Chapter Ten #2
“Fitz, we have been more than cousins. You are more of a brother to me than is Roland,” Edward said.
Darcy sighed heavily in resignation. “I realized before we journeyed to Rosings that you held an interest in Elizabeth Bennet. When the great Fitzwilliam Darcy mentions a woman twice, I notice. When he mentions her repeatedly, I know something is amiss.”
“Miss Elizabeth holds me in contempt; she said as much when I offered her everything I had,” Darcy confessed.
“Elizabeth Bennet refused you? This cannot be. You are perfect for each other. The woman makes you laugh, Fitz; no one has ever made you laugh.”
Darcy smiled easily. His cousin, obviously, enjoyed the image. “Tell me what occurred.”
“Mr. Wickham poisoned the lady’s mind. Miss Elizabeth is lost to me,” Darcy moaned. “Moreover, in my pomposity, I injured Miss Jane Bennet, Miss Elizabeth’s sister.”
“How could you have offered the elder Miss Bennet an offense?”
“Do you recall my bragging over separating Bingley from an inappropriate connection?”
“Not Miss Elizabeth’s sister!”
“Unfortunately,” Darcy confessed.
The muscles along the colonel’s jaw twitched. “I fear Miss Elizabeth heard of your perfidy from my lips. No wonder the lady suddenly took ill that day in the park.”
“I realized from whom Miss Elizabeth had heard the news before we removed from Rosings. The lady would have discovered my deceit sooner or later: she is a clever woman. She had settled against me before I convinced Bingley to leave Netherfield. I treated her poorly, and then professed my love for her. My duplicity only encouraged her scorn.”
“Then it is true that you actually offered Miss Elizabeth your hand in marriage?”
Darcy hesitated. “I did request Miss Elizabeth’s assent, but I fear I did not articulate my intentions well. I planned what I wished to say, but in the lady’s presence, my mind could not recall the words I wished her to know.”
Edward chuckled, “What, may I ask, did you say?”
“I explained the torment of my decision, my qualms over her lack of connections, and the impropriety shown by Elizabeth’s family …”
Edward laughed loudly as he refilled Darcy’s cup with more coffee. “Only you, Cousin, would tell a woman you loved her by announcing how repugnant you found her family. Is it not surprising Miss Elizabeth did not find this endearing?”
A sough escaped Darcy’s throat before he buried his face in his hands again. “It appears,” he said at last, “I have been a simpleton when it comes to Miss Elizabeth Bennet. My folly does not speak well of my intentions, does it?”
“Men, in love, are often foolhardy,” Edward added quietly. “Let us finish this tomorrow. Do you think you can make it to your chambers?”
Darcy nodded his compliance. The colonel rang for Sheffield’s assistance, and together they managed to maneuver Darcy safely to his bed.
The valet departed to check upon the preparation of a room for Edward.
Thinking Darcy’s labored breathing indicated his cousin had found sleep, Edward moved quietly to the door.
However, a muffled call from Darcy stayed Edward’s retreat.
“Cousin, which shop in the mercantile district did Miss Elizabeth frequent?”
“No concern necessary,” Edward assured as he returned to Darcy’s bedside.
“I will send a servant around tomorrow for the lace. Some day you will present it to Miss Elizabeth as a symbol of your regard for her.” Darcy’s arm waved his acceptance of Edward’s suggestion, and the colonel slipped from the room.
Breakfast came late at Darcy House, but neither Darcy nor the colonel cared. Both men had affairs of the heart with which to worry.
“Well, Darcy, where do you go from here?”
The words choked him, but he managed to say, “I know my duty. The Darcy name and Pemberley must survive. I must forget Miss Elizabeth Bennet and find a suitable match. I am a rich man, and I will settle upon the first appropriate woman who tempts me. I am ready to marry. I have a heart prepared to accept the first pleasing woman to come my way.” Except Miss Elizabeth.
This was his only secret exception to his declarations.
“A woman with a little beauty and some words of flattery will have me as her own, whether she be fifteen or thirty or somewhere in between. I am perfectly prepared to make a foolish match.”
“Then you mean to have our cousin Anne?”
“As much as I respect and admire Anne,” Darcy said seriously, “she is not the woman I envision as the mistress of Pemberley. Despite Lady Catherine’s wishes, Anne will not be the object of my search even after Elizabeth’s refusal.
The woman I want will possess a handsome countenance, a light figure, and a quickness of mind.
I must find a woman who can assist me in running Pemberley.
Her character must be an adventurous one, for it will take such a woman to stay the course when times turn badly, as they always do.
She must not be easily intimidated. I may choose to settle for something a bit less, but I will not compromise my standards.
I have thought on it for a long time.” Edward let out a ragged sigh of relief, which caught Darcy off guard.
“What troubles you, Edward?” he asked, finally quitting his own reverie and giving his cousin his full note.
“I …” Edward stammered, “I wish to marry Anne.” Edward’s eyes came slowly to face Darcy head-on.
Initially stunned, Darcy did not take long to realize he should have recognized Anne’s interest in Edward. She had always enjoyed Edward’s company more than his. Anne had said as much at Rosings. “Your confession takes me by surprise. Yet, I wish you well if Anne is your desire.”
“We cannot address Lady Catherine until you marry,” Edward stated. “Our aunt would never agree as long as there is a possibility of your changing your mind. My happiness hinges on you, Fitz.”
“I shall not change my mind, Edward, but our aunt can be stubborn. Although you wish me to expedite my choice, please allow me time to choose wisely.”
“Of course, Darcy,” Edward said contritely.
“We have no desire to observe you make a poor decision just to satisfy our hopes. You are, after all, our cousin, and we wish your life to be filled with love.” Edward stood and retrieved his gloves.
“I believe I will leave, Fitz. Give Georgiana my regards. I will call again in a few days.”
Darcy sat for some minutes contemplating the events of the past two days.
Admitting his love for Elizabeth brought no cessation from the pain, but he hoped it would permit him to right his world.
Perhaps then the madness would no longer consume him, and he could set about being Fitzwilliam Darcy, the master of Pemberley.
He had one deep regret; he had injured Georgiana. So, Darcy sought his sister.
He found her in the music room. Georgiana listlessly stroked the keys of the pianoforte. When he entered the room, she sprang to her feet. Darcy purposely took her hand and brought it to his lips. “Come with me, Georgiana. We must speak honestly.”
Darcy hated how she tentatively followed him across the room to a settee.
He despised how his actions had affected her.
Even after they were well settled, he did not release her hand.
Apparently fearing his disappointment, she sat with eyes downcast; yet, he would have none of it.
Darcy cupped her chin gently with his fingers and lifted it to where he might look upon her countenance.
“Georgiana, my girl,” he said softly. “I have dealt you a disservice, and I beg your forgiveness.”
The tears rolled down his sister’s cheeks, and Darcy reached up to gently brush them away.
She caught his hand to kiss his palm. “William, you have never forgiven any fault of your own while you have forgiven many of those around you, especially me.” He started to protest, but she shushed him with a touch of her finger to his lips.
“Please, permit me to finish. You have always shown me the attention I required. You have accepted my sorrow and made it your own. Our cousin spoke of your hopes and your loss. Permit me to comfort you.”
He protested, “I could not impose upon your sensibilities. Our father left you in my care.”
“No, William,” she contradicted him. “Our father left you as my guardian, but we are to care for each other. How can you know pain without my feeling it also?” Darcy knew shock at his sister’s transformation; she was still the shy, innocent girl he had always cherished, but she had developed an emotional strength, which evidently had been hiding itself away before now.
He could never think of George Wickham’s betrayal without loathing, but his sister had matured from the experience.
“Our parents were of superior birth,” she continued.
“We learned pride in being a Darcy, but we have not learned to acknowledge the true worth of others. Mrs. Annesley has given me a ‘mother’s’ view of the world.
Oh, William, there are so many who require our generosity.
Aiding the poor in Derbyshire is persuading me to care more for myself.
If we do not love ourselves, how may we expect others to love us? ”
“When did you become so wise?” he whispered hoarsely.
“You taught me these lessons, William. You simply never listened to your own advice.” She giggled sweetly.
“Today, you are the teacher and I, the student.”
Attempting to forget Elizabeth Bennet and Hertfordshire, Darcy threw himself into London’s Society.
He became a regular at his gentleman’s club; he escorted Georgiana to concerts and the theatre; he dined with old acquaintances and made new ones.
Yet, try as he may, it was too soon for him to know solace.
Darcy acknowledged, if only to himself, he could truly love none but her.
She could not be replaced in his mind. He would never find her equal.