Darlin’

28. Family of Fools

Family of Fools

"Maybe you should sit down," Jesse says in a gentle voice as I stand in front of him, unable to process what in the hell is happening right now. "Please, Savannah, just sit down."

"No," I manage to squeak out, hugging myself as the people I thought were my friends slowly turn into strangers around me. "What..." I clear my throat, my heart racing as I feel everyone's apologetic stares. "What is going on here? I—I came here to..."

"We know you must be confused, kid," Billy pipes up, scratching his head. "And before we get into it, you gotta understand the situation we were in." He glances at my brother, who sheepishly looks down at his feet in shame. "We didn't think we had another choice."

"What choice?!" I ask, voice faltering. I lock my eyes with Jesse's. "What are y'all talking about? Just tell me already!"

"Okay." Jesse swallows, looking briefly at Jo, who gives him an encouraging nod.

He licks his lips nervously. "I think in order for this to make sense, I need to go back to the beginning.

Uh—" He fidgets in his chair, placing his forearms on the desk.

"A couple of years ago, we were approached by an FBI agent who was umm.

..down on his luck, let's say. He worked in organized crime, and he, uh—well, we struck a deal with him.

He needed help getting out of some gambling debts, and we, well, we needed someone on the inside. "

"On the inside?" I whisper, attempting to piece the puzzle together. "You mean Miguel?"

I freeze as his name leaves my lips. You cannot disclose my identity to The Sons, Savannah. Expecting wide eyes and disbelief to sprout from the people in the room, I'm relieved and wholly suspicious when no one bats an eye. They...they know?

"Miguel?" Billy snorts. "Hell no, that man's as boy scout as they come."

They definitely know.

Before I have a chance to dig deeper, a voice pipes up.

"The Feds have been trying to bust us for decades," Jimbo explains, "but SOS operations aren't easy to crack.

We've managed to run circles around the pigs.

But recently, it's become more difficult, especially with Dante and the fucking Vipers interfering with our business. "

"We've known Miguel is DEA for a few years now," Jesse adds, catching my frown of confusion. "He's in deep cover, and if it weren't for our friend in organized crime, we would've never known he wasn't one of us."

"So you knew? You knew this whole time that Miguel was an agent?" I clarify, brain buzzing with confusion. "But you?— "

"We've been feeding him misinformation for years now," Billy says, lighting up a smoke.

"A little hiccup here, a little lie there.

We couldn't show our full hand, though. So we played along.

Everything was going fine until the Vipers started expanding into our territory.

" Billy exhales, gaze stone cold. "Blood always draws attention, and we didn't need that.

We've been trying to find a way to uh—eliminate the problem for a while now.

" He looks at Beau. "A few weeks ago, your brother here managed to break into Dante's place. We found some useful information."

"Broke in?" I whisper. A few weeks ago? That's when... "Is that...is that why you were shot? You were?—"

Beau's unable to answer or even look at me as his own web of lies begins to unravel.

"I didn't want to involve you, Savannah," Jesse rasps, forcing my attention. His voice seems solemn and truthful, but is it really? Or is it full of fibs and fiction? "I wanted to keep you away from Miguel. I wanted you to?—"

"It was my idea," Jo pipes up, taking responsibility. "We got wind that Miguel was closing in on us, but all his evidence was mostly circumstantial. He needed something more. Something that wasn't just on paper. He needed?—"

"Your stash houses," I finish, realization dawning on me. "So you knew? You knew that Miguel approached me? You knew what he asked me to do?" I frown. "How?"

Jo swallows. "We bugged the tote bag Pippa lent you. We uh—we didn't know what Miguel was going to tell you or ask you, but...but he was trying really hard to get you alone, so...we saw an opportunity and took it. "

"Bugged me? Y'all bugged me?" I shake my head in disbelief.

"But why...why didn't you just tell me? Why didn't you—" I find Beau's strained and guilty gaze.

"You...you set me up?" My eyes widen as I look at Jo.

"You planted the Viper's stash houses? When I went to get change, you planted it, didn't you? "

"Savvy," Beau mumbles, speaking to his feet. "Please don't be mad at us. We didn't mean to?—"

"Didn't mean to what? To use me?" I ask, stomach churning. "To lie to me? To hide things from me?"

Everyone's always hiding things from me. Keeping me in the dark. First, my parents, who I thought loved me, who I loved, who I trusted, and now...my brother. I discreetly flit my gaze up to Jesse, betrayal swarming in my heart with pain. And him. Him too.

"We thought you'd do the right thing," Jo states, glancing around The Sons members.

"We thought you'd do anything for your brother, including selling us out.

We were kind of counting on it...and well, we were almost right.

" She tilts her head knowingly. "You did a take a photo of the stash houses, Savannah.

You had the evidence Miguel asked you for, but.

.." Unease stirs in my chest as I catch Jesse's disappointed gaze. "But you didn't send it."

"I know, but..." Tears blind me as my fingers tingle and my heart seizes.

"I couldn't...I couldn't do it..." I glance at my brother, my voice wavering with emotion.

"Beau, I wanted to save you, I wanted to help you, but.

.." Looking around the semi-circle of people I thought I could trust, I choke out, "But I couldn't do it because.

.." The tears running down my cheek turn hot with anger.

" Because I stupidly thought we'd become family and family.

.." Hurt surges through my veins. "And family doesn't betray family. Family..."

"We know," Jo says softly, placing her hand on my shoulder. "We uh...we also didn't take into account"—she looks between Jesse and me—" other things ."

Maybe I'm not allowed to be upset. To be mad. To feel like they've betrayed me. Jo's right. I did take that photo. I did consider selling The Sons out for the sake of my brother. So maybe I'm just as guilty. Just as bad. Just as morally bent and broken as the people in this room.

I was starting to think this place was fixing me, healing me, giving me an option for a different kind of life.

A life of laughter and love and hope, but it's the same.

The same lies. The same secrets. The same disappointment.

They didn't just blindside me; no, they blinded me with their kind words and welcoming actions.

I should've known. I should've kept my walls up. I should've gone home. Maybe I should've never come here. At least then, I'd be living in the torment of the what-ifs, not in the torture of what-is.

"Listen, Savvy—" Beau takes a hesitant step toward me as regret cripples my brain. "We're sorry, okay? We're sorry we didn't tell you. Maybe we should have... Maybe Marlow was right, and we should've told you the truth, and we shouldn't have sent that photo?—"

"You sent it?" I blink through the tears. " You sent the photo? What? When...?"

"We had to," Beau whispers, trying to grab my hand, but I yank it away. "Don't be like that, Savvy. Please . Try and understand. "

"I do understand." With a nod, I shake Jo's arm off my shoulder and back away.

"I think I understand everything perfectly now.

Y'all used me. Y'all lied to me. You made me believe that.

.." My lungs contract as breathing turns difficult.

"I thought we were family, but I guess I was wrong. I was so wrong..."

"Savvy—" Beau attempts to block my path, but I push past him, running out of Jesse's office. This isn't family. This isn't home. This is hell. I left one circle and joined another. "Sav!"

"Stay here," I hear Jesse command. Quick and heavy footsteps follow as I sprint out of the clubhouse. "Savannah! Where are you going?! Sav!"

"Go away!" I yell, tripping over the steps and tumbling to the ground, jagged edges of the gravel stones sticking to my palms as I push myself to my feet. Jesse tries to help me up, but I swat him away, frazzled and manic. "Don't touch me!"

"Savannah, please," Jesse begs, pleading with me to look at him, but I can't. I can only look at the gate. The exit. The door to the end. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that we had to lie to you. That I had to?—"

All ounce of self-control snaps.

"Had to?" I grunt, whipping my head at him, fury burning my tongue.

"You had to lie? That's bullshit, and you know it, Jesse!

No one has to lie! You chose to lie. All of y'all did!

You could've told me what was going on! You could've pulled aside anytime in the last five fucking weeks and said, 'hey, by the way, Miguel is DEA, and we kinda need your help!

' It would've taken you five minutes to explain the situation to me, but instead, you manipulated me for five weeks!

Y'all acted like you cared about me and liked me and that I belonged here, but that was all an act, right?

You just needed me? You just used me like a stupid little pawn in your gang war? !"

"No, Savannah, we didn't—" Jesse swallows, face falling white with his own version of the tale. "We do care about you, I—I care about you. It wasn't an act. We weren't trying to use you?—"

"No?" I ask as Marlow busts through the bar doors, and I make brief eye contact with her.

Nausea creeps up my throat. They all lied.

All of them. Every single one. I turn my attention back to an equally hurt Jesse.

"I asked you before if you trusted me, and now that I think about it.

..you never really did answer me." I tilt my head, tasting the saltiness of my tears.

"I told you that I trusted you, Jesse. I.

..I trusted you with my heart, my body , and—" I grab my chest, sniffling the hurt away.

"And I was a fool. I...I was a fool to think that you?—"

"Savannah, please—" Jesse lurches forward, taking me in his arms, his grip locked tight.

He holds me against his chest, his fingers digging deep into my skin because he knows quite well I'm about to slip away.

"I'm sorry. I am so fucking sorry, okay?

I...I should've told you. I wanted to tell you, and I promise from now on, I'll tell you everything, okay?

No more secrets. I promise you, Savannah, I won't lie to you ever again. "

"I know you won't," I whisper, using all my might to detach myself from his hold.

I look at him, scanning his beautiful features that have become like a safe haven to me.

A flash of hope shoots across his hazel eyes, but I shake my head, washing it away as I take a step backward. "Because I won't give you that chance."

"What—" Jesse's voice drops to a groveling tone, full of fear and desperation. "Savannah, please, you need to believe me. You need to?—"

"And you need to believe me ," I state, sucking in a sharp breath.

"I think...I think it's time for me to go home.

" I nod, convincing myself, forcing myself to sound like I mean it.

"This...this was a mistake. Staying here.

" I glance up at the patio of the bar that's now packed with everyone who's lied to me, all of 'em keenly watching another what-if unravel.

Sniffling, I meet Jesse's eyes. Although the color is different and shape is different, I always thought they were remarkably similar to mine.

"And this?" I motion between our bodies.

"This might have been the biggest mistake of all. "

Jesse's neck muscles tighten, jaw clenched. "You don't mean that, Savannah. You don't?—"

"Have a good life, Jesse Paxton,” I whisper, taking my cell phone out of my pocket as my heart shatters into a million pieces. As I turn around, I feel his hand on my shoulder. I close my eyes. "Let me go."

"No."

"Let. Me. Go."

"Just let her go," I hear Beau say. "She just needs some time."

Not time.

I need space. A galaxy worth.

Running on survival energy, I jerk away from him despite my desire to stay a little while longer. He doesn't touch me again .

"Thank you," I whisper and walk out of the compound, dialing a number I didn't think would ever again be an emergency contact. She picks up immediately. "Momma? Can you buy me a flight?" I stupidly look over my shoulder and bite my tongue to prevent myself from crying. "Today, please."

"What? Really?" Her excitement sickens me. "You want to come home?"

"Sure," I say lethargically. "Home."