26. The Deep End
The Deep End
"Hey." Jesse fiddles with the plastic bag in his hands as I look up from the book I'm reading. "You uh—you busy?"
"Swamped," I say, closing the book and setting it off to the side. "Busiest girl on the west coast, actually."
"Cute." He clears his throat, scratching his beard. "I uh—I got you a little something." He tosses the bag in my direction. It lands on the couch beside me. "Open it."
Jesse's been awfully quiet since the hospital, popping in and out of the house, barely speaking a word to me.
Marlow said Beau's been preoccupied as well.
Lots of late nights and early mornings. It's been a blessing of sorts.
Out of sight, out of mind. It's funny how the mind works.
As he stands in front of me, sporting a baggy t-shirt and ripped jeans, it's as if he's been home the whole time.
I freaking hate that.
"Okay..." I shoot him a speculative look. "What is it?"
"Just open it," he says, a ghost of a smile curling his lips.
"I think you'll like it." I pull open the plastic bag, confused as I fish out a pair of hot pink goggles and two Frozen-themed arm floaties.
"Figured you'd appreciate the extra layer of protection.
" He claps his hands. "So, you go put those on, and I'll meet you by the pool, okay? "
"Uh—what?"
"My day cleared up," he says casually with a shrug. "Thought we'd get your first lesson in."
I blink at him, pulse quickening. "Lesson?"
"Yup."
I tilt my head, holding up an arm floaty as if it were anthrax. "And you expect me to wear these?"
"Yup."
"I—" Has he gone and lost his damn mind?! "Firstly, these are for children?—"
"I know." Jesse grins, stifling a chuckle. "I borrowed them from Tiny. Don't worry, I checked, and they'll fit your little noodle arms."
"Noodle arms? What?" I shake my head, gathering my wits. "Jesse, Beau and the girls are coming over later. I don't have time for?—"
"I know." He checks his watch. "But it's only eleven, princess. We've got plenty of time." Cocking his head, he gives a devastatingly disarming smile. "Well? Ready to make your mermaid dreams come true?"
With a burst of transparency, I ask, "Why are you so determined to get me in that pool?"
"Isn't it obvious?" he asks, waves of fibs rippling down his throat. He smirks, thinking I'll buy his lie. "I want to see you all nice and wet."
"Really? If you want to see me wet and naked, Jesse," I say, a bubble of frustration in my chest, "we could just go have a quickie in the shower and call it a day." I loop the goggles through my index finger and hold 'em up. "I don't see how this is necessary to accomplish that goal."
Jesse rolls his eyes. "Go change, princess."
"I—"
He casts me a commanding look. "Today, please."
"Mew mew mew," I mock, listlessly sliding off the couch. I grin inwardly.
At least he said please.
"I look absolutely ridiculous!" I whine, standing at the edge of the pool, glaring down at Jesse through the foggy pink goggles as he wades back and forth, laughing his tight little ass off. "I think these floaties are cutting off my circulation. I could drop dead any second."
"Try and fall forward in that case." He grins, pushing through the water as he nears the edge. He lifts his head, holding out his hand. "Come here. Take my hand."
"How deep is this pool?" I ask, chewing on the inside of my cheek. "It looks real deep."
Jesse rolls his eyes. "Around six feet."
"So I could theoretically drown," I state, shaking my head. "This could be the end for me."
"Oh my god." Jesse sighs, exasperated. "Just get in the fucking pool."
"Fine!" I huff, squatting down and sitting on the edge, my bikini riding up my butt crack as I shimmy forward. Jesse takes a step closer to me, and I place my hands on his bare shoulders, my legs instinctively looping around his torso. "You better not let go of me."
"I won't." Jesse smiles, wrapping his arm around my waist and tugging me toward him. I whimper, closing my eyes and gripping his body for dear life as he walks back into the middle of the pool. He laughs. "Are you crying right now?!"
"No!" I tighten my grip around him, digging my nails into his skin. "I'm fine. Totally and utterly fine."
His chest vibrates against my breasts. "You've got some strong legs there, princess. Might want to loosen up a bit," he whispers teasingly in my ear. "If I die, you die."
My eyes spring up, and I snap my head up. "Don't you dare!"
"That's better," he says, slightly swaying back and forth as I remain attached to him like a baby koala bear. "Isn't this nice?"
"Yeah," I muse, relaxing into his gentle hold. "It's not that bad, I guess." I look around. "Backyard looks different from in here. Never noticed that rose bush before."
He snorts. "It's like a whole new world, huh?"
"Simmer down, Aladdin; we're in a pool, not in Morocco," I say, stifling a wide grin.
"I'm going to slowly let go of you, okay?" Jesse grabs my arms and attempts to pry me off him. I doubled down my grip. "Savannah..."
"Nope!" I wrap my legs tighter around his waist like a dang boa constrictor. "I think this is fine."
He blinks at me. "This isn't swimming, princess."
"Maybe I'm more of a floater than a swimmer," I suggest lightly. "You know it's important to know one's limit, and this"—I flash him my pearly whites—“is mine."
"You're not even floating," Jesse notes, amused. "You're holding."
"Po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe," I chirp. "I don't see your point."
Jesse closes his eyes, sighing. "Why don't you try to actually float, huh? On your back, maybe?"
I blink rapidly at him. "I don't see why we need to change anything. I'm perfectly comfortable like this." I wiggle in his hold, grazing his crotch area. Hello there . I smirk at him. "You seem rather comfortable too."
Jesse clears his throat. "This isn't about me." He licks his lips, tilting his head. "I'll still hold you, okay? You just need to trust me."
I swallow. Trust. It's always a two-way street. It must be a two-way street. If it's a one-way and we're going opposite directions, then...then we'll crash. There will be an accident. Someone will get hurt. Someone always gets hurt. Is it two-way?
Or one?
"Good girl," Jesse says as I slowly lift my fingers from his shoulder, shallow breaths gusting from my lungs.
His hands remain clasped around my waist as I untangle my legs, kicking my feet ever so slightly in the teal water.
"You're doing so well, princess. That's right.
" He circles around me slowly and carefully while I remain in his hold. "I got you, okay?"
"Okay," I whisper, shivering as he places a hand on my upper back.
"Just relax into my arm," he says, letting go of my waist; my legs and my feet float up to the surface of the water. I close my eyes as my body becomes weightless. "Keep breathing, Sav. Just like that."
"Am I doing it?" I mutter; his voice is muffled and echoey as my ears submerge into the pool. "Jesse?"
“Yes, princess, you're floating.” This time his voice seems further away. Distant. My heartbeat quickens. "Relax, Savannah. Everything's fine."
"I am?" I ask, fingers trembling as my mind fights the urge to sabotage my process. "I'm floating? Really?"
"Mhmm," Jesse hums. "You're a natural."
"Oh." I smile, all my limbs light and free and airy. "You know...this feels awfully similar to the time I went to float tank."
"A float tank?" The water ebbs and flows around me as Jesse settles by my head, and I can no longer feel his touch on my body. But I'm not scared. "What's that?"
"Like a sensory deprivation tank?" I take a deep breath, keeping my eyes closed as I enjoy the beams of warm light on my face. "Basically, you lay in this giant, dark water tank full of Epsom salts. It kinda mimics zero gravity. There's no noise, no light, nothing. Just you and your mind."
"Huh...that sounds interesting." I feel Jesse's touch on my cheek as he brushes a piece of hair away from my face. "What's the point of that?"
"My doctor suggested it after—" I swallow. "It's supposed to help with anxiety and such."
"After what?" he whispers, feathering his fingers down my arm.
"I—" Flashes of my stint in the hospital send a ripple of unpleasant memories through my veins. "Let's just say that the pageant world ain't always kind."
His voice is low, a timbre of concern stroking each word, "What does that mean?"
"It means..." I suck in a labored breath.
A two-way street can be paved. It can be created.
I can create it. "Did you know I could tell you how many calories are in just about any food?
A banana is between 90 and 120, depending on its size.
A slice of cheese is around 110. An almond has seven calories.
Cashews have more. I wasn't allowed to eat 'em often. "
Jesse remains inhumanly still as I continue, forgetting that I'm floating on water.
"Several years ago, it got pretty bad. I—I looked.
..I needed help. Beau was the first to notice.
On a particularly bad night, I walked in on him deleting all the social media accounts from my phone.
He said I was withering, fading almost. I didn't wanna hear it.
I told him that he didn't understand the kind of pressure I was under.
I had to be perfect. I had to look perfect.
I guess Beau didn't care. He went to my momma, and then two days later, they hired a doctor.
I saw her for a year. Three times a week for fifty-two weeks, and then. ..Momma said I was cured."
I open my eyes slowly, squinting at the sun. "I was back on the circuit the following week." A melancholy smile threatens my expression. "I won Miss Greenville that year. Probably a sympathy win, but...still a win. They said I was perfect."