Chapter Nineteen
MONIQUE
Three months later
––––––––
Lying ass rat bastard!
Closing her eyes, Monique took a deep breath and prayed for patience. She felt like she was losing her damn mind. Or maybe she'd already lost it and just hadn't realized it yet. Yeah, that was probably it. She'd gone crazy. That had to be it.
Because no woman in her right mind would chase after a man who'd made it clear he wanted nothing to do with her. Opening her eyes, she glared at the double doors of Cattaneo Casino and Resort.
"Please leave, ma'am," the security guards told her for the third time.
Monique felt Toya's hand on her shoulder. Looking back, she noted the concern in her friend's gaze.
"No matter what we do, they're not going to let us in," Toya told her. "We should go. Let's not make a scene."
Monique faced the guards again. She didn't want to go. Neither did she want to make a scene. Tears welled in her eyes. She just wanted to see Orazio. She wanted to have him say those hurtful words to her face instead of over the phone.
And once he did, she wanted to throw his money and his dumb ass NDA in his face and tell him to shove the paper up his ass and shit it out. Stupid ass... Lying ass... Promise-breaking ass...
"You're cursing him out in your head again, aren't you?" Toya asked.
Blinking back tears, Monique nodded as she glared at the guards, who looked uncomfortable. The guards stepped aside to let guests enter the casino. Monique considered trying to go in with those guests.
The last time she did that, the guards had picked her and Toya up and moved them out of the way. How embarrassing! Which was why she remained rooted in place this time. At this point, she didn't know what else to do.
Orazio wouldn't answer his phone. In fact, she was sure he'd blocked her number. She wasn't allowed in his casino or the boutique he'd taken her to. Other businesses that belonged to him were also treating her like she was his insane ex-girlfriend who was hellbent on stalking him.
And the truth was, that was exactly what she felt like. She'd never stalked a man in her life. She hadn't even protested when her ex insisted on divorcing her, her ex, who was suddenly missing because of Orazio.
If Raz didn't love her, why had he rescued her? Why had he gotten rid of her ex if he didn't love her? If he didn't love her, why had he made all of those damn promises to her? Why had he made her dream of a future with him? Why had he made her open her heart again and trust him? Why? She just wanted a fucking answer!
"You're trying to figure out if everything he did for you was a lie, aren't you?" Toya asked.
Sighing, Monique glared at her friend.
Toya shrugged and said, "We've done this so many times that I can tell what stage of the breakup process you're in just by looking at your face. The thing is, you're only supposed to go through this cycle once. Maybe twice. But you're on a never-ending cycle that is breaking my heart and making me want to..." Toya glared at the guards and yelled, "It's making me want to burn down this entire damn casino with Raz, his brothers, and his guards in it."
Monique chanced a glance at the guards to find them staring straight ahead, faces void of emotions. Heaving a heavy sigh, her shoulders slumped as she gave up... again . She felt foolish for even behaving this way. Foolish and ashamed.
"Let's go," she told Toya.
"You sure?"
Monique nodded.
"You sure you don't want to at least break something before leaving?" Toya asked. "That usually makes me feel better."
Monique shook her head. The person whose legs she wanted to break was avoiding her.
"Come on." Toya wrapped her arms around Monique's shoulders. "We don't have to come to this raggedy-ass casino ever again. I hope they lose all their money and get audited by the IRS," Toya snapped, glaring at the guards before leading Monique back to Toya's car. Once inside the car, Toya opened the glove compartment and handed Monique some Kleenex.
Accepting it, Monique asked, "What's this for?"
"You can cry now," Toya told her.
"I'm done crying."
"Good!" Toya exclaimed. "Looks like it's time for the revenge phase of the breakup cycle. Are you ready to get angry? I'm talking angry enough to kill?"
"Kill? I mean, I'm mad, but not mad enough to kill. I'm not going to prison for no man. Why would you even suggest something like that after all we've been through?"
"That's precisely why I suggested it. You have to fight fire with fire. To get to Raz, you have to speak his language. We now know the Cattaneos are not against cutting off heads..."
"Toya!"
"I'm just saying," Toya started as she backed her car out of the casino's parking space. "Maybe we need to cut off some heads to get Raz's attention."
"Are you seriously talking about decapitating people?"
"I really don't think it's that hard to do."
"Toya!"
"What? I'm just saying, I watched a few how-to videos about it last night and..."
"Toya!"
"Stop yelling my name. You're going to make me deaf."
"I'm just shocked by you," Monique told her. "Why would you watch something that gruesome?"
"It wasn't human heads being chopped off. I couldn't find any videos about that. So, I watched videos of people cutting off chicken heads instead."
"That's still gruesome. I swear, you're one extreme, and Meka is the other. She refuses to leave my house and return to her own. She refuses to discuss what happened to us at all, which isn't healthy. And you can't stop talking about it, which also isn't healthy. It's like you enjoyed the thrill of it or something."
"I mean, I'm seeing a therapist," Toya told her.
"You were seeing one before all of this happened."
"True. That's beside the point, though. What else do you want me to do, Monique? Do you want me to sit around looking crazy, staring out the windows, and refusing to leave the house like Meka is doing?"
"No. I don't know," Monique mumbled, leaning back against the seat and staring out the passenger side window. "I don't know what any of us should do right now."
"You're the one who needs to be seeing a therapist right now," Toya told her.
"Hmmm."
"I'm serious, Monique. You've been through a lot. I mean, your ex kidnapped you, the sorry fucker. You saw your father..." Toya went silent, sentence trailing off.
Killed right before my eyes, Monique thought, finishing Toya's sentence . I saw my father killed right before my eyes, and I can't even tell my mother he's dead because of Orazio's NDA. Yes, I should be dealing with the trauma of that right now.
The sad thing is, I'm more traumatized over my conversation with Orazio than I am over my father's death. I should feel guilty about that. But the truth is, I'm glad both my father and my ex are out of my life.
Though my mother will spend the rest of her life thinking her husband ran off with the family and the church's money, I actually felt safer with my father gone. Hell, my mother was safer, too. She was just too brainwashed to realize it.
As for my ex-husband, I'm pretty sure he's dead too. I just wished I could've killed him myself. I would've loved to watch him suffer. I would've been happy to see the life leave his eyes. Ugh! Look at me, becoming just as violent as Toya. No wonder Meka was wary about going places with us.
"Meka says we're asking for trouble," Monique mused, still staring out the window.
"I don't think so," Toya replied. "You simply want answers from Raz. And you deserve them. He can't break up with you via a phone call and expect you to let it go like that. After everything you've been through, you deserve some type of explanation."
"I feel like a stalker. I feel..." Monique paused, blinking back tears again. "I feel worthless."
"Monique..." Toya started, voice tinged with sadness.
"I told myself I'd never feel this way again. But look at me, brought low by a man again ." Monique jerked in her seat when Toya suddenly slammed on the brakes. Her gaze swept to her friend. "What are you doing?"
Toya turned in her seat to face Monique. "This is nothing like the situation with Trevor's weak ass," Toya snapped as cars swerved past them, honking their horns.
"Toya! You can't just stop in the middle of the highway like this."
"Forget them people," Toya said with a wave of her hand. "I'm focused on you."
"Okay. But you can focus on me and drive at the same time," Monique explained as more cars honked their horns. "Do you want the police to notice us?"
"Oh, right. The cops." Facing forward in her seat, Toya put the car into drive and started down the highway again. "As I was saying, this situation is different. Trevor was a fuck boy. But Raz is doing this because he loves you. He's pushing you away because he wants to protect you."
"That's what makes this worse. That's what makes him worse than Trevor," Monique whispered.
"What? You consider him worse than Trevor?"
"Trevor didn't love me. So, his actions merely hurt my pride. They stung my ego. Sure, I was devastated. But I was angry with myself for staying with him for so long. I was mad that I'd allowed my parents and the church to influence my decision. I was disappointed in myself for not knowing my own worth and loving myself more. By the time we divorced, I'd already fallen out of love with him. But I was still angry because I'd wasted so many years on his sorry ass."
Monique paused, her thoughts moving to Orazio. "Raz, on the other hand, that man loves me," Monique whispered, voice shaking as tears sprang to her eyes again. "I see the love in his eyes when he looks at me. I feel it when he touches me. Even when he breathes, I feel like he's breathing for me. I know he is, because I breathe for him," Monique confessed, tears spilling down her cheeks after having promised herself she wouldn't cry again.
"This is nothing like what Trevor and I had," she continued. "This is more. This is real. Some go their entire lives without experiencing what Orazio and I share. Yet, he's throwing it away as if it isn't a once-in-a-lifetime type of love, which is why this hurts differently."
"But he's doing it to protect you," Toya told her again.
"I know, Toya. I know. I know Raz is afraid he won't be able to protect me. But isn't that what he pays guards for? I feel worthless because it seems he thinks I'm weak. It seems he doesn't know me at all. I mean, I may not be a killer, but I have a backbone. He should've at least talked to me. We should've had a discussion. He should've asked me if I could handle being with him or if I wanted out. He didn't give me a choice or a chance. That's why I said he makes me feel worthless, like I'm not worthy of that type of discussion. If the roles were reversed, he would've lost his mind. Had I decided on my own that I wanted out, his crazy ass would've kidnapped me and never let me go."
Monique paused, an idea forming in her mind. Why hadn't her silly behind thought of that sooner? Smiling, Monique slammed her hand against the dashboard, startling Toya. Monique jerked forward when Toya slammed on her brakes again.
"What is it? Are we getting kidnapped again?" Toya yelled as cars honked their horns at them.
"No," Monique said, facing her friend. "But another kidnapping is about to take place."
"Where?" Toya shouted, staring out the front window and then the back window. "Pass me my gun. It's in the glove compartment. Hurry."
"We don't need a gun because we're not the ones being taken this time," Monique explained.
Toya faced her. "Girl, what the hell are you talking about? And I thought I told you to keep a gun on you from now on."
"I do. It's in my purse. But forget the gun right now. I'm done going to Raz's casinos and other businesses looking for him and trying to talk to him. I'm done playing with his crazy ass," Monique said as more cars honked their horns. "Meka has been avoiding Cas's calls. And Cas has refused to let me talk to Raz. What if we convince Meka to talk to Cas, but only if he lures Raz to a destination where we'll be waiting to kidnap him."
"Are you serious?" Toya asked.
Monique nodded. "I'm so freaking serious."
"Say fucking . Fucking serious. That's more crime-boss-like."
"I'm so fucking serious," Monique said, putting a little bass in her voice.
A smile spread across Toya's face. "Friend, are you really thinking of kidnapping Orazio Cattaneo, the crime boss and the new don of the Cattaneo Crime family?"
With a huge grin on her face, Monique nodded again, feeling excited. "Yes, friend. I plan to kidnap Orazio Cattaneo, the new don of the Cattaneo Crime family. And once I have him, I'm never letting him go. I'm going to show his crazy ass just how crazy I can be. You down with helping me?"
"Hell yeah, I'm down. I need to cancel my order of fake chickens since we're not going the decapitation route. I no longer have to practice on them. But this plan is better. Less messy. Less jail time, too."
Monique laughed. "You should probably put the car in drive, or we'll end up getting arrested before we actually commit a crime."
"Oh, right. And I think I hear sirens." Toya put the car in drive.
And they were off. Monique stared out the passenger window, a plan formulating in her mind. To capture a boss, you had to think like a boss.
I'm done stressing over my crazy ass crime-boss boyfriend. Get ready Orazio Cattaneo. Because I'm coming to claim my man, and this time, I'm never letting you go.