Chapter 20
Show me the bunnies!
Amelia
God, I fucking miss him. I close my eyes and breathe deep, taking the scent of him into my lungs.
That spicy musk I’ve never been able to get enough of.
I can’t even lie to myself right now and pretend like I don’t still crave it, like it doesn’t make my knees weak and my panties wet, like it doesn’t make my heart race and my soul settle.
I blink back tears at the memories it conjures up.
Memories of fixing his ties, of gorgeous smiles and messy hair, of flirty texts…
memories of his mouth on my mouth, on my breasts, on my clit… I shake my head and force them away.
He broke your heart. He hurt you. He’s your best friend’s dad. You hate him.
He broke your heart. He hurt you. He’s your best friend’s dad. You hate him.
He broke your heart. He hurt you. He’s your best friend’s dad. You hate him.
If I keep repeating those sentences in my head, maybe I’ll stop wanting him.
Maybe.
I’ve seen the pain in his eyes, and part of me wants to hear him out. But the bigger part of me, the part that still feels raw, wants to hide. Hiding is winning out at the moment. It feels safer than putting my heart in his hands.
The cheerful mood the Danish, coffee, and music kept me in on the way to the falls is nowhere to be found on the way back to town.
Apparently, it’s hiding, too. I hope I’m not making the connection between my mood and Alex obvious.
Bean has no idea he’s the cause of my misery, and I need to keep it that way.
I would hate myself if I ruined her wedding.
I’ve been trying to keep Tiffany from doing that for months.
I can’t let this…whatever it is…mess up the best day of my best friend’s life, so I have to keep pretending like I’m not in love with her dad and that he didn’t shatter every bit of me with regret and rejection.
She’s already angry at him—she just doesn’t realize that it’s him she’s angry with on my behalf.
Fuck, it’s all so complicated. I wish I could just sleep until the wedding. And then disappear. Maybe I’ll look into joining a hippie commune or get a job on a cruise ship.
Bean and Alex chat in the front seat, catching up on each other’s lives.
“I would have come to your college graduation if you’d let me know when it was. I still hate that I missed your high school one because I got sick.”
“I wasn’t going to bother walking last year, but Mom was giving me grief about it, so I changed my mind at the last minute. And come on, Dad. You weren’t just a little sick; you were hospitalized.”
“Still sucks, kiddo.”
“Barry has it on video. He has both, actually. That man lives for filling his phone memory with videos,” Bean assures him. I smile because it’s true. “And Joan, she lives for pictures. You can be sure that between the two of them, almost every single moment of all of our lives has been documented.”
“I’ll have to be sure to thank them both since your mother sure as hell doesn’t do the same.
An entire room devoted to pageants and sporting events her kids have won, but not a single school picture or birthday picture on the walls anywhere,” Alex says, clearly disappointed and disgusted.
“I figured she was just being selfish and not sharing them with me. I didn’t realize she wasn’t even bothering to take any. ”
I feel stabby when Tiffany is mentioned.
Or around. Or breathing. Her trophy room wouldn’t bother me so much if she had any other photos up, but she never has.
Bean hated doing those damn pageants so much.
I went to them all to support her so she could look out into the crowd and see one person who was proud of her, no matter what.
“It’s fine,” she insists before shaking her head. “Okay, no, it’s not fine. Don’t you even start back there. I can feel you getting all Hulk smash-y.”
She looks at me in the rearview mirror for a second and I smirk. I was absolutely about to start in about how it’s not fucking fine.
“But let’s move along. Dad, how’s Katie? I invited her, you know, but she said someone had to hold the fort down because too many people were taking vacations this week.”
That’s news to me. I thank my lucky stars that Katie’s not here to witness this train wreck.
“She’s good. Same as she ever is. She said she’s binge-watching baking shows because she’s finished everything she can find with hot guys. That’s a direct quote, by the way.”
“She’s a riot. I need to come out for a visit soon and see her.”
They keep talking, and I kind of zone out. Between the dancing and the trail, my leg is sore. Not too bad, but enough that I know I need to take it easy for the rest of the day. Maybe soak in the tub later. I miss having my own bathroom.
We pull up to a brewery I haven’t been to yet and Bean turns toward me.
“This place has some of the best burgers around. I promise, Min. No food poisoning this time. And if I’m wrong, there’s enough time between now and the wedding for it not to factor in.” She’s got a shit-eating smile on her face, and it’s hard not to grin back at her.
“You better pray to all the gods that you’re right, or you won’t be making it to that wedding of yours.”
She puts a hand to her chest in mock outrage. “Did you just threaten my life? And in front of my dad?”
“Yep.” I step out of the car and head inside without looking behind me. It’s a seat-yourself place, so I slide into a booth and pick up the drink specials flier. Bean walks up a few seconds later.
“Scoot over.”
“Huh?” I look up at her and fake surprise at her arrival. “Oh, you finally showed up.” She laughs and sits with half her ass hanging off the bench and starts shoving me over toward the wall. “Jeez, if you wanted to sit next to me, all you had to do was ask, Bean.”
“God, you’re so annoying sometimes,” she huffs.
I make room for her as Alex takes the bench across from us.
“Only sometimes? I’ve gotta up my game.” A waitress comes over to our table to give us menus and take our drink order. I resist the urge to order something alcoholic. I could use a shot or three. “So the burgers are good?”
“Yeah. So are the fries. I haven’t tried anything else yet.”
I look over the menu. I know within a minute that Bean will order the mushroom Swiss burger, and Alex will order the bacon guacamole burger. They’ll both drown their fries in ketchup.
“What are you grinning about?” Bean asks.
“Nothing, just making guesses about what you’ll order. But I should be figuring out what the hell I want.”
I settle on a burger with onion rings and BBQ sauce on it.
The waitress brings us our drinks. I was right about what both my best friend and Alex would order, but I don’t say anything.
When Alex catches my eye, I know he knows, though.
He gets a little glint in his eye, and his lips twitch up slightly.
“Having fun, Dad?”
“Sure am. What else do you have planned for this week?”
“Well, there’s the normal touristy stuff… The downside of which is that we’ve done it a million times, but the upside is that means we know what stuff to skip. So we can do like Mount St. Helens, Haystack rock—”
I poke Bean in the shoulder. “Ohhhh ohhhh, we could see the bunnies in Cannon Beach!”
“Why do you always want to go see the bunnies?”
“Um, because they’re bunnies.”
“Weirdo.” She shakes her head at me. “Anyway, there’s a million little towns full of gift shops and thrift stores and fun restaurants. The lighthouse at Cape Disappointment, plus the long ass bridge, the Astoria Column…”
“You should take him to Powell’s. Everyone should go at least once in their lives,” I tell her.
Alex enjoys reading, even though he doesn’t do a lot of it, and he would love to find a few random autographed copies or even the first editions they keep in glass cases.
Luckily, it also tops a lot of ‘places to visit’ lists and doesn’t draw suspicion when I mention it, since I shouldn’t know about his affinity for books.
“Yes! Books! Okay, I need to plan. What do you want to do for sure, Dad? Or are there things you don’t want to do? Like if you hate lighthouses, I need to know.”
“Do people hate lighthouses?” Alex looks perplexed.
Bean shrugs. “I’m sure at least a few do, and it’s not really a major topic of conversation for most people, so maybe it’s never come up for us.”
“I don’t hate lighthouses.” Alex’s eyes flash with amusement.
“There’s that old shipwreck at Fort Stevens and the Maritime Museum in Astoria,” I remind her.
“We can pick a day and hit the coastal stuff, I think, as long as we just pick a few. When is the kite festival?”
“Not for a few weeks.”
“Damn it. Okay, that’s out. Dad, seriously, any input here?”
“Anywhere you want to drag me is fine, kiddo.”
“What about you?” Bean looks at me expectantly. Fuck. I was really hoping to avoid more days like today.
“I’m helping at the studio, and with the millions of kids at the house, I can’t just jet out every day. And if there’s stairs like the Astoria column and the lighthouses, you can count my ass out.” Well, my leg, at least.
Bean pulls out her phone and opens her notes, then lists the days until the wedding next Sunday. “Look, I learned from all your fucking planning out everything for everyone. Okay, when are you for sure on full kid duty?"
“Thursday. I’m playing chauffeur all day.”
“And what about studio stuff?”
“Tuesday, I’m helping with some stuff for the next show, the dance camp kids, and teaching classes. I think that’s the only full day, I can do everything else in little bits or when I go early to use an open room.”
“Dance camp! You get to hang out with Raerae! Lucky bitch. Okay, so Tuesday and Thursday, I’ll pick stuff you don’t give a shit about. You do care about books and cheese.”
“I care very much about books and cheese, yes.” I nod seriously.
“Next weekend is wedding stuff at the venue. But that leaves this coming Monday, Wednesday, and Friday you get to tag along.”
Damn, that’s three full days of Alex. I don’t know if I can take it. But I guess I’ll have to try, for Bean’s sake.
“Tomorrow, we’re going up the mountain. Tuesday, I’ll take Dad to Seattle because you don’t care about seeing Seattle.
Wednesday, we’ll do the cheese factory and whatever other coastal stuff we can squeeze in, then Dad and I can go back out on Thursday to hit the stuff we miss on Wednesday.
” She holds up a hand when I start to talk.
“Yes, we can go see your damn bunnies.” I grin at her.
“Friday… Powell’s and who knows what else.
Then we have the bachelorette party that night. ”
I snort. “Party. It’s like four or five of us girls going to Mickey’s to shoot pool, drink, and eat fried appetizers.
We did that two nights ago. After two hours, everyone else will bail on us, and it’ll just be you and me and maybe Haven, who won’t be drinking anyway, and our favorite table.
” That’s not really the plan, but Bean doesn’t know that.
“At least we know we’ll have fun.” She shrugs. “There’s probably a game on TV that night if you want to hang out with Barry, Dad.”
Our food arrives, and as we eat, the topic turns to memories and our families.
“Think Henry’s half-naked stage will last as long as Justin’s did?” Bean asks between bites of ketchup-covered fries.
“Seeing as how Justin’s is still a thing, I fucking hope not. But Aaron’s was worse. That kid stripped all the way down and never gave two shits where he was.” Bean’s little brother was naked at my house more often than the people who live there.
“Oh god, remember the naked cowboy days?”
“And the naked firemen days.”
“Did you do that kind of shit, Dad?”
Alex raises his eyebrows, and one side of his mouth raises in a smirk. “Strip down naked at the neighbor’s house and pretend to be a fireman? No, I don’t think so.”
“I mean the naked thing in general.”
He shrugs. “Who doesn’t like to be naked once in a while? I don’t think I made a habit of it, though.”
“Minnie stripped down and went swimming with the football team senior year.” She pops another fry in her mouth as Alex just about chokes on one.
“I was in a bikini, and all the other girls bailed at the last second. You included.” I point my own half-eaten fry at her. “I jumped in, came up for air, and you were all standing on the dock like the chicken shits you are.”
Bean tilts her head. “That wasn’t the skinny-dipping adventure?”
“You of all people don’t want me to talk about what happened on the skinny-dipping adventure right now.
” I wag my eyebrows at her. That was when she and Bobby first got together, and they started in the water but ended up on the beach, not caring who saw or heard them. I saw way more than I wanted to.
“Nope. No, I do not want you to talk about that. Moving along.” Alex and I both laugh. God, I love the sound of his laughter so much.
We finish our food and head to an outdoor market for a couple of hours.
There are some cool art exhibit booths that Alex takes interest in.
The hallways of Delgado Technology Corp.
are decorated with photos and paintings, so it doesn’t totally surprise me when he stops to look at some pieces.
When Bean falls in love with some handmade jewelry, he’s quick to pull out his wallet and buy it for her.
“Ah, thanks, Dad. You don’t have to spend money on me, you know. I love you already.” She winks at him, but then gets a serious look on her face. “I feel bad about how much you’ve spent on the wedding. I really should have tried to rein Mom in more.”
“I just want you to be happy. I have the money, and I’m more than willing to spend it on you.”
Needing some space from Alex, I wander away. Fifteen minutes later, I find a table filled with soaps and candles and pick up a bar that smells like orange lemonade. I have a thing for citrus.
“Amelia.”
I barely contain the moan his voice almost draws out of me, but I can’t do anything about the shiver that runs down my body. He’s standing right next to me, and Bean is a couple of stalls down, talking to a friend from high school. I put the soap down and take a step back.
“Please talk to me.” His voice is strained. “Please fucking look at me.” My eyes are downcast, and I fight against the want, the need to look up, knowing I’ll see pain in his eyes.
I open my mouth but have no idea what I’m going to say when I hear Bean’s voice.
“Minnie, did you see Nina?” She runs up and grabs my hand, pulling me away from Alex and over to the table down the way.
“She’s got the cutest baby bump and has a bunch of flavored popcorn!
” I sigh in relief and smile at our old friend as she holds out a tray filled with samples.
But I also feel like a lead weight sits in my stomach. The part of me that wants to forgive Alex, or at least talk with him, is growing by the hour.