19. Zoe
Zoe
I don’t know how long I lay on the floor of the library with my body too heavy to move and my chest aching.
I watched him leave. Every step he took was a punch to my gut, and yet I didn’t stop him. How was I supposed to? I couldn’t admit the truth. A literal Goddess forbade me from it. He wouldn’t accept anything less than me admitting what he already knew.
Why does he have to be so stubborn?
He knows what I am. We both know he knows and that my denial was a lie. Why were the words so important to him? Couldn't he tell I was withholding for reasons out of my control?
Was he looking for an excuse to hurt me?
My body is sore and tired, but it has nothing on my weary soul.
So much has changed in such a short amount of time. How did I go from being someone most would never look twice at to the chosen one of a Goddess? The only Omega of a dead element?
This may be the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
And why did it hurt so fucking much that Dominic walked away from me? He made it very clear he doesn't care about me. He's punishing me, even though he knows I can't tell him what I am.
Hot tears drip down my cheeks, not of heartache, but of missed potential.
Trails of what could have been if I told him the truth.
He said I needed an Alpha, and he would be that for me.
But he left.
“Zoe?”
How am I going to face everyone? I won’t be able to keep my designation hidden forever. If Warren had been around when my teeth changed, my secret would be out, and I don't know if I can trust him to keep it.
I should be able to, but I can't. If Dominic's reaction from the beginning is any indication, no one is going to take this news well.
Given the way my body is changing, I doubt it will be secret for long. Everyone will take one look at me and know what I have become, and I will let my Goddess down. I won’t be able to fix whatever's broken. I've never been particularly pious, but having a Goddess speak in my ear changed that.
I don't know exactly what she needs to do, but she wouldn't ask if it wasn't important.
“Zoe, honey?” A large hand closes around my ankle. I don’t bother looking up. I know this voice, this touch. It flows through me, warming my soul, but I can’t look in his eyes because I know what the next thing he’s going to say is, and I don't want to lie to him.
“Are you okay?”
No. I’m not.
He left. Dominic left, and he may be an asshole, but I needed him, and I couldn’t tell him that.
A chunk has been carved out of my chest, the chasm filling with echoes of what I should have said.
“Come on, let’s get you up.”
Cliff shuffles closer to me and wraps his arms around my waist, heaving me up into a sitting position. I don’t make it easy on him. My body is dead weight as he adjusts me in his arms.
“I don’t know what happened. You don’t have to tell me. All I need to know is if someone hurt you, and if you need me to get Warren.”
After the weirdness of Warren kissing me, how unnatural being in his arms felt, I don’t want to see him. Especially not when I'm like this.
“No to both.” It takes so much effort to force the words out. Cliff takes what I say at face value and doesn’t ask any follow-up questions. I'm grateful. He's one of those guys who knows how to just be.
He wiggles around, adjusting until his back is against the wall, and settles me sideways across his thighs.
One of his large hands presses on the side of my head and pushes my face down to his chest. I can hear his heartbeat through his soft shirt, feel his chest rise and fall with his steady breaths.
It takes at least ten minutes of Cliff stroking one hand along my cheek while the other rests gently on my thigh before he speaks.
“I was on the other side of the library, stocking shelves, when a piece of paper fell off my cart.” He shuffles me a little so he can reach into his pocket. “You may want to see it.”
I lift it from his hand and unfold the white sheet.
She needs you. Eastern back wall.
The blood drains from my face as I scramble out of his lap. “Who gave you this?”
“No idea. I don't know how, but I knew it was about you. Who upset you like this?”
“Dominic, but he didn't write this.”
Cliff's face goes dark. "Dominic? That asshole. First he chases you in his tiger form, and now this? What is that guy's fucking problem?"
"He's an asshole." My words are dismissive. His bullshit is easy to ignore in the face of another note from my stalker. I read it again before folding it into small squares. “Can I keep it?”
“Who did write it?"
There are secrets that I'm forced to keep right now, but this is not one of them. I refuse to burden myself with more than I have to. "I'm almost certain that it's Cameron. The Alpha from the library. The one who—"
"The one who choked me?" Cliff balks, leaning away from me as if I were the one who put hands on him. "That psychopath? Did you see him again? Was he here?"
If anyone else questioned me like this, I'd push back, but coming from Cliff, I can only feel his concern in waves.
"I haven't seen him since that day. He's left me a couple of notes to let me know that he's watching me, but he's been keeping his distance."
"For now." Cliff's words are harsh and sharp. "He's keeping his distance for now. But stalkers escalate, Zoe, and I worry for you if he does."
Until Cameron attacked Cliff, I didn't think anything was too off about him.
He seemed a little odd, sure, but I was going to go to dinner with him.
I can't imagine the man who left me such a beautiful dress being capable of violence, but it would be foolish of me to ignore his capacity to harm when I saw it with my own two eyes.
He is an Alpha, after all.
Cliff's steady presence has me feeling better after only a few minutes. That tether that I felt between me and Dominic has relaxed; the strain on it has given enough that I can stand. Cliff follows me to his feet.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
Am I okay?
No.
But I believe this feeling will be my new norm.
"I'm alright. I have a study group." One led by Dominic, but I don't share that tidbit. I imagine if I did, Cliff would whisk me away.
"Can I walk you there, at least?"
I nod and let him wrap my hand around his elbow as he guides me to the study area. I like the way I feel against him, as if our bodies were made to fit together. My group is there, all waiting for our Alpha Aide to arrive.
Warren catches sight of me, and his eyes zero in on where my hand rests on his roommate's arm.
"What's going on here?"
I wave away his concern. "Nothing. I got a little lost in here, so Cliff brought me where I needed to go."
Warren doesn't believe me. If anyone can tell when I'm lying, it's him. He's lied alongside me enough times to recognize my tells.
But this isn't about who ripped the sapling from the ground, and I don't know if he'll be standing by my side in this next phase.
He narrows his eyes at his roommate. "Well, she's here now, so you can leave her in my very capable hands."
Why does he sound pissed at Cliff? Does he feel possessive over me after that kiss?
It's a bullshit double standard, because I know he's been hooking up with people since we got here, yet I can't touch Cliff without him getting weird?
Fuck that.
In a moment of defiance, I turn my back to my best friend and wrap my arms around Cliff's neck. He reacts, as if on instinct, by wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer.
"Thank you." The words are whispered against his ear, so only he can hear.
"Anytime you need me, you know where to find me."
When he releases me, most of the tension has drained from my body, and the pain I felt over Dominic's rejection is a whisper, not a scream.
Until I look over Cliff's shoulder and see the Alpha, eyes darkened with fury, and a snarl curling his upper lip.
What right does he have to be mad when I hug someone? He's the one who walked away from me. He's the one who taunted me about my need for touch and affection and then left. He has no say in how I go about getting what I need.
"Sit the fuck down unless you want me to kick you out and let you fail." His voice is little more than a growl, drawing the attention of the rest of our group.
Cliff excuses himself as Warren and I find our seats, wedged in between Jeanette and Alec.
As Dominic launches into a mini-lecture on identifying Alphas Blessed by each God and how that changes the way we approach them, he keeps looking at me out of the corner of his eye, and I can tell he's struggling to hold back his beast.
I'm the first away from the table and out the door when the group is over.