50. A Spiral of Chaos #2
Carter dragged both hands down his face in exasperation before admitting quietly, “It might be your security team.”
I could just strangle him for writing me off. “I’m not talking about Vaughn.” I muttered harshly.
“Neither am I.” He quickly fled for the door.
That got my attention. “What do you mean?” I shot up, and he walked faster. “Carter?” My voice went up an octave as I teetered on too-high heels, shoving my body against the door, blocking his exit. “What the hell are you talking about?” I asked breathlessly.
He stalked into the adjacent conference room and cracked open a bottle of water. “I hired a security team for you last fall.” The words tumbled out of his mouth like he knew he was about to be in deep shit—and he’d be right.
My mouth dropped open as he white-knuckled the heavy glass bottle and nervously guzzled, “And you didn’t think to tell me?
” I demanded. “I’ve been feeling paranoid and anxious for months—because of you?
!” I put my hands on my hips and stared at the ceiling.
I’d been losing my marbles over nothing, thinking it had been related to that damn note.
“Unbelievable.” I muttered, knowing he couldn’t possibly understand what it was like to be a woman walking through the world, already a little on edge as it was.
“I know why Liam assigned me security.” I started slowly, realization dawning on me.
“Yeah, you want to tell me the real reason he did?” Carter asked warily. “That was a bullshit explanation he gave me.”
I tapped my lips, ignoring his question as I continued my line of thinking. “You know, I’m really curious, Kensington .” His name was like a curse word in my mouth. “Why the hell did you hire security for me?” My heart rate increased as a different kind of sickening feeling settled into my stomach.
“Just being safe.” He quickly took another long swig of water, draining the bottle.
What the actual hell? Liam had been keeping secrets for months, and now Carter? Both of them, making decisions about my life without bothering to consult me first. This was getting really old.
“If you won’t tell me, then you don’t get to keep tabs on me.” Totally reasonable.
“You will keep your security team.” He demanded, and the authority in his tone made my core tighten like a horny fucking traitor.
Moody, broody Carter, was apparently doing it for me. Fan- fucking-tastic timing. “Who the hell do you think you are?” I demanded, feeling myself starting to unravel as he closed the space between us. “Trying to keep tabs on me while simultaneously pushing me away?”
“I’m trying to keep you safe.” He snapped, closing in.
“You have a real funny way of showing it.” I breathed, my eyes going wide as he entered my space with several more long steps. My tongue darted out, wetting my bottom lip, and his eyes were dark and angsty as he tracked the movement.
“It’s not. Up. For discussion.”
I’d never seen this side of him aimed at me before.
Something protective and simultaneously predatory, dangerous.
Fuck, it was hot.
He smelled good too, familiar, minty, masculine, alluring.
Focus, Sara! “You’re right, it’s not up for discussion because you’ve made it very clear you don’t want to be in my life anymore.
” I bit out, already dialing a number on my cell phone.
“And it’s well within my rights to fire your little minions. ”
His hand hit the wall above my head, and I swallowed hard, tingling as the energy crackled between us like a strike of lightning about to ignite. “Good luck with that, because they’re on my payroll.”
“If I can’t fire them, I’ll have Gina help me get a restraining order.” I threatened as Theo answered the phone, sounding irritated as usual.
“Why are you calling me, Sara? I know you’re in the building.”
“Hi Theo.” I started sweetly, but Carter yanked the phone out of my hand and hung it up, making me want to scream as he stuffed it in his pocket and pushed off the wall.
“I was attacked.” Carter practically choked out. “Last summer.”
That stopped me in my tracks. “What?” I breathed, looking him over as if his body were currently injured—and it was, from his accident. He should be in bed, recovering. Why was he pushing himself so hard, so soon?
He started pacing. Nervously. “Some people my father worked with made some threats.” He turned towards me, almost pleading as he explained, “They’re dangerous and they mean fucking business, Sara.”
“I don’t know what the hell that has to do with me.”
“Everything!” he shouted.
“Then why the hell didn’t you just say something?”
“I didn’t want to scare you.” He softened breathlessly.
“You’d had such a fucking hard year.” His chest rose and fell wildly.
“I didn’t want you to be looking over your shoulder, constantly worrying.
I know how important having a normal college experience was for you.
So I made sure they’d stay out of your way.
” He swallowed hard. “But I had to be sure you weren’t in any danger. ”
“I wasn’t.” I reached for him, almost surprised when he let me take his hand. “I wish you had just told me.” I breathed, eyes darting between his. Searching. Hoping. Waiting.
Whatever I was waiting for didn’t come.
My chest tightened as that cold exterior settled back over his face.
Shit.
The question was out before I could stuff it back down. “Did you kiss her back?” I asked breathlessly, feeling his big hand calloused against mine.
He didn’t hesitate as he pulled away. “Don’t ask me questions that I can’t answer without hurting you more than I already have.”
Oh. The photo was real?
I felt dizzy as the fog cleared all too quickly.
He’d been telling me over and over again that he didn’t want me, but I had just done a shit job of actually listening to him.
Why did I actually believe I knew him better than he knew himself?
How mother fucking delusional. I’d been a plaything when it was fun and convenient and when it mattered most. He didn’t want to commit.
The reality check stung.
But I shouldn’t have been surprised. In fact, I should have expected it from him. I was still so na?ve—after all those years of pining. I was still trying to force a freaking happily ever after with someone who clearly didn’t want me. Who does that?! Apparently me.
I wasn’t supposed to chase him , and yet that’s all I’d done, my entire life. I realized in that moment exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be pursued for once. I was done doing the chasing.
He was telling me loud and clear what he wanted, and it wasn’t me—it was another one of those fucking blondes he loved so much.
I fumbled with the clasp of the tiny pendant around my neck.
“I always want the best for you, but I can’t pretend this isn’t exactly what I expected from the moment you kissed me on the pier.
” I hesitated, the heartbreak quickly catching up with my ambition and fury.
“I thought—this was all moving so fast, but I thought you were my person, Carter. I guess… I was wrong.” I swallowed hard, the word sticking in my throat.
“Goodbye.” It came out a whisper as I trickled the necklace down onto the desk, not waiting to see if he picked it up.
“Sara, I?—”
“Don’t.” I cut him off with a sound that was more a sob than a word.
“I’m finally finding the strength to do exactly what you asked me to.
Please don’t follow me. This is hard enough as it is.
” I practically sprinted to the elevator, violently punching the close door button to escape.
Hot tears burned an acidic path down my cheeks—I was ready to tear somebody’s throat out… even if it was my own.
I stormed through the lobby, eyes blurry.
I didn’t give a shit what Carter or Liam wanted for me.
What about what I wanted for me? For fucking once.
Everybody treating me like glass—and, yes, maybe last year I’d needed it.
But I was strong too. I could be a lot of things, in fact.
I could be soft, and I could be strong, and I could be complex and difficult and fuck—I couldn’t even think.
On the street, my new red-bottomed heels clicked with every thunderous step I took. I wasn’t watching where I was going, could hardly see through my tears as I slammed so hard into someone it nearly knocked the breath from my lungs.
I felt myself starting to fall, and the man grabbed my arms as we spun behind a tree, planted in the sidewalk. “I’m so sorry.” I huffed, trying to right myself, but he wasn’t letting go.
Why wasn’t he letting go?
As I peered up, I didn’t catch his face because he shoved me backward. Hard.
I gasped as I fell to the ground, but before I hit—hands grabbed me, yanking me into an SUV with tinted windows.
Everything was happening so fast and simultaneously so slow. I gagged as rough, salty fabric hit my tongue, something painfully tight around my wrists before I could pull it away, a sharp pinch in my neck and then a flood of nausea as the panic set in.
The edges of my vision started blurring before I could even scream.
None of it had been in my head, my bodyguard was upstairs, and I’d just told the one person who knew where I was… not to follow me. Oh God.