Chapter 35 – Ryder
Thirty-Five
RYDER
My wolf’s voice is jumbled with my own. There is no separation between the two. No wolf urging me to claim Carina while the mortal side resists.
Both sides want her.
I want her.
Except, she needs to be safe behind her coven’s lines, where I’ll never claim her. I have to forget Carina Hargrove and move on with my life.
Pain surges through me as I follow her towards the road on the other side of the woods. Between her leaving and Dad’s death, my lungs are bound to give out any time now. Every step she takes away from me, every memory of Dad…it’s too much.
The burden of leadership.
After Mom’s death, Dad’s heartbreak was nothing I’d ever seen before. It went beyond losing a mate. Dad lost a limb. His heart. His soul. All because of the n?kak?stis bond, I now understand. He left, content, to be reunited with Mom, and wherever their souls ended up, I pray they’re together.
It proved one thing: by claiming Carina, there would be no getting over her death. The world would stand still. Winter, summer, it wouldn’t matter. There’d be no adapting because I would be permanently changed.
My wolf knows what I’m doing by bringing her home and locking her away where we’ll never see her again.
I’ll always know my n?kak?stis lives basically beside me, and I’ll never be able to see her.
Never be able to look in on her. I can’t know anything about her life where intervening could be possible.
She walks quickly, peeking behind her every so often to check if I’m still following. When she does, I flash her my teeth. She presumes it’s in warning, but it’s actually at the inner voice that recites his own desires.
Keep her.
Claim her.
Mate her.
I want to. That’s the problem.
After another few minutes, she slows and then eventually stops entirely. I trudge up behind her and nudge her forward with my snout, but she doesn’t move any farther than my forced push.
“Between the day and going to look for you, I’m tired, okay? Give me a minute.”
We don’t have a minute. Every moment in her presence—no, every fucking second is one more I’m closer to forcing her to her knees, ripping off her clothes, and sinking into a heat that’ll doom us both.
So, without breaking stride, I shift to human form, wrap my arms around her waist, and hoist her over my shoulder.
I head for the treeline, walking within it in case a vehicle drives by and stumbles upon a naked man carting a woman off.
Pretty sure human authorities find issues with stuff like that.
“Ryder!” She kicks her legs, trying to dislodge my hold. “What are you doing? Put me down!”
“I warned you. You walk or I carry you. You’ve stopped walking; thus, I’m carrying you.”
“For a moment to catch my breath, you dick!”
“Call me whatever you want, as long as you do it behind town lines.”
“Ryder!”
I slap a hand on her ass, shutting her up with a quick intake of breath. “Quiet. Can’t warn anyone who might be nearby.”
And then I take off, running as fast as I can with her over my shoulder. She bounces and I keep an ear out for any indication of the motion making her sick. Eventually, the road leads into town, the barrier a shimmer to anyone looking for it.
I walk towards that sign while staying out of view, stopping a couple feet away from the barrier before lowering her to her to her feet, maintaining space between us, and crossing my arms before doing something utterly stupid.
Stupid is still standing here when, if I were wise, I’d take off now.
Only…I don’t.
Maybe it’s because this is the final time to ever see her. It’s all that’ll be allowed. Within minutes, we’ll return to being two strangers, two species, two creatures who never interact.
She bites her lip and sighs. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry about your dad. I tried.”
I glance at her palms, where I know much of witches’ magick is rooted—and where the Darkness rests invisibly beneath her skin. She’s taken enough sacrifices for us to last a lifetime.
“I’m aware of what you’ve done.”
She follows my gaze to her palms before huffing lightly and curling her hands into fists. “I’m not sorry I did that.”
“You should be. He was dying anyway.”
She tilts her head. “We’re really going down this path again?”
“No,” I reply softly—resigned. My eyes complete one final sweep of her—head to toe, memorizing everything. The invisible connection, still unfused, tugs lightly, insisting I stay.
So I back up a step, proving to both it and myself what our future will involve.
She follows, rendering the space pointless.
Her mouth opens and shuts, hesitating, her mind spinning with questions and what-ifs until she finally forms a mumbled sentence.
“You’ve said so many weird things today.
Things I can’t keep up with. Xander did too, something about losing paws if he carried me on his back.
What aren’t you telling me?” She shakes her head, brows coming together.
“I mean, maybe I’m making it all up, but it feels like there’s something I’m missing. ”
She’s smart and perceptive, and she nearly cracks a smile in my resolve.
And she deserves the truth.
So I tell her in the only way I can. The only way, before officially walking away and never knowing what becomes of Carina Hargrove.
She’ll move on, hopefully survive the coven war—and whatever’s coming in the future from the Celestials—and meet a nice warlock who’ll treat her well or risk having his throat torn out.
I’ll be expected to take a mate eventually—one actually claimed.
She’ll take Carina’s spot. She’ll give me pups. She’ll lead the pack beside me.
It sickens me because it won’t be the woman I’ve come to want.
I approach, my hands collaring her waist to tug her closer. My cock, pressed between us, twitches with need—the need to bury itself inside her. To push her to her knees and teach her how to please her Alpha.
But I don’t. I won’t…no matter how tempting.
She’s watching me with emotion, her eyes darting between mine. Confusion makes her eyes milky, but it fades into longing. A sweep of her tongue nearly sends me to my knees. Her breath vanishes like the sun before a storm. Another roll of her lips—uncertain whether I’m about to yell at her again.
I lower my head and slant my mouth over hers, allowing myself this much. A small taste—which only makes the wolf inside hungrier…and the man. She whimpers before submitting, her lips slightly parting, and I’m greedy enough to keep all I can of her.
I tell her the truth in a language she’ll never understand.
With my mouth fused on hers, my hands holding her in the only way I’ll ever be able to.
The final way. After this, I’ll go home.
Be Alpha. Return to my cabin and try to ignore the fact that the entire place—fuck, the camp as well—smells like her.
She winds her arms around my neck and falls against me, and it takes every muscle—every fibre of strength—before I finally grasp her wrists to unwind her. She can’t touch me.
I hold her hands in my own and step into her, hard enough that she’s forced backwards.
We’re five steps from the boundary line where her mother’s spell lays.
Four steps…
She groans into my mouth.
Three…
Her hands tighten in mine.
Two…
She imprints herself into my skin in a way that’ll tattoo her soul on mine, no matter our future.
One…
She officially undoes me in the way only a mate can.
I stop, release her hands to reclaim her hips. My mouth lifts from hers, her lips full and soft, and I can’t help but dip again and taste her one final time. This time—the final time.
Then I push her over the town line, to a place I can’t go. She can leave it, sure, but my action is representative enough. She’ll understand the meaning.
Don’t come back.
Based on her look of betrayal, she does.
“That,” I grind. “That’s what I’m telling you. What I’ve been telling you. That’s why I need you safe, kamahki. Why, if you run off and turn yourself Dark, I can’t know about it. If I know, I’ll stop you. I’ll trap you, bind you to me, and then you’ll hate me.”
“What does any of that mean?” She toes the boundary spell. It shimmers in response to being touched by one of their own.
I stretch my hand for her, pausing shy of the enchantment, and she meets me the rest of the way by slipping her hand closer. Once within reach, I take it. Turn it. Press my lips to the centre of her palm.
“It means, you better survive. You better be a kickass witch—Light or Dark—and come back.” To me. “You survive, Carina Hargrove, and you live. You live a good, long, happy life, or I’ll kill you myself.”
For the final time, I release her hand and turn away from the heartbreak. Walk away from urges and instincts.
I shift back to wolf—uncaring if mortals see—and take off into the forest.
Officially leaving my mate behind.
My howl of pain won’t be contained.