Forty-Five
FORTY-FIVE
The day Hendrix walked out of my room was one of the hardest moments in my life, right below losing our baby. But I need time, I need space without him. I need to be able to think without his words and his touches. They only break me down. I can’t do that right now.
Once the door clicked shut, I let myself fall apart once again. Sobs choked the air that tried to work itself free, and my body crumbled to pieces. Mom came in, presumably seeing Hendrix leave, and Dad shortly followed.
“Sweetheart. What happened?” She gathered me up in her arms and rocked me.
“I need time to think. I just… I don’t know.” The consequences of my actions, forcing Hendrix to leave, was now settling like a boulder on my chest.
Dad sandwiched me between them, circling his arms around both of us, and letting me cry my body to sleep.
Later that night, I woke to another bouquet of the morbid black roses, this one sprinkled with red roses here and there. The sun had already set and they looked like ominous figures as they sat on my dresser.
The morning brought a basket of pastries along with juice and coffee and a small bundle of red roses with petals that looked like satin ribbon wound round and round. A small note sat with everything and I read the words cautiously.
Little Mouse,
A basket of all of your favorite things and heart roses to let you know you have mine. Always.
Mr. Wolf
I grabbed the coffee and left everything else sitting on the table. When I returned to my room after spending the early afternoon walking the stalls of the barn, the new roses sat nestled between the others.
Days three and four brought much of the same and just like the others, I ignored the gift and notes only to find them in my room later. It was beginning to look like a floral shop.
Between all of the notes and gifts came texts that went unanswered.
Mr. Wolf: Little Mouse. Today I watched the sunrise and wished you were by my side to see the miracle. Another day that my soul feels empty without you.
Mr. Wolf: People say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Mine grows deeper in love with you.
Mr. Wolf: Your dad broke my faucet. Now all I can do is cry. I need you, Dagen. Please forgive me.
Mr. Wolf: Today I tried to ride my bike but it didn’t feel the same. I need you or I’ll never be able to ride again.
At one point my Dad begged me to just “ accept the poor guy’s apology.” He said that bees were going to start pollinating in our house if he didn’t chill with the flowers.
Finally after a week, I have decided it’s time to meet face to face with him.
My hands shake as I touch my finger to his name on the screen and bring it to my ear. The phone barely gets through one ring when he answers.
“Dagen.” My name sounds like a thank you to God for answering his prayers.
“Hi Hendrix.” I’m nervous and it has me suddenly forgetting all of the words I rehearsed. “How are you?”
“Awful. Completely awful and miserable. I miss you, baby.” His voice is thick with foreign emotion and it pulls at my heart strings.
I ignore the heavy weight on my chest and move on. “I was wondering if you would be willing to meet me?”
“Of course. Where? I can be to your parent’s house in three hours. Or if you’d rather meet somewhere else I?—”
“Three hours? Hendrix…where are you?”
I hear his shaky breath as he exhales. “Our house.”
I sigh. “That’s your house, Hendrix, and you only bought when I…when. You know.”
“Yes. I know. And it’s still ours.”
“I just thought now that there’s no reason for you to live here, you would sell it and move back to Cattywump. Or are you packing things up? Is that what you’re doing?”
“Little mouse?”
“Yes,” I answer without thinking.
“Why don’t I show you. Think you can come up here tomorrow?”
I chew on my lip, wondering how it’s going to feel walking into a home that would have been ours to start a family, but never got the chance.
“Sure. I need to go pack up some things from my house, anyhow. All of my finals were online and I have clothing and books I need to get.”
He’s quiet before finally saying, “Okay. I can meet you there and help you pack up.”
“No,” I quickly blurt out. “I can do that myself. I’ll just text you when I’m on my way over.”
“Alright.” His voice is small and distressed.
I end the conversation with a simple, “See you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow. I love you, Dagen.” His words hit me like an arrow to the heart, and I’m sure my lack of pierces his.
I throw myself back on my bed and close my eyes. I don’t know what I’m going to say tomorrow, or how I’m going to feel seeing him. I guess I’ll just let my heart decide.
I pull my dark green Mercedes in front of the house and see Hendrix’s Maserati parked in the driveway. The engine silences when I press the button and I stare at the front door.
The drive up here early this morning was filled with racing thoughts and a pounding heart. Anxiety swirled in my belly, wondering what I would feel seeing his face. His stupid handsome face with that devilish grin and sinful body.
My hand rests on the tattoo between my breasts, the one I got for him and the one my parents saw and about flipped the table over. I find tracing the lines brings me comfort and helps the turmoil fade away. Maybe it’s a telling sign of where my heart lies.
I step out of the car and close the door. When I spin around, Hendrix stands on the front stoop, looking better than I’ve ever seen. His blonde hair is a little longer and his scruffy face has a thicker beard. He wears one of his simple black tees and those damn jeans that hug his muscled legs and firm ass.
They’re lethal and scramble my brain.
I walk slowly up the sidewalk and see the smile on his face grow and his eyes glisten. He wasn’t kidding about my Dad breaking his faucet.
I reach the door, and come toe to toe with him.
“Hello,” I breathe.
“Hi baby.” He leans in and places a small kiss on my forehead.
I want so badly to reach out to him and dive into his arms. I want to get lost in a passionate kiss, but I have to stay strong.
“Come inside.” He takes my hand and gently tugs me across the threshold.
I gasp when I see all that he has been doing. The living room that boasts rich wood floors is completely decorated with the furniture we picked out and more. Pictures hang on the walls and books are lined up on the built-ins that flank the fireplace.
“Are those my books?” I ask.
He pulls me further in and guides me to sit down on the golden mustard colored velvet couch that he let me pick out. His home in Mississippi is modern with sleek lines and cold stone and metals. This little craftsman home was far too cozy for decor like that.
“Well not your books per se, but books that you would like. I kind of took a peek at your wishlist.” He smiles almost shyly, and takes a seat next to me, leaving a bit of space between us.
“You didn’t have to do all of this. Especially if you’re going back home.”
“Dagen. I don’t think you understand. You’re my home. Wherever you are is where I want to be. If that means I have to travel to the moon just to be in your same orbit, I’ll do it.”
Tears build in my eyes and my throat clogs. “Hendrix. Don’t say that.”
“Why not? It’s true. The small time I have had you in my life has been the best in my entire twenty-nine years. I didn’t realize I was missing a big piece of me until I found you. Don’t you see. Without you in it, I’m an incomplete man.”
I let the drops fall over my lids. I’m not strong enough to resist this man. A man that owns every bit of my heart. A heart that will never belong to another. No matter what becomes of us.
He drops to his knees in front of me and takes my hands in his. “I am so sorry, Dagen. I will never be able to say it enough. I screwed up, in a big way. But if you forgive me, I promise to love you even bigger.”
I let my eyes focus on our hands as tears splash down.
“I don’t know. You broke me, Hendrix.”
“I know. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that. But I’m willing to put in the work, day in and day out just to earn your trust back. And your love.”
I swallow down the lump in my throat and admit, “You don’t have to try to earn my love.”
His face pales and I feel a little bit of his hold on me soften. “Why-why not?”
“Because you’ve always had it.”
His chest moves up and down, shallow breaths flowing in and out rapidly. The muscle in his jaw clenches and one single tear tracks down his face. Reaching out, I wipe it away and let my thumb smooth over his cheek.
He leans into my touch and I see the way light fills his eyes. I bet if I could see inside his heart, I’d find the same glow.
“I’m sorry, baby. Please say you’ll forgive me. I’ll never let you down again.”
With matching tears and full of a shared love, I nod my head and dive into him. Our lips smash together and our kiss is fervent and fierce. My hands roam across every plain of his body, remembering what it feels like to hold heaven in my arms.
His hands frame my face as his fingers tangle in my hair. “I love you, Dagen McCallan. You’ve made every one of my dreams that I didn’t even know I had locked up inside of me come true.”
“I love you too, Hendrix. Just please don’t ever leave me again. I don’t think I’d survive it.”
“I know I wouldn’t,” he adds. “I dare you to love me forever, little mouse.”
I bite my lip then smile big. “Dare accepted, Mr. Wolf.”