Chapter 44
Courtney
The house in Vegas feels cold and lifeless.
Like its very soul was sucked out and there’s nothing left but a shell of wood, cement, and drywall.
Nothing has changed, not really. There’s still the same sunflower welcome mat on the front porch, the same crimson throw pillows on the couch, the same toys and picture frames adorning almost every surface.
What’s different is me.
I feel like I left a piece of myself in Limaj, and despite knowing I’m doing the right thing, it doesn’t feel any less awful.
Leaving the palace, and Daniil, was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
And even though Micah and I have been home a week, I’m still not sleeping well.
Not eating. Not really living. It’s all just routine and getting through each day.
Adele is here today to watch Micah so I can go in for an all-hands meeting at Westfield & Carruthers. I’m not sure what’s going on, but it sounded important so I somehow managed to get myself dressed and out the door looking somewhat presentable.
Landon and Elliott are in town for the meeting even though they’re based in L.A.
and they’re going to crash in my guest room and on my couch for the night.
It’ll be nice to have company, someone to cook for and have adult conversation with.
Not only am I dealing with a broken heart, I don’t have a single person to talk to.
The boys are great, and I could talk to Landon if I really wanted to, but he has nothing to add to the current situation so there’s no point in it. The one person I want to talk to is Lennox, but she made her feelings clear just before I left: she thinks I’m an idiot.
So I’m essentially on my own.
For real.
It’s a small crowd that gathers at the Westfield & Carruthers office, and I sink into the chair next to my brother.
“Any idea what’s going on?” I ask him.
He shakes his head. “Nope. Chains has been pretty tight-lipped about everything.”
“Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming.” Chains walks in and sits down at the head of the table.
“I know you’re all curious about why you’re here, so I’ll get to it.
When I bought the company, I didn’t have a ton of cash, so I gave Joe Westfield a down payment, and he’s been taking half of my agreed-upon salary until it was paid off.
And now it is.” He pauses. “But the thing is, we’ve grown too big for what I’m doing.
My family and Club Inferno, those are my priorities, and we have too much business for me to keep burning the candle at both ends. ”
“What does that mean, boss?” Landon calls out.
“It means I’m considering selling.”
The room is deadly silent as we all look around.
“Selling like…we’re all out of jobs?” Elliott asks, a tinge of annoyance in his voice.
“Yes, but no.” Chains looks around. “I won’t do anything until we come to an agreement.
Maybe one or more of you would like to buy in, be my partners.
Then no one loses their job, no clients have to be moved around, and we can even expand because, frankly, I turn down work every day. ” He looks around. “Any takers?”
The room is quiet.
I want to jump in, because the amount of money Daniil put into trust for us is staggering. Tens of millions of dollars. I can literally do anything I want now. But I don’t know if I have the bandwidth to run a security company and raise my son on my own.
“Can I think about it?” I ask after a moment.
Chains and Landon both look surprised, but Chains immediately nods.
“Of course. Take your time. I’m not in a hurry to make this happen, but after this last trip to Limaj—which was important and I would do it again in a heartbeat—I realized how far I’m stretched.
I missed my daughter’s dance recital—” He looks at me.
“—again, this was personal, and I would do it a hundred times over for you. But I was already in Alaska because Gage Caldwell needed me. I’m out of town more than I’m home, and my wife is tired of it. We all are.”
“I need a couple of months,” I say quietly. “Meet with a financial planner, maybe interview some nannies…is that okay?”
“Absolutely. It’s only August. I wasn’t planning to do anything until January anyway. But I wanted you all to have the opportunity to buy the business or become partners with me before I looked to strangers.”
The guys ask a few more questions but I’m lost in thought.
Could I buy it? This would be a huge career move, and potentially a lucrative one. We have a lot of high-end clients all over the world. Hollywood starlets. Rockstars. Billionaires. European royalty.
Ugh.
I don’t want to think about that. Well, I don’t want to think about him.
I do it far too often and it…hurts. I miss him so much it’s physically painful sometimes.
I toss and turn all night, aching for him, his touch, his strong, warm body.
And I’m so sexually frustrated I can’t even be bothered to use my vibrator.
“Court?” I realize Landon’s been talking to me and I turn.
“Sorry, I was daydreaming. What’s up?”
“Are you serious about buying Chains out?”
“I have to think about it, whether or not I can manage with the baby, but yes.”
“How can you afford…” He squints. “He gave you money.”
I snort. “He gave me a fortune.”
His eyes widen. “You didn’t say anything.”
“I’m still kind of numb, I guess. Trying to recover after what happened.”
“Don’t make any rash decisions, you know? It’s good to take some down time.”
“I can’t take much more because I’m going crazy. I need something to do.”
“You’re not okay, are you?” he asks.
I shrug. “I’m getting there. It’s just…hard.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean, why?”
“If you’re doing the right thing, why are you so miserable?”
“It’s the right thing for Micah, not necessarily for me.”
“Why?”
“Why what?” I ask in frustration.
“Why isn’t it the right thing for you?” His dark eyes search my face. “Is it because you love him?”
“Duh.”
“And you really think this is what’s best?”
“Like I said, it’s better for Micah.”
“Yeah, but Micah needs a happy, mentally healthy mom—and that’s not you right now.”
“Eventually, I’ll get over it. It’s still new.”
“It’s been two weeks and you look like death warmed over, no offense.”
I scowl. “Thanks.”
“Come on, you know what I mean.”
“There’s that whole skull fracture thing, you know?”
“It’s more than that.”
“I’m not sure what your point is—I can’t put Micah in a position where that kind of thing is the rule instead of the exception.”
“Did you ever ask him to come here?”
I stare at him and then slowly shake my head. “Yeah, okay—I’m going to ask a prince to give up his birthright, his position as a working royal, and the oath he took as a Royal Protector to come play house with me in Vegas.”
“I’m not talking about playing!” he protests. “I’m talking about marriage. Making a family unit for Micah. Being happy, Courtney. And you were happy with Daniil.”
“How would you know?”
“I could tell just from your texts. The pictures you sent. You were happy. Happier than I’ve ever seen you outside of a helicopter.”
Because I was.
But I can’t tell him that. I can’t even admit it to myself. What kind of mother would I be if I put my desires before my son’s safety?
“Please don’t do this,” I whisper. “Daniil and I agreed this was for the best. It’s done. Now it’s a matter of getting over it. I need your support, okay? Please?”
He sighs and wraps an arm around my shoulder. “You’ve always got my support. I just want you to be okay. And I know you’re not.”
“I’m getting there. And maybe buying Westfield & Carruthers will give me something to focus on beyond my broken heart.”
He opens his mouth but then closes it again. “Fair enough. Just think about what I said, okay? When you’re alone and staring at the ceiling at night, think about giving Daniil an option. All he can do is say no.”
I don’t know how to respond to that, so I don’t.
But deep down, it’s something to consider.