Chapter 23
23
T he email I’d received had taken me aback, and I wasn’t sure exactly what had happened. I knew someone would have the answers, though, and so I pushed open the doors to the dance studio with more force than necessary, making both JJ and Alyssa flinch at the loud sound.
“Sorry,” I said immediately because I hadn’t meant to be aggressive. I just…needed answers.
Alyssa came up to me straight away, placing her hand on my arm. “Hey, Leo. Are you okay?” Her eyes were full of concern, and the guilt overtook me immediately. She wasn’t involved in any of this, and the last thing I wanted was for her to be worried about me.
“Yeah, I’m okay. I just wanted to talk to JJ.”
Her concerned gaze darted between me and JJ, but eventually, she nodded. “Coffee break, JJ? Let’s all meet back here in fifteen minutes to rehearse.”
I shot her a grateful smile as she ducked out of the studio, leaving me alone with my friend. Now we were alone, I found my nerves returning, but I pushed through.
“JJ?”
“Yeah?”
“Did you say anything to Dr.—Killian about my presentation?”
His mouth twisted. “Fuck, babe, I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have said anything, but after what you told me, I needed to know if there was anything that could be done. Any provisions that could be put in place to make things easier for you.”
I thought back to the conversation I’d had with him at our first dance rehearsal after the camping weekend. I’d been on a high with everything we’d achieved over the weekend, all the things we’d added that would make our project stand out. At the same time, I’d been filled with dread at the thought of the presentation. JJ had caught me at a weak moment, and the whole story had poured out of me. I didn’t mind him knowing because he was my friend and already aware of my struggles.
Then, my lecturer had emailed me this morning, mentioning Dr. Wilder had some concerns about me doing the presentation…
Why can’t I be normal ? I asked myself for the thousandth time. It was fucking horrible feeling this way. On the one hand, I was grateful to my friend for caring enough to try and make my life easier—and for Dr. Wilder himself to do something—but on the other hand, angry with myself for yet again making my friends worry about me enough to go out of their way to try and make me more comfortable.
The result of JJ talking to his boyfriend-slash-scariest lecturer in LSU was that I’d discovered that the university had a policy in place for students who found it difficult to do presentations or speak up in front of people for whatever reason. I had no idea that was a thing until now. No one had ever told me, not that I’d ever communicated how difficult I found it to my lecturers. It was hard to explain if you didn’t suffer from social anxiety, but suffice to say, I felt like I was a burden, and I couldn’t even imagine feeling comfortable enough to speak to one of my lecturers about my issues.
“Leo. I was only trying to help, I promise. I’m sorry.”
Shaking my head, I met JJ’s gaze. “It’s okay. I’m not angry, unless you count me being angry at myself.”
JJ pulled me into a hug. “None of that. You know we love you, and we want to help you.”
I sighed. “I know. I have to keep telling my brain that, but it doesn’t always work.”
He pressed a kiss to the side of my head before releasing me. “I know. Want to take your mind off it? I was inspired the other night at work, and I came up with some new choreo. I was discussing it with Alyssa before you came in, and we thought it might be good to try something a bit different.”
“But you do sexy dancing at work.”
“Exactly.” He smirked at me. “Killian appreciated my moves?—”
“No. I don’t want to hear it.”
“Babe, I’m just teasing you. It’ll be sexy but classy, and I guarantee it’ll push you out of your comfort zone. We don’t need to perform it in front of anyone. Just for us. An added bonus for the significant others in our lives.” The smirk was back, and I knew what he was referring to without him having to spell it out for me. Why did everyone think Finn and I were boyfriends? Okay, I knew why, but they were just seeing what they wanted to see. Finn and I knew the truth.
“Fine,” I said eventually. “Let’s do it.” The part of me that was well aware of the effect my best friend had on me and vice versa was undeniably excited at the thought of performing it for him someday.
Wait a minute. I was looking forward to performing a routine in front of someone?
Whoa.
That was…unexpected.
Spinning to meet my own gaze in the mirrored wall, I squared my shoulders, holding my head high. “I’m going to do my presentation the same way as everyone else,” I burst out, filled with a sudden rush of uncharacteristic confidence. I was certain I’d regret saying it later, but right now, I felt as if I could actually do it.
“Yeah, you are,” JJ agreed, squeezing my arm. Behind us, the door opened a crack, Alyssa poking her head around the edge, and he beckoned her into the studio. “Who’s ready to learn the hottest choreography LSU has ever seen?”
“This is ridiculous. I can’t believe you’re making me do this.”
Finn gave me a crooked smile, and did he even know I’d do anything if he smiled at me that way, despite my own anxieties?
“I’m not making you. I’m daring you.”
“Same thing.”
He stared at me expectantly until I gave in. Glaring at him, I spun on my heel and stalked up to the bar, heading straight for the empty space right in front of the bartender. If only Charlie had been working today…but then, Finn would never have dared me to do this if Charlie had been the one at the bar. “Two shots of sambuca, please.”
The bartender poured the shots quickly, and I focused on the flow of the liquid into the tiny glasses rather than my surroundings. Despite the fact I was here with Finn, my palms were clammy, and my heart rate was faster than usual. What had happened last time I was here at the student union…
“Here ya go.” The bartender slid the glasses across the bar, and I tapped my card to the reader to pay. I even managed to give the guy a brief smile.
When I returned to Finn, I handed him his glass, and he knocked it against mine. “Ready to complete your dare?”
In reply, I tipped the shot to my lips and downed it.
“Oh, fuck!” I spluttered, wiping at my mouth frantically, tears coming to my eyes as I coughed. “I didn’t know it tasted of aniseed!”
Finn was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes. I elbowed him, and he stopped laughing, taking both our empty glasses and placing them on an overflowing table to our left. “Sorry. Your face!”
“You know I don’t like aniseed.”
He couldn’t stop grinning, and I really didn’t know why I liked him. “I thought it was like the time you said you didn’t like Camembert, but then you tried it when my parents were having it, and you loved it.”
Folding my arms across my chest, I stared him down. “I’d never tried Camembert before, though, so it was a guess. I know I hate aniseed.”
“Aww, little lion.” He slid around to my back, dipping his head to my ear. Curling his arm around my waist, he tugged me back against his body. “I’m sorry. I promise to never dare you to have anything aniseed-flavoured ever again.”
I shivered as his lips skimmed my ear. “You’d better keep that promise. I can still taste it in my mouth.”
He hummed against my skin. “How can I make it up to you? Want to dare me to do something?”
“You can get me a different drink to get rid of the taste.” Sliding my hand down his arm that was wrapped around me, I threaded my fingers through his. He kissed the spot just below my ear and then brought his free hand up to cup my jaw, turning my head towards his.
“Hi,” I said against his mouth.
“Hi.”
Our lips met, so fucking softly, and my stomach filled with butterflies. Twisting around in his grip to give me a better angle to kiss him properly, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pressing another kiss to his lips. I took him by surprise because he staggered backwards, laughing breathlessly against my mouth as he let me press him up against the wall in our dark little corner of the bar. Drawing me closer, he coaxed my mouth open with more soft kisses, and when our tongues finally met, I didn’t even mind the lingering taste of aniseed. I was so lost in Finn, and I never wanted to stop kissing him.
When we drew apart, he stared at me, his eyes huge and his pupils blown. “Fucking hell,” he muttered, and I had to kiss him again. It was a compulsion. I could feel the growing bulge in his jeans, and I was in a similar state—which was still mind-blowing because I’d never really had to worry about anything like this before Finn had started having this effect on my body.
“Okay. We need?—”
“To stop doing that before my situation becomes even more obvious?” Finn grimaced, discreetly adjusting himself, and I cleared my throat.
“In case you didn’t notice, you’re not the only one.”
He placed his mouth to my ear again. “I noticed. Don’t worry, I’ll do something about that later.”
“ Finn . Stop teasing me.”
“Says the person kissing me and getting me into this state.”
My brows rose. “It’s my fault, is it?”
“Yeah.”He threaded his fingers through mine. “C’mon. Enough distractions in a public place. We’re here for your exposure therapy. I know we can’t get rid of the bad memories from last time, but I’m gonna make sure you leave here tonight with a smile on your face.”
“And no tears.”
His lips curved upwards. “Unless you cry with joy over my insane kissing skills.”
I punched him in the bicep, and he laughed, tugging me through the crowd in the direction of the room with the DJ. This was already so different from last time. I wasn’t alone and scared, for a start.
Finn led me right into the centre of the dance floor, and I had a sudden flashback to that night. Standing there, alone and on the verge of tears, watching Finn so at ease and happy with his friends, talking to that girl…
“What’s wrong?”
I blinked, realising I’d stopped dead, and Finn was eyeing me with concern.
“Nothing.”
He shook his head, pulling me closer so he didn’t have to speak so loudly over the music. “No, what is it?”
I knew he wouldn’t drop it. Thankful that the darkness camouflaged the heat in my face, I leaned into him. “It’s nothing, really. I was just remembering last time. I was standing at the side of the room watching you, and you looked really happy. You were talking to a girl?—”
Finn’s head shot up, his brows pulling together. His expression cleared after a few seconds, and he moved around me, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind, lazily moving us both to the music. I went with it, because, like pretty much everything else we did, it felt natural and effortless. Like it was a completely normal thing we did. Like there was no reason not to dance with him, right here, right now.
I felt his lips against my ear. “You know what I was talking to that girl about?”
“No.”
“You,” he breathed, punctuating the word with a soft kiss.
My body froze in place. “What?”
His thumbs caressed my hips before tapping lightly, and I took the hint, rolling my hips back in the lazy grind we’d fallen into.
“Yeah. I guess you didn’t see, but I was talking to Charlie before that, and he mentioned that dance I did at Sanctuary, and, yeah…I got talked into doing a demonstration. Asha asked where I got my moves, and I told her all about how you taught me the dance and how you were an amazing teacher if you could make someone like me look good. Then, I told her how talented you were and how you could do anything you put your mind to.” He huffed out a laugh against my skin. “Honestly, I think she got the impression I was obsessed with you. Although I guess I am your biggest fanboy, huh?”
I was warm all over, overflowing with it, happiness spilling out of me. This man. What was I supposed to say in response to that, other than I was so fucking grateful to have a friend like Finn?
It wasn’t an exaggeration to say he was one in a million.
I loved him.
Whoa. Wait a minute.
I loved him .