Chapter 31
I’m still half asleep, standing in my robe to watch the coffee maker drip way too slowly. I figure if I stare at it, it’ll work faster, but when the front door opens, my staring contest stops. Zahn struts in like it isn’t five in the morning, and I’m so surprised to see him that I don’t even say anything until he walks by me.
“What’re…”
“Can’t get in the damn shower at home. I’m using yours.” He goes straight into the bathroom and closes the door behind him.
What the actual fuck? Am I dreaming about him so hard that I manifested him before the sun even came up?
The door opens and he stands there with a cocky, trademark Dare grin on his face. How is he so self-entitled this early? “Wanna come?” He blinks at me all sexy and cute like.
I look at him, then the coffee maker, then back at him. I’ve never showered with anyone before. Not even my ex. But the thought of him dripping with water that’s moving a lot faster than the drip of the coffee makes me want to run in there.
“Alright.” I push off the counter and join him in the bathroom.
Okay, first fucking shower. Here we go. I can handle this. It’s not really the nakedness that seems like a big step. It’s the intimacy of the act and the time of day. The task is so mundane, something I do every day by myself, but sharing it with someone feels so domestic, and maybe it’s the fact that I like that and what it means that signifies something bigger than a shower. I don’t know if we’ve ever done something so habitual together. Have we?
I mean, I guess we eat together all the time, sometimes sleep in the same place or have a morning routine, but not something as normal as a shower.
He strips down and I stare. When he gets in and leaves the curtain open, he stares while I undress. It starts off a bit awkward because we’re big and my shower isn’t fancy or anything special. Our bodies bump and neither of us know what to do about it until our dicks get hard and we pretend to ignore them.
But I can’t ignore him just standing there in the spray, wet and slippery and hard. He’s been working out, and fuck me, it shows. Some time ago, I started looking at him differently, and now, standing here in the goddamn shower with him, I’m not afraid to admit that I find him sexy.
Don’t people typically learn their sexuality way sooner than this? I’ve never even looked at a guy before, didn’t think I was interested, and… wait. I’ve looked at Gar. But he’s a different kind of sexy than Zahn is. Gar is cute-sexy, and Zahn is playful-masculine-sexy. Their vibes are different, and… I want Zahn’s.
But is it just his body I want? I’ve always loved him as my best friend, but I can’t decide if that love is shifting into something new or not. It’s hard to tell when he’s always been my person. It’s everything that comes with him and our bond that feels different. Our chemistry and our connection. The comfort level we have and the dynamic of our relationship. It’s the friendship we’ve shared and the memories that come with it.
I had an alright time with Cami the other night, but I felt the same way Zahn did. I just want him, and that isn’t just my dick. I told him I didn”t want another guy touching him, but now I find myself wanting me to be the only one who can touch him. That’s a feeling. One that resonates in my gut and spreads up to my chest. It has nothing to do with my dick or what it wants from him.
I’m in my feels for Zahn. I just don’t have a name for it.
“Get out of your head, Rem,” Zahn says. He smirks, pushing my chest until my back hits the cool wall. “Need me to distract you?” He leans in, lips brushing over mine, taunting a kiss without actually delivering it.
When our cocks graze, I look down to admire how they look together. The heat of the water can’t touch my hot-blooded desire at the sight. Something shifts in my mind, and I realize that looking at my cock pressed up to another cock is what attracts me now. I can’t imagine anything else with such clarity anymore. This. This is the sole attention of my wants right now.
I rock my hips forward, bumping and grinding against him slowly. Experimentally. Our bodies slip and slide, our breathing intensifies, and Zahn’s hands land on my hips to keep me moving how he wants me to move.
“I’m thinking things, Remy,” Zahn breathes against my jaw. “Things I shouldn’t say.”
I grind against him, thinking those same things. The warmth and hardness of his body make me burn, but the feel of his slick dick against mine is going to push me over an edge I wish I could drag out. A part of me wants to drop to my knees and taste him again, but I’m selfish because this feels too good.
“Don’t.” I smack Zahn’s hand away from gripping us. “Keep doing this.” I grab his ass and pull him against me. “Come like this.”
Zahn smirks at me, catching my eye for a moment. “You thinking filthy things, Remy?”
“Yes.”
“About me?”
“Do you ever shut up?” I grind against him and he moans beautifully. “That’s better.”
“So. Fucking. Bossy.” He rasps, picking up the pace.
I don’t know what’s so damn hot about two bodies rubbing together, but I’m living for the rush it gives me. Gyrating and grinding, we come together in a mess of hot water, slick bodies, and a coating of cum that looks nice against our skin. I almost don’t want to wash it off my abs.
“Every morning should start like this,” he says, breathless but laughing.
Then move in with me.
The tone of the shower turns… locker room. We chat easily, passing bottles back and forth while sharing the water stream. He brushes his teeth in the shower like a fucking heathen, and when I give him shit for it, he puts toothpaste on my brush and shoves it between my lips. And alright, I’m kinda on board with it now.
The coffee is ready by the time we’re dressed, and like it’s a normal morning, we drive to work together. It’s absurd, but I’m smiling like an asshole all day about it.
After work, we lock down our planes and head to the docks to load a few seaplanes for tomorrow’s run. As we’re gearing up to call it a day, we run into Cami walking down the docks, her fingers linked with the fingers of her… friend?
She notices us, stiffening a bit. “Hey,” she says awkwardly.
“Hey, Cami,” Zahn demolishes the awkwardness.
“Hey. Hi. Yeah, this is Sarah, my girlfriend.” She widens her eyes at us in warning.
Come on, Cami! Really? That night we spent with her was a fucking lie. I hate cheaters. I hate that she dragged us into her infidelity. I might have picked her up that night, but she didn’t even whisper about a girlfriend.
“Nice to meet you, Sarah.” I shake the girlfriend’s hand. She’s a tall, leggy blonde with nice eyes and a kindness about her that sets my guilt off the charts. Goddammit. “Remy. This is Zahn.”
She shakes his hand. “Nice to meet you both. How do you know Cami?”
We fucked her together and gave her three orgasms.“We met at that get-together I went to while you were away,” Cami says. Cheater and a liar.
“Oh, right. You two are part of the local business committee?” Sarah looks at us, still smiling.
“We own a local business,” Zahn says through gritted teeth. It’s not a lie, but it’s not the truth Sarah deserves. “Planes.” He points back to the docks.
Sarah looks at our planes while Cami begs us with her eyes to keep our mouths closed. I don’t want any part of this. I think we sort of decided to keep things between the two of us, but now I’m regretting that night for a whole new reason.
“It was nice to meet you, Sarah, but we gotta go.” I smile at her and ignore Cami.
Zahn says his goodbyes and the two of us keep walking. “Fuck,” he mutters under his breath. “I feel like such a piece of shit now.”
“Guys, wait!” Cami jogs up to us. “She thinks I’m gay.”
“Why lie about something like that?” I bark at her, still walking away.
“Because if she knew I was bi, she’d always assume I wanted both.”
“Clearly, you do,” Zahn says, all attitude. “But that’s your insecurity. Not hers. Lose our numbers. Don’t call.”
“I’m going to tell her,” Cami says, begging for forgiveness without actually begging. “She’s the only person I’ve ever loved.”
“You have a weird way of showing it.” If Sarah knew and was okay with it, that’d be a different story. But Cami is keeping secrets, and I don’t like how it feels to be that secret.
“Remy.” Zahn grabs my wrist and tugs me away from Cami. We leave her there and get into the truck.
We grab a pizza and some beers on the way home, stewing in thoughts about that revelation. I don’t think I’ve ever been a homewrecker, but now I’m thinking about how I’d feel if Zahn went off and… lied about what he was doing.
“Hey, Rem?” he asks once we’re three slices deep in my living room.
His eyes are serious and his face is contemplative. Any time he starts a question that way, it’s bound to be something good, so I look at him and wait.
“What are we?” he asks, laughing a bit.
“Oh, we’re back to that question?” I laugh. I still don’t have an answer. Neither of us knows what the fuck we are or what we’re doing.
“Alright. We’re best friends, right?” he asks.
“Obviously.”
“And we fuck around… and want to keep fucking around, right?”
I hate my fair skin for showing my blush. “Yeah.”
“So, we’re just fuck buddies?”
I mean, technically, but it doesn’t sound right. It’s not enough. Whatever we are, it’s more than friendship but hasn’t delved into relationship territory. Do I want that?
“What’re you hinting at?” I ask him. “Get to the point.”
Zahn rubs the back of his neck, looking at me without fully looking at me. “Okay, fuck, this is weird as shit for me to ask because… I’ve never had a… been in a…” He puffs out his cheeks, unsure how to continue. “If we’re doing this, and we’re… you know? Can we… no, wait. That’s not what I mean.”
“Zahn.” I reach across the couch and smack him on the cheek. “Spit it out, bud.”
“Are we capable of cheating on each other?” he blurts. “Do we have rules? Are we just an ‘us’ now? I know I got all weird and jealous, but I don’t know how you feel about that shit, Rem. It freaks me out to think about someone else with you now, and… Shit. Are you okay with that? What the hell are our rules?”
Do we even need rules or are we on the same page? Am I fooling myself into thinking I’m not actually dating my best friend?
“Do you want rules?” I ask him, sort of copping out of answering. Zahn has always been free-spirited. He’s the one who never had lines or boundaries, let alone limits, and I don’t want to be the one to change him if he isn’t ready to change. I love him and know him as he is, and I’ve never had any issue with that before. I don’t want him to think he has to become someone new for me. But at the same time… he’s fucking mine.
“I meant what I said before, Rem. I don’t like anyone else touching you.” He cringes, covering his face. “Yeah, make fun of me all you want. I’ve done a complete one-eighty and got all possessive of you, and I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t even want to stop it. It feels good to be possessive of you. But I don’t know if I’m like, stepping on your toes because you’ve got this new sexuality that you probably wanna explore, right?”
“Yeah, I do wanna explore it.” It’s new and exciting and hot as fuck, to be honest. “But with you. Only you.” Zahn tries to hide a shy smile, but I catch it. “But what about you? You’re the one who lives on vibes. Don’t you want to explore those?”
“I found my fucking vibe, Remy.” He holds his hands out to me. “You. You’re my fucking vibe.”
If my heart skips any more beats, I’m going to fucking die. “Why? Why me?” I laugh to cover my nerves. “I don’t get it.”
Zahn shakes his head. “It’s not something I can explain.” He grabs my hand, not holding it, but fucking with it. “It’s this. The way it feels whenever we fucking touch. It’s just… us.”
I feel it. The way my body responds to him. The way my heartbeat increases and my breath hitches subtly. It’s a warmth that spreads through me, makes me want to get closer to him, and makes me want to know everything about him.
“What about variety?” I force myself to ask.
“I want you, Remy. I know we haven’t gone there, and we don’t have to talk about it right now, but you’re who I want. If we want to add in someone else every now and then, we can decide that together. But right now, I’m not fucking looking. Are you?”
My head shakes all on its own. I don’t even need to think about it. “I’m not looking at anyone but you. But if we ever change our minds and want that again, can we just agree to be honest about it?”
“Honesty,” he agrees, nodding. “What I’m getting at…” He slides closer to me, hand traveling around to the back of my neck. “Don’t make me a Sarah, Remy.”
Don’t cheat on me.
It means we now have the ability to hurt each other in a whole new way. Zahnder Dare just became mine and only mine. Holy fucking hell.