Chapter 34 – Carina
Thirty-Four
CARINA
Of course, I don’t leave, not after everything. Not after knowing Alaric is on his way to the Otherworld and Ryder will be heartbroken.
I remain seated on the ground against his cabin, out of view from the pack, who all linger a dozen feet away, waiting for news of their ex-Alpha.
A leaf becomes my entertainment; I roll it between my palms as my eyes remain closed and my head tips towards the sky, speaking to the being who’ll never directly respond.
Hecate, help Alaric pass on. The vampires have demons watching over them—we have you. Who do the shifters have? If no one, could you take this one on? Guide him. Help him find his deceased mate.
Keep the pack safe and Ryder well.
And please don’t push me out. The Darkness…it isn’t enough to turn me away from you. The voices are quiet now.
Please keep us all safe.
I remain out of sight for a few reasons—uncertain how the pack will react to my presence. Considering Alaric got sick because of a witch, I’m probably top of their kill list, no matter what this week changed.
If I were smart, I’d listen to both Alaric and Ryder and head home. Clearly, the wolves have no more need for me, which means anything to do with Twilight Grove is the coven’s problem.
There’s nothing left here for me.
Despite all these facts, leaving feels wrong, empty—like I’d be going on an ellipsis.
My time here won’t be officially concluded but rather trailed off into nothing.
Perhaps my goodbye with Ryder wasn’t really a goodbye, but more him screaming at me.
Perhaps because I have a bag of clothing in the building against my back.
Or maybe even because leaving now won’t give me the chance to say goodbye to Leah and Claire, who’ve basically adopted me.
Or maybe it’s because everything involving Ryder feels unfinished. It’s wrong to leave him, period. Not only now, but in general. Something mystical is keeping me here. Something tying me to this ground, and I wish I knew what it was about him that doesn’t let me walk away.
Is it pathetic for a witch to be hanging around her enemy’s camp, waiting for said enemy to notice her? Probably.
A short time later, amidst my ongoing battle over leaving or staying, a loud roar rumbles through the camp and urges me to my feet. The growl is as familiar to me as my own voice; I’ve heard it many times this week.
This time, however, it’s laced with pain. The sound immediately punches my insides and forces my feet forward—to him—before I can stop myself from walking into the path of an angry and grieving wolf. One, who for all his reservations, might officially turn on me.
Yet, feeling it won’t be the case. I round the cabin just in time to glimpse a flash of pure, muscled male flesh before he completes the shift mid-stride and takes off into the forest beyond. A pained howl fills the area, echoing as though it’s coming from every angle.
There are plenty of people who may follow him, but I find myself front of the pack—metaphorically. I’m three strides away from the camp’s edge when a hand clamps on my shoulder, pulling me backwards.
“What are you doing here?” Xander stares down at me.
I sigh. Him too? Everyone’s telling me to get lost.
“Alaric’s gone, I assume?” I look over his shoulder to see Leah gripping Claire’s hand while watching us from a spot somewhat nearby.
Xander nods his answer, then grimaces. “When Ryder’s mom passed, we didn’t see him for two days. I fear it’s what he’s about to do, but it’s different this time. He’s Alpha. He has people counting on him to lead them through grief.”
“What about his grief?” I snap without thinking—without remembering their rules are so far from being my place, I exist on a different planet.
“An Alpha isn’t allowed to grieve in the same way anymore.”
Well, isn’t that bullshit.
Knowing Xander isn’t the one to argue this with—and that talking to him is only letting Ryder get farther away—I tug myself free from his hold. “I’ll go get him and see if I can bring him back. I think I know where he is.”
My offer is met with a skeptical look. “First, you’d need to catch up to him. And then…well, Carina, look. Shifters are erratic when emotional—dangerous, even. I know for a fact—and trust me on this one—hurting you is the last thing he wants. So, maybe staying away would be safer.”
“Someone has to be there for him, and you have a pack to look after. I’m an outsider with a different perspective. Maybe it’s what he needs.”
Xander laughs harshly, but I’m getting the sense it’s not really directed at me. “Oh, you’re what he needs alright.”
“Could I get a ride? Make the trip faster.”
His brows shoot upward. “Put you on my back? Nah, sorry, Carina, but I’d like to keep my paws. Given today, can’t say how Ryder would react to that.”
“Why would he care…?” But he’s already walking away, leaving my question unfinished and hanging.
So I set off into the woods, in the direction of his mother’s lake.
The moon is high in the sky when reaching him, following the howls to the exact location we met. The first place I ever saw him, though he didn’t realize he was being observed.
His back is to me—bare in human form—and he’s bent over with his head on his knees. It snaps up at my approach, and its black eyes shift to a familiar silver seconds before an imposing—and very naked—body walks me back the way I came.
“Did I not say to go the fuck home, Carina? Why are you here?”
I once read showing fear to a predator, especially a wolf, makes you the prey.
It’s for that reason, even though Ryder looks like he’s seconds away from literally snapping my fingers off, I reach for him, resting my hand on the space above his heart.
“For you. You need someone who isn’t looking to you as Alpha, but rather a friend. ”
His jaw clicks loud enough the sound carries. Then like I’m a petulant child, he jerks his finger in the direction of the town of Banff. “Thanks, but not needed. I want you gone, Carina. I mean it. For the millionth time, go the hell home. I’ve told you why; don’t make me say it again.”
“Because you don’t want to hand me over. When it would save your father, it made sense, and now that he’s—now, it’s different.”
“Yes!” He throws his hands up in the air but never brings them back down.
Instead, he tugs on his hair, pulling strands in front of his eyes.
“I need you safe! You’re so fucking determined to run off and get yourself taken, to be harmed or fuckin’ worse, and I can’t be around to watch that. I won’t.”
“I’ll leave.”
His hands drop from his hair, relief masking the heartbreak.
“But only after sitting with you. I’m here as your friend. Nothing more.”
He growls. A full-on wolf growl that makes the silver of his eyes flash threateningly. I’m preparing for round whatever we’re up to when his head tips to the side and he walks towards me. “Believe me, kamahki, you and I are far from friends.”
Ouch. Asshole.
Despite telling myself not to be this man’s prey, to be his equal, the suddenness of his movement draws my steps backwards, my heart taking off in my chest.
“You wanna stay?” His words melt around the intimidating and ominous smirk which reveals his incisors. “You wanna continue playing pack with me? Guess what, kamahki, I am the pack. I’m the fucking Alpha. You stay, you submit to me.”
Oh, Hecate, what have I started? I step back, and it’s tracked.
“Running from your Alpha, little witch? That’s a bad idea. Makes you a bad pack member. I’ll have to remind you of your place.”
He comes forward, and I continue backwards.
“R-Ryder, I’m only here to help.”
“No, you’re here to make my head explode. It’s all you’ve done since tripping into my life.”
We both, at the same time, look to the small span of trees beside us that I once hid in before he discovered me.
“I’m sorry,” I say, because it feels right to.
“Sorry for driving my instincts up the fucking wall? Now that Dad’s gone, they’re worse. Which is why you can’t be around me any longer. Go. Home. Before I carry you there myself.” His eyes pinch in the corners. “It’s for your own good.”
We’ve circled back around. No more threatening Alpha, back to the angry voice of no reason.
“Protecting the pack is my entire job, and since you’re so insistent on staying with us, that makes you part of us. It makes you mine to protect. So, I’m ordering you, as Alpha, to go home.”
Don’t poke the bear? What about the wolf?
I’ll take my chances.
I take three steps, until I’m back at his side, and I stab my nail directly into his pec. Maybe that makes me stupider than the woodland creatures that don’t run fast enough from predators, but so be it. My point will be made.
“You’re not my Alpha. Stop putting words in my mouth. Staying to support you isn’t the same as trying to become one of you.”
His hand snaps, catching my wrist and locking me in place.
Just like that, I’m trapped in this man’s snare.
His lips pull apart, his head lowering until brushing my cheek.
Teeth lightly nip the base of my ear, sending a pleasurable chill down my spine.
My head falls to the side, a safe-enough gesture I’ve seen others use to prove their submission.
In other words, he gained exactly what he wanted and smiles against my skin. “You have thirty seconds, Carina. Start walking or I’m carrying your ass back home.”
Looking into his face, I realize he’s not bullshitting. He’ll do it, and while I want to keep arguing, we’ll continue going in circles. Actually, no, there will be no more circles. There will be a line. A straight line from here to town.
I sigh, lowering my head to show he’s won, then turn and walk away—through the trees where we first met, past the spot where my spell, for some reason, didn’t work, and towards the road on the other side that’ll lead me home.
After a dozen steps, I glance behind me.
Ryder is back in wolf form, stalking me.