Chapter 19
Chapter
Nineteen
MATTY
Irun my fingers over the back of Zephyr’s hand that’s laced with mine. His eyes are on me as I draw doodles with my finger. Liam is wrapped around me from behind. My leg is tangled with his, too, since both my hands are busy.
We’re in Darwin’s room tonight. I’m not sure why we swap between his and Zephyr’s.
While they get ready for the day together in the morning, they never get ready for bed together.
Zephyr is already in bed, obviously. He’s on his back in nothing but his briefs.
He has one of those dicks that is all kinds of show.
He might be a little hard, so it’s adding to the show, but either way, he’s very, very sexy like this.
His pretty abs that hint at washboards. His thick thighs and biceps. His chesticles. The messy array of his hair over his pretty hazel eyes. The racing tattoo on his arm and the scary mask on his forearm. I can see hints of the honeycombs peeking over his shoulder and up his ribs.
He’s gorgeous. Especially that sexy little smile as he watches me.
Both of our attention goes to the bathroom door when it opens. The light flicks off, and Darwin steps into the bedroom in nothing but his bright blue boxer briefs. He is partially hard.
He’s leaner than Zephyr. His hair is very dark, almost black. Which means we can see the shadow on his face between shaves as he approaches. His eyes are scary light. Seriously, they look ghostly, and I should know. I see ghosts every single day.
“Glasses,” Zephyr says. His voice sounds almost like a purr. “How sexy.”
I nod in agreement. Certainly sexy.
Darwin’s eyes briefly lock on mine with a smirk before looking at Zephyr again.
As he kneels on the bed, he takes the glasses off and sets them on the nightstand before climbing on top of Zephyr.
Instantly, my blood turns hot. Seeing them together is the hottest thing I’ve ever fucking seen.
I don’t care what anyone says, including Mrs. Callendale, who hasn’t stopped scolding us for being inappropriate.
“I haven’t seen you once in glasses these past weeks,” Zephyr says.
Darwin shrugs while settling on top of Zephyr. “I needed a break from my contacts. My eyes have been itchy for the last few days.”
Zephyr’s free hand slides down the small of Darwin’s back and into his underwear, gripping his ass. “Put them back on.”
Darwin laughs quietly, but he does as Zephyr says. I’m pretty sure the sound Zephyr makes is a cross between a growl and a purr. Maybe a groan is mixed in there too. He lets go of my hand to grip the back of Darwin’s head, bringing their mouths together.
I stare, unable to look away, as they grind against each other and kiss with heat that I can feel brush my skin. My heart races. God. Is it wrong that I want to be a part of that right now? I should let them have their time alone, right? Should I tell Liam to take us to my room instead?
Liam shifts behind me. I grin when I feel his dick press against my ass. At least I’m not the only one affected by the hotness in front of me. Yes, please!
Liam moving reminds Zephyr and Darwin that we’re here.
Their mouths come apart, and Darwin takes a deep breath.
Once more, he takes his glasses off and sets them aside.
“Sorry,” he murmurs and presses his face into Zephyr’s neck.
Zeph’s hand reaches for mine again, and he gives me a very heated smile.
I shift so I’m sitting, leaning my weight on one arm, and can see all three men. “I think we need to have sex together,” I say.
Zephyr chuckles. “Yeah? That what you want?”
I nod. “It is. Okay?”
He shrugs one shoulder, his eyes flickering to Liam. “Alright.”
“Are you a top or a bottom? Do you care? Do you switch?” I ask and pull my legs under me. My cock presses against my sweats, but right now, I need all the details. “Except for a few times, I usually see you fucking Darwin.”
Zephyr grins. “I guess I tend to lean top, but I’m happy enough to do either most of the time.”
“I’m good with either, too,” Darwin says. He adjusts so he can look at me. I love when he looks at me, though I wonder if he sees me clearly without his glasses or contacts. “What about you?”
“Oh, I’m… both.” I look at Liam. “I am both, right?”
Liam chuckles. “Usually, yes, but your position generally depends on how you jive with your partner.”
“Haven’t you been together since you were teenagers?” Zephyr asks.
“Yes,” I say, grinning.
“Okay, so you started as wingmen for each other or what?”
I laugh. “No. We swing and enjoy orgies and stuff,” I say, shrugging.
“You do?” he asks, obviously surprised.
“Uh-huh.”
He looks between us, and I can’t tell what he’s thinking. Confused.
Liam shifts so he’s leaning up on his arm with his head in his palm.
“Our relationship has always been based on connection. Emotion. To make this make the most sense with the least amount of judgment, I’ve often said that sex is like a kink to us.
For healthy kinky relationships, kink is something you bond over.
It’s something you share and explore together.
It requires a lot of trust because you’re opening yourself up to your partner with a part of you that the vast majority of the world scorns. ”
I nod. I’m glad to see both Darwin and Zephyr nod in agreement, too.
“We’re satisfied physically with each other, just as most kinky couples are without the kink. Our satisfaction isn’t only there when the kink is. That’s not what this is about.”
“I know,” Darwin says. “I understand why you’re leading with a defense, but it’s unnecessary.”
I’m not sure Zephyr is quite as sure about that as Darwin is. Liam seems to agree, though he doesn’t say so.
“We got together in high school at a college orgy we both crashed. That’s where we met.
In a way, attending orgies makes us reconnect.
Watching my partner taking pleasure elsewhere while I watch, while someone else is riding my cock, while someone else is orgasming with me, is just…
a deep connection like I can’t explain when our eyes meet.
We share a moment that’s only between us, even when we’re not touching.
For a lot of couples, kink brings them closer.
It solidifies something in their relationship because it’s something deep and personal they share together.
Every time we’ve come back from a sex party of any kind, Matty and I always feel closer. ”
“I see,” Zephyr says. “That’s… interesting.”
“You don’t like it,” I guess.
He shrugs. “It doesn’t matter if I like it. It’s your relationship, not mine.”
I hate his words. I glance at Liam and find that he’s raising a brow at Zephyr’s response.
Now seems like the time when I swap gears for just a moment.
“But… just so you know…” I look at Darwin for a minute before meeting Zephyr’s eyes.
“This isn’t really just sex. I realize that we’ve only had a groupie once, but…
” My voice trails off, and I chew the inside of my lip for a second as I stare into Zephyr’s eyes.
“I like you a lot, and I want to see if there’s something more between us.
All of us, though there’s no pressure for everyone to have a relationship if it doesn’t fall that way. ”
My heart jumps around, and I feel my eyes sting at the way his face falls a little. He closes up. Visibly shuts down. And I can’t catch my breath.
I try to pull my hand back, but he grips me tighter. “Matty, I really adore you, but I’m just… not in a place for anything right now.”
“Why?” I ask.
Zephyr closes his eyes, and it’s not hard to see that he’s struggling with something. My chest hurts, and it’s not the rejection that makes it ache. I didn’t realize he was going through something.
He sighs heavily. “I’m kind of an emotional mess, Matty, and you might find this shocking, but I don’t deal with my feelings very well.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that I’ve shoved them under the proverbial rug and ignored them in favor of fucking this sexy nerd instead of dealing with them.”
Darwin rolls his eyes. “Glasses don’t mean I’m a nerd.”
“But you pull that look off so damn well. You’ve unlocked a new kink, sweetheart.”
Darwin rolls his eyes again and tries to fight the smile as he sits up to straddle Zephyr.
I want to smile, but I’ve realized just now that I don’t do well with rejection.
I’m trying very hard to catch my breath, so I don’t cry.
I wanted this so badly. I didn’t realize how much until now, when it feels like it’s been ripped from my hands.
I sniff and turn my attention to Liam, trying to regain control of my emotions. His hand rubs gently over my back, eyes locked on mine.
I told Darwin I didn’t want a broken heart. I guess I needed to tell Zephyr, too.
“Look at me, Matty,” Zephyr says gently.
His hand tightens around mine and tugs gently on my arm until I meet his eyes.
“Listen. I enjoy your company. I love your laughter. There’s nothing more I want to spend my days doing than cuddling with you guys.
I’m down for fucking around too. But I don’t think I can be what you need me to be for you.
I just told you that I don’t deal with my emotions.
I ignored my best friend for a fucking month because I couldn’t deal with it.
I think you’ve been through enough and don’t need to deal with my emotional immaturity, too. ”
“Jude?” I ask.
He nods.
“You—I don’t understand.”
He sighs heavily and closes his eyes again. “I recently realized that I might be in love with my best friend, which is kind of shitty timing since he went and fell in love with someone else.”
I stare at him. “I’m sorry. You might be?”
Zephyr presses his lips together, and I think I’m maybe pushing more than I should be. But I want to know. I need to know why.