Chapter Twenty
ORAZIO
––––––––
Orazio's knuckles whitened as he gripped the armrests of his chair, staring at the blank wall of his office. From the corner of his eye, he saw Leo watching the security screen. Orazio couldn't bring himself to look.
If he looked at the screen, he'd see her . If he saw her right now, he'd fold like a house of cards. And if he folded, Monique's life would be in constant danger. It had taken a lot of money and dead bodies to get her off the radar of his enemies.
He couldn't be the reason she was in danger again. That meant keeping his distance. That meant not being swayed by her presence, which was proving hard to do. He couldn't even bring himself to hear her voice.
That was why the volume on the security camera was muted. The last time she'd come to the front of the casino, the guards had been forced to pick her up and move her aside. Those guards had nearly lost their hands.
"Has she left yet?" Raz asked Leo, the impatience in his voice barely restrained as he tried not to think about the guards who'd touched her last time, an act that had almost cost them not only their hands but their lives, too.
He'd ordered them to keep her away, not to put their fucking hands on his woman. No one was allowed to touch her, not even him.
"Toya looks nice in those jeans," Leo mumbled, his eyes glued to the screen.
"I'm not asking about Toya. Has Monique left yet?" Raz shouted, his patience snapping.
Eyes still on the screen, Leo nodded. "They're walking away now."
"Hand me the device," Raz insisted, stretching his hand out, needing to get one small glimpse of her.
Leo hesitated for a moment before handing it over. Clutching the device tightly, Raz stared at Monique's retreating form on the screen. Each step she took felt like a knife twisting in his gut. He inhaled deeply and released the breath slowly, trying to calm himself and ease the pain.
He swallowed, refusing to give in to his emotions. Refusing to chase after her and beg for her forgiveness. Why did she have to look so good in everything she wore? Her clothing clung to her curves like a second skin, taunting him even as she disappeared from view.
Why did she have to be shaped that way? Why couldn't her sexy ass wear loose-fitting clothing? Damn, I miss her, he thought, gritting his teeth. Raz couldn't let his resolve crumble, no matter how much he missed her.
For her safety, for her future, he had to stay strong. But the pain of losing her was a living, breathing entity inside him. It fed on his anguish, constantly gnawing at his insides, threatening to consume him whole.
But he'd bear that pain for the rest of his life... for her. Focus on what's at stake, he thought to himself as the urge to go after her increased. This is for her own good. Raz took another deep breath and exhaled slowly, resolve strengthening.
"You saw her face when she was here, didn't you?" Raz asked Leo.
"If I say yes, are you going to gouge my eyes out?"
"Just answer the fucking question," Raz growled, unable to keep the edge from his voice.
"Answering your questions comes with risks," Leo replied. "You almost cut a guard's hands off last time Monique came here looking for you. I'm not taking any chances. I need my eyes. How can I protect you if I can't see you?"
"Did you see her face when she was here or not?" Raz demanded, his impatience turning into annoyance.
"Of course I did. I was staring at the screen the entire time."
"I thought you were only looking at Toya," Raz snapped.
"I cast a glance at Monique a couple of times. Why?"
Raz rubbed his thumb over the screen. "Were her eyes puffy, like she'd been crying?"
"I don't remember."
"Leo!"
"You sure you want the answer, Don Cattaneo?" Leo hesitated.
No, he wasn't sure. Still, he needed to know. "Yes," Raz mumbled, his jaw clenched.
"Okay. Don't yell at me this time like you did the last time," Leo warned.
"Answer the damn question," Raz demanded, anger simmering just beneath the surface.
"Fine," Leo relented. "Yeah, it looked like she'd been crying. It looked like she'd been crying a lot. Is that what you wanted to hear?"
"Fuck!" Raz yelled, throwing the device. It slammed into the wall, the screen cracking before it hit the ground.
"That's the third device you've broken," Leo informed him. "That number coincides with the number of times Monique has come to the casino. Why won't you just see her already and stop tearing up shit?"
Raz's hands shook with barely contained rage, the veins in his arms bulging as he clenched his fists, barely resisting the urge to punch something as he struggled for control. The problem was, the person he wanted to punch was himself.
How dare he make her cry? Fuck! Closing his eyes, he leaned back in his seat and attempted to push the thought of his Rosa crying from his mind. Tears meant she was alive. The dead couldn't cry.
As long as she was alive and well, then he was happy-ish. At least he was happier than he would be if she were in constant danger. If I don't think about her, eventually, I'll get over her. I think. I hope. I pray.
"Raz, just see her and..." Leo started, but Raz interrupted him before he could begin a new lecture.
"It's over between me and her, Leo. Seeing her will only give her hope."
" Not seeing her is killing you. You're losing weight, Raz."
"I'm on a diet," Raz lied.
"Is it a heartbreak diet?" Leo asked.
Yeah. That's what it was.
"If that's what it is," Leo continued. "Then you should bottle that shit up and sell it. It works."
"Shouldn't you be working?" Raz snapped.
"My job is to guard the don. Right now, I'm failing. You look a mess, Raz."
I feel a mess, Raz thought but remained silent with his eyes closed.
"As your guard, the one who protects you and who has to answer to your family if I fail to protect you, I'm giving you two options. Get back with Monique, or let me kill her so that you can finally get over her," Leo said, his voice firm but laced with concern.
Orazio's eyes snapped open. He sat up in his seat.
"Touch her and die," Raz growled.
"Those are your options," Leo told him. "I'll give you a week to make a decision." Leo turned to leave the room.
"You weren't like this with my dad," Raz called out.
"Your dad didn't lose sleep over anything but money. And he didn't even let money make him miss a meal. I didn't have to be this way with him."
"If you touch her, you'll die," Raz called out, throwing his cell phone at Leo.
The device whizzed through the air, narrowly missing its target as Leo sidestepped it.
Leo looked back, his expression unreadable. "If I touch her, I'll die. I got it. But if I don't do something, you'll die. Make a decision. Or we're all going to die in a week. I don't fear death. What do you fear, Raz?"
Raz swallowed hard, feeling as though his heart was being crushed under the weight of his desperate love for Monique. What did he fear? His fear had just walked away from his casino with one of his guards trailing her without her knowing it. With a defeated sigh, he slumped back into his seat, his body sagging under the pressure of his emotions.
"Think about what you fear and let me know. In the meantime, I'll get you a new phone," Leo said as he turned and left the room.
The door slammed shut with a resounding thud, leaving Raz alone in his office.
Raz stared at the closed door. He was alone now. He could stop pretending he was okay. His eyes burned. He blinked back the tears that threatened to fall. Alone or not, he had to keep up the pretense. He was the don. Dons didn't cry.
A sigh escaped him as he thought over Leo's parting question. What did Raz fear? Life . That was his greatest fear. A life without Monique. A life devoid of her laughter echoing through the halls of his empty home.
A life without her soft voice whispering sweet nothings in his ear or the warmth of her body pressed against his every night. Life without enjoying breakfast with her every morning or complaining about their work every evening.
Life without making love to her until the sun rose or kissing her forehead when she felt sad. A life without Monique. That was what Orazio Cattaneo feared. And he was currently living out his worst fear.
Yet, he had no choice but to continue living. If he wasn't still concerned for her safety, if he wasn't still secretly watching over her, Orazio Cattaneo would have no reason to endure this life at all.
Monique Rose was the reason he had to live, but she was also the reason he wanted to die. Raz squeezed his eyes shut to keep the tears from falling. Dons didn't cry. Dons didn't fall in love.
And if Orazio didn't get his shit together soon, his family would realize just how unqualified he was to be the Cattaneo don. Because right now, he was crying, and he was in love. And he had no idea how to make any of it stop.
Raz wiped his eyes, hating himself for allowing the tears to fall. Dons don't cry, he reminded himself. Forcing thoughts of Monique from his mind, he took a few deep breaths, attempting to calm himself and get his emotions in check.
An emotional don was a useless don. His father had drilled that into him at an early age. He and his father may not be on good terms at the moment, but he still remembered the lessons his dad had taught him.
It took a few more deep breaths for him to pull himself together. He groaned when his office phone rang. He couldn't even have a few fucking moments to himself. Who the hell wanted him now? He snatched the phone up on the fourth ring.
"Orazio speaking," he snapped.
"You sound like you're having a great day," Rome's voice came across the line.
"What do you want?" Raz asked, closing his eyes, a dull ache forming on one side of his head.
"I tried calling your cell, but you didn't answer. I even called Leo, but he told me you'd died."
"After hearing I'd died, you don't sound too concerned."
"He tells me you've died every day. Didn't you know that?"
Everyone around him was idiots. Was this really his life now? Would he really have to live this way forever... without her? Another sigh escaped him.
"You're thinking about her , aren't you?" Rome asked.
"I don't know who you're referring to. Why did you call me, Rome? Is something wrong?"
"No. I just wanted to make sure you remembered what today was."
Today? What was so special about today? It was no different from any other day. He woke up, worked out, and then went to work. After work, he showered and went to bed. Sprinkle in time for eating, pissing, and being annoyed by his family, and that was pretty much how his days went. There was nothing particularly special about any day of the week.
"You've already forgotten what today is, haven't you?" Rome asked.
"Just tell me so we can be done with this conversation."
"You've always been ornery. Now that you no longer have Monique, you're worse. You need your medicine. Call her."
"She's not my medicine."
"Just call her and..."
"What the hell is so special about today?" Raz yelled into the phone, ready to be done talking to his brother. "Tell me. Now!"
"You're really a bastard these days," Rome drawled. "Today is the day we get rid of Tatum. And we have the Cattaneo Gala in two days, your first official event as don, where you'll mingle with some of the richest men in the south."
Fuck! Raz massaged his forehead. He'd almost forgotten about both events.
"I'm still working on my plans for the gala," Orazio stated. "As for Tatum, I know where it's going down. I'll meet you all there tonight."
"You know the time?"
"Yeah. I know."
"Alright."
"Bye." Before Raz could hang up, Rome called his name.
"Raz!"
"Yeah," he replied, tone cold.
"We didn't grow up around a lot of affection," Rome told him.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Just listen for a moment," Rome insisted.
Relaxing against his seat, Raz closed his eyes and listened.
"As I said," Rome began again. "We didn't grow up around a lot of affection. We had no mom. And we never gave our stepmoms who popped in and out of our lives a chance. Dad did his best. But he was the don. He was always busy. But he tried. You know he tried. He loved us the best way he knew how. We were always doing drills on what to do if an intruder broke into the house. He tested us often on how quickly we could get out of bed and rush to the panic room. He even had us doing target practice at a young age. He did that because he loved us, because he wanted us to be able to protect ourselves. Though you were only a couple of years older than us, it was you who had to make sure we made it to the panic room in record time. Dad placed a lot of weight on your shoulders because you were the oldest. And you've carried that weight all this time without complaining. That's why Cas and I kept our complaints to ourselves. What right did we have to complain when you, who had it worst, hadn't uttered one complaint."
"Rome..."
"No, listen. You never complain, Raz. Yes, you're an ornery bastard, but you hold a lot in. When we got older, Dad put more and more weight on your shoulders. You bore it all so that we didn't have to. Still, you never complained. I know rumors are circulating that you forced Dad to hand over the title because you were eager to be the don. But those important to you know that you only did it to protect the ones you love because dad was slowly losing his shit. You only do things like that when you feel there's no other way to get the job done. Same thing with Monique. You kidnapped her because you didn't believe you could win her love any other way. You didn't know how to romance a woman the right way."
"Hey..."
"Maybe you were right," Rome rushed to say. "Either way, you won her love. You earned it. And yeah, some bad shit happened afterward. But it wasn't your fault. It was Dad's fault."
"And I'm connected to Dad, so..."
"So, you're bearing the weight of his sins without complaining as always. And I'm tired of it. I want to hear you complain. I want you to scream about how unfair life is and how much you miss Monique."
Raz squeezed his eyes shut. "What's the point when it won't change anything?"
"How do you know it won't? Maybe shouting it out will make you realize that you need to do something about it."
"I am doing something about it. I'm avoiding her to protect her. That's the best thing I can do." How many times did he have to tell motherfuckers that?
"Raz..."
"Thanks, brother, for being worried about me and wanting what's best for me. But Monique's safety comes before my happiness. So, let's end this conversation here." Raz hung up the phone while his brother was still talking.
Slowly opening his eyes, he tilted his head back and stared up at the ceiling. His brother acted like crying and screaming about how unfair the world was would solve Raz's problems.
That had never solved anything for anyone. He knew in his heart that what he was doing was the right thing to do. Raz swallowed. In fact, maybe he needed to do more. The easiest way to get over one love was to find another one.
He didn't have to love this new woman. He couldn't. He'd already given his heart away. He was now an empty shell. But he was rich and powerful, which was enough for the type of woman he needed now.
He only needed her to shut his family up and show Monique that she should move on because he'd already done so. Raz picked up the landline and called Leo. His guard answered on the third ring.
"Yes, boss."
"The Gala is in two days. I need a date. Find someone suitable."
"Should I call Moni..."
"Say her name, and I'll kill you," Raz growled, secretly wishing it was Monique who'd stand by his side during that event.
"Mr. Miconi is flying in for the event. He arrives tomorrow with his daughter, Isla Miconi. She's twenty-seven, unmarried, and considered an investment guru. I could find out her measurements and send her a dress, heels, and jewelry with a note from you stating you'd love to meet her and have her at your side for the gala. And I'll have a suit chosen for you that matches her attire. This should impress her father and win you some brownie points with him since you have a meeting with him next week to discuss him investing in Cattaneo Corp."
Raz swallowed the bile that rose in his throat. Everything that Leo had just said sounded reasonable. He was a don. It was time for him to start forming connections and strengthening his backing.
Plus, he needed a woman in his life who was accustomed to the darker side of business. Miconi was known to be ruthless. His daughter was his only child and the heir to the Miconi enterprise in Italy.
She'd even established her own business in the States. And she was rumored to be just as ruthless as her father. She was the type of woman his father would've chosen for him. She was the type of woman who could handle his lifestyle.
"Should I send someone to find out her measurements?" Leo asked, pulling Raz back into the conversation.
Raz swallowed, feeling like he was betraying the love of his life.
"Yes," he whispered. "Do it." Before I change my mind.
"Consider it done, boss. I'll text you Isla Miconi's picture... wait , you broke your phone. I'll email you her picture so you know how she looks. I'll have your cousin send over an outfit befitting of Isla after I have the measurements. I'll also have her choose a matching tux for you."
"One more thing, Leo."
"What's up?"
"I need for Monique to be able to see me and Isla together."
"Why the hell do you want that? Ohhh . You think that will help her move on."
Raz swallowed. "She may love me, but she's a proud woman. She's loyal and expects loyalty in return. She'll hate me and give up on me if she sees me kissing someone else."
"Don't you think that's taking it a little too far?"
"She leaves me no choice. I can't even begin to start living my life as the new don until Monique has moved on. I can't keep seeing her on security monitors. I can't keep listening to her voicemails. Eventually, I'll break and go to her. I need her to leave me. Because me leaving her isn't getting the job done. So find a way for Monique to see Isla and me together so we can end this love once and for all."
"Yes.... Sir," Leo muttered.
"Thanks, Leo."
"Raz...."
"What?"
Leo hesitated for a moment before saying, "I'm sorry."
Blinking back tears, Raz hung the phone up.