Chapter Sixteen
“It jumps from admiration to love …”
WHEN BINGLEY RETURNED TO NETHERFIELD ON MONDAY EVENING, HE found Darcy’s livery on the carriage before the house. Upon entering, he discovered Darcy in the library. “Darcy, you came back. I am so pleased to see you.”
“I apologize for not sending word ahead of my return. I hope I have not offended you by my presumption to be welcomed.”
“Assuredly not,” Bingley crossed the room to shake hands with his friend. “You did read my letter, did you not?”
“I do not call four short lines a letter, sir,” Darcy teased.
“That is the length of my legible content.” The levity between them helped to alleviate the apprehension Darcy felt since leaving London.
“Come, I want to hear what you said, what Miss Bennet did, and all the details of your upcoming nuptials.” Darcy led Bingley to a nearby chair.
“You may even bore me with all of Mrs. Bennet’s nerves if you so choose.
” Bingley laughed at the references to his future mother’s silliness, but his happiness allowed him to find no fault even with Mrs. Bennet.
Darcy’s true interest lay only in his friend’s happiness and in any references to Elizabeth’s reaction to the proposal.
“Miss Elizabeth,” Bingley offered, “keeps her mother and sisters attending to other duties so Miss Bennet and I may talk privately. Now you are at Netherfield, you can assist me in entertaining Mr. Bennet. We have agreed to go shooting later in the week. You are twice the shot I am. With you, mayhap Mr. Bennet will not notice I am generally a terrible shot.” Darcy laughed, but undercurrents of shattered nerves hid in the layers.
“You will join me at Longbourn tomorrow, Darcy?” his friend continued.
“Miss Elizabeth deserves someone other than her mother with whom to speak, and you and she got along well at Pemberley. Would you mind spending some time with her? Miss Bennet and I must make plans for Netherfield without her mother’s input, and we must do so before the arrival of my sisters.
What say you, Darcy? We can walk out together.
Jane and I can talk over what we must discuss, and you can speak to Miss Elizabeth and even some of her sisters.
” Darcy would not mind having Elizabeth alone.
That would be perfect for what he planned.
He prayed that hope still lived at Longbourn.
After breakfast, Darcy and Bingley rode to Longbourn together.
As usual, tender words of his worth greeted Bingley.
Darcy, on the other hand, received a cold welcome.
Yet, he did not care what Mrs. Bennet said or did.
His eyes searched Elizabeth’s countenance in hopes of determining what she must be thinking about him after being chastised by his aunt.
Before Mrs. Bennet had time to tell Darcy of Lady Catherine’s calling upon the family, Bingley said, “It is a beautiful day. May we walk out and enjoy the weather?”
“Oh, I am not in the habit of walking about, Mr. Bingley,” Mrs. Bennet fussed, “but the girls are quite good walkers.”
“I would prefer to remain at Longbourn, Mama, and address my studies.”
“Do be quiet, Mary,” Mrs. Bennet said rudely. “No one expects your company.” She turned to the others. “Girls, go find your outside things.”
Soon the five set off together. Bingley and Miss Jane lagged behind, allowing the others to outstrip them. Little discourse occurred between the three remaining. Miss Kitty remained in awe of Darcy, while Darcy waited for his opportunity to speak to Elizabeth.
When they reached the path leading to Lucas Lodge, Kitty asked to be excused to visit Maria Lucas.
Elizabeth agreed but only after warning her sister not to stay too long.
After Kitty’s exit, Darcy placed Elizabeth’s hand on his arm, and they walked on in silence for several moments.
It was a bit comforting to know her pulse raced as much as his.
As he mustered his courage to approach her, Elizabeth found her voice first, “Mr. Darcy, I am a very selfish creature, and for the sake of giving relief to my own feelings, care not how much I may be wounding yours.”
Her words caught him by surprise, and it was several heartbeats before he could decipher her response. What was Elizabeth saying? She did not care if she hurt his feelings? Had his aunt’s rebukes combined with his earlier insecurities showed her she wanted nothing from him?
“I can no longer resist thanking you for your unexampled kindness to my poor sister.”
Darcy panicked. She was not talking about his aunt’s attack, but Elizabeth knew about his involvement in Lydia Bennet’s marriage. Now, as was customary, she would be obligated to marry him.
“Ever since I have known of it, I have wished to acknowledge how grateful I feel. Were it known to the rest of my family I should not have merely my own gratitude to express.”
His heart sank in despair. There it was—the dreaded word “gratitude.” I do not want Elizabeth’s gratitude.
I want her love. What can I say to her now?
I never wanted Miss Elizabeth to know of my part in the wedding.
He halted their progress, and they faced each other for more than a few infinitely long seconds.
Without planning to do so, her words of “gratitude” demanded he speak an explanation.
“I am grieved, exceedingly so, that you have ever been informed of what may, in a mistaken light, have given you uneasiness. I did not think Mrs. Gardiner was so little to be trusted.”
Elizabeth glanced up briefly at him, the tension thick between them.
“It was Lydia’s foolishness rather than Aunt Gardiner that brought news of your involvement.
My sister let the news of your attending the Wickhams’ wedding slip.
” Then she added, “You must not blame my aunt. Lydia’s thoughtlessness first alerted me of your concern in the matter, and, naturally, I could not rest until I knew the particulars.
Allow me to thank you again and again, in the name of all my family, for that generous compassion which induced you to take so much trouble, and bear so many mortifications, for the sake of discovering them.
It truly befuddles me why you would put yourself to all that trouble. ”
Elizabeth had provided him with a means.
She could not understand why he troubled himself with Wickham.
He loved her. That was the reason. His sister demanded it.
“If you will thank me, let it be for yourself alone. That the wish of giving happiness to you might add force to the other inducements which led me on, I shall not attempt to deny. But your family owes me nothing. Much as I respect them, I believe I thought only of you.”
Silence enveloped them. He wished for her to say or do something to permit him to know her wishes.
Yet, Elizabeth was never silent. If he had offended her, her temperament would require a reprimand.
Dare I believe she would willingly listen to me?
When he looked closely at her downcast countenance, he recognized her embarrassment, but not her disdain.
He could contain it no longer, “You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject forever.”
Darcy waited, frozen in time, forgetting even how to breathe.
His eyes searched her countenance. An eternity passed as he waited.
At length, she raised her eyes to his. “Mr. Darcy,” she said the words slowly as if to convince herself as much as him, “my feelings … my feelings are so different from what they were last April. My sentiments have gone through a full array of emotions since the period to which you allude. I willingly receive your present assurances. The fact you still seek my acquiescence provides me great pleasure.”
The conviction with which she said the words made the dream real, and he slowly lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly.
“Elizabeth, I have imagined this moment so many times, but never once did I feel such contentment and exhilaration at the same time.” Transfixed, they stared deeply into each other’s eyes for what seemed forever.
“You are beautiful, Elizabeth.” She started to drop her eyes, but he lifted her chin with his fingers.
“If you plan to drop your eyes each time I tell you how much I love you, my dearest Elizabeth, you will forever be looking at the floor. You must never look away from me.” She rested her hand on his chest, and he wondered if she felt the faint trembling of his heart.
He closed his eyes, and her nearness consumed him.
“Elizabeth, you have stolen my heart. I cannot live without you. Please say you will be my wife.”
“I can think of nothing more perfect than our matrimonial felicity. Being forever known as ‘Mrs. Darcy’ would be my happiest desire.” Darcy’s breath caught in his throat. Elizabeth would be his. His arms enveloped her as she offered her mouth for their first kiss.
“I have been waiting for you,” he whispered into her ear. Darcy instinctively supported her. Their embrace was all he had dreamed it would be. Unfortunately, reluctantly, they separated to continue their walk. Only this time she wrapped her arm through his. He cupped her hand with his free one.
The realization of the last few minutes sustained them at first, but they both possessed a nature to analyze every aspect which brought them to their present understanding.
Therefore, Darcy was not surprised when Elizabeth paused briefly to say, “Mr. Darcy, the honor you bestowed on me today cannot be expressed in words. I had feared you would not renew your proposal. I thought I had lost your regard forever.”