I do. I want to be with Brock. I don’t care that he hurt me, because I understand why he did it, and I’ve forgiven him wholeheartedly. I know that he’s a good person who had something terrible happen to him. He made some mistakes because he was just a kid. A scared, hurt kid. I made mistakes, too. But he’s trying his hardest to move past it. He’s trying to make up for the pain he caused me and the guys. He’s shown me these past few weeks that he’s still the same sweet guy he used to be. He’s just a little broken.
But just because he’s broken, it doesn’t mean that he can’t be whole again.
I don’t care that being in a relationship with Brock might be hard. It might take more work than other relationships. I’m willing to do whatever it takes. Because he means more to me than anything else in the world—besides my family, of course. I’ve gotten to know myself better these past few years and I know that I’m not clinging onto the old Brock. Nor am I clinging onto a fantasy version of him I created in my head. I want to be with the real Brock, the person he is today. With all his heartache, pain, and trauma. I want to hold him close when he’s reminded of Andy’s death. I want to kiss away his tears and rock him in my arms as I whisper comforting words in his ear. I want to make him smile, make him laugh, bring sunshine into his life.
I want to be the first person he runs to tell happy news to, and the first person he tells sad news to. I want him to gush to me about all the things he loves in life, like sharks and books and puzzles. I want him to complain and vent and cry to me. I want him to pour out his heart to me. I want to be by his side forever.
That is, if he wants the same. And I know deep in my heart that he does.
The band suddenly switches to a slow song. The guys disperse from the dance floor, Coop informing us that he’s going to look for a girl to dance with. Brock, still holding his cup of punch, walks off to the side and leans back against the wall, staring at the floor. Then his gaze lifts to mine. Something shifts in his eyes, something I can see very clearly—I’m the most important person in his life, too (along with his family, of course).
With my heart speeding throughout my body and with shaky knees, I march over to him, putting on a smile. He returns it, though his lips quake. As though there’s so much he wants to say but he’s forcing himself not to.
I hold out my hand. “Do you want to dance, Brock?”
His whole face fills with surprise as he straightens up against the wall. “What?” I can see the question in his eyes—this is a slow dance.
I offer him the sweetest smile I can muster. “I’d like to dance with you, Brock Hastings. If you want to dance with me.”
He stares at my hand for a short while, and I swear I see pain in his eyes. “Are you sure? Because…” He snaps his lips shut and shakes his head.
I know what the rest of his sentence is: Because I want you to take your time to figure out what you want.
I nod. “I’m sure.”
He searches my eyes for a moment before throwing out his cup and stepping closer to me. Every hair on my body stands on edge as he inches closer and then slides his hand into mine. A chill runs down my spine, and I hold myself back from shivering.
I lead him toward the dance floor, noticing the guys’ eyebrows rising in shock when they see our clasped hands. When I glance at Finn, he winks at me and grins, urging me to go for it. I throw him a smile, then find an empty spot on the dance floor.
Brock still looks unsure. But I don’t want him to be. I want him to know that this is what I want. He is who I want. I raise my arms and step closer to him, locking them around his neck. With a swallow, Brock moves forward and slowly rests his hands on my waist. His touch is as light as a feather, but it sends tingles all over my body. I step even closer and lower my head on his chest.
We sway to the beat of the slow song. I feel Brock’s heart thumping, and even though it’s pretty fast, it’s soothing as well. I don’t know, just hearing his heart, knowing it’s right under my ear, it makes me feel closer to him. I think I could listen to it beat for hours.
Brock’s hand rubs circles on my lower back. It’s soothing, too, and his arms make me feel so protected. So cared for. This is what I want. To be this close to him and to grow even closer to him. This guy is the only one for me. I know it.
“Brock.” I raise my head and look into his eyes. “There’s so much I want to talk to you about. But maybe not right now. I just want to dance in your arms. If you’re okay with that.”
“Of course I am.” He bends forward, and his breath is warm on my ear as he whispers, “There’s nowhere else I want to be. With no one else.”