Chapter 38
THIRTY-EIGHT
D AKOTA
When Grant shows up at the ranch house looking downtrodden and somber, I do my best to give him and his brother space. He goes into the study and talks to Ramsey for a long time while Hazel and I sit out on the couch eating cake. I’ve lost the plot of whatever we’re watching because my mind’s already racing with worries over what Grant’s found out. What it will mean for him and his family, and for us—if there even is an us now.
He was good to me at the hospital, sitting by my side and holding my hand while we waited for all the test results. But I know he got at least one phone call from Levi that didn’t go well. He came back into the room rattled even though he played it off like it was nothing. After Hazel and Ramsey convinced him to leave, it had been radio silence, not a text or a call, but I know it’s because he hasn’t had a moment’s peace today and likely didn’t get much, if any, sleep last night. As soon as he’s out of his meeting with Ramsey, I plan to turn the tables on him and insist he sit down and eat. Get some rest. Try to give himself a break.
He doesn’t argue much when I do—too tired to protest, I guess. He sits down at the table while I reheat one of the meals Kit brought over for us. I watch as Ramsey nods for Hazel to follow him up the stairs, and she gives me a sympathetic look before she disappears. The kind that says she knows what it’s like to have to deal with a Stockton brother in this condition. It won’t be an easy conversation.
“I’m sorry about leaving the hospital before you were ready to go. If I could have stayed with you, I would have. You know that, right?” He apologizes before anything else, and it makes my heart ache that he feels like he has to.
“I know.” I shake my head and smile at him. “I’m not upset. I know Levi needed you, and I know you wouldn’t have left if it wasn’t important. You don’t have to explain. But is everything okay?” It’s a silly question. I know it’s not. I’m just trying to ease into this conversation as slowly as I can.
“You have to go with them back to Cincinnati.” He says it like an order, and I bristle.
It’s not the same easy back and forth we had before the explosion. It’s the old cold and calculating tone he used when he thought I was misbehaving and needed to be put back in line. I expected a backslide; I knew that the explosion and the escalation of violence would make him go back to holding the line on how dangerous he was for me. I was prepared for that and ready to let him take time to come around, but I didn’t expect him to try to send me across the country.
“What am I going to do in Cincinnati? I’ve got nothing there,” I dispute calmly, hoping I can get him to see reason .
“Hazel and Ramsey will be there. Charlotte will be there. Most importantly, it’s far away from the clusterfuck here. You could have died yesterday, Dakota.” His eyes pierce mine with a look of remorse.
“I can’t impose on Hazel and Ramsey right now. They’re still reeling from the canceled wedding and honeymoon. They have their own challenges at the moment, and I don’t think they want me in their house like a third wheel. I feel awkward enough being in their way here.” I keep my voice even, doing my best not to turn this into an argument.
“You’re not in their way. They love you and just want to be sure you’re okay. If you don’t want to stay with them, you can stay with Charlotte. I’d rather you stay at the Kellys’ residence anyway. It’s a fortress, and there’s no chance of you being a third wheel there.” There’s a hint of levity in his last statement but not enough to distract either of us from the seriousness of the conversation.
“I barely know them. It would be every bit as awkward, just in a different way.” Hudson and Charlotte seemed genuine when I’d spent time with them over the last week, but there’s a difference between liking new acquaintances and moving in with them.
“They’re good people. I’ve suggested Ramsey and Hazel stay there too. With him being gone at practices and camp all hours of the day, Hazel would be better off somewhere with more security.”
“I want to stay here at the ranch. You have all this security swarming the grounds.” I point out the window as another security truck passes down the road in front of the house. “It’s as safe as anywhere.” I set his dinner in front of him.
“There won’t be anyone here to stay with you when Hazel and Ramsey leave. Ramsey has to be back at camp, and there’s no way in hell he’ll let Hazel stay back without him. ”
“I’ve lived alone all my adult life. It won’t be any different.” I sit down across from him at the table, trying and hoping he can remember that as much as I’ve learned to appreciate his help, I don’t need it.
“Minus the fact that someone could sneak onto this property and into the ranch house and kill you in the middle of the night—or worse.” His face clouds with the thought.
“They could have done that in my apartment. You don’t think that’s a fear every single woman in existence lives with in the back of her mind every night of her life?”
“I’m saying the chances the fear becomes reality are infinitely fucking higher at the moment.” He loses his patience, putting his fork back down on the table even though he’s barely had a taste of the food.
“So stay with me.” I can tell he wasn’t expecting that argument when his brow furrows, and he shakes his head.
“That’s a bad idea.”
“Nowhere safer I could be than with you. You’d do a lot more for me than some random security guard in Ohio would. And it would help my anxiety to know you were okay.”
“I’m not okay. I’m neck-deep in a war I inherited, and I don’t even know who all the players are on the board. They tried to kill my entire family and Hudson’s, along with our friends, and I didn’t even see it coming. Nothing is okay right now.” It’s a rare moment of vulnerability for him to admit he doesn’t have all the answers. I soften my tone when I speak again because I want him to know above all, I’m here for him.
“Then all the more reason I want to be here. You need someone who can be there for you too. You don’t have to do all this alone.” I reach out and put my hand on his forearm, and I’m relieved when he doesn’t pull away from me.
I know the accident ripped open old wounds for him. I know it dragged up every fear he has, and I can’t blame him for it. But I’m scared he’ll push me away in the process and never let me back in. My leaving will only make it that much easier for him to wall himself off again.
“I have Levi. I have Hudson. People who can help me deal with the problem. You’re not in a position to do that, and I don’t want you to be. I want you clear of this entire fucking mess. I want you somewhere safe. I can’t take a second time like yesterday morning. Holding you with you bleeding like that and not answering me. I thought I’d gotten you killed too.” His hand comes up and covers mine, and his eyes search for understanding. I can’t give him the easy agreement he wants, but I know fighting him might just make him shut down more. The last thing he needs is an argument about feelings when he’s just trying to survive and make sure the rest of us do as well, so I do my best to temper my response.
“If you’re asking me, I’d rather be here by your side rather than get the news in Cincinnati via a phone call. You’re worried for your family—so am I. You’re the closest thing I have to family. You can’t ask me to just walk away from that, knowing all the risks you’re taking on, and just hope there’s something left whenever I come back. Please don’t ask that of me.”
“I can’t do my job if I have to worry about you, Hellfire. I can’t. I can’t think straight if I’m always thinking about you.”
“Then stop thinking about me and start trusting me to be able to make decisions for myself. You’ve got security on the ranch. It’s just as safe as Hudson’s, given that they’re after him too. Here, at least you can check in on me, you can know I’m close by, and I can check on you.”
“Dakota…” My name is a curse ripping out of his throat like a desperate plea. “You don’t understand. It’s not safe. It’s not the same.”
“Then make me understand. Tell me. If you can trust your brothers and Hudson—you can trust me.” I hold my ground even though I know I’m risking a bigger fight.
He drops his hold on me and leans back, straightening his spine for a moment before his shoulders slump. I see him give in. He scrubs a hand through his hair, mussing it as he looks into the distance before he turns back to me, a dire look on his face.
“It’s the fucking governor and the sheriff behind the bombings—my uncle tried to kill us. A person who knows every dirty fucking secret this family has going back generations and a man who has the power to make all of this, all of us, disappear with a few quick strokes of his pen. A long prison term or death by cop. That’s what I’m up against. It’s a death sentence either way. There isn’t a way out. You stay and get caught up in it somehow, it’s a death sentence for you too. I can’t live with that.”
We sit in silence, staring at each other as I soak the information in. I see now why he didn’t tell me. Just knowing that little bit is probably a liability. One he doesn’t take lightly as he tilts his head down, and I can see the agony wavering behind the deep pools of blue.
He looks defeated, the cracks from all the weight of this on his shoulders starting to show through the facade of confidence. I know inside he’s desperate for some way to control the situation and put everything back to rights, make sure no one sees the house of cards start to teeter on the table. I just want him to know he’s not alone.
“You’re sure it’s your uncle?” This family’s loyalty was unshakeable.
“Yes. Levi found the evidence and looked through the security footage. We were able to figure out which employees were handling deliveries that day, and Levi took one aside. He explained everything. He didn’t even realize he was being used. Completely distraught about it. He was a longtime employee and thought he was doing a favor for my uncle. He knew him back in the day, and my uncle told him it was a surprise for us to have that champagne. No idea there were bombs inside.” He grimaces. “One hell of a fucking surprise to try to kill what’s left of your family.”
“That’s fucked.” We could have all been dead on Hazel’s wedding day. I feel my stomach tumble with the information. Another realization hits me hard. “And that’s why the explosion happened at Seven Sins. How you know already that it wasn’t a gas leak. You sent the champagne over as a gift.” The pieces fall together finally. Grant knew the champagne for the wedding was a favorite of mine too, and as a sweet gesture, he’d sent a few cases over as a gift earlier this week. We’d stored them in the cellar for safekeeping when they arrived without opening them.
“Yeah.” The hard facade threatens to fall. “This is what I meant when I said I’m a danger to you even when I don’t mean to be, even when I shouldn’t be. An innocent fucking thing like that could have gotten you killed because someone wants me dead. You see now?”
“You can’t help that someone you trusted—your family, for god’s sake—tried to do this to you. You went on the same instinct anyone would have. There’s no way you could have known or stopped that, Grant. You can’t take that guilt on your shoulders. I don’t blame you.” I try to help him see that some things are out of his control, the same way they are for all of us, but I can tell from the set of his shoulders that he’s not buying what I’m saying. He’s already laying the bricks of the wall back down, one by one.
“Whether you blame me or not, it’s my fault. It’s just the facts of the matter.” He shakes his head, turning to look out the window and blinking rapidly to stop the tears. “And my instincts are shot to shit. Too fucking distracted to make the right decisions.” The last bit sounds like he’s repeating something someone told him, and if I find out who, I might cut them myself.
“This will get better; it just feels like it won’t right now. I know. I feel the same way about Seven Sins.”
“I’m sorry. Fuck. Here I am rambling on about my shit, and I don’t even stop to tell you how sorry I am about that. I’m so fucked up right now, Dakota. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I know you’ve got a lot on your plate.” I pat his hand again, wishing it was magic that could cure his worries. “I’m here if you need me. Your siblings are here. You don’t have to do this alone.”
He nods and stays silent for a moment before he speaks again.
“I thought having Ramsey back… Seeing Aspen. Fuck even Hazel coming back into the fold. I thought it would feel the way it used to, but nothing’s the same. The peace never fucking lasts. Just feels like I’m constantly scrambling to try to stop time and keep everyone safe for long enough to enjoy a week, a day, an hour.” His tone is laced with regret and worry.
“You take a lot of that weight on your shoulders, and you’ve got to learn to share it with the rest of us who want to help. You can’t control everything, Grant.”
He presses his lips together and makes a soft grunt of acknowledgment just as the front door opens. I hear voices in the hall, Hazel and Ramsey, along with Levi and Aspen, and someone younger. Aspen comes around the corner to find us sitting at the kitchen table.
“Sorry if we’re interrupting. Levi’s getting ready to take Fallon and me to the airport, and I wanted to say one last goodbye,” Aspen interrupts.
“Where’s Fallon?” Grant’s concern skyrockets when he doesn’t immediately see his niece. All those frayed edges Aspen warned me about are coming undone.
“She’s going with Hazel out to the barn. She wanted to say bye to the horses.”
Grant smiles in return and stands to hug his sister. “All right. Tell her I hope her college trips go well, and if she wants a horse for her eighteenth all she has to do is ask.”
“I’ll be sure to tell her that.” Aspen hugs him a little tighter before she says, “We’ll have to think about the horse.” She laughs and smiles at him, clearly trying to lift his spirts, but her smile fades to worry. “I’ll miss you.”
“I’m sorry you’re leaving like this,” Grant apologizes, and I can hear the pain in his voice.
“I’m sorry it’s come to this. You know I’d stay if it wasn’t for Fallon.” Aspen’s face falls as she looks over her oldest brother. I imagine she sees the same cracks I can.
“I wouldn’t let you. I want you all as far away from here as you can get.” Grant shakes his head as he lets go of her.
“I told her the same,” Levi interjects.
“It was good to see you again, Dakota.” Aspen holds her arms out, and I stand quickly to hug her.
“You too,” I agree, giving her a quick squeeze.
“Let me walk you out to the car so I can say goodbye to Fallon,” Grant offers, and Aspen nods her agreement.
“I’ll meet you all out there in a few.” Levi nods them off, and the way he waits, I can tell he wants to talk to me.
“Grant told me about the incident at the Avarice. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with all of this,” I say quietly.
Levi shrugs. “We’re used to it. That’s life. One fucking thing after another, and then you die.”
“I just wish they could have had their wedding. Given your family a chance to celebrate something.”
“Me too, but once we get through this, we’ll celebrate. Maybe even more than before once we’ve taken care of business.” Levi pulls his glasses off, brushing the edge of his shirt over the lens and then returning them to their place.
The man was a mashup of contradictions. Tall and muscular with glasses and intricately designed patterns of tattoos, wise and patient, but with a temper that rivaled both of his brothers’ combined. He’s the kind of man you’d love to meet in a bookshop cafe and sip an iced espresso with while you read together in the middle of the day, and the last man you’d want to meet in a dark alley at night.
I don’t want to be on his bad side, but I worry I will be if he thinks I’m causing his brother any more distractions or stress. Which is where I think this conversation is headed.
“We can cut the small talk. If there’s something you want to say…” I offer because I’d rather just rip the Band-aid off.
He straightens his glasses, pushing them back on the bridge of his nose, and leans against the doorframe. He surveys me for a moment like he’s underestimated me and wants to reassess how he approaches the conversation.
“Can we skip the sugarcoating too? I’d like to just talk freely, as two people who care about him and this family.”
“You can.” I stand a little straighter, glad at least that he respects the fact I don’t need my hand held to discuss the issue at hand.
“He’s going to tell you that you need to leave if he hasn’t already. And you’re going to be tempted to argue with him. I know how stubborn you both are and how much the two of you enjoy fighting as foreplay—but you need to do what he’s asking. If you love him, you won’t fight him on this.”
“We’re discussing it,” I say tersely, feeling off-kilter by Levi pressing the point so hard.
“There’s nothing to discuss. You’re a walking, talking distraction for him. One he can’t afford. Not right now. It could cost him his life—or yours or someone else in this family, which would be as much a death sentence as anything, given the way it would wreck him.”
“He explained the seriousness of the situation, but he also needs someone who can support him. His mental state is exactly why I don’t want to leave,” I argue because Levi strikes me as someone who’s every bit as hard as his brother but without the soft underbelly. He needs someone like Levi at his side, and I’m glad he has him, but he needs the other side of the coin too.
“His mental state is why you have to leave. You can support him from a safe distance, just like our siblings, where he knows you’re out of their reach and behind lines they can’t cross. Part of being strong in this situation is doing the thing you don’t want to do because it’s the right thing, Dakota. The right thing for him. The right thing for you. I’m not trying to be cruel or unfeeling. If you make each other happy—I want that for him. But you both have to survive this for there to be a future, and that only happens if you let him make choices with a clear head.”
“I’ll take it into consideration.” I say the words like I mean them because as much as I hate it, the things he’s saying make sense.
“That’s all I ask.” He nods and heads outside, looking back with a sympathetic glance one last time before the door closes, and I feel the tears start to stain my cheeks again.
I know Levi is right. It’s the reason all of his siblings who aren’t part of whatever they’re planning are leaving like this. They’re not running scared. They’re leaving so that he has as many options on the table as he can get. So he can gamble freely without having to worry about what he could lose. I just worry that without someone here to remind him how much he’s needed, he’ll be willing to gamble everything away to save us.