Chapter 15 #2
“Just answer my question.”
“Zeph, you have a mom and three dads. Why are you asking what I think?”
“I guess I never imagined myself in that situation. I’ve always kind of thought it wasn’t for me.”
“Because you’re too possessive and jealous.”
I snort, but as I watch Matty and Liam, I wonder if that’s true. I do feel possessive of Matty, but I don’t think it’s because he’s with someone else. I think it’s because I’m not Liam’s biggest fan. I don’t like the way he abandoned Matty after forcing him into this situation.
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I think maybe it feels really complicated.”
“Because Matty has a fiancé?”
I jerk when he mentions Matty. “What makes you think—”
“Not only is he the only other soul there, but it is also the exact situation that could be complicated. Not because he has a partner already, but because of his exile.”
Instantly, hackles rise. “He doesn’t deserve to be exiled,” I say in defense.
“I agree.”
My tension fades a little. No one makes me feel ridiculous when I get defensive quite like Jude can.
“Liam is a dick and not man enough to face the situation he’s put Matty in. Matty deserves better.”
“Exactly.”
Matty’s laughter drifts up to me.
“Why does he still love Liam? I’m not even involved, and I’m sure as shit that I’d resent the fuck out of him.”
“That’s a good question,” Jude says. “I agree with you completely, so I don’t know.”
“I’m glad you didn’t give me some spiel on when you love somebody.”
Jude laughs. “Not a chance. Loving somebody doesn’t excuse their shit behavior.”
“Yes!” I agree enthusiastically. “Exactly that. I don’t understand why he still loves Liam.”
“So it is Matty, huh? Matty and Darwin have captured your heart.”
I’m about to deny it, but… maybe. “I don’t know. Not to downplay the situation, but… we’re alone here, right? There’s a chance that could be playing into what’s happening between us.”
“My instincts are to call bullshit, but I think you’re right. Solitude has a way of changing things.”
My phone beeps, and I pull it away from my ear. My brother. “Jude, Erez is calling.”
“Don’t ignore me again, Zephyr Deth.”
I smile. “Never again. I’m sorry.”
“Good. Tell your brother I say hi.” He ends the call before I can answer, and I quickly switch over.
“Erez,” I greet.
“Hi,” he says.
“Jude says hi.”
I can almost see a smile on his face. “You with Jude?”
“Nope. Was talking to him before you called.”
“Ah. You busy? I can call back.”
“I’m not busy, bro. What’s up?”
“Nothing. I’m looking at Alice’s gallery, and it felt too big today to do alone.”
“Didn’t want Lanzo’s company, huh?”
“I love our brother, but I need more than a cold rock right now.”
I laugh. Lanzo finds it ridiculously amusing that we call him as lovable as a cold rock. Hell, even his awkward hugs are reminiscent of lying on a rocky riverbank.
“What’re you doing in Alice’s room?”
Erez sighs. “I don’t know. I wandered here, and now I’m sitting on the floor surrounded by her paintings. I keep feeling like one of them is supposed to tell me something.”
“Maybe they do, but I don’t know that you’re ready for the message.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because if you were ready to find it, you’d have found it. Erez, you’re pushing too hard. I know we’ve all said this, but do you think this is how Alice would want you to live? Obsessing over her death?”
“I didn’t call for a lecture,” he grumbles.
“I’m not intending to lecture you. I promise. I’m just asking. Maybe you’re right, and there’s a message there. Maybe she wants you to find it. But I’m positive she would want you to live more than the shell of a life you’re existing in right now. When you’re ready for the message, you’ll find it.”
Erez sighs heavily. “I know. Zeph, I’m sure it wasn’t an accident.”
“We all are. Right or wrong, what is uncovering the truth going to change?”
“Nothing,” he says, barely above a whisper. “Nothing at all.”
“Will it bring you peace of mind if you find the truth?”
He doesn’t answer immediately, but his answer is as I expect. “No.”
“Listen. I will help you find what you’re looking for when I come home, but right now, I need you to do something for you.”
“Okay. What?”
I laugh. “No, Erez. Go do something for you. I’m not giving you a task. I’m telling you. Go do something for yourself. Nothing that has to do with Alice. Okay?”
“If I do, you’ll help me?”
I’m a little surprised that he is so focused on finding an answer that I’m not convinced exists.
I didn’t realize he was actively looking for something.
“Yeah, Erez. I’ll be back after the new year, and if you promise to stop spending hours in Alice’s room looking for whatever she might have left behind, I swear to you, I’ll help you until you’re convinced there isn’t a message, or we find the message. Okay?”
“You want me to stay out of here until after the new year.”
“Yes,” I say, though that hadn’t been my intent. “We’ll go in together with fresh eyes and see what we find.”
“That’s more than two months, Zeph.”
“It is. And in that time, you need to focus on yourself. Not Alice. Promise me.”
I hear his deep inhale. “Fine. I promise.”
“Okay, good. Get up and leave Alice’s room. Right now.”
“I don’t like this promise.” Even as he grumps, I can hear him moving. I hear the door close.
“What’re you going to do today?” I ask.
“Draw.”
“Good. Want to chat while you draw?”
Erez sighs. “Yeah. If you’re not busy.”
I take a seat and lean against the chilly stone of the balcony so I can watch Matty. “I’m not busy.”