Chapter 19
Selfies and petty theft
Alex
Pretending I don’t know Amelia is difficult and awkward. Pretending I don’t want to grab her and kiss her is fucking torture.
I’m riding in the car with my two favorite people, but I can’t enjoy it at all.
Amelia will hardly look at me or talk to me.
And that little bit of our normal morning routine where she showed up with coffee and pastries just about did me in.
I had to bite my tongue so hard it bled to keep from saying something in front of Lizzie.
But this is a conversation that needs to be just between Amelia and me.
They sing along with the loud music, and after a couple of songs, I see Amelia loosen up a bit and dance around in the back seat. I can’t help but smile because they have some synchronized dance moves.
“Hey, play that one song with the violin,” Lizzie requests. I laugh, but Amelia just grabs Lizzie’s phone, and a few seconds later, a song starts. “Yes!”
I turn to Amelia, “How did you know she was wanting this song out of all the songs with violins?”
She shrugs. “Just did,” she mumbles, not looking at me.
“We’ve been best friends for years, Dad. That’s not even the weirdest thing we do.”
After a few more songs, we’re pulling off the highway and into a parking lot.
“Ugh. I can’t believe I let you talk me into coming to the falls on a Sunday.
In August. We know better than this shit.
It’s already swarming with tourists. Next, you’re going to try to get me to go to the cheese factory and the shops in Long Beach or Seaside!
” Amelia drags a pair of sunglasses out of her purse as she looks out the car window.
“Cheese curds, Minnie. You know you want them.” Lizzie turns around in her seat and wags her eyebrows with a smile.
“Of course I want them, but fuck, not in August, I don’t.
Last time, we had to park a hundred miles away and stand in line for like three hours to buy our ice cream and cheese!
Then we ate it all before we even got home.
Not just the curds, literally all of it.
I’m going to start ordering online instead of driving out there. ”
“Oh, come on, it wasn’t that bad. Well, our garlic breath was. And don’t bitch about the shops. We always leave with rings that turn our fingers green, random stuff dipped in chocolate, and like ten pounds of saltwater taffy.”
“I should have asked Gloria for more danishes. You’re making me hungry.” Amelia leans her head back on the seat.
“Me, too. Is there food up here somewhere?” I ask.
“Usually. Let’s go see,” Lizzie says, turning the car off and getting out.
Amelia follows quickly, obviously not wanting to be alone with me even for a few seconds.
We make our way through a tunnel and over to a building with bathrooms, a gift shop, and a coffee stand.
I buy us each a muffin and we eat them on a bench with a view of the bottom of the waterfall.
Except there’s not much of a view with all the people milling around in front of us.
Lizzie sighs. “I really thought we would beat the crowd. Sorry, Dad. I know a ton of people isn’t your cup of tea.”
“I don’t care, kiddo. I’m just glad to be here with you.”
When we’re finished with our second breakfast of the day, we start heading up the walking path.
There are a couple of steep spots that seem to give Amelia some trouble, but she pushes on like they don’t.
I insist we take a break more than once–which earns me glares from Amelia and thankful smiles from Lizzie–before we reach the bridge that crosses in front of the waterfall.
“Turn this way, I’ll take a picture of you two,” Amelia offers. I hate having my photo taken, but there’s no use trying to get out of it this week. We turn and smile, and then Lizzie gives me bunny ears and laughs. She pulls out her phone and starts taking selfies, then drags Amelia in.
“I can take some for you,” I offer.
“Thanks, Dad.” Lizzie throws her arms around Amelia and kisses her cheek. Amelia scrunches up her face and chuckles. I snap a bunch and send them to Lizzie.
Amelia walks a few feet away, and I don’t know if she’s ever looked more beautiful than at that moment. A slight breeze sets her hair dancing around her shoulders. The lighting and misty spray from the falls give her almost an ethereal glow.
The trail continues, but we turn around and walk back the way we came and stop at the bottom to sit for a few minutes.
My phone buzzes and I see a text from Katie.
Katie
ALEXANDER! What in the actual fuck is going on?
Me
What?
Katie
Do you ever check social media?
Me
You know I don’t!
I open the app and see that Lizzie posted photos and tagged my sadly neglected profile.
She also tagged Amelia’s, which is under Minnie.
I get distracted by some beautiful candids Lizzie took of Amelia while she was standing alone, but another text comes in and reminds me why I’m looking at the app in the first place.
Katie
Did you track Amelia down and invite her to Lizzie’s wedding? Does she have a twin named Minnie? I am so confused!
Me
It’s a long story.
Katie
Oh, is it? Or is it a short story you don’t want to tell me?
Me
If I tell you, you’re sworn to secrecy.
Katie
*gif of locking mouth and throwing away the key*
Me
Turns out, Amelia is Lizzie’s best friend. Lives next door. Goes by Minnie here. Neither of us knew until I got here. Lizzie still doesn’t know about Amelia working at Delgado Technology Corp. No one does.
Katie
*gif of head exploding*
Holy. Shit.
Me
Tell me about it.
Katie
Have you talked to Amelia yet?
Me
Nothing more than pleasantries. She isn’t exactly speaking to me still.
Katie
You ever going to tell me what happened to make her leave?
Me
No.
Katie
I can make some guesses…
Me
Please don’t.
Katie
I demand updates. And pictures.
Me
We’ll see.
Katie
We’ll see if you have any of your favorite pens left when you get back to the office…
Me
I’m going to report you to HR for blackmail and insubordination.
Katie
*gif of Amy Poehler pointing at herself with the caption ‘that’s me’*
Me
I’m aware.
Katie
I’m going to get you to send a gif or a meme one of these days.
“Who are you texting, Dad?” Lizzie asks. “Please tell me it’s your secretary.”
Amelia’s head snaps up, and her beautiful blue eyes go wide in panic.
I shake my head as Amelia’s gaze meets mine. “No.”
“Damn.” Lizzie blows out a disappointed breath. “You just looked kind of intense.”
“It’s Katie. Just a work issue.” It’s not a total lie, but enough of one that I feel like an asshole.
“Oh, okay. Tell her hi for me. Let’s check out the gift shop!” Lizzie grabs my arm with one hand and Amelia’s in the other and starts dragging us toward the building.
“I have to use the restroom first,” Amelia says, pulling away.
Lizzie’s eyes follow her, and a concerned look crosses her face before she plasters on a smile, leading the way into the shop. It’s full of the normal gift shop items like keychains, magnets, postcards, and hoodies, but there’s also stuff like local honey and jelly.
“When we were younger, we used to steal honey sticks,” Lizzie whispers, pointing at a selection of the flavored treats.
“We’d sneak them in our back pockets or up our sleeves.
For years. Minnie’s mom was horrified when she found out.
We had to help out with like a million more chores that summer, and she made us both start leaving five bucks in the tip jars any time we went somewhere that has them. ”
My brow furrows. “What the hell, Lizzie?”
“We had our reasons! Which was Mom,” she says, sounding sad and angry at the same time.
“We did a big family trip. I think it was to Mount St. Helens. Those were rare. It was usually us Boyd kids tagging along with the Sinclairs and our friend Haven’s family, but this time Mom actually went along.
Minnie’s dad was letting all the kids pick out a stick.
It’s a tradition. And Mom said her kids couldn’t have any, that we didn’t need the sugar and carbs.
Minnie was pissed. She grabbed one when no one was looking and snuck it to me in the bathroom later.
It was apricot-flavored. It became a thing we did in defiance of Mom’s rule, even though everyone ignored it when she wasn’t around anyway. ”
“Okay, I’m not as mad about it as I was a minute ago.” No, I’m thankful for the amazing friend Amelia has been to my daughter. Even if she turned to shoplifting to be that friend to her.
Lizzie grins at me and starts picking out different flavors of honey sticks.
“Do they have any vanilla cinnamon?” Amelia asks, walking up to us.
“I grabbed like four of them.”
“Good. They’re still the best ones.” She reaches out to pull an apricot one out of the container and hands it to Lizzie with a chuckle.
“I was just telling Dad what a bad influence you are,” Lizzie says with a wink.
“Yeah, sure. We can pretend it goes that way and not the other way.” Amelia rolls her eyes at my daughter.
“I’m not an idiot,” I say to them. I’m pretty sure their influencing goes both ways.
“That’s a matter of opinion, Dad. You’re the one who somehow fucked things up and chased away the only woman you’ve ever actually cared about. Seems like a bonehead move to me.” Lizzie steps over to a display full of keychains with names on them, grabbing one that says Alexander.
“Well, yes, in that matter, I’m a complete and total idiot.
” I meet Amelia’s wide eyes and try to tell her how I feel about her with just a look and silently beg her to talk to me.
I know I hurt her, and the guilt of it eats at me, but seeing even a fraction of that pain in her eyes still makes me want to rip my own heart out and offer it to her as an apology and promise never to hurt her again.
“Glad we agree on that. Hey, Min, you have a five, right?”
Minnie blinks and then scowls at Lizzie. “Do I look like I want to mow the lawn or weed the garden? Of course I have a five.”
Lizzie buys the honey sticks and the keychain, and they each toss a five-dollar bill in the tip jar before we walk back toward the car. There are even more people now than there were when we got here.
“Who’s hungry?” Lizzie asks.
“When aren’t we hungry?” Amelia responds with a shrug.
“True. True. Alright, so we need to find some lunch and I know just where to get it. Nope, not telling you where. Get in. Trust the process.” Lizzie unlocks the car and opens her door.
Amelia crosses her arms and leans against the car. “Spring break, sophomore year. We met up in Fort Lauderdale, I trusted the process and got food poisoning.”
“I don’t know why you can’t block that memory out like I have.” Lizzie rolls her eyes.
“I literally thought I was dying.”
“But look, you’re still here, and you’re fine.” Lizzie motions with her hand up and down toward Amelia.
“I can’t eat sushi anymore.” Amelia shakes her head sadly. She’s lamented about not being able to eat sushi to me often over the last year, and we never order it when we stay late.
“Okay, mostly fine.”
“I miss sushi, Bean.”
“Yeah, me too.” Lizzie sighs. “That was a really bad couple of days.” After a moment, she perks back up. “But that was years ago, and it’s time to move on and trust the damn process again.”
“I swear to god, if you ruin tacos or mac and cheese or fucking buffalo wings for me, I will never forgive you. Never.” Amelia accentuates her words by pointing an angry finger at Lizzie, but there’s no real heat behind it.
She opens the back door and slides into the car, and Lizzie follows her.
I take a few seconds to laugh at how ridiculous they are and mentally prepare myself for more time with Amelia.
Her citrus lotion fills the small space and makes me think with the wrong head.
When I slip into the car, they’re fighting over what music to listen to next.
I snag Lizzie’s phone out of her hand and scroll through the playlists.
“Sleepy Sleep, Bitter Bitch, Vroom Motherfucking Vroom, Dance Like No Assholes Are Watching, Dance Like Your Hot Stalker’s Watching, Clean The Damn House…
Who named these things?” I ask with a laugh.
I pick the cleaning one, and an upbeat song starts playing.
“That’d be Minnie. She’s had a torrid affair going on with music for a long time. I’d say it’s her one true love, but—”
“Shut up and drive. We’re starving here,” Amelia interrupts.
Lizzie gives her a wicked smirk before backing out of the parking spot, and I wonder just what Lizzie was going to say.
Amelia’s sitting as far away from me as she can now, behind Lizzie instead of in the middle of the backseat.
She’s facing the window next to her, and it feels like her whole body is curled that way, like she can’t stand to be near me.
I swallow a miserable groan. Just a little over a week ago, we were sitting thigh to thigh in the back of a car after a late night at the office. The nights when we stayed late enough that Amelia would agree to let me escort her home were my favorites. Are those really gone forever now?
Shame fills me for regretting holding her for even a second.
I’m even more ashamed that I voiced that regret as quickly as I felt it instead of processing it first and realizing it was fear.
The same fear that had held me back for a year, except multiplied by a million.
The fear of losing her after holding her, after kissing her, after being inside her, was so much stronger than it was before that it exploded out, and I didn’t know what the hell to do with it.
I miss her. She’s just a few feet from me, but she’s a thousand miles away.