Chapter 13 #5
“Oh,” he says, in surprise. “Oh shit, what the hell...”
He sinks down next to me as the euphoria hits. He blisses out for a few minutes, but refuses a second hit, preferring to watch over me. He offers me more but I decide not to as well. I like just being here with him.
He doesn’t really understand what’s wrong with me, but he’s cool about it.
I pull my mouth towards his when I have the strength, I think.
I’m not actually sure if we are kissing or not.
I might be imagining it. I no longer know if my mouth is moving.
It’s more for comfort than anything else.
I go somewhere between sleeping or seizure but it’s hard to tell what’s happening, but it’s good.
He lies his head on my chest and I feel better, and fall asleep.
???
In the morning light I force my eyes open a peep. I can see the orange and green canvas of the tent walls. I’m still sick, but I can see and move. I rotate my hand.
“Thank God,” I groan. “Oh thank fucking God.”
Mischa is beside me, staring. He’s wearing blue plaid pajamas. It’s actually cute, and throws me a little.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
He sounds dazed. “Yeah. You?”
“Yeah. You get some rest?”
He sighs. “None, actually.”
“What have you been doing?”
“Watching you sleep. I know you gave me permission, but it didn’t feel right, after you were out. Just seeing you all peaceful made me feel like the happiest person alive.”
“It doesn’t sound like you’re over me then?”
“Hell no,” he says. “I love you so much baby,” he makes a big sigh, “I’m gonna kill anyone else who ever tries to touch you ever again.”
“Christ,” I groan. “You sound like my brother.”
“I really love William all of a sudden.”
I shake my head. “I’m just gonna kill myself, so neither of you will have to worry anymore.”
“That’s no fun,” he kisses my fingers. “How do you feel?”
I shrug. “Diabolical about sums it up.”
Things feel awkward in the morning light. I’m acutely aware of how far we went, before it all fell apart.
He is watching me carefully, but then I notice his gaze roving over my body and lingering on the places he marked me last night when things were heating up.
I can feel the sexual tension ramping up several notches.
Unbelievable that after the most unsexy display imaginable, he can still look at me like he wants to devour me whole. Time to leave.
“Party’s over, pervert. I just need a few more minutes and I’ll be out of here.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” I echo.
Mischa leans in and kisses me, and I let him.
He’s a good kisser, and it’s a hot kiss.
I lie back down, but I’m worried. I’m still exhausted and dizzy.
He starts getting hard, and I’m right there with him, but realize this could spell disaster.
The balance barely held last night is teetering again.
It’s all touch-and-go from here. If I let this continue I might have another fit and we could be stuck here for hours.
If I try to stop this I might have a fit anyway.
There are no good options. I’m going to traumatize this poor boy.
I’m not spiraling, but it’s really weird.
Everything that’s happening is on the other side of a screen, or like a television, so I don’t really get to be there.
He doesn’t really get to touch me. I don’t really feel it properly.
Should I just be happy to make this lovely boy happy?
No. I’m too selfish for that. Now that I tried, now that I want, it all feels crueler than I ever imagined.
It’s yet another thing that has been stolen from me.
I’m going to fucking kill myself. I just have to get this guy far away from me before I do.
I take my mouth away from his. He pulls his cock out and starts stroking himself.
I sit up on the back of my elbows and lean back, glowering at him from heavy eyelids.
Then, despite myself, I look at his cock.
He has a good one, as these things go. He likes that I’m watching him, and suppresses a moan.
I press my lips together and he begins to lose it.
He kisses me again and I let him, and he ejaculates over my shirt.
I’m surprised and relieved I made it the whole way through.
“Oh God,” he pants. “That was great.”
“That was awkward, but I really painted myself into a corner so I can’t exactly protest too much now.”
“What? You gotta say ‘Austen’ if you want me to stop. I won’t be annoyed!”
“You were past the point of no return.”
Mischa looks confused. “Are you messing with me? Why did you lick your lips and bite them?”
“I only pressed my lips together because it was tense.”
“Your bottom lip still has a mark because you were biting so hard.”
He pulls my bottom lip down and rubs his thumb over it, then my top lip, then pushes it in my mouth along my tongue. I suck it, and wonder what the fuck I’m doing. I’m flying so close to the sun I feel like I’ve lost my mind. Mischa’s hard again.
“Okay Jesus,” he says. “I can’t take it anymore. God Austen, I really need to fuck you.”
I calmly remove his finger from my mouth. I gotta end this now, before I start wishing I did earlier.
“Okay, no. Nice experiment, thank you, but never again.”
“Wait, what?”
“I’m revoking your privileges.”
“Don’t do that. Baby, I just have to get you out of my system, honestly maybe If you just let me get inside you...”
Did he just call me Baby again? Uncomfortable feelings squirm inside me.
“This isn’t working. You’re not getting past it and I’m having seizures.” I try to get out of the bedding and it clings to itself, and me. I growl in frustration. “Our sleeping bags are stuck together, you freak.”
“Yeah, you know I came a little the moment you kissed me? Wasn’t even touching myself.”
“Doesn’t seem like a little.”
“Honestly never happened before.”
He presses the bridge of his nose and forehead to mine. His lips gravitate down and they connect with my own. I feel strange. I push him off me, and break the spell.
“I gotta get back to William before he wakes up.”
“But...”
I pull at my sweat-rumpled shirt and boxers. “God. I have to get out of this. Turn around. I need to change my clothes.”
“I hoped we were past that.”
“Turn around.”
He does. I put my singlet and pants on, and hand him my top and underwear.
“You keep these,” I tell him.
“Thank you,” he says.
I look at him like he lost his damn mind. “They are dirty, Mischa. I don’t want to walk back with them.”
“Yes of course,” he says, putting them in his backpack. “They’re safe with me.”
I shake my head. “You are such a horn-dog.”
“Yes, but you knew that already.”
He tries to put his arm around me but I shrug him off.
“Yeah,” I huff.
“Austen, are you angry at me?”
“No.”
“You won’t look me in the eye.”
“I’m not angry at you, Mischa. I’m angry at me. I hate myself and want to die, but don’t worry, it will pass. It always does.”
“You’re disappointed you had a seizure?”
The pain feels sharp. He’s making me feel it, and I hate him for it. Such an asshole.
“It doesn’t matter. Last night wasn’t for me; I was just helping you out, and it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Small mercies.”
“We could try again. Go slow. It was honestly the best night of my life.”
“Glad you had fun, but no thanks. I just wanted to try it, and it’s not my cup of tea.”
“But it could be your cup of coffee?”
“No. Let’s just forget about it. Thank you though.” I sigh, and smell the air. “What is that smell? Perfume?”
“It’s a luxury moisturizer,” Mischa says and puts some on my hands. “It’s got oolong tea in it. I’ve got a whole carton I’ve been selling to the girls. I use a squirt to jerk off so... you know.”
“You moisturize your dick before you touch yourself?”
He looks at me like I’m stupid. “I use it for lube—baby, haven’t you ever rubbed one out?”
“No, and I don’t plan to start now.”
“Fucking Hell. Never?”
“Never ever.”
“Let me—”
“No. I’m leaving.”
“You should kiss me goodbye.”
“Why?”
“You gave me last night to help me get over my lame and all-engrossing crush. Now give me closure.”
“On one condition. Don’t tell anyone I’m sick, and if anyone else ever sees me having a seizure, you gotta convince them that it’s William, not me. This is literally a matter of life or death.”
“Sure,” he shrugs.
He moves on all-fours closer to me and brings his lips to mine. It’s not aggressive, it’s just a morning kiss from a satisfied guy. He’s had his fill of me and now he’s done.
“Please don’t read too much into any of this. It was just an experiment.”
“Yes.” He kisses me again. “Of course.”
“Bye Mischa.”
???
Back at my own tent William is changing.
“Sorry I was out all night,” he says. “I was getting laid.”
“Why’d you kick me out then?”
“I was so tired after the exorcism thing I slept for a bit. Then I chased tail.”
He moves his head to me and his brow furrows. “God you smell like girly-girl and... literally semen. That a hickey on your neck? Wait, Baby did you have sex?”
“Well... hands stuff...”
“That’s good!” he flushes with joy. “Oh my God that’s great! You let someone touch you. That’s the most progress in eight bloody years... That healer is a bloody miracle worker! This is worth the whole trip!”
“Yeah well, I glitched before we could do it. Not much actually, but enough to make me stop.”
“But you got off! Was it good?”
“Honestly... yeah, it’s just that it was weird, when we were doing stuff the second time...”
“Second time? Nice.”
“But I was sort of...”
“Behind a screen?” he interrupts.
“Yeah, exactly.”