Chapter Sixteen #2
Lost in the reverie of her touch on his arm, Darcy paused to catch both of her hands in his.
He said, “At Pemberley, I hoped to show you how much I had changed. I traveled to Lambton that last day with the intention of asking you to ride out with me before supper. I wished to show you around the grounds. I had decided within a few moments of finding you on the lawn of my estate that I would not be able to live without you in my life.”
“When you left the Royal Crown that day,” she whispered, “I told myself I would never see you again. My chances of your renewing the proposal I had hoped to hear disappeared with Lydia’s foolishness.
When you left so suddenly, I believed you could never love me after the shame Lydia brought on our family.
The realization of Mr. Wickham becoming your brother, I thought, would keep you from me.
When I heard of it, I could not fathom why you followed Lydia and Mr. Wickham to London.
I held foolish hopes that I was the source of your action, but I could not believe my heart. ”
“I did confer with Georgiana before I left Pemberley, not for her approval, but from respect for her opinions. However, from the moment I departed the Lambton inn, I had no other purpose than to protect you.” Darcy reached to stroke her cheek.
“Images of your face sustained me when I negotiated with Mr. Wickham for your sister’s wedding.
I concocted a lie of how your family had sent me to locate them.
If Mr. Wickham had known my real purpose, he would have extricated a larger settlement. ”
“Then it will be pleasurable to send my sister news of our engagement. More than placing her family’s reputation in jeopardy, Lydia flaunted her ‘well placed marriage.’ She even demanded to take Jane’s place in our home.
She and Mr. Wickham are of the same mind.
When Mr. Wickham realizes you did all this for me, it will be a punishment for their follies. ”
As they continued to walk along a path leading through a wood, Darcy confided, “Sending Mr. Wickham to Newcastle to a hard-nosed commanding officer was part of my revenge.”
Elizabeth laughed, “He deserves worse than that,” she taunted, and he marveled at the irony of the similarity of their minds. “Shall Georgiana tolerate having Mr. Wickham as a brother? She has a delicate temperament.”
Darcy smiled down at the concern on Elizabeth’s countenance.
“As you misjudged me when we first met, I fear, my dearest Elizabeth, you have misjudged my sister. She is a true romantic! When she discovered Mr. Wickham had run off with Lydia, Georgiana demanded I do something to protect you. You will make great friends, and I will pay the price of having two spirited females under my roof,” he chuckled.
“Georgiana wished to protect you even if her reputation was brought under close inspection.”
Elizabeth’s surprise at having earned Georgiana’s respect in such a short time of acquaintance showed.
At length, they found a quiet place where they could sit.
Darcy liked the feel of her hand in his.
At first, she stared off at the surrounding vista, but she finally looked him squarely in the eyes.
“When you left Netherfield, I believed you had decided against me,” she confessed.
“A man who has been once refused is not likely to risk such censure again.”
Remembering the heated confrontation of his first proposal, Darcy laughed. “Your temper is not something I wish to encounter often. When I left Netherfield a fortnight prior, I was convinced you were decided against me!”
She smiled brilliantly, and Darcy’s heart leapt with happiness.
“We are a destructive pair, are we not? We require no enemies, for we serve both roles.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingertips and, then, brushed the hair from her face before she asked, “If you were convinced of my disdain, what brought you back to Netherfield?”
“My aunt,” he started.
“Yes, she was here.” Elizabeth rolled her eyes.
“How can I apologize to you for Lady Catherine’s behavior? Her manners were abominable.”
“I would welcome her barbs repeatedly if I knew they would bring me to this moment.” Her voice was breathy with anticipation.
“Her arrival in London did not achieve the effect she expected. I maintained a modicum of calm so I might learn your response. Her ladyship’s words taught me to hope as I had scarcely ever allowed myself to hope before.”
Elizabeth presented him with a teasing grin. “Lady Catherine so prefers to be of service to everyone. She should be pleased she was of use to us.”
With a tone of sarcasm, Darcy assured her, “Lady Catherine will be most displeased.” He said more seriously, “Yet, my cousin Anne will think otherwise. Do you know you were not the only one at Rosings who refused me? Anne and I met in the library, and she informed me I was quite a ‘frightening’ figure. Then she said she did not wish to be my wife. In fact, I must send the colonel news of our engagement. He hopes to catch Lady Catherine when she is most vulnerable and then secure Anne for his own.”
“Colonel Fitzwilliam and Miss De Bourgh?”
He shook his head in affirmation.
“Why did I not recognize that relationship? I once thought myself to be a keen observer of people, but since I met you, Mr. Darcy, I have come to second-guess my opinions.”
“Will I continue to always be Mr. Darcy to you, Elizabeth? May you not call me Fitzwilliam or William, at the least, Darcy?”
“Once you receive my father’s consent,” she teased. “Then you will no longer be Mr. Darcy. Until then, I shall call you thus.”
“You are a stubborn woman, Elizabeth Bennet. Perhaps I should rethink the offer of my hand,” he returned the joviality.
“I am afraid it is too late, Mr. Darcy,” she playfully emphasized his name. “I am already in possession of your heart.”
He bent to kiss her cheek. “You are indeed.” Allowing his breath to tantalize her skin, Darcy permitted his lips to linger.
His voice was raspy when he spoke again.
“My aunt’s retelling inspired me to action.
I knew enough of your disposition to be confident that, had you been absolutely, irrevocably decided against me, you would have acknowledged it to Lady Catherine frankly and openly. ”
Elizabeth offered a ghost of a grin. “Yes, you know enough of my frankness to believe me capable of such. After abusing you so abominably to your face, I could have no scruples in abusing you to all your relations.”
For the next few minutes, they each belabored the foolishness of their earlier wrongs.
Darcy, who prided himself on being a man of scruples, criticized his first proposal for its poorly worded sentiments.
He had practiced mistaken pride, and he had proved himself not worthy of Elizabeth’s love.
He admitted the memory of his conduct, his manners, and his expressions of love had pained him for their inappropriateness.
“I shall never forget your challenging me with ‘Had you behaved in a more gentleman-like manner.’ Those were your words. You know not, you can scarcely conceive how they tortured me; though it was some time, I confess, before I was reasonable enough to allow their justice.”
Elizabeth blamed them both for the many misunderstandings. “I was certainly very far from expecting them to make such a strong impression. I had not the smallest idea of their being ever felt in such a manner.”
Despite the fact Elizabeth was now his, Darcy was not willing to abandon his self-reproach so easily.
The pain was difficult to surrender. However, Elizabeth begged him not to recollect in so much detail how they misread each other for so long.
“We will be happy now—the happiest couple ever to be married.”
Darcy chuckled lightly as they stood to continue their walk. They caught each other’s eye, and shades of their present tranquility insolently demanded admittance. “The letter?” he embarked. “Did it soon make you think better of me? Did you, on reading it, give any credit to its contents?”
“The letter was a revelation. It gradually removed all my former prejudices. I came to know myself as I never had before.”
“I am sorry if it gave you pain. I was angry at your rejection. I was jealous of your attention to Mr. Wickham. I was lost to loving you.” His countenance dropped.
“Mr. Darcy, we will have no more melancholy,” she emphatically said.
“You will not be the ‘Prince of Denmark,’ for if you recall I dearly love to laugh. If the letter brings you recompense, it shall be burned. The feelings of the person who wrote the letter and the person who received it differ greatly now. I do not wish you sad today.” Darcy loved her even more for recognizing his temperament.
“You must recall only the pleasant things from the past. We will have no sadness between us.”
Darcy gave her credit for having acted well in all their dealings.
He, on the other hand, realized his lifestyle had created a man divided between the one the world saw and the one Elizabeth now loved.
“My parents were loving, and they taught me what is right, but they allowed me to act prideful with others, never correcting my disposition. Unfortunately, as an only son, for many years an only child, I was spoiled by both parents, who, though good themselves, allowed, encouraged, almost taught me to be selfish and overbearing—to care for none beyond my own family circle—to think meanly of all the rest of the world. Such I was, from eight to eight and twenty, and such I might still have been but for you, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth! What do I not owe you? You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you I was properly humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased.”