Darlin’

25. Rip the Band-Aid

Rip the Band-Aid

"Good morning, sleepyhead.”

I stir awake, eyelids fluttering open to find Jesse staring at me like I'm a three-course meal. My body buzzes at the sight of him sprawled out in my bed. He's home .

Jesse grins, gaze sweeping across my blushing face. "Did you know that you snore?"

"What..." I clear my throat, blinking as I tug on the bedcovers.

My pulse quickens with anticipation as I glance down at his bare chest and the tight boxer briefs that always leave little to the imagination.

My mouth dries as my body physically reacts to his, my belly slowly heating, preparing to be consumed. "How long have you been here?"

"An hour or so," he says casually, adjusting the propped hand holding his head up. He lifts his right arm, bopping me on the nose while smiling. "You sound like a little teakettle, you know? Just shhh shhh shhh ...over and over again. "

"I do not snore." I swat his hand away, feigning a frown, but he damn well knows I ain't mad. "So rude."

"Don't get defensive," he whispers with a light laugh, rolling on top of me, caging me with his bare, muscular arms. "I think it's precious.

" His nose sweeps against mine, his lips feathering against my cheek, jaw, and neck, his hot breath fanning against my skin.

My mouth gapes open with surprise and need as I feel him grow against my leg.

Oh gosh...

"Did you miss me, princess?"

A tiny moan escapes my lips as he grips the edge of the blanket, moving it off to the side. His roaming hands trace faint lines down the curve of my waist and my thighs, veering dangerously off course toward my pulsing center.

"Mmmm..." He dips under my pajama shorts, my budding slickness coating his fingers as my back arches. "I'll take this as a yes."

It's wild. The feeling of zero control over your body, your mind.

His touch, his voice, and his freaking presence alone unravel every ounce of hesitation and doubt.

He leaves me defenseless and vulnerable and goddamn desperate.

Shouldn't becomes must. Can't becomes will.

And fear becomes something I'm too afraid to even process.

"Kiss me," I breathe, wrapping my hand around his neck and trying to pull him toward my longing lips. His chest rumbles as he circles my sex, flicking my clit with controlled accuracy. "Jesse...please... "

"As you wish." He smirks, slithering down the bed as he shimmies off my shorts.

My head snaps up, and I gasp as he nudges my thighs apart, settling between my legs. "What...what are you..."

"I'm kissing you, princess," Jesse rasps, planting kisses down the apex of my thighs, his tongue darting out and leaving a path of wet confessions as he journeys to a place where I've never been kissed before.

"I meant?—"

But it's too late.

Jesse lurches forward, burrowing his head between my legs as I buck my hips, yelping out in pleasure. He groans as he laves and flicks and sucks on my clit, and I grip the bedsheets for support, for stability.

Without coming up for air, Jesse slams two fingers inside of me, curling upward and stroking my clenching walls.

My eyes roll from the dual sensation, electricity bursting through my entire body.

Just as I'm about to come undone, Jesse pulls away and, in one fast, fluid, and provocative motion flips me over and pushes my head down to the mattress, my ass up in the air, exposed, soaking, and ready for him.

"Fuck—" Jesse slaps my ass hard, and I jerk forward, barely registering the sound of foil ripping. He teases my slit with his fingers for a second before I feel his tip coax me open.

"Oh God," I moan as Jesse surges forward, filling my sex with every inch of his throbbing erection. Snaking his hand around my neck, he yanks me backward, my ass giggling against him with every thrust. "Jesse... "

"Yes, baby—" He curls his hand under my tank top and rolls my nipples between his fingers, every breath heavy and hot as he grunts, "Fuck, I love the way you say my name, princess."

"I'm so close," I whimper, leaning my head against his shoulder as he quickens his pace, my inside vibrating with imminent release. "Don't stop."

Jesse arches down, his heady, damp lips gliding up and down the slope of my neck, hushed whispers of encouragement floating into my ears as I unravel around him.

"Holy fuck," Jesse grunts, toppling forward, our bodies collapsing on the mattress with sated pants.

Our chests rise and fall as our limbs remain intertwined, the scent of satisfaction and sweat swirling around the bedroom.

He twists his neck and faces me, eyes glistening with appreciation and something that I refuse to acknowledge. "Savannah..."

"Shhh..." I shake my head, closing my eyes, refusing to leave the bubble of artificially constructed safety we've created. I place my hand in his, weaving our fingers together. "Let's not talk right now, okay?" I swallow, feeling the bubble on the verge of popping. "Let's just...enjoy."

"Okay." Jesse pulls me into his arms, my head nuzzling into his chest as he kisses my damp temple. "I missed you, princess."

"You were only gone for a couple of days," I mutter, relaxing into his hold.

"That's the problem," he whispers so quietly that I barely register his voice. A big problem. For both of us. " We uh—we gotta get going soon." He swallows, and I feel the ripples through his chest. "The hospital's expecting us at noon."

"Almost forgot about that." I glance up at him, fighting the urge to fall asleep. Jesse's distant expression catches me off guard. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he says, his grip around my shoulder tightening. "Just not a big fan of hospitals."

"Wh—" I close my mouth immediately. His mother. That must be it. I stretch up, giving his cheek a gentle kiss. "We don't have to go if you don't want to."

"No, I think it's time. Can't avoid it forever." He manages a weak smile. "Plus, you're coming, right?"

"Mhmm," I hum, guilt creeping up in my stomach as my phone chimes, and I'm reminded of the incriminating evidence stored in my photo gallery. "Of course."

"Then I'll be fine," he says, sitting up. "It's like a band-aid. Just gotta rip it off."

"Right," I agree half-heartedly, knowing my band-aid is holding together a wound that would make everyone around me bleed out in seconds.

I can't rip this band-aid.

Not yet.

Not now.

Billy's truck beeps as he backs up into the side entrance of San Diego Children's Hospital, boxes upon boxes of toys stacked in the bed. Jesse nervously puffs on a cigarette while he paces back and forth beside me, my brother motioning for Billy to put on the brakes.

"That's good, Billy!" Beau hollers, tapping the side of the truck. He unlocks the tailgate, leaping into the box. "All right, boys, all hands on deck."

Tiny, Rocco, Ryder, and the rest of The Sons converge around the truck and begin unloading all the gifts, passing them to Pippa and Jo, who place 'em on a rolling cart decorated with glitter and colorful stickers.

"Sav!" Marlow calls out, clipboard in hand, as Jesse lights up another smoke. That's his fourth one in twenty minutes. "Could use your help here!"

"One second!" I yell back before tugging on Jesse's sleeve. He almost jumps as if he hasn't seen me standing beside him the entire time. "Hey, are you okay? We can go home if you want."

"What?" Jesse straightens his posture, casting me a concealed side-eye. "I'm fine, princess. Go help Marlow." I hesitate, pursing my lips. He sighs. "I'm fine, Savannah, okay? Just go. I'm good here."

"Okay," I hum, not believing him for a second. Marlow waves frantically at me, the Minnie Mouse ears on her head nearly falling to the floor. I snort. "She's like a walking sugar crash, ain't she?"

"Huh?" Jesse's brows scrunch up as he follows my gaze, his mind absent once again. "Oh, yeah. A total character."

"Jesse..."

"Go," he states, giving me a nudge as he flicks his smoke away. "I'm good."

I join Marlow and the girls, unable to stop thinking about Jesse and his new-fangled dictionary.

"I want the red one!" Liam yells, beaming as he points to the monster trucks in Beau's hand. He glances up at his mom, who's hovering by his bedside. "Or is the blue one cooler?"

"Whichever one you want, sweetie." His mother laughs, but there's an undeniable sadness in her voice as she rubs her child's back. "I think the red one's nice too."

"Can I have both?" Liam whispers, gaze whipping between the two toys.

"Don't be?—"

"Of course, you can." Beau smiles, passing Liam both trucks. He winks at the child. "Make sure you share, though, okay?"

Liam nods, beaming up at his mother. "Awesome!"

"He's been here for a couple of years now," Jo says in a quiet voice as she sidles up beside me at the far end of the room.

Sighing, she smiles at Liam and his mother.

"I never know how to feel when we come back, and the same kids are still here.

A part of me is glad to see them again because.

.." She swallows, holding her chest. "When you don't see them, it could mean only one of two things. "

"His poor mother..." My chest tightens as I watch Beau and Liam play with the monster trucks. "This must be a nightmare for her." I sneak a peek at Jo as she tears up. "For any parent."

"It is," she whispers in a knowing tone as she wipes a tear off her cheek. She quickly takes a sharp breath, snapping her head to Marlow and Pippa, who are lingering in the hallway. "We should go. Lots of rooms left."

"Okay," I say to Jo, then turn my attention to Beau. "You coming?"

Beau grins at Liam, giving him a high-five. "I'll be back in a bit, okay?"

"Okay!"

"You're good with kids," I note as Beau wraps his arm around my shoulder and leads me out of the room. "He seems to really like you."

"Kid's dope," Beau says, glancing back at the room. "Big college ball fan. Sometimes I come here on weekends, and we watch games together."

I raise a brow. "Really?"

"Yeah, we all take turns visiting," he says as we turn the corner. "Haven't been going as much as we've wanted to this summer, but...maybe soon."

"Maybe," I mutter, anxiety fluttering in my stomach as I scan the hallway. "Have you seen Jesse around? He said he'd meet us up here."

"Uh—" Beau purses his lips. "No, I don't think so." He calls out to Tiny. "Hey! You know where JP went?"

Tiny shrugs. "Might be outside?"

"Still?" I shake Beau's arm off me. "I'll find you, okay?"

"Hey, you."

Sitting underneath a no-smoking sign, I find Jesse hunched over, huffing on a cigarette and staring at his shoes. I sit down beside him on the bench.

"Thought you were coming in?"

Jesse doesn't raise his head. "I'm fine."

"You sure don't look fine to me," I note softly, rubbing his back. "We can leave, you know. We don't gotta stay here if you don't?—"

"I'm fine!" Jesse spits, tone wavering and raw as he shakes his head. "Fuck..." He grumbles out in frustration, lifting his head and glancing at me through bloodshot eyes. My heart pangs seeing him so distraught. “I’m sorry...I didn't mean to snap at you. I just?—"

"It's okay," I whisper, scooting closer to him.

"It's not okay," he breathes, running a tense hand through his hair. "I—" He swallows. "I tried to go in. I—I went in. I made it...I made it around the corner, and then..." He flicks his cigarette and clenches his knuckles. "Fuck."

"It's okay," I say again, taking his hand in mine as he leans his head on my shoulder. "You're okay."

His jaw tightens, voice faltering as he reveals, "She was in ICU for a week.

A whole fucking week. These fucking doctors kept telling us to have hope, that we shouldn't give up.

But that was a load of shit. They're all full of shit.

" I feel a hot tear drop on my arm, but I'm not the one crying.

"There were so many fucking tubes and bandages and—" His body shivers.

"I didn't even recognize her. Doctor's kept saying it was a miracle she didn't die on impact.

That we were lucky. They must have been talking about another patient because there was nothing lucky about the way my mom looked. "

"Was she in an accident?" I ask gently, stroking his fingers. "Is that what happened?"

"I told her to walk home," Jesse sniffles, a pool of tears pouring on my arm as he speaks. "I told her she was too fucked to ride. But did she listen? Did she ever fucking listen?! I should've stopped her. I should've taken her keys. I shouldn't have?—"

"It's not your fault," I whisper, kissing the top of his head as my heart breaks for him. "It's not your?—"

"JP! Sav!" Jo hollers, coming through the automatic doors. She frowns, keen gaze darting to our clasped hands. Jesse immediately stiffens beside me, turning quickly to the side to wipe the evidence of emotion from his face. "Everything good out here?"

"Everything's fine," I lie, putting on a fake smile. "I just needed some fresh air. I felt a little sick."

"Oh...JP? You good?" Jo asks as Jesse turns his head, a pair of sunglasses masking his tears. "We could use your help in there."

"We'll be there in a few," Jesse says, clearing his throat.

"Okay," Jo hums, flicking her nails before waltzing back inside. "Don't take too long."

"You sure you want to do this?" I ask as we stand up. "We can?—"

"No." Jesse sucks in a long, deep breath. "I can do it. I need to do it."

"Okay, let's go then." I turn around and begin walking to the entrance, but I'm stopped as Jesse grabs hold of my hand, his grip tight and tender. I look up at him as he hovers by the doors. "It's okay. We can take our time. "

Jesse holds my hands in silence as we stand in front of the doors for several minutes until he takes the first step inside. He holds my hand as we walk down the hallway. He holds my hand as we enter the elevator. He holds my hand the entire ride up to the fifth floor.

And when the door opens, he lets go. He joins his fellow brothers.

He rips the band-aid. And me? I have four days left, and I'm not sure I can.