19. Astrid
nineteen
Astrid
One Month Later
B rennan returned to Seattle today.
Not under the best of circumstances, unfortunately.
I sit by the window, gazing out at the dark water. Waiting. The gentle movement of the lake usually soothes me. Tonight, not so much. My nerves are utterly on edge.
He was supposed to get here hours ago and, aside from a quick phone call on his way to his parents’ house from the airport, I haven’t heard a thing.
It’s stressful because I know what he’s going through. The waiting is hard. I’m worried about him. Worried about the situation. I wish he’d send even a short text though…
Is it wrong to feel this way? Probably. Couples are supposed to be in regular communication about important life events. Yeah, I know this isn’t about me. He needs to be with his family, and I get it…
Shit . That’s a discussion for another day. Tonight, I’ll suck it up because he needs me to be strong and I want to be here for him when he finishes up.
My impatience isn’t rooted in the current state of affairs. Truth be told, the past couple weeks have felt surreal without waking up next to him up every day. Two months together in California brought us closer than I ever thought possible. I’m so head over heels in love with him, it’s undeniable.
Now I’m back in Seattle and reality’s slapped me in the face. For me, there’s a nagging question about our future because we’ve slipped back into separate lives. Sure we talk and text. Have video sex. There’s no romance. No teasing. No fun. We’ve lost our mojo.
Probably because he’s always in a bad mood. Grousing about the chaos surrounding his company and whether he’ll stay or go. It permeates my disposition too, so I bitch about my latest client nightmares. The negativity gives me the ick.
I know I want this corporate shit to end so we can move on with our relationship. I want the whole shebang. A future. Marriage, kids, and a life spent side by side, not in separate states. It doesn’t need to happen tomorrow, but letting the day-to-day sweep us along isn’t an option. At least not for me.
We’ll need to have a conversation about it to see if we’re still on the same page. Today isn’t the time with everything else weighing on him. Sooner rather than later, though.
The sound of footsteps on my deck makes me jump and I quickly hightail it toward the entryway. A second later, Brennan knocks and I fling the door open. Oh crap. He looks exhausted. His clothes are rumpled and there’s a heaviness in the way he carries himself.
“Oh, B.” I wrap my arms around him before he has a chance to say anything.
The smallest flicker of relief crosses his face. “God, you have no idea how good it is to see you.”
“Same,” I whisper. “How are you holding up?”
Brennan exhales deeply, leaning into me for a moment. “We convinced Cillian to check into rehab. It was...a lot.”
“I’m glad you were there for him.” I squeeze his arm gently, trying to convey he doesn’t need to explain.
“Da and I…we, uh. We had to…” He’s clearly drained and fighting back tears. “It wasn’t easy.” He runs a hand through his hair. It’s as though speaking words takes too much effort. “Cillian fought us but he finally broke down. Hopefully he’ll stay and get the help he needs.”
I don’t press. I don’t need to know the details of his brother’s private business. Brennan’s obvious exhaustion tells me everything. Instead, I take his hand and guide him toward the bedroom. His steps are heavy as he follows me.
“You need to rest.” I lead him to the bed. The room is dimly lit by the lamp on the nightstand. I help him sit on the edge of the mattress. “You’ve done enough for today.”
He sinks down, slumps over, rests his elbows on his knees and buries his face in his hands. My heart hurts. I can tell he’s holding so much inside.
Kneeling in front of him, I help him undress. Take off his shoes and socks. Unbuckle his pants and pull them off. Lift his shirt over his head.
He watches me, silently, and I can feel the weight of this evening pressing down on him. Once he’s down to his boxers, I guide him to lie back against the pillows. He doesn’t resist. His eyes are half-closed already, but I know he’s still too wound up to sleep.
I’m already in my sleep shorts and tank top, so I climb into bed, kneeling behind his head. Slowly, I begin to massage his scalp. My fingers move gently through his thick hair and down his neck, kneading away the tension I can feel knotted up in him.
Moments later, Brennan lets out a long, quiet sigh and his body relaxes under my touch. “You’re incredible,”
“You’re the one who’s incredible.” I smile to myself, continuing to work my fingers along his shoulders and back up again. “You’re a great brother for being here for him, B. I’m so proud of you.”
He doesn’t say anything but I feel his hand reach for mine, squeezing it gently before releasing.
“Thank you,” he rasps. “For understanding. I know I don’t deserve you.”
“You don’t need to say that.” I lean down to kiss his forehead. “I’m here because I love you.”
A soft stillness hangs in the air. His eyes are open now, searching mine. “I love you too.” The words slip out so naturally, but there’s so much vulnerability beneath them.
Though I’ve questioned it at times over these past weeks, he means it. Deeply.
My heart swells. Warmth floods through my soul as I lean down and kiss him languidly. Tenderly. Filled with promises of a future.
I shimmy down his body and before he knows what’s happening, I pull his briefs down and his cock is securely in my grip. Wrapping my lips around his crown, I suck firmly while giving his balls a little massage.
“Holy fucking hell, A,” Brennan croaks.
“Mmm,” I hum and pump my hand up and down in sync with my mouth, knowing full well it makes him crazy.
He grips my hair and holds me steady, thrusting in my mouth. “Yeah. Suck it,” he groans. His head lolls back against the pillows where he looks down at me, watching. “So fucking sexy.”
Pulling off my shorts, I toss them to the ground, straddle him and guide his thick cock to my entrance.
“Ah, yeah,” I moan when I sink down as far as I can. He fills me completely.
His hands glide from my hips, pulling up my tank top and flinging it somewhere in the room. He cups my breasts and thumbs my nipples, which are already puckered and tight. “You’re so fucking gorgeous.”
“You’re giving me compliments ’cause I’m fucking you good.” I circle my hips in a figure eight.
“It doesn’t hurt. Seriously, though. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. Inside and out.” Brennan watches me intently as I begin to roll my hips and ride him. I brace myself with one hand on his chest and flick my clit with my finger, swaying my hips until his eyes glaze over. “Ah, fuck. Yeah. Touch yourself.” I squeeze my inner muscles against his cock and he moans, “Oh God, you’re clenching me like a fist.”
He sucks in a breath and watches me masturbate while riding and squeezing him. Without warning, he grips my wrist and brings it to his mouth where he licks and sucks each finger into his mouth. Then he takes control, sitting up straight and wrapping his arms around me.
“I fucking love you.” He holds me still as he rocks up into me, his eyes never leaving mine. “I fucking love your pussy.” His fingers circle my clit. “I love your mouth.” He nibbles on my lips. “Your tits.” He sucks on my nipple. “Most of all, I love your heart.”
Just when I think he’s going to lose control, Brennan pulls out and flips me over so my ass is barely in the air. He straddles me, presses my thighs together and slides his cock in to the hilt. He and I have fucked many times and holy hell if this isn’t the best position ever.
“Oh, my God,” I groan. “You’re so incredibly deep.”
I can’t move because he’s essentially pressing me into the mattress and holding me in place with is body. I have no complaints. I like him dominating me in the bedroom. Plus, his dick feels huger than it already is and hits my G-spot every time he thrusts.
“Is this okay?” he pants.
“Better than okay.” I grip the sheets tightly. “I can feel every ridge of your cock and you keep hitting my spot. Yeah…right there.”
“I’m gonna blow soon.” He slides his hand up my spine and back into my hair. Grips it at my nape. Pulls. Hard.
“God, yes,” I cry out, shocked at how much it turns me on.
“You like to have your hair pulled, A?” Brennan pulls a little harder.
I moan, “I guess I do.”
Then he begins to fuck me. Hard. His balls slap against my ass over and over, driving him so deep. My thighs are trembling and zings are flitting through my body.
“I’m gonna come, B. Don’t stop,” I manage to say.
“Yes. Do it. Cream all over my cock.” Brennan leans over and bites my neck near my shoulder, and that’s it. Wave after wave of pleasure overtakes my body. I clench tightly around him like I want to suck him into my body.
“Fuck,” he roars and follows me over, filling me to capacity. When he settles, Brennan collapses at my side and gathers me in his arms. “Mine.”
I flip in his arms to face him.
We stare into each other’s eyes for a long time before his lids flicker closed and he falls into a deep sleep.
I stay awake for a while longer. Nestled against him. Feeling whole because the man I love is next to me.
Wondering, though…
Why do I feel such a sense of dread?