Chapter 35 #2
When he rests his bike on the kickstand, I slide off. I hook my helmet next to his on the handlebars and have him help me climb on in front of him. As much as I want to see his face, I sit with my back to his front, resting against him.
It’ll be easier to focus and feel more like our late night chats. Except he can hold me, and I can feel his warmth.
He wraps an arm around my middle and rests his chin on my head. I tangle my fingers with his and give him my weight.
“Last Friday was fucked up,” he says, opening up the conversation.
“It was bound to happen. We’ve been sharing a bed for weeks, and they just caught on to it.” I blow out a breath. “I’m not upset they know, but it’s made it awkward a few times.”
He chuckles before growing solemn. “I know you care about your mom—”
“Damon.” I focus on the city lights sparkling below us as I gather my thoughts.
It’s not the best view, but it’s not awful.
“I know you think my mom checked out a long time ago, and maybe she did because I let her.
She could have done more to protect me, but when it really comes down to it, she does.
She moved us and tried to keep me safe without disrupting my life.
Not telling me about Adam is probably my fault as much as it was hers.
“When I was eleven, she tried to bring around a guy she was getting serious with, but I wasn’t having it.
I was a brat and went on a hunger strike.
I couldn’t understand how she could be with someone who wasn’t my dad.
That young I felt like she was betraying my father’s memory.
Probably a lot like when you would run off your father’s girlfriends. ”
“They were all gold-diggers,” Damon mutters.
I chuckle. “Sure. I’m sure every one of them was only after his money. Your dad is attractive and fit.”
He rubs his chin against my hair, but he doesn’t deny it. I blow out a breath, trying to gather my thoughts. Because this is important. I’ve told him before that she doesn’t neglect me. Not the way he assumes.
“I didn’t want to know who she was dating.
I wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening.
” I tip my head to the side to look up at him.
“I didn’t even realize how hard she was working to keep us in the house.
She admitted she liked having a home again and saw that I was happy.
So even though it was expensive, she tried to make it work.
For us. She was trying to give us a life, but she had to work more to achieve it. ”
I settle into his arms. “We’ve agreed to have more open conversations with each other so we don’t feel like we have to hide things from the other. Things like being in love with the three of you.”
I swallow and look out at the city lights.
“I know you don’t like that my mom is with your dad, but they really do work well together.
And I understand why you went on the defensive with her that morning, but you were hurting me by doing it.
You were using me as an excuse for what you did to Chase when that was always about you. ”
“Leaving him out in the woods, scared and alone, was all for you.” He softly squeezes my hand.
“Punching him was about you. I watched him kiss you like he had every right. And what stung was he did. He was the guy who was your boyfriend. Sure, he sucked at it, and I forced you to stay with him, but he could kiss you, claim you. So it wasn’t all about taking his future away, little devil. Not entirely.”
I take in a breath. “I’m sorry I told your dad about the hit and run.
If I had a dad like Adam, I would have gone to him from the start.
Your dad cares about you. I get why you were angry with him after your mom died.
You know that was her decision, but it doesn’t make it hurt less, and I’m sorry for that. ”
Damon rests his chin on my head for a moment. The city lights twinkle, and I feel this weight lift off my chest. We’re both figuring our way in this relationship. But now it’s his turn. I hope he’s ready to apologize because this won’t work if I’m the only one caving.
“Turn around. I want to look into your eyes.” He helps me turn on his bike to face him. He tips up my chin, and the soft worry in his eyes almost undoes me. “Have I ever told you how beautiful your eyes are?”
I blink. “No.”
“They are and you are. You’re the most beautiful girl, and I’m grateful to be yours.
I need you to know I’ve never hated you, Evan.
” He brushes a strand of my hair that escaped my bun behind my ear and refocuses on my eyes.
“Not even at the beginning. The anger was never about you. I hated being called your rebound and got defensive. You were right to call me out. When you told my dad, I was angry and didn’t know how to deal with that because I love you.
I’m sorry I wanted to punish your mom the way I punished my dad.
I know they both care in their own ways, but it’s hard to see that sometimes. ”
He slides his hand to the back of my neck, and I put my hand over his heart, focusing on the steady beat against my palm.
“I can’t promise I won’t shut down again.
That I won’t go cold, but know that under that anger, my heart still only beats for you.
That when push comes to shove, I’ll choose you and us and Hawk and Cam over whatever petty revenge stirs my heart.
I don’t want you to think I can hate you. It’s not possible.”
“You can’t just ice me out when things don’t go your way.” I grip his shirt. “We skipped a lot of actual dating with the way we got together. I don’t regret it, but I don’t want to lose what we have. And I’m so afraid I’m going to fuck this up.”
“Fuck, Evan, if anyone’s going to fuck this up, it will be me.” He rests his forehead on mine. “But at least we’re not in this with just us. Hawk and Cam won’t let us fuck up.”
I smile and cup his jaw, feeling the rough stubble of the day forming there. “No, they won’t. I guess it works better for us to be a foursome instead of a twosome.”
“Probably.” He breathes in and exhales. “I shouldn’t have pushed you in that conversation. I should have let you lead more, trusted you to tell the truth when it would be needed. The most frustrating thing about all this is I feel like I need to thank Chase Chadwick.”
I lean back and search his eyes. “Why?”
“Because if he hadn’t been an asshole, I wouldn’t have you.
I’d still be friends with Hawk and Cam, but we would have grown apart.
I’d still be angry at my dad for my mom.
And I never would have known you. I love you.
I can’t stand having you mad at me. I hate that I made you cry. That isn’t who I want to be.
“I want to be the person who holds you when you cry and helps destroy the people who make you angry. I want to be there for all of your big moments and all of the small ones. You make me into someone better. I thought I was ready to move on before this year. I thought I was ready to get on with my life, but without you, that would have been a mess.”
My heart feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest.
His blue eyes are soft as he studies me like he wants to memorize me. It’s intense and breathtaking.
“I love you. You’ve made me into a better person and I don’t ever want to lose you by being a dick to you. I need you to tell me when I’ve gone too far. To have you by my side.”
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small jewelry box.
My eyes widen. “What are you—”
“It’s not really from me.” He smirks and opens the box. Inside lies the pendant my dad gave me. “The guys and I took it to get it fixed. They finished today, so I swung by to pick it up.”
My eyes well with tears as I cover my mouth.
“It’s still the same chain, but they made it stronger, so it won’t break again.” He lifts it out of the box and undoes the clasp. “May I?”
I nod, too overwhelmed to speak. He fastens it on my neck and straightens the heart on my chest. I reach for it and then lean forward and hug Damon to me.
“Cam, Hawk, and I are like that chain. We need each other to hold you together when the world tries to tear us apart, little devil.”
“Damon.” I rest my head over his heart. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Evan.” He breathes out against my hair and holds me tight against him. “We should probably let the others know we’ve talked, and the orgy can begin.”
I smile and look around the deserted parking. Biting my lip, I reach for his belt. “We don’t have to hurry, do we? Didn’t you promise to fuck me so hard on your motorcycle? Something about making me scream?”
He smirks and takes my mouth, saying into it, “I fucking love you.”