18. Zoe
Zoe
No matter how many times I beg and plead for more answers from Ilota, she doesn’t respond. There is no voice in the back of my mind talking to me anymore.
I am left with more questions than answers.
But what I do know is that I am an Omega.
Dominic was right.
How was he right?
And what about Ray? Does this mean he knows, too, even if he thinks it’s a perfume?
Do I need to tell the administration?
No. No. She didn’t say it this time, but the first time I heard her voice, Ilota told me not to tell anyone. I doubt that's changed.
No one can know.
The idea of keeping this to myself makes my stomach clench, but there is nothing I can do.
She wants me to fix the realm? How does she expect me to do that? I don’t know why she thinks I can. I don’t know what my beast is. I don’t know anything other than a Goddess is speaking to me in my mind, and she says I'm supposed to "right the wrongs" of Kestia.
I bury my face in my pillow and scream in frustration.
“I’m not the right person for this, Ilota.” Tears start to form in the corners of my eyes. “I’m not. I don’t know what you want from me, but I can't do whatever it is.”
Of course, she doesn’t answer.
My pendant stares at me from my dresser, and I put it on, its weight a comforting embrace in the middle of this tumultuous moment.
Eventually, I fall into a fitful sleep. When I wake, I cannot remember my dreams other than that they felt incomplete.
Like something was missing.
Classes pass in a blur. I’m going through the motions. Talking to Viv, telling Warren he doesn’t need to apologize, that things were just weird, and grabbing quiet breakfasts with Cliff.
It’s not until I’m in the library by myself, an hour before my Menagerie Management study group, that I start to come out of my fog. Warren didn’t want to let me come here by myself for the risk of Dominic cornering me as he did before, but I was able to shake him off.
Part of me wants the Alpha to accuse me again.
I’m not supposed to tell anyone, but what if he guesses? What if I just don’t deny it? Is that different? Are there loopholes in a Goddess's directive?
“I know you said not to tell anyone,” I whisper as I wrap my arms around my knees, “but I don’t know if I can do this on my own.”
“Do what on your own?”
The deep masculine voice startles me. When I look up from the corner I shoved myself into, I am unsurprised to see Dominic standing in front of me, a scowl etched into his features.
He’s a beautiful man. Overwhelming and cold, sure, but beautiful. I think he knows it, too.
“Who are you talking to?”
I can’t make myself speak. I worry that if I open my mouth, my secret will come tumbling out. As much as I want it to, until Ilota says it’s okay, I know I need to keep it to myself.
Play your part.
Tell no one.
She made it very clear from the moment she Blessed me that this is something to keep between us, despite what I want or need.
How am I meant to do this on my own?
I ache to look up, reach for Dominic, and spill my guts. Tell him everything and hope that he is someone who can help me understand what I’m going through.
I feel like myself, but there is something extra there that I am struggling to adjust to living with. It’s like I’ve grown another finger on each hand, and I have to relearn how to do everyday things with what should be more useful, but instead makes everything harder.
It’s as if there was a part of me hidden away, and the door in front of it has now been unlocked. Things are starting to trickle in through the cracks, and I know that, eventually, I’m going to have to take the step into the room, but I am not ready.
And am I supposed to do it alone, to make that leap without someone to hold my hand, even if it’s just the voice of a Goddess in my head that I can’t reach?
It’s overwhelming. Exhausting. I have no idea what Ilota wants from me, or why she needs me to hide who I am, and yet I am following her rules.
Something tells me disobeying a Goddess isn’t a wise decision. Except, aren’t I exactly where I need to be if I am to help her? This place is meant to help us acclimate to our designations. Wouldn’t the administration want to know that a Goddess we thought lost to us is back, and has Blessed me?
It feels like a cause for a celebration, not a secret to be kept.
But how would I prove I've been Blessed? I don’t have an beast. Or if I do, I can’t reach it to shift. There is no way that anyone would believe me.
She has chosen me, and I’m already failing her. It is hard to pass a test when you don’t even know the questions.
The loud crash of a book falling to the floor in front of me startles me out of my thoughts. “Who were you talking to, Omega?”
A shiver runs down my spine at his low tone, and I duck my head under my arms. I can’t look at him and lie to his face.
The weight of his presence presses on me, and I know, if I were to open my eyes, I’d see him squatting right in front of me. I squeeze them shut tighter, pulling my knees closer to my chest.
He grabs me by the shoulders. “What's wrong with you? Why are you talking to yourself?”A pained sound escapes me at the weight of his touch, and I try to wiggle away from it.
His fingers dig into my flesh, anchoring me to him and halting my movements.
A dark, rumbling sound escapes him. “Oh, little bunny. I knew this was going to happen.”
I doubt he knew that a Goddess would speak to me in my head and that I’d watch my teeth shift in my reflection.
“Your lies are catching up to you. It's only a matter of time before you get caught.” His strokes on my back match his harsh tone, but I still melt into them all the same. “It can’t be easy to hide your nature from everyone. You’re all on your own, without your own kind around you. You're not meant to be by yourself."
Warmth fills my chest as my breathing starts to slow. Just being near him, being touched by him, has me feeling better than I have since I tried on that beautiful dress, even though I can tell his motivation is more cruel than kind.
“You’re probably starved for affection, aren’t you?
Aching for someone to touch you, to love you, to stroke your hair and tell you everything is going to be okay.
" His cedar cologne is soothing in a way it shouldn't be, and though my brain is telling me to slip away from him, to run, the presence in my chest anchors me to the ground.
His lips brush my ear as he harshly whispers, "Do you need an Alpha to take care of you?”
Another whimper that I cannot smother slips from me, spurring Dominic on. His hand migrates from my back up to the back of my head, where he grips my hair.
It’s an unkind hold, but I swoon for it all the same.
Why? What power does this Alpha hold over me that he can yank me around, and I take it without question?
"Admit that you lied to me. Come clean about being an Omega.
If you're a good girl and do what I say, maybe I’ll take care of you.
" He drags his nose up the curve of my neck.
"If you play nice, I’ll carry you to my room and pamper you.
Slip my hand between those sweet little thighs and rub your worries away. "
I want that. I want that so much that my stomach cramps and tears spill over my cheeks.
Dominic tightens his grip on my hair, pulling backward until I’m forced to look at him. The pain of his hold narrows my vision to where he is all I can see. He is eclipsing everything, and I am losing control of myself. I don't know how much longer I can hold out.
“Just say it, Zoe. Say you're a liar."
I open my mouth, but no sound comes out.
His voice drops into a low growl. “Admit it. I want to help you, you know. All it would take is the truth, and maybe a little begging."
This time, an unmistakable, telling whine escapes me. I almost miss his wince at the sound as he stands, pulling me with him by my hair.
“I want to help you, bunny. You need an Alpha. Just tell me the truth, and I can be that for you. Admit that you’re an Omega.”
I roll my lips inward and shake my head. I can’t. Ilota told me not to tell anyone, and, no matter how much I want him to make this turmoil go away, I’m not going to disobey an order from a Goddess.
Darkness falls over his expression, and he releases my hair as he shoves me against the bookshelf.
"You know, I'm losing my patience here. I'm not known for being a forgiving man. This is the last chance you'll get. Lie to me again, and I’ll let you rot, no matter how much you beg me.” He takes a few steps backward, like he’s afraid to be too close to me.
“Zoe Ansell. Are you an Omega?”
I swallow several times, trying to moisten my dry throat. I know my eyes are screaming at him, admitting what I’m too scared to. But the fury on his face makes it clear that that is not enough for him. He needs my words.
“No.” The lie tastes like ash on my tongue.
“Pathetic. Whatever happens, remember that you asked for this."
As he stalks away, what feels like a tether between the two of us pulls tighter and tighter. It’s an ache, a physical need to have him turn around and come back to me, to touch me and soothe me and tell me this is going to be okay, that we’ll figure it out together.
But that is not who Dominic Bradly is. He is cold and cruel.
He turns the corner, completely out of my sight, and the tether snaps.