Chapter Thirteen
Lumi could barely think straight when they finally stopped around noon. He’d managed to work the sling and his coat and shirt buttons enough to feed Jacqueline, although it was quite difficult. His daughter didn’t seem to mind the ride, but Lumi hated it by then.
He could barely walk when Jaki finally helped him down at a set of stables outside of a town. Riding so often wasn’t something he was used to anymore, and his arse area wasn’t in the best shape after birth. The pounding in his head had become a steady ache brought by a lack of sleep.
“I know you’re tired, and it’s been a long night and morning, but we can’t stop right now,” said Jaki.
“I need to trade the horse in for a fresher one of a different color, and we need more distance, all right? I’m sure there are men already headed in Lord Smith’s direction, and others will be searching the area for…
I don't know what he'll tell them about you. Either way, we need to be gone.”
“I know.”
Jaki’s fingers on his face were gentle, and he didn’t touch the swelling around Lumi’s eye which had grown worse. His cut lip hurt too. “Do you want more balm on your bruises? You look like you’re in pain.”
Lumi struggled not to lean into his hand. Or beg for a hug so he could feel safe and also not think for just a few seconds. So many pleasant touches in a day without sex following right after was like a fantasy. “My rear hurts. I’m still not…right down there. I'm sore.”
Jaki squinted. “Oh…I didn’t even think, and I put you on the horse astride. I’m sorry. You’ll have to ride side saddle.”
“Maybe sitting like I gave birth four days ago isn’t a good idea. It's noticeable.”
“No, no. You can’t sit and hurt yourself. I have an idea.”
Jaki traded the horse in for a fresher one. It was a struggle to mount the new one since he was stiff everywhere, and he had to wait when they stopped at a general shop for food. Afterward, Jaki took him through the town and away before he made Lumi sit side-saddle and use the glamor.
“Think of what you want to look like and squeeze the center. If you’re a woman, it won’t matter if you’re in men’s clothes. You have your cloak.”
The gold disk didn't look overly special, and he pushed it as he tried to picture a courtier woman he remembered. A warm, tickly feeling spread down him.
Jaki peered at his face. “Now you’re a lady with a newborn baby. Er, you look familiar.”
“I picked a woman at court. You don’t have a way to hide yourself."
“I’ll keep my hood up. If we switch and change our looks, it’ll help, and you can stay side-saddle. I’m not saying it’ll feel good, but it won’t be so harsh down there, right?”
“I think so, but help me down. I have to change Jacqueline first.”
***
Lumi could have fallen asleep against Jaki before they stopped for the night.
Riding side-saddle did help even though it wasn’t enough.
Since the rest of him also hurt, and they’d been going without a break, he started to cry from sheer exhaustion and achiness after he sat by the fire.
Jaki had collected the wood for Lumi to light, and the warmth was good.
Still, he almost wanted to stick his body in a pile of snow to numb it.
Jaki put the Crown on his head for warmth. “I’m sorry. I-”
“No, I’m sorry because I shouldn’t be crying.”
“You gave birth pretty recently, and you’re hurt. I’m sorry for having to drag you all of the way like this. A pregnant person should have a stable, safe place during and after pregnancy. They shouldn’t…” Jaki rubbed his forehead. “Let’s eat something.”
Lumi almost expected questions to start once they’d eaten bread and chippy buns.
The buns must have been outrageously expensive, and they were bland and cold, but he didn’t complain.
Food was food, and he needed to make milk for his daughter.
Jaki didn’t ask anything of the spy who’d lurked in his court.
Instead, he took care of the food and even went to bury the dirty nappy.
It wasn’t like they could properly clean the cloths, and they had plenty of spares.
“I’ll get you more nappies and cloth for her later,” said Jaki. “Anything you both need or want, you’ll have.”
Lumi peeked down into his cloak at his daughter who was full and dry. “Do I have to work again…like before?”
Jaki said nothing for a second. “Do you mean do I expect you to be a pleasure slave?”
“I’m not good at anything else. Tivar taught me how to act, and I sank into the role quite well. I don’t have any other skills.”
“Lumi, I’m not bringing you back to be the court’s whore.”
“I don’t have money-”
“You don’t have to pay for anything. I’m not bringing you home to work or anything.
I’m not even going to tell Father about you being there for a bit.
I want you to simply rest and focus on your child.
I’ll handle everything, and I don’t expect money or to be paid back.
That is your home too in case you forgot. ”
“But I was a spy,” Lumi whispered. “Spies who commit treason aren’t taken in and given whatever for free.”
“You were forced into it, and you’re family. I’m not going to tell my half-brother he has to go back to fucking whoever just so he can feed his daughter. That’s my niece. You need sleep too. It’s been a long day, and we have to go early.”
Jaki said the best way for them to sleep was if Lumi kept his back to the fire, Jaki put his back to Lumi, and Jacqueline was placed between them.
She’d have the warmth of two people, and they wouldn’t have to worry about her being singed by a stray spark.
If Lumi wore the Crown, he’d be kept warm too which would help his daughter.
“You’ll get cold,” said Lumi. “I’m blocking the fire.”
“I’ll be fine. There’s enough warmth from you two behind me.”
While his front faced the cold, unforgiving air. No. Lumi took the Crown off and forced it on Jaki’s hooded head. “I don’t need both things.”
“Lumi-”
“Take it.”
“It’s yours anyway.”
“I don’t care. I’ll throw it out in the woods if you won’t wear it. I’m not having you face the cold with no fire by you.”
“Fine.” Jaki handed it to him. “Put it on so you can get undressed enough. I’ll put more balm on you so you can try to be comfortable when we lie down.”
Jaki only took the Crown again when they were ready to sleep. With his cloak, clothes, a blanket, and the fire behind him, Lumi was fine. Jacqueline was safe since she was nestled against him.
He was so tired, he barely registered it when Jaki got up in the night to add more wood to the fire. Jacqueline was the only thing that really woke him up when she needed to nurse, and he dozed during that. He awoke in the morning with the Crown back on his head.
“We’ll share.” Jaki’s tone said there wouldn’t be any arguing.
“You get it first at night.”
“Fine.”
Jaki had been in a rush to get to Lilling and find Lumi, so he’d taken a more direct, harsh way.
He said he wouldn’t risk the same path with a baby even if they had the Crown, and the snow would be a bitch for Lumi to struggle through while holding her.
Jaki would have to guide the horse, and the process would be too slow.
They had to go far, far around to avoid an area with outlaws. The constant riding wore Lumi out, although he didn’t dare complain.
Jaki was rather quiet at times since he had to focus on controlling the horse, and he said they needed to keep an eye out for bandits. They saw travelers a few times, but fortunately, no one bothered them.
When they came to the Ivar River, Jaki asked if Lumi was okay with acting for a bit. If they could get on a boat, the Ivar would carry them into East Iceland a lot faster.
“I don’t trust outsiders,” the rough owner of a fishing boat complained. “I just stopped to sell my fish, not pick up people who might slit my throat in my sleep and kill my son afterward. Outsiders nowadays don't usually mean no good.”
“You’re an outsider here,” Jaki reasoned, wearing the illusion of a rather plain man.
“Not like you. The people ‘round here know me. I’ve been fishing for almost forty years.”
“If my husband finds me, he’ll kill me,” Lumi fibbed.
“He beat me all through my pregnancy, and I’m scared for my child.
All I have now is my cousin and the stuff I managed to grab on the way out.
I can’t go back to my husband. Would you want your son or daughter in a house with such a man? He'll abuse my baby too.”
The fisherman eyed the horse. Maybe he thought it was stolen since it was a decent one.
“We had to get away, and I know he’s got his friends out with him to look for me,” said Lumi. Jacqueline picked that moment to cry, and she sounded particularly pitiful like she was trying to act too.
The fisherman stuck the end of his empty pipe in the corner of his mouth to gnaw on as his eyes lingered on Lumi’s bruised face. “Fine. One wrong move, and I swear to Elira I’ll shove you both in the Ivar.”
The fisherman also grumbled about the horse bringing bad luck, but he was nice enough to let them have one of his tiny cabins. He’d stay with his son in the other one. Perhaps he felt sorry for the baby. Lumi had thought they’d have to hunker on the deck.
The cabin looked like it had been one divided into two so the Father and son could have their own space.
A tiny brazier didn’t put off much heat, but with two in the space, it felt warmer after a bit. Jaki made sure the horse was settled on the ship while Lumi fed and changed Jacqueline. Despite the rough start to her life, she appeared to be doing well.
Jaki still hadn’t noticed her eyes and thought she was his niece. Lumi almost always had her against him, and it wasn’t like Jaki could feed her. He hadn’t asked to hold her either, and he seemed like the sort who wasn’t used to babies.
Jaki came into the cabin that was barely big enough for one person. Lumi couldn’t straighten his legs without bumping the wall.
“I’ll sleep on the floor, okay?” Jaki sat next to him. “The bed’s small, and you’ll have her.”
Lumi couldn’t argue with that. The fisherman and his son hadn’t thought of comfort on their boat. “I hope she doesn’t mind the motion.”
“I think she'll be all right.”
Jacqueline had fallen asleep, and Jaki gave her a small smile. Lately, he’d been nicer than the cold version Lumi was more used to from court. He wasn’t quite as warm as the version in the tower or before he left, but the trip wasn’t easy for him either. He was tired and anxious too.
“I’m sorry I stabbed you,” Lumi blurted out.
Jaki sighed. “I’m not mad about it. Let’s leave it in the past. I would have preferred if you had stayed…”
The silence stretched out, and Lumi wondered if he was thinking of the almost kiss. Or other things they’d done. “I had to go. He said if I didn’t…”
“You don’t have to explain it or justify it.
I know why you attacked me and left. If the situation had been reversed, I would have done the same.
You were scared, and you've known nothing but Tivar’s control for years.
Even though I gave you an option, I can see why it seemed like there were none after what you went through.
I’m not bringing you back to punish you for it or because you were a spy.
When you’re settled, I would like to know stuff about Tivar’s side if possible, but it can wait. ”
Lumi shrugged. “You probably know more than me. Honestly, I know almost nothing. He wasn’t the sort to talk about his plans at all because my only purpose was to make a baby. He didn’t even say what would happen if I still couldn’t have a baby. I think…he planned to get a woman.”
Jaki made a face. “So you could forcibly impregnate her?”
“He never said it, but I think so. Caring for a second prisoner would have been an issue. Anyway, I do know he got rid of the court because it was expensive.”
“We eat stuff like horsebread now,” said Jaki. “I did it to save money. Father does little beyond basic work, and he spends too much on food, wine, and entertainment.”
The fact that he’d been fucking his half-Uncle was another weight, and Lumi spoke without thinking. “He never once suspected who I was.”
Jaki was silent for a moment. “I don’t think he would have believed it if you admitted the truth. How…how did you get through those three years?”
“I pretended I was free. I guess I’m good at acting to some extent because I had to pretend a lot so Tivar wouldn’t get mad. I just wanted to survive at first, and…” Lumi stopped. Jaki probably didn’t want to hear that shit. “I want to take a nap, okay?”