11. Skylar
Chapter Eleven
SKYLAR
Work was busy. It was always busy, and I almost always had my headset on, but the comments the other night about Ludie and Dan potentially retiring had me wanting to eavesdrop. When the day wound down, I found myself lingering in the break room, if you could call it that.
The building had an open area out front where the cargo was temporarily stored at times and two offices down the hallway to the back.
The larger one was where we had a big L-shaped desk with multiple computer monitors and the radio equipment to monitor and report scheduling.
The small office belonged to Ludie. Dan didn’t even have an office.
He would linger in hers, sitting at the round table in the corner, or work in the break room.
I didn’t know how to eavesdrop. I was terrible at it.
I was also allergic to it. My years in foster care and the constancy of tolerating uncertainty had taught me the dangers of eavesdropping.
Sometimes, you overheard the biological children complaining about you being there or conversations about what your social worker might do next as far as plans went.
Long story short, it was much easier not to know at all.
I hated living with the uncertainty, but a toxic kind of uncertainty came with overhearing conversations out of context. It was easier to wait for the shock of the truth when your social worker showed up and smiled to break the latest news about where you were going next.
Despite all that, I never forgot one of my social workers, Jolene.
I loved Dolly Parton’s song “Jolene,” which really had nothing to do with this, solely because of the name.
Jolene was the one who made sure Emily and I stayed in the same school system for years.
She even tried to make sure we were in the same placements when she could after our first placement together, where we became besties.
Back to now, I was lingering in the break room until Dan passed by in the hallway and paused to glance at me curiously. “What the hell are you doing here this late, Skylar?” he asked in his usual, blunt, no-nonsense manner.
“Nothing,” I said, trying to sound all casual.
He narrowed his eyes. “What’s up? What do you need to know?”
“What do you mean?” I returned, feeling heat crawl up my neck and into my cheeks.
He came in and sat down. “You worried about Ludie retiring?” Dan had a mind-reading ability that startled me time and again.
“Yes.” I surprised myself by answering honestly. I felt fidgety and rubbed the edge of my sleeve between my index finger and thumb.
“Don’t worry, you’re gonna keep your job.”
“If she retires, what happens to the contract?” I asked. Their entire business revolved around having the transportation coordinating contract for the airport here.
Somehow, with his gruffness, Dan was easier than anyone to talk to.
Not because he was warm and fuzzy, but because I could count on him to tell me the truth no matter how shitty it was.
He shared that quality with Jolene. Although she was warm and fuzzy, she was relentlessly and bluntly honest. I appreciated that.
I’d rather know the truth, even if it was a truth I didn’t want to know.
“Talk to Ludie,” Dan said.
“Now?”
“Sure.”
I felt a little sick to my stomach as I stood. Crossing the hall, I walked directly into Ludie’s office and stopped in front of her desk. She was staring at her computer, her hand on her mouse.
“Ludie?”
“Yes, sweetie?” she asked as her eyes lifted to mine.
“Are you retiring?”
“Someday,” she said with a shrug.
“When?”
“Don’t worry.”
She’d literally ordered me to do the most impossible thing. I sighed. “Could you just tell me the plan for when you do? Not knowing the plan is really stressful for me.”
“Sometimes, you just gotta go with the flow, sweetie.”
I surprised myself by blurting out the truth. “Ludie, I grew up in foster care and was forced to go with the flow without any say in my situation for most of my life. This is the best job I’ve ever had, and I love it. If I’m going to lose my job because you retire, I’d rather know now.”
“Sweetie, we’ll set it up so we can transfer the contract to you,” she said, her tone calm and her eyes warm.
“You will?”
“Sure.”
“It’s that simple?” I asked doubtfully.
She shrugged. “Well, it’s not simple, and it means a lot more responsibility for you. I like you, and you do a really good job, so we’ll make it work.”
“That’s it?” I never could stop with the questions.
“That’s it.”
“When are you retiring?”
She shrugged, and I wanted to scream.
She must’ve sensed my internal frustration. “Let’s say in the next three years.”
“So, I have three years to figure it out?”
“Well, you never know what might happen.”
“Oh, my god, Ludie. Don’t fuck with me.”
At my exasperation, she grinned. “We’ll make sure everything’s lined out ahead of time.”
“You’ve only known me since last summer. Why would you do this?”
“Because I like you. You’re the first employee we’ve ever had. It’s always just been Dan and me. We don’t have kids. As I said, you’re really good at your job.”
“Oh.” Considering I was on the verge of tears, that was all I could manage in response.
She smiled. “Susie talked to me.”
“She did?!” I squeaked.
“Yeah, I was over at her mother’s house.
She mentioned that she’d help you do what you needed to do on the business end, and she will.
Susie knows her shit. We’ll have it all set up for when I’m ready to retire.
Now, I’ve got to deal with ordering office supplies, so get out of here.
Your shift is over. Plus, it’s getting dark out. ”
I laughed to myself as I started driving home.
As soon as I got over being dazed at Ludie’s response, I immediately started worrying about how I was going to handle all of it.
I was a world-class worrier. My favorite therapist called it anticipatory anxiety.
She told me my chaotic childhood had set me up to be constantly on guard for what could go wrong.
Life had taught me that something always went wrong.
I’d had one stable figure in my life, and she died.
Every time I thought of that therapist, I wondered what she would think if she knew Emily had died. I thought she would feel sad for me, which rankled because I didn’t want anyone to feel sad on my behalf. I blinked back the tears that stung my eyes and took a deep breath.